wedding plans

[Tahoma 2,291]

no man would be comfortable telling his fiancee he is unable to afford something...

^^^ BS...I was perfectly comfortable discussing with my fiancée what I could and couldn't afford.

[Tahoma 2,291]

Straight Men don't so weddings well.

Fixxored!

[EminTX 131]

I want a nice, but budget conscious wedding, too, but.....my family has so many ideas (read that as criticism) that this is impossible. I have given up. We were planning to have a wedding in a state park (150$/day for pavilion with stoves, BBQ cookers/AC/Heat/tables), cake that I make, food that my son and my ex cook, and family and friends to help celebrate...but... Apparently the details are sooooo important to my family that they have all but ruined any dreams I have for "our" day. You can do it in lots of nice ways and keep the budget down. It would be nice to have help from friends in that area to get ready.

For us, because of the pressure that had me in tears repeatedly, (my sister hasn't spoken to me in over 2 weeks because she is so angry at me because I don't want her to plan our honeymoon--or "finance" it=charge it and that my low-cost IDEAS-not plans--are all "trashy s---"), we have now decided that we won't tell anyone except my son until moments before it happens.

As for a JP ceremony in the courthouse (with a judge), here in the US, that is usually considered to be very trashy/low class. It is what you do when you are 16 and pregnant and ashamed to be getting married. That may not be everyone's thoughts, but that is the general consensus. If you are proud of your spouse-to-be, you can still be very budget conscious but make sure that you show the world how proud you are to stand next to that person at the ceremony and for the rest of your life.

[KCJ 2]

Marriage must be founded with pure understanding... It's not about how grand the wedding is but how you keep the marriage works. If he can't seem to afford a big wedding for now then you must understand him... Again it's not about being big and opulent but how you'll keep it sacred... Sometimes we must learn how to appreciate simple joys and blessings to see how true happiness really means Good luck and all the best to both of you <3

i super agree with you!!!

if you really love the person then you have to be more understanding...

[KCJ 2]

I used to dream of a romantic beach wedding but since I have to be practical, I think there's no need for that. It will be too expensive. Me and my fiance will do the same thing. The "drive thru" wedding :)haha. After all, the main reason why I want to marry him is because I love him and not because of what he can give me.

I know what you feel because we have this fairy tale fantasy as a woman but I guess we are grown ups and should see the reality of life. Some people want it to be memorable and others just want to brag about it. You'll be fine. Instead of feeling bad about it, think of activities that you can do together that could be captured by the camera, it's a proof of happy memories too.

definitely true...very nice and practical opinion...i super like...

[Bryan and Isabel 29]

im in the same situation with my fiancee, she wants to get married and start our life together. Me on the other side, i've always dreamnt of a big fancy wedding and want that for her as well, i mean, she deserves it, she is the love of my life<3 I dont have the money to do what i've always planned, she sort of came into my life unexpectedly, but i dont regret it. I told her this, we can get married civil when you get here, a few people and family, but one day 4-5 years from now (mind you we are both college students) we would have saved enought money to do the wedding we always wanted and DESERVE! that was our compromise and it the best way to both get what we want.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

me and my fiance, happens to talk about wedding plans...well, he wants to get married as soon as i come down on the plane...well, i think that is so sweet of him to say that...i would definitely want to do that...but of course being a woman, i would wish for a nice wedding that is well planned and organized...i did somehow talked it to him but not directly...but he answered me in a way that i felt like our wedding day is like an ordinary day for him...because he wants it so simple...no preparations or anything...and i just dont know how to convince him to have a better preparation on our wedding day...well, i dont intend to be wed several times, so i am thinking of a having a nice one...i think he is worried about the money, expenses to get married so i told him, would u rather want our wedding one month after i come in USA? well, he retaliated then someone called from his office and our conversation hasn't really ended...I want a nice wedding...i want to feel that our wedding day is specially prepared...but it seems he wanted like a drive-thru...what do you think girls? VJ members and friends? am i asking too much? or what? Hope someone responds...any opinion is appreciated...

Yours is not a normal relationship and always keep that in mind. Many of your benefits as a resident depend on you getting married and many are very important for life. The sooner you get married, the sooner you can be protected and receive benefits such as medical insurance, file for your green card, etc. This is not something to be taken lightly.

We got married on the front lawn by a neighbor who is a Justice of the Peace 8 days after Alla arrived and she had medical insurance for her and the boys before the end of the month she arrived. Life insurance from me within 2 weeks.

I would suggest you get married right away in a simple ceremony, then file for your benefits, get your insurance from his job, etc., and THEN make plans for a larger wedding ceremony

[Eve & Jim 4]

My son and I have done a lot of photography of weddings, so I may have a different point of view than most. Comming from the guy's side if things there are a couple things you should really consider.

1) If this is a international wedding, then one of two of you aren't really going to be able to have a lot of their friends and family at the wedding. While the man wants to give his bride everything to make her dreams come true, if the wedding is very unballanced, is that really going to accompolish what you are wanting?

2) What is the wedding really about and who is it about? To me, it is about the man and wife, God, the pastor, and possibly their children. For everyone else it is basically just a show and a party.

3) Planning and executing a wedding can add a lot of stress both financially and emotionally to a new couple. The bigger the wedding the more stress. The more people, the more there is a chance that someone is going to do something unexpected or just basically wrong.

4) A lot of people think that they need a big church wedding, but a church is really where people come to meet, it isn't the house that God built, it's the house that men built for people to worship God. God created the outdoors and in many ways He created places that are much more beautiful than man would ever build. Outdoor weddings also have the opportuinty for a whole lot more varity of colors and backgrounds for the pictures that will help you remember that day for the rest of your lives. That being said, a rainny day outdoor wedding isn't such a good thing.

5) As others have said, consider the expense. Plane tickets, visa's, medical exams, trips back and forth, phone bills and all the stuff that comes with an international wedding can create a financial strain on most people. Plus, do you want to spend the money on a wedding and big party or would you rather go see the new country together and have a nice honeymoon where you can enjoy each other?

6) I think you need to consider not just the financial expense, but also the "time" expense of a wedding. I know in my case, time is a huge factor, between work, keeping up housework, and keeping up with all the other stuff around my house, there are weeks that go by where time is just a major issue. Add to all of that the idea that he has been trying to get things ready for his bride to be living with him. Now add on all of the paperwork and such that the Immigration process has added into the mix, and the candle is certainly burning from both ends. Then keep in mind the expense and paperwork that is yet to come if you have to file for AOS and such.

7) This guy obviously loves you very much to do all that he has to make an international couple come together. I am sure he wants everything for his new wife, but some understanding and returning that love can go a long way.

8) Think of the marriage, not the wedding. Marriage is hard work and even harder when the two of you have to adjust to different cultures and such. One of the biggest rules of making a marriage work is to not do harm to the marriage. Find a way to compromise on things, including the wedding if necessary, so that you keep the marriage solid. Protect that marriage with your life, because that is what you are promising each other that you will do. I have seen too many big weddings ruin a marriage from the start. So think about it, is the marriage the fairy tail or the wedding, and what is most important?

9) Go to premarriage counseling and take it very seriously! Start things off on the right foot with good communications and some help so that you don't make the mistakes that damage the marriage. This also helps you to get to know each other better. Yes, this probably means that you won't get married right off of the plane, but building a successful marriage takes work and a solid foundation.

10) Do special and unique things in the wedding to show your love to each other! This doesn't mean go buy each other some gift, it means do something for each other that means a whole lot to the both of you.

11) I am probably going to get flamed for this, but do not do everything and just expect him to show up! The wedding and the marriage is about the two of you and is the beginning of your lives together, you should start out with solid communications and working together, because you are going to have to work on and communicate with each other about a whole lot of things from that day forward! Make sure you both are on the same page from the very start. Certainly, you can agree on what parts each of you are going to do, but you need to walk the highway of life together, you had better get on the entrance ramp together.

I hope this helps and I pray that you have a long and happy marriage.

--Jim

[Dan & Jenni 457]

i want whatever my fiancee wants... i learnt that very early on in our relationship

[Peter_Pan 661]

I don't think it is really fair to invoke the special circumstances as a way out of a regular wedding. If anything, the situation gives you the possibility of having two weddings, not to go as Vegas as possible.

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

me and my fiance, happens to talk about wedding plans...well, he wants to get married as soon as i come down on the plane...well, i think that is so sweet of him to say that...i would definitely want to do that...but of course being a woman, i would wish for a nice wedding that is well planned and organized...i did somehow talked it to him but not directly...but he answered me in a way that i felt like our wedding day is like an ordinary day for him...because he wants it so simple...no preparations or anything...and i just dont know how to convince him to have a better preparation on our wedding day...well, i dont intend to be wed several times, so i am thinking of a having a nice one...i think he is worried about the money, expenses to get married so i told him, would u rather want our wedding one month after i come in USA? well, he retaliated then someone called from his office and our conversation hasn't really ended...I want a nice wedding...i want to feel that our wedding day is specially prepared...but it seems he wanted like a drive-thru...what do you think girls? VJ members and friends? am i asking too much? or what? Hope someone responds...any opinion is appreciated...

I think that this is pretty typical for many men and women. Men are usually not big on ceremony, women usually like to feel special, and are more sentimental about such things. The key to any good relationship is comprise and consideration. He needs to understand this is a very special day for you and you don't want to get married as if it is the Drive Thru at Jollibee. However you should also consider his feelings and try to compromise. on a very special but simple day. You can keep it simple, but he needs to realize sometimes you have to do a few things you may not want to if you love someone.

[Peter_Pan 661]

That's a bit stereotypical and sexist, isn't it? Men are rational, women are sentimental bit.

[i see you 0]

I know that's the dream of every women but considering your husband can't afford as of now you must understand him. Understanding and loving to each other is the most important in married life..That will count!

[J&N* 68]

I totally understand what you want, I wanted the same thing, in Egypt we love big weddings, all my relatives and friends had huge weddings and I wanted it too, plan something you both can afford, you can have your dream wedding it just doesn't have to be at the Plaza! Can you or your parents help out with the wedding expenses? That's what we did, me and him split all costs in half, if he can't afford it please understand that and be considerate, whatever he has, it can be better spent (on a house or a car OR savings).

Weddings are important, but would you rather have a wedding or a marriage? I asked myself that. A wedding lasts for a few hours and later on you'll forget most of it anyway!

[baron555 934]

but he answered me in a way that i felt like our wedding day is like an ordinary day for him...

Try to understand that the pomp and ceremony mean nothing to the true meaning of two people becoming married.

You should be able to do both, albeit, separately, just because you are not in a "regular" relationship, so dictated by USCIS.

Be glad you two can become married and live together here in teh US.