Have I been used?/Is she using me?

[haveibeenused 1]

I'm not sure what her problem is, I'm not even sure if it sounds like she is using you for a visa because she's not being very subtle if that is in fact what she is doing.

It is, you are correct. Its just that she is expecting me to do everything. In regards to filling out the papers, paying for the petition completely, and she just sits back and watches me do everything.....and in the end...REAPS THE BENEFIT

But yes,she is using me in that sense. She just wants me to do everything and she sits and does nothing.

Edited September 17, 2011 by haveibeenused

[pantherblue 3]

Sorry to heard your story ,yeah she is using you and stop sending her a money she wants your money.And she didn't love you i'm sure cause if she loves you she appreciate what do for her.She is from PHILIPPINES?

NO she doesn't, she's latina as he said. from mexico.

what makes you think she is from PI? well, obviously there's a lot of this kind of ####### happens from someone in the PI(philippines) but not all the pilipina is like that.. you know better as you are one of that country.

I am one of the follower in this issue, I did read all the comments and advice b4 i post something

[steffbry 5]

There's no second thoughts about it, best thing to do is to stop wasting your time and energy for your wife. She's just using you for her own good. It's hard to let go (for you) but it's the best way for u not to end up getting hurt.

[Kehinde 45]

My heart breaks for you. You are definitely being used. Try not to call her or send money and she will see what she has lost, and she will call you. I am so sure she will. You say she has never called? Well if the money stops coming she will call I promise you that.

[hila 0]

Well, all have said it & since you asked for it I will donate some two cents: When you dated, for however long it was, did you notice love or strange behavior? Quiting her job at that point of your relationship = not helpful to the family. The sirens, whistles & bells should have been at max on your wedding day; if she was not excited to be married & dance & follow tradition (if there is a traditional type of ceremony involved): show her friends & relatives that she would be eager to start a family with you, is not a green light for a wedding. I'm truly sorry for you bro because I've seen it happen too close to home. However, its now your history & now that you know the bitter, you will surely know the sweet when you see the next best girl. Good luck & dump this crazy witch!!!

[TiklingGuy 211]

Sorry to be so blunt, but it sounds like you were thinking with the wrong part of your body when you entered this "relationship". And she knew it and took full advantage of it. You are being scammed, used,or whatever words you want to use. I suspect you knew this some time ago but your rose colored glasses prevented you from getting out sooner.

And this point you need to get out and get out now. No more trips. No more money. Nothing. Just one phone call to say goodbye, you are filing for a divorce and hang up. She will get upset because she is losing the money train so expect that to happen. But this is not a relationship and IT WILL NOT CHANGE. I feel sorry this happened to you, but you will be none the worse for wear in a short time.

I agree with you except about the phone call. He should not call her at all. He should just vanish. The only thing she should get is a surprise package in the mail with divorce papers.

[TiklingGuy 211]

OP, you are giving this woman 100%. she is giving you 5%.

If I was in your shoes, I Would be choosing from 10 different girls, which one I was going to take out this weekend for a good time.

[angel06 0]

Up until now, I would like to thank everyone personally for their advice.

I have been VERY reluctant and have held off a great deal from talking to people about it. Because I myself know the rule of the thumb where "twos a couple,but three is a crowd" and I didn't want to involve the whole world into my situation. Which is why when I had a problem with her, I would try to talk to her and not anyone else because at the end of the day, we were the only one's that could fix it.

And I think by actually not talking to anyone else and getting a good opinion (especially today) I was completely stuck. And I'm pretty sure she knew that herself that I was thinking that because she would always say to me "you never talk to anyone else about our problems"

But yet she left me very confused because she would neither talk to me. So...I'm going to somehow....someway....find the strength within me to end it and cut the chord completely. It will be by far one of the most difficult things I will have to do to this day, but as everyone has stated, I won't be alright personally until I do.

Due to things she has done to me, I have been pushed to suicide, because it was that intense what was happening. Whether I was here...or there infront of her, she would treat me bad.

It was just the worst feeling,taking her to Cancun, after I'd spent $2,000 on the trip, only for her to walk on the other side of the beach when I'd try to walk close to her, and seeing other couples enojoying themselves.Sitting there eating and she would not say a word.

It would've been better to have taken a friend than to have taken her. Even the flight there, she didn't say 1 single word to me.

Even going to the movies with her (on the VERY FEW TIMES we went). I'd try to hold her hand or put my arm around her, and she'd make up all the excuses in the world WHY she didn't want me to do it. "ahh its too hot" or whatever excuse.

And well...sexually...we all have needs. And ONCE every week or two weeks for 5 minutes at a time wasn't helping either.

THANK GOD I never filed her petition. Thank God that the person who was going to sponsor her pulled out...and to think, I was SOOOOOO ANNOYED at my friend who was going to sponsor her when he said he couldn't....in a positive way it was a God send. God trying to protect me in the long run.

I will OPENLY ADMIT that I HAVE NOT BEEN PERFECT. As stated PREVIOUSLY. I DID shout at her when things became unbearable due to her beahviour. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I did scream alot at her, I did cry alot of endless nights in bed while she would tell me to "shut up", which got me even worse crying. She insulted me with words, and YES I insulted BACK with words.

But it is true thinking about it. The marriage was over the night it occurred. =(

I just don't understand why people marry when they won't comply with their responsibilities.

Because I MYSELF KNOW, that I treated her 1000000x better than any girlfriend I've ever had. For the simple fact is that she is/was my wife. I made a committment to not only her, but God. But...whatever...nothing more I can do except move on.

And well...take the LSAT in december, so I won't be a paralegal anymore!!!

im with you... i knw its hard to really face the truth... but thats life..sometimes we made mistakes but we learn' from it.... thats really insane! its only means that the feeling is not mutual yah? she doesnt deserve you...jsut think like this 'everything happens for a reason and im sure when the right time comes ul find the right girl for you..... hang in ther..everythin will be fine!!!

[Karee 4,191]

i vote for 'you've been used'. I won't even ask about the bedroom activities.

I'd say it was awesome or he wouldn't be in this position.

[haveibeenused 1]

Ok...to answer the person who commented about her quitting her job/warning bells.

She had been wanting to quit that job before I met her, and while we were getting to know each other. And a few weeks before we got married, she quit her job. She claimed that there were toooooo many "machos" in her job that pushed her around et,c etc, etc.

Now, weather she did that on purpose thinking that automatically I was going to bring her to the U.S. I'm not sure, and I'll never ever know because she also since day 1 has had a hard time telling the truth.

I unfortunately have been very forgiving because I had caught her out in a fair amount of lies, and kept forgiving her and trying again with her.

And NO, I was not thinking with the "other head" or else I would have just tapped other chics on the side, maybe did the same with her and never would have married to her and made such the committment I did to her and the marriage.

My biggest fault now that I see it, was being forgiving to her each time I caught her out in a lie.

[rlogan 2,036]

. So...I'm going to somehow....someway....find the strength within me to end it and cut the chord completely. It will be by far one of the most difficult things I will have to do to this day, but as everyone has stated, I won't be alright personally until I do.

I do not see in this thread any evidence that you actually made this decision. Instead I see this:

THANK GOD I never filed her petition. Thank God that the person who was going to sponsor her pulled out...and to think, I was SOOOOOO ANNOYED at my friend who was going to sponsor her when he said he couldn't....in a positive way it was a God send. God trying to protect me in the long run.

So you could not file because there was no co-sponsor.

Due to things she has done to me, I have been pushed to suicide, because it was that intense what was happening. Whether I was here...or there infront of her, she would treat me bad.

It was just the worst feeling,taking her to Cancun, after I'd spent $2,000 on the trip, only for her to walk on the other side of the beach when I'd try to walk close to her, and seeing other couples enojoying themselves.Sitting there eating and she would not say a word.

It would've been better to have taken a friend than to have taken her. Even the flight there, she didn't say 1 single word to me.

Record class performance. Mcat, the Merrillizer - now enters haveIbeenused who has defeated both previous champions by failing to make the decision himself, in contrast to these episodes of distinction.

And well...sexually...we all have needs. And ONCE every week or two weeks for 5 minutes at a time wasn't helping either.

Average nominal ####### efficiency = 1:10.5 days. Adjusted Latina ####### coefficient (at twice a day for horny unit output) = 1/21 = 4.76% This performance is not statistically significant, meaning indistinguishable from zero at the 95% level of confidence. Defective unit detected - average return rate on such units = 1 day. Return overdue after 1 day. #######!

I just don't understand why people marry when they won't comply with their responsibilities.

Because I MYSELF KNOW, that I treated her 1000000x better than any girlfriend I've ever had. For the simple fact is that she is/was my wife. I made a committment to not only her, but God. But...whatever...nothing more I can do except move on.

The stiffest detector units on visajourney let this one slip by them: We are not allowed to give credit to a "decision" that was not made by us. The order of events in this story were that the friend and sponsor backed out first. That rendered her visa application void. Our candidate "decided" not to submit an invalid application. The only thing worse he could have done is desperately seek another sponsor. But what candidates for sponsors does this person have? Anyone who knows a person broadcasting how badly he has been scammed wouldn't sign for sponsorship. Anyone who signed, in light of what they see here would back out.

Therefore this decision was not made by him.

This is a person who is approximately poverty line income that is spending $2,000 taking her to Cancun. Calculated dollar/####### efficiency = $2,000/1. Adjusted Las Vegas Hooker coefficient at $300.00 = 15% performance. Las Vegas beat the Cancun trip by six high-class hookers, or six-hundred percent. Just backing up Jim's excellent qualitative observation on hooker efficiency here - these numbers are bullet proof.

A key signal was sent at the bolded part above. He doesn't understand. Until he does, he is still lost. We have to readily accept there are serial killers, burglers, rapists, con-men, con-women, users and abusers. haveibeenused has said some of the correct things, about not trusting a liar. So we are eager to seize upon that as evidence that he has had a change of heart. But a victim of manipulation is kind of like his manipulative counterpart - a machine that is predictable. If you lie right to this machine's face, it listens to you instead of watching with its eyes.

Manipulator hunter-killer units know how to spot the victim units: naiive, trusting, and gullible. This is their full-time job, and the reason why they are silent on the flight to Cancun is that they can't say they are calculating how much jewelry they can con you out of, how to manage the trip and put out only once. How they can convert gifts to cash, or maybe her boyfriend is sitting two rows behind.

A victim unit is a machine too, but also intelligent and cunning. It knows how to mimick normal behavior. The victim can look at a third person and give them the correct relationship advice. They prove incapable in their own relationships, despite being able to see it in others.

He says "Love is blind". But that is the wrong metaphor. This isn't love. So don't blame "love". The OP needs to learn what love is by experiencing it. Saying at the end his mistake was allowing lies - that is important. You cannot attain love with a liar like that. In the past, he wss blind about what people did to him, and listened to what they said inetead of what they did. This girl said she loves him, that she will put out - she told him what he wants to hear.

Sure there's hope for a person to overcome their blindness. Boy howdy do I know it. There is a technical foul here on the "I did not apply for her" play: his friend put the kaybosh on it first. It is therefore not a home run, or even a single. This is a foul ball and he has to prove with different evidence that a recovery was made.

Offered freely, as that is its market value.

Edited September 17, 2011 by rlogan

[Karee 4,191]

Mcat got what he deserved.

[Andie 147]

To the OP: Don't even call her. She'll change her attitude faster than you can switch a light on and try to talk you out of it, and you'll be so happy to see her change in attitude that you'll let her do it. Just file for the divorce, and then go out with your buddies and get drunk.

(Don't be a slave to this relationship any longer - go out and have some fun - spend time with friends. Best of luck!)

[rlogan 2,036]

THANK GOD I never filed her petition. Thank God that the person who was going to sponsor her pulled out...and to think, I was SOOOOOO ANNOYED at my friend who was going to sponsor her when he said he couldn't....in a positive way it was a God send. God trying to protect me in the long run.

<snips a changing-of-the-subject maneuver>

Interesting sleight-of-hand: slipping in this little informational "tidbit" - the decisice tidbit to the whole story that is - and then changing the subject.

We have been deceived. In this literature they call it the "lie by omission". We were not told in the lengthy opening post this story-changing "detail". She was not qualified to apply for a visa because you did not have enough income and your sponsor backed out. Nobody else is going to sponsor her - they'd have to be insane. So we have been hoaxed into giving advice on whether or not you should immigrate someone who is ineligible for immigration in the first place.

My reading in this literature tells me I am not to trust the story, not just in this regard - but in general. Big red flags are waving: First is a fundamental lie by omission. Second is the way it was introduced: slipped in covertly and then the subject was changed.

If you had honestly revealed this information then people would have said she was ineligible for immigration. You failed the LSATS but blamed her. You have approximate poverty line income but spent two thousand on a vacation to Cancun. This behavior is indicative of never lifting yourself out of poverty, which is the technical grounds upon which your immigration attempt with her failed.

Foul ball. Why did you conceal this from us?

[keka 1]

I think you dont sawmy post.. if she is from Mexico city and you married in Mexico city you can file for a divorce express its really easy you dont need her "permission" for do this. I can send you some links if you want or you can find it your self its even lawyers that do the job for you.. i think in a month or 2 you are free