Have I been used?/Is she using me?

[S_R 148]

I would also like to add, after much thought of not wanting to add it, but I will share it with everyone to let you's know and help me understand better my situation.....

We have sex (when I'm there) MAYBE ONCE every week to two weeks. And when we do, it lasts five minutes because she tells me "hurry up and finish". Like, we will start, and within 5 minutes, she will say "hurry up, finish already!!!"...

And I feel like I've been used or i'm some sort of prostitute. I feel really bad inside,and my self-esteem goes right down the drain,because that is something very intimate. I become afraid to even want to attempt it again with her out of fear of her saying that again which she usually always does.

When it does happen,she makes sure that it happens in the morning, to avoid doing it at night time with me.

When I leave to come back to the U.S...I know that it will be like 3 months before I will see her next, so the night before I leave, well, I want to make the most of it as possible knowing we wont see each other for a while, and well....it either doesnt happen at all, or it will happen for only 5 minutes and thats it.

And I KNOW what she was like with her ex boyfriends,because she would OPENLY tell me what she used to do with them. And me being her husband, she doesnt do the same+more with me, I feel really bad.

Like....she doesn't talk about having kids with me. BEFORE we got married she would, but its like as soon as we got married, the topic is like pure taboo with her.

She'll see me off at the airport,...and I don't know ***sigh***,I will be crying, and she is just there without any emotion at all in her face, like she doesn't care I'm leaving, and its been like this basically with EVERY SINGLE VISIT. Because I will constantly look back when Im boarding the plane,...and most of the time,she won't even stay to see it go, she'll just walk out and leave the airport.

I HAD a sponsor, but one day, the person that was going to sponsor her, came up to me and said "I dont feel right about sponsoring someone I dont even know and being responsable for that person for the next 10+ years." (and I hadn't even told him about my situation)

So I knew that I was most probably going to have to move to HER COUNTRY for a while until we could figure things out. I do have a job offer there,...and a good one, BUT I just simply don't see the point going to live there if Im going to be in that situation. If she was not like that, then of course I'd go in a heartbeat.

But I always feel like "why would I move there,just for her to treat me like some type of "friend" IF THAT, for just financial support.

She is in her mid 30's...and from a CENTRAL/SOUTH AMERICAN COUNTRY...which for me is EXTREMELY WIERD because I know how the culture is, and the women usually take VERY GOOD CARE of their men due to the culture,..... she however is the complete opposite.

I'm sorry if I'm bothering everyone,..its just that I can't understand WHAT I've done wrong,...everytime she's needed money, I've sent it to her in good faith, even if it meant I went hungry or without my basic needs. When im THERE in HER COUNTRY, I'd do everything possible for her,...I'd bring her food to her work because for some strange reason when I was there, she never came home to eat, but when i was not there, she would come home to eat.

Its hard, because when Im there,..the time is as most of you's know from experience, the time is SHORT, so you want to make the most of it. Well...when Im there, on the weekends instead of going out with me,...she just sleeps. And me??..well..bored watching t.v.

=(...Am I THAT BLIND??..am I THAT DUMB?? am I THAT STUPID?? have I been used that easily???

I really feel for you because you seem to really love this lady. The point is that we can't force people to love us back no matter how much we try.This lady is clearly still in love with her ex boyfriend and you are just along for the ride. I hope you use protection when you are with her for your own safety.

[joonphon 7]

Please get out of this relationship! This person doesn't love you... You need to move on and find your true love/wait for your true love to show up... You're so lucky that you realized this even before starting the paper work..... You get a chance... take it now!

You seem to be a very strong person..... You can do it! We all believe in you!!!

[Ben&Romeliza 2]

To many red flags to believe that she honestly want a real relationship.... You need to move on and never look back...You are in love and blind.... I truly believe you still have hope for a relationship...but it takes TWO.

[haveibeenused 1]

Tonight here on VJ has definately been a real eye-opener for me. And I am very greatful for everyone and their support. I hope I haven't burdened anyone because of my situation. And I hope that no one starts thinking the same about their relationship, because every relationship is different.

I just unfortunately got unlucky. And yes, I truly do/did love her. To me, she was my everything,...but I guess to her, I was just some form of economic benefit.

Like, in all honesty,she never even introduced me to her friends, and when I had a birthday, she never even called me either.

[mariarob1 0]

oh sad story.when my fiance visited me here in my country i was the happiest person the the world.and the day he needs to go back home its the hardest part of both of us.i cant let one day goes by and not seeing my fiance on cam.get off on her life.she is not worth it.You Pray that one day you will find the right girl for you.

[Sam&Kathleen 1]

Test her dude!... Say to her that process cost about 20 grands! and take about 3 years.... and you dont have money at the moment... so, she will say what really think!

Edited September 17, 2011 by samriv

[Suleica 0]

no way its as plane as the nose on your face. no she does not want you as a husband or to have a life with you. get out NOW!

[A&M RD 0]

SHE DOESNT DESERVES YOU MAN! U DESERVE MUCH BETTER THAN THAT! GET RID OF HER! IF YOU BRING HER TO THE US, SHE'S GONNA LEAVE WITH SOMEANE ELSE AND ITS GONNA BE WORST FOR YOU!

[haveibeenused 1]

I cant let one day goes by and not seeing my fiance on cam.get off on her life.she is not worth it.You Pray that one day you will find the right girl for you.

Well..Not surprising that you said that. Because where she's at. It costs her a total of only U.S. $1 for 1 hour on the internet to see me by webcam,and she can't even do that. Its like its a "privelage" for me to see her on webcam. She also deletes me from Facebook whenver she wants too. And that I am VERY TIRED OF HER DOING!!!

IF YOU BRING HER TO THE US, SHE'S GONNA LEAVE WITH SOMEANE ELSE AND ITS GONNA BE WORST FOR YOU!

Exactly my same way of thinking. An ex-boyfriend of hers just jumped the border/moved legally on a tourist visa??? to the U.S. and if he did come on a tourist visa, he'll definately overstay. And yes, they still have contact (to my understanding) Asi que ya sabes como es,...la baina` esa, con este lio que estoy metido. Pero pa` lante y no mirar para a tras no?? Espero lo mejor por mi en mi situacion.

[Sam&Kathleen 1]

Asi que ya sabes como es,...la baina` esa, con este lio que estoy metido. Pero pa` lante y no mirar para a tras no?? Espero lo mejor por mi en mi situacion.

jajaja pa lante, latinas es lo que hay y que si quieran de verdad!!

[Karee 4,191]

This thread will be locked soon. Don't post in Portuguese. Post en Engles huey.

[caly 48]

nothing more I can do except move on.

And well...take the LSAT in december, so I won't be a paralegal anymore!!!

So sorry to hear your story. You sound like a very decent person who deserves so much better. Please be strong, you will get through this. Run and don't look back!

Good luck with the LSAT exam!

[writers 1]

I'm so sorry about your situation... You seem like a very good person and you don't deserve to be treated that way. You deserve so much better. I wish you strength and courage to let go and move on...

[charlize56 4]

I can honestly tell you that if you question that someone loves you, the answer is NO they do not. When someone loves you, you will not have to ask, you will know it. You are thinking you have done something wrong. You can not make someone love you. They either love you or they don't. There is someone out there who will love you.

thats right!

[MatthewNCarolina 73]

Run to the hills buddy. Just run away from her. Meh, women like her are a shame.

#1 - dont talk to her anymore other than to tell her about the divorce.

#2 - put yourself together man

#3-, good luck.

Carolina.