Have I been used?/Is she using me?

[Canadian in GA 34]

every single post says the same thing. I hope you can really have the strength to let her go and file for divorce. ya it may be hard as you love her, but it will get easier in time, and you will find out you are better off.

good luck

[Aztec&Taino 144]

I am sorry that you have experienced such disrespect. It is now time to realize you have been used and put a stop to it. Some of the things you have said she does are quite outrageous. Leave her NOW and for good. Do not send her any additional money. No, even if she comes up with crazy stories about being ill or unable to eat or whatever. Say to yourself, "lesson learned" and move on!

Best wishes!

[Velociraptor 0]

I'm sad for you my friend. From my little knowledge of what love is or could be she is really far from loving you.

But s*** happens, stay strong.

[kytwell 179]

Lionel said it best.

It's time to be on your way

[gna781 1]

I dont think Your are dumb or stupid. But maybe a little blind.

You are very smart and know exactly all the answers to your questions.

Like someone else said on here, all the answers are in your own writting.

You've finally gotten tired of her antics and need to let it out and thats why your coming for help.

Its perfectly understandable as a man who proposes marriage to a girl he trully thought was the love of his life

to feel that everything is well and is gunna get better and that she is perfect even though things arent that at all.

Thats kind of why I say that you might be a little blind and not dumb or stupid.

Not dumb or stupid because you have stated the answers to ALL your questions, concerns, doubts and suspicions.

But blind because like the saying goes, love is blinding. You expected her to be the love of your life and thats why you married her.

But she turned out to be somethinng else. You see her as still the girl you fell in love with, you see it as things are all good and dandy,

You might even seee it as those 5 minutes of sex are better then nothing.

But truth is you are choosing not to see how things really are.

She is NOT the same girl you fell in love with. She won you over with what might have been lies just to USE you. (undestand that this is NOT ANY of your fault)

Things (your relationship) is horrible and you know it.

You have chosen to close your eyes and not see the reality of things.

And personally I think what might be the saddest yet the greatest part of this is

you have done this because you were 100% sencire with the promise you made when you said your vows

to be your husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life

You meant all this and have endured what you have said because you trully love her.

I think this is so sad that she doesnt see this and therefor she doesnt DESERVE such a wonderful man!!!

But it is also so importmant because you have to open your eyes and see that you deserve someone who realizes this and deserves you

Im sorry If I sound rude or judgemental. I dont mean to sound this way but it makes me a bit sad and angry that someone would want to take advantage of that. And someone would endure it. Dont waste your time with someone like that. I always say you never trully know someone until you marry them. She will most likely not change is is using you. Find someone who values you. Good luck with your decision I wish you all the best!

And sorry for the lengthy comment :S

[SunnySanDiego 17]

This is a very sad story. She has used you and you know that. It is time to let her go and move on, the more time you put into this relationship only delays you finding the right woman for you. If she loved you you would feel it.

[Dana-Mića 51]

I think you your self know that this is not a good start to a marriage. We don't need to tell you anything follow what your heart is telling you and feeling as of now. You didn't get on that flight for a clear reason.

[Laser1 63]

Well...knowing my luck she'll turn around, get with someone else and get knocked up within a few months...and she'll be all head-ver-heels in love with him and will do everything for him that she never did for me...

If you expect to do that, then divorce is probably the best option for both of you.

[In a tizzy 7]

Ummm, I don't want to sound callous. But, wake up and smell the coffee. Man up!

How she acts around you is NOT respectful. If it was me, I would look the other way and forget it all.

SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU and does not know how to say it. You DESERVE BETTER! It's YOUR life, your soul, your heart, your future.

Do not ever 2nd guess yourself. Do not waste any more time. Copy her behavior and watch what happens. You'll know.

Save your money and go do something you've always wanted to do. You'll be happier.

Sincerely, Emily

[Sabian 4]

I say if you have to ask and post it up on here...you already pretty much know the answer. Even if she is not using you the relationship sounds pretty crappy and that she is really self-absorbed. I automatically assume that if you marry someone from another country their is an 80 % chance they may be using you to get into the U.S. Take things slow (4 years in my case) test out the waters and check to see if they are in it for the RIGHT reasons. Obviously this girl could care less, and seems to set most of her efforts on money. Honey, I don't understand why you stay...you may love her, but if she comes to the U.S. its only going to get worse. When I saw my husband we spent every waking moment together and he paid for everything, never once complained. We love eachother dearly and yes we fight every now and then...but its because we care. This girl acts like she doesn't even care...no fighting, no loving, no passion! I am so sorry dear, but I think she is using you. There are many sweet Latina girls in the U.S.A. Who would love to eat your homemade dinner and come pick you up at the airport no hesitation! And yes...consumating the marriage is a big indicator. Best of luck dear.

[rlogan 2,036]

I really don't know HOW to let go. After all I have worked towards.

Yes you do, stop thinking backwwards. What's important is the rest of your life, which is hell on earth with the frankenstein monster.

And I know that if I see her with someone new, I know its going to get me that annoyed and upset that she'd put in ALLLLLLLL the effort with the new person, that she didn't even do with me,...being her husband. =(

Irrelevant. Stop fixating on Frankenstein. So many hot women out there that will put out like bunnies. Have some dignity instead of groveling. Women have radar antennae for groveling. Powerful anti-groveling force fields prevent the panties from coming off in the presence of groveling. When women detect disinterest, these force fields are de-activated.

Resolve yourself. You'll be amazed how it feels. Like a great weight lifted from you.

[haveibeenused 1]

Your story is interesting and it sounds very familar. Are you older than this woman? There are many cases where individuals marry US citizens with the sole intent of immigrating to the United States, once the process is complete they divorce their spouse. They will later file a pettition for their boyfriend in the other country to join them in the United States.

We are roughly the same age. And her then turning around and filing for an ex-boyfriend would not surprise me in the least.

To the OP: Don't even call her. She'll change her attitude faster than you can switch a light on and try to talk you out of it, and you'll be so happy to see her change in attitude that you'll let her do it. Just file for the divorce, and then go out with your buddies and get drunk.

BTW, hookers treat their johns better than that because they want them to come back.

Thanks Jim. Funny you mention about not calling her. Her sister told me not to call her and that she'd probably come looking for me. WELL, I didn't call her for like 3 weeks THINKING she'd call me....and she didn't. And I felt that 3 weeks was WAAAAYYY too long on her part. Because if she truly loved me, she' would've called me like after 1 week. When I finally called her, she didn't sound interested at all.

And no,she is not good looking at all.Stunny is FAR from it.

Basically,...I married her in good intentions, I WAS going to sponsor her to come here,and as I said in a previous post, the person who WAS going to sponsor her pulled out, which left me with no option for the time-being to go live in her country. BUT, her treating me like she does, doesnt motivate me.

She talks about having a "plan" with me in regards to me working there,saving money and then within 1 year her applying for her visa. But yet,...she never mentions nothing about having kids, or purchasing a house...nothing like that.

And I just spoke to her now on the phone for like 2 minutes, and I asked what she has been up to...and she told me "I dont have to tell you anything" and...hung up. That really blew me away =(

And NO...IM NOT MCAT,..but when I did read his story, I said to myself "wow,hope I don't end up like he did"...had I filed papers for her, I would've become mcat #2 litterally because I would've followed in his exact steps THINKING that her having papers would make everything better.

Im....that down, Im that sad, I feel that sad because also I really loved her parents,her sister/brothers, her nephews, everyone...and now the reality is that I won't ever even see them again either. =(

[jac_chappin 24]

OP - Don't drive yourself mad by thinking that when she's with someone else, she'll treat them better.It doesn't help you. As everyone on here has said, unfortunately you have been used.

I think you need to finally accept that she doesn't love you and never will. Accept the fact that it will never work out because the feelings are not mutual. Once you accept all of this, you'll finally be able to pick yourself up and move on. It's not easy but the human spirit will always prevail.

As someone that has been in a similar situation before (someone from US also not a foreign bride or fiancée) I know it's hell and very painful but know you can do it and deserve much better.

Be strong!

Best wishes!

[Rufus2012 175]

Sorry to hear this man, sounds like you got unlucky. But now, if you stay with her, the fault is yours. Fool me once, shame on your, fool me twice shame on me.

I'll just add to the other posters and say you should divorce her asap. I'm not sure which jurisdiction you should file in, probably depends on your state and her country, but a good divorce lawyer should be able to sort this out for you.

Whatever you do, don't bring her to the US, that's going to grant her a whole lot of legal protections. With those protections, she can make your life a complete and utter hell.

[Kengux 3]

What a pity! It is clear that your so called wife is using u for a visa.

Come to think of it, a wife that doesnt want to talk to her husband or being seeing together in public! Aaah! That's just a pretender, a liar..

Please break up from her and ask God to direct your steps in moving forward.

There are lots of girls out there who are genuine and wont treat u like a piece of iceberg that ur estrange wife treated u.

God bless you!