Have I been used?/Is she using me?

[mike42979 57]

Heres the facts and ill tell it from another angle and then you can decide. Every time i visit my Fiancee she is there waiting for me with a huge smile and we make love, real passionate love like it has been an eternity since we last seen each other. When i leave her shes in tears or at least the first few times, now we are both very sad but have come to terms that ill always go back until shes here with me. My Fiancee shows some jealousy but in a good way, a way that lets me know she cares. We talk every day for the last year and a half for 3-5 hours a day and even im at work shell text me on her lunch breaks to see how i am doing. This is the exact opposite of what you have described and i would have been running by now. I hope you move on and wish you the best of luck but it seems pretty clear to everyone here whats going on.

[Ron and Rhea 42]

What does the 'little guy' tell you, IOW, your gut...your gut never lies brother. The answer is obvious, what to do about it, thats the difficult part. Good luck.

[haveibeenused 1]

There are very many mexican girls who trully will be with you for what a wonderful person you are trust me

I am the happiest (mexican) girl with my husband and I actually, like you, lost my father recently (may 25th this year) and had all the love and suppourt from him to help me get through it.

In fact I dont think I could say I would be okay right now If he hadnt helped and is still helping me deal with the pain. Dont feel guilty for ending things. You tried and thats all that matters

I GARAUNTEE you will find someone who trully cherishes you. I dont see how anyone wouldnt appreciate that

And its a pity, because when I was there in Mexico,there were a few girls there that I know that expressed interest in me before I got married.

[Shenzhen 34]

DIVORCE HER AND NEVER LOOK BACK, I am sorry I know what it's like to be used. I was used by a few Filipina's only wanted money. Unfortunately I filed 2 k-1 visa's for them but realized I had to with draw them each time. That made it an extra long wait for my current wife.

[az110965 252]

OP...

You already said it all with your description of her attitude and actions towards you. This is NOT typical Latina behavior from a woman in love.

There are so many amazing Latinas who truly want a good man and you'll be amazed at how much love you receive from the right woman. Unfortunately, sounds like you just chose the wrong person.

If it;s this bad now, imagine how much worse it would be if she was here with you and you lived togethger on a daily basis. In a way, as much as it hurts - you are lucky. She has not goten pregnant from onf of her "5 minute" sessions with you and she's not here to claim an unfounded abuse charge against you.

Part company and move on.

Good luck.

[A + M 29]

Help me please....Im at a loss for words. I really feel that "fixing her papers" to come here legally WONT change anything, if anything, it will make it worse, because of how she acts NOW and how shes acted for the past 2 years...help me please

Unbelievable!

OPEN YOUR EYES & BE A MAN!

After reading your story, posts, I can't believe you're still trying to work things out with this apathetic woman.

In my opinion, your marriage it's over, actually, it never really started.

Run away from this "fake iceberg" as fast as you can and never look back (without childish, silly excuses such as: I can't leave her, I can't live without her, I love her).

Edited September 16, 2011 by A + M

[DaveE 178]

In as few words as possible, "EJECT", and be prepared for major drama when she gets the news.

[keka 1]

Ok , now you need to move on.. its very dificult but not impossible You need a SOLUTION ASAPand i think first its filefor the divorce express.. if she is from Mexico City its going to be more easy.. i find the information but i use a google translator for it, so im sorry if its wrong english

From October 4th the defense have at their disposal a new form of divorce. In the media has been called Divorce Express, the Civil Code is called pure and simple divorce.

With these new reforms, fade, grounds for divorce such as adultery, alcoholism, domestic violence and the figures who became known as voluntary divorce in court and must have disappeared, surviving administrative divorce takes before the Civil Registry Judge .

Call it an improved version of what was called the voluntary divorce. But one thing.

Now, for divorce is only necessary to submit to the judge of the familiar, both or one of the spouses, the divorce filing, provided that at least one year has elapsed since they were married.

This application must be accompanied by an agreement which shall provide for:

Guardianship and custody of children, visitation rights of the other spouse;

The way the food will;

Using the marital home and household;

The administration of the marital assets during the procedure and until it settles, and,

In the regime of separate property, the compensation will be given to the spouse who has dedicated the home during the marriage, or has not purchased goods purchased habiéndolos are less than those of its counterpart.

In answer to the complaint, the contracting party defendant, may express their conformity with the agreement or submit your proposal it.

If both agree on the agreement, the judge will approve it outright, by decreeing the divorce ruling. If the parties agree, the divorce decree is an incidental and will resolve the substance of the Convention.

Pronouncement of divorce, the parties are at liberty to marry, ie there is no deadline for getting a new marriage. That is, it misses a party draining divorce, which was to prove the cause of it, to focus on the controversy involving distributing the goods of marriage, the amount of alimony and custody of the children.

These reforms will only apply in the D.F. either because the spouses are there the family home or because they have married in a delegation to Mexico City.

---------------------------------

Now its time for take care of your self , im from Mazatlan Mexico and my husband its from Boston and we are happy im really sorry that you find the crazy and bad girl but you dont need nothing of that , dont bring her to USA that will be a big mistake.

Good luck and let me know if i can help you more, i can send you the directions of where you have to go for do this

Edited September 16, 2011 by keka

[hcfrey 6]

I do not know what to do,and maybe I am TOO BLIND to see the REALITY but I need honest opinions/answers.

I met a girl in 2009 and after a few visits, we decided we would get married. So, in december of that year we got married. But its almost as if that same night,she changed. And here is what I will explain.

She became unemployed and wanted to start a business,but had no money, and I,out of good faith, sent her money to be able to start this business,and because those particular items were expensive there, I purchased them here at half the price to be able to help her out. I had already visited her twice at this time.

The night of our wedding,when we were meant to have the "first dance" as the newly wedded couple in front of 200+ people,she didn't want to, because she said she was "embarrassed" by it and did not want to do it, and I felt very bad inside because to me, I felt that it was the most important/intimate/special moment of our lives getting married. Well...the wedding went from 7:00-1:00 in the morning, and then after that, when we got home, I THOUGHT that we were going to have a "romantic" rest of the night,...but we never even "consumated" the marriage, instead...she just went to sleep. She just simply said "i'm tired, i'm going to bed"

So I felt that was very wierd that those 2 things occurred on our wedding night. Anyways, I left 4 weeks later because I had to return to keep studying.

And I returned in may of 2010. Everytime I go down there, I always make sure to bring her something. But when I get there, she asks me straight away BEFORE asking how I am "so what did you bring me?!?!?", and well, we get to her place, and so she asks me that again, and I give it to her, and as soon as I have given her the things that I have brought for her, its almost as if her interest immediately turns off.Like I don't exist.

So while I was down there, I also found out that a particular ex boyfriend from 2-3 years previous kept sending her emails with photos of them when they were together and she would keep them and I personally felt that it was very disrespectful since I am married to her. And only after begging her to get rid of them, did she get rid of them. She states that there is nothing anymore between them, but that day until the day I left in August 2010, I felt very unawkward with her.

So in DECEMBER of that same year (2010)I decided to take her to a place for vacation, and there was a beach there, we went for like 5 days. On the beach, everytime I tried to walk close to her to put my arm around her or hold her hand, she would just walk away, and when we ate together, there was nothing but this dead silence, and I would try to start a conversation with her, and she wouldn't talk at all. I did not know WHAT was wrong, I asked her and she said "oh nothing"

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, after this particular continual "strange behaviour" I asked her family/friends "Is she just like this with me?? or was she like this with all her ex boyfriends???"

And to my surprise, her brother said "She always cooked for all her ex boyfriends everytime they came over and had it ready for them"...and for me,she won't even make me a sandwich. I am the one that has to cook, if I dont cook...we don't eat. She is from a CENTRAL/SOUTH AMERICAN COUNTRY.

So, I also said to them "she ses she never stayed out late either",and immediately her freinds replied "noooo,she used to stay out until 4:00-5:00 in the morning in night clubs with her ex boyfriends dancing with them and partying"....but yet with ME on our wedding night and even after, I can't get her to dance with me(we have not even danced once yet as a couple) and she ALWAYS wants to go to bed early at like 10:00-11:00 everytime I'm there.

One day, she left open her email, and well, I saw ALOT of attatchment photos from a year or so previos before I was in her life. And when I opened up the photos, they were all still with her ex boyfriends, all smiling and happy,...but yet with me, there is not a single photo where she is smiling.

Whenever we talk, she only asks me "what" am I going to bring her, and "why" haven't I done her papers yet. Well...after the may 2010 incident, I started to become skeptical about even doing her papers because I thought "if shes like this now, I dont want to know what she'll be like if/when I bring her here to the U.S."

She never writes me....she never calls me. She can CALL ME FOR FREE WITH A MAGICJACK and NEVER calls me. When I call, it costs me between $5-$10 everytime I call. If I dont call, she won't call me. EVEN WHEN IM THERE IN HER COUNTRY, she will simply go to work from 9:00 in the morning until 8:00 at night, and I won't hear from her AT ALL during the WHOLE DAY NIGHT...nothing. And when she gets home, she won't talk to me, she'll just come home,...take a shower, eat,..and go to bed and I try to start a conversation with her, and she just won't even talk to me.

Whenever I have money,I'm good for her, whenever I don't have money,...I feel like im simply discarted straight away.

My dad died last year in October, and when he died, she didn't say/do anything,...instead she went off and played bingo with her friends.I tried to justify it saying "well, she didn't know him personally so she can't really feel anything?!",...but once again, my friends said to me "weather or not she knew him or not, your her husband and she still has to offer some type of emotional support"...(which she didn't)

What I'm TRYING TO GET AT HERE WITH EVERYONE, is that I PERSONALLY FEEL, that as her HUSBAND she should do EQUAL TO AND MORE than she has done with her ex boyfriends,...especially if I'm the "love of her life". But....her behavior seems to tell me otherwise. She just doesn't show any interest in me at all.

For our anniversary of 6 months I was in her country, and I took her out to eat, and I wanted to have a good night with her, instead, she wanted to go home by 8:00 and was in bed by 8:30...so I let THAT ONE GO.

For our 1 YEAR anniversary, i was there in her country. WELL, knowing what happened with the 6 month anniversary, I decided to go romantic, and walked from one side of her city to the other looking for rose petals, and candles, and that same night, I cooked for her.

When she came home, she didn't even look impressed, she ate what I cooked for her, then just went straight up stairs, took a shower and went to bed.

I WAS DEVASTATED!!!. I don't understand...I don't know what I've done wrong. When I explain this situation to a few of my friends, they say "she doesn't love you and is using you"

I was MEANT to go there NOW in June, BUT where I was meant to arrive is an extremely dangerous city, and I asked her "can you please come to this city to pick me up, I don't feel safe here alone to make it to your city"....knowing HOW DANGEROUS it is,..she said "no,because it costs money to pick you up"..

But yet she had a boyfriend from a few years previous in that SAME CITY who she would visit every week to two weeks. SOOOOO I said "well, if you can't even come here to pick up your own HUSBAND yet you can go visit some doochebag boyfriend, I'm not comming"...SO I didn't go there. I missed my flight and the money on the flight was wasted because it was non-refundable....

What do I do??? Am I being used?? I have spent a lot of time with her, ADDING UP ALL THE VISITS I have done there, it totals 1 year.

Help me please....Im at a loss for words. I really feel that "fixing her papers" to come here legally WONT change anything, if anything, it will make it worse, because of how she acts NOW and how shes acted for the past 2 years...help me please

my fiance experienced the same with his ex-wife, they were married for over 10 years and he just let the girl do her stuff because he loves him and they have 2 kids. at first 6 months of their marriage the woman really showed the attitude that my fiance didnt see when they were dating, she even tell him not to touch her or else she will call police, he cant divorce her because she was already pregnant, and he was still hoping she will change, tell she gave birth, after 3 more years she continued abusing my fiance, she didn't even try to help out and my fiance had to work 2 jobs, she always say she hates him that she regret marrying an American, my fiance tried one more time then they had another baby. but she rally didnt change at all she was becoming more abusive, then finally my fiance filed for divorce last 2001, then suddenly she become so nice and started talking to my fiance's family and ask help, to stop my fiance about the divorce, and she begged not to do it, to cancel it. that she will change, because he really loves her, he cancelled the divorce and stayed 10 more years, but in that 10 years and went to 5 combat tours he wanted to die, because after he cancelled the divorce she started becoming so mean at him again, finally we met. but still he waited for another more year before he really divorced, now his EX is trying to reach out and talk to his family again and telling everybody to stop talking to me that i am a bad girl but his family don't want to talk to her anymore. but the result of him staying with her for that long is still affecting him, for the past 1 year he is seeing a psychiatrist because until now he is thinking of killing himself or killing his EX, my point here is that dont wait to the time that you will lose/lost your good thinking, since you are still thinking good please stop the relationship while it is still early, and to add to that, before she was saying she dont need his money but now she i saying she wants more, that she wants to go to US but my fince will never sign any paper for her to go back plus they are divorce already. i know it will be painful to your part because you love her, but you survived many years before you met her, and you will do more better after she is out of your life. don't think of doing the paperwork for her to go to you, she is just using you, WAKE UP before it is too late, you deserve better than her, way better than her.

[Brit Abroad 166]

OP - she's a green card hunter.

You know it, we know it, she certainly knows it. The only thing worse than making a mistake, is not rectifying it when you know it was a HUGE one. This girl doesn't care for you in the least and you know that, too. What are you waiting for? Her to change? Not going to happen, sorry.

Everyone here feels heart sore for you in this situation but commiserating won't fix it. You are the one with the power, so walk to your lawyer and start that divorce today. There won't be a miracle where she turns to you and says "darling, I've been stupid, I love you with all my heart and let's make this work". It's just not going to happen. Every day you spend tied to this selfish creature, is a day you're holding yourself back from getting the real deal with someone who WILL love you, faults and all.

Please, just get that divorce started and cut her out of your life. You can do better.

[garfield529 47]

So many reinforcing comments here that I hope the OP takes to heart. We live in a complicated world, but any (MOST ) good, long-lived relationship will boil down to the simple fact that it is "easy." Your relationship with your partner should be one of the easiest things in your life because you are both working together. If it is not, then you just have to move on. There are many, many more good people in the world. GO, FIND one. Good luck, bro! :thumbs:

[Yelena Kizir 1]

Hello!!! I can only imagine how hurtful it's must be for you. You express so much pain and disappointment in your feelings. Yes love is blind and we trying to be in denial instead of realization of truth. Just remember being with a loved ones doesnt hurt, true passionate love doesn't hurt. Love makes us happy and able to feel like like an Angel. I know it's easier to say to finish relationship when you feel in love but you have to let it go. You sound like a very sweet, generous man and the right woman would be honor to have you as a husband. Sometimes there is a life learning experiences we have to go through, met wrong people to realize what you have when you met a right one for you. Good luck!!!

[haveibeenused 1]

Up until now, I would like to thank everyone personally for their advice.

I have been VERY reluctant and have held off a great deal from talking to people about it. Because I myself know the rule of the thumb where "twos a couple,but three is a crowd" and I didn't want to involve the whole world into my situation. Which is why when I had a problem with her, I would try to talk to her and not anyone else because at the end of the day, we were the only one's that could fix it.

And I think by actually not talking to anyone else and getting a good opinion (especially today) I was completely stuck. And I'm pretty sure she knew that herself that I was thinking that because she would always say to me "you never talk to anyone else about our problems"

But yet she left me very confused because she would neither talk to me. So...I'm going to somehow....someway....find the strength within me to end it and cut the chord completely. It will be by far one of the most difficult things I will have to do to this day, but as everyone has stated, I won't be alright personally until I do.

Due to things she has done to me, I have been pushed to suicide, because it was that intense what was happening. Whether I was here...or there infront of her, she would treat me bad.

It was just the worst feeling,taking her to Cancun, after I'd spent $2,000 on the trip, only for her to walk on the other side of the beach when I'd try to walk close to her, and seeing other couples enojoying themselves.Sitting there eating and she would not say a word.

It would've been better to have taken a friend than to have taken her. Even the flight there, she didn't say 1 single word to me.

Even going to the movies with her (on the VERY FEW TIMES we went). I'd try to hold her hand or put my arm around her, and she'd make up all the excuses in the world WHY she didn't want me to do it. "ahh its too hot" or whatever excuse.

And well...sexually...we all have needs. And ONCE every week or two weeks for 5 minutes at a time wasn't helping either.

THANK GOD I never filed her petition. Thank God that the person who was going to sponsor her pulled out...and to think, I was SOOOOOO ANNOYED at my friend who was going to sponsor her when he said he couldn't....in a positive way it was a God send. God trying to protect me in the long run.

I will OPENLY ADMIT that I HAVE NOT BEEN PERFECT. As stated PREVIOUSLY. I DID shout at her when things became unbearable due to her beahviour. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I did scream alot at her, I did cry alot of endless nights in bed while she would tell me to "shut up", which got me even worse crying. She insulted me with words, and YES I insulted BACK with words.

But it is true thinking about it. The marriage was over the night it occurred. =(

I just don't understand why people marry when they won't comply with their responsibilities.

Because I MYSELF KNOW, that I treated her 1000000x better than any girlfriend I've ever had. For the simple fact is that she is/was my wife. I made a committment to not only her, but God. But...whatever...nothing more I can do except move on.

And well...take the LSAT in december, so I won't be a paralegal anymore!!!

[Mhayonaise 14]

OP please do yourself a favor, file divorce and never look back.

Hope you'll open your eyes real soon>>NOW.

Edited September 17, 2011 by Mhayonaise

[Karee 4,191]

Agreed. Most green card scammers at least make an effort to keep their sucker on the line until they get the green card. She's not even trying. My guess is she's either not capable of keeping up the charade, or she's incredibly stunning and her ego is telling her that she doesn't need to put forth any effort, or he's so hopelessly in love (mcat???) that she figures she's got it clinched no matter what she does.

To the OP: Don't even call her. She'll change her attitude faster than you can switch a light on and try to talk you out of it, and you'll be so happy to see her change in attitude that you'll let her do it. Just file for the divorce, and then go out with your buddies and get drunk.

BTW, hookers treat their johns better than that because they want them to come back.

I doubt she even wants the green card. She just sounds like a hooker. I've seen this alot in Thailand. They keep the guy on the line sending money all the way up to the interview, and then bail out. Try to make excuses to delay the interview so the money train keeps on rolling.

I used to translate emails for the bar girls in Thailand. They would send emails to 5 guys asking for $ with some lame excuse. About 50% of the time the foreigner would send it.

I took my cut with free blowjobs etc.

I learned hard lessons over there. In the end it all worked out for me. I got my head and #### wired together and figured it out.