I cannot stand my crazy wife, Need tips in sending her back

[Laser1 63]

The first step in dealing with her is to understand her condition. To me, it sounds like she is having serious trouble adjusting culturally to life in the United States. She may need more patience than you have, but that seems to be her condition.

[Dumb/Dumber 61]

This information needs to be pinned, si man -- very correctly and accurately stated.

I understand your disappointment, frustration, and anger. But we all have to face the consequences of our own actions. Honesty is always the best policy. Tell your wife you want a divorce. Tell your wife you want to file for custody of your child. Tell your wife you want to send her back to her own country. Simple as that. Face the situation head on and with honesty and integrity. It sounds like to me you were looking for love and you thought you found it and it did not work out. We all know that marriages sometimes do not work out. You can do this the right way and things will work out.

[J&N* 68]

Looks like someone took their vows very lightly. That's gross.

[Heartwarming 15]

To the OP just go seek professional help instead of coming on here to air out your dirty laundry. It is better for you to just try to go back to counseling or just get legally separated for awhile and then see if things get better. If not, then go for the divorce. You should try to work it out for your child, but if worse comes to worse then you should get a divorce if that it your only option. It seems as though both of you have issues going on here and that she has grown insecure by your actions. You mentioned how jealous she is, so if you know this then why do you give her a reason to feel jealous? Do you make over her and let her know that you love her? These things are important in relationships. If you see a pretty girl then try to avoid looking at her especially in your wife's presence. I think you have been staring at women in her presence and now she feels insecure. Perhaps her ex cheated on her and she hasn't had time to heal. You need open up to each other and fix these problems and then worry about this paperwork stuff later!

Edited September 14, 2011 by Kurkure

[Robert&Karen 264]

To the OP just go seek professional help instead of coming on here to air out your dirty laundry.

Just the same, this is yet another reminder about cultural differences. Some differences make life hilarious, while some are daunting. I read about folks here wanting a K-1 visa and who have not even met one another yet. Getting to know the other person in detail is never a bad thing, and this shows it. I am glad the OP posted this, in case others see themselves using the same line of thought.

[katiemanny 64]

Nobody here should give this guy advice because hes trying to do deceptive plan to ditch his wife and keep the child away from her. Mods should warn this guy about his idiotic plan or close the thread. Its unacceptable.

The real Ignorant is the OP not his wife. Seriously!!!

[Princessblack 21]

Amidst all the advise, consider the innocent child. You send her back after 2 yrs the child is motherless and/or yall work out something for visitation country to country.

You get a divorce and then you have to think about the child. Her 2yr GC and the status thereafter is her business.

Alot to think about. But with all the accusations maybe SHE is the one cheating? Never know.

I hope you learnt a valuable lesson in love. Unfortunately, we hav eto live with the consequences and choices we make.

[Deema & Wayne 28]

Let me say something about cultural differences since I was in that situation after I've been here for a while. I see girls everyday and they are pretty, they're going to catch my husband's eye (he's a guy) duh! I have to admit that it made me feel uncomfortable, insecure and not beautiful and I started to act out, even when he wasn't really looking I accused him that he was! I was a nutcase and not fair to him..at one point he sat me down, held my face and told me that I'm the prettiest girl in the world to him and that I'm beautiful inside and out and the only girl for him and that SHUT ME RIGHT UP and it felt great to hear it even though I know he will still look at other pretty girls. At the end of the day, you come home to her and you chose her, she needs to get her head out of her a** and you need to learn how to deal with her and put your child first no matter what you decide to do.

[Darnell 8,479]

[waves hullo]

[ronluvme 10]

hi.,

so sorry to hear about your situation,i can tell you something life isnt not like a machine that when it doesnt work yu can throw it or bring to the machine shop were unworking things they fixed.if you make a decision it comes with responsibilities on it it doesnt matter what,you had a baby with her,and you want her to dump just like that.,have you ever asked yourself why she is acting like?have you ever realize that maybe there are some reason of all of that things that she is being mean(i am not trying to be mean to you buddy)but u gotta think about your problems.think hard,and try to calm yourself,people make a big mistaken when they make a decision when they are mad or on bad temper,anyways,,this is my thought,i thought you need a marriage counselor???why not try to fix it first then if doesnt work then try different way..hope it will enlighten your mind,god will sustain you of your problems

[Barca 10]

is this post for real?

[Alianza Terps 12]

Off topic - just a bit:

I think if the OP actually knew anything about Latinas in general perhaps he would not have the problems he's had...

First of all, most Latinas are posessive of their men (in varying degrees). You need to understand their upbringing and family attitudes. They were raised to be loyal to their men with very strong family values. BUT - most Latinas (and I know more than a few) have been cheated on or abused by their Latin boyfriends / husbands, etc... I am not putting down the Latino male species, just that without exception my fiance and ALL of her friends and acquaintces have has these experiences with their Latin mates. So - this in general makes Latinas more suspicious of their men and more possessive. They simply don't want any more pain or disappointments.

So - when the OP met his beautiful wife at first I'll bet that he found her attention as a positive attribute. It's a wonderful thing when a beautiful woman makes you the center of her world. Then when she arrived here the same attuitudes she displayed when they dated in Argentina continued and all of a sudden they became unacceptable?

Getting to know a person AND their culture is the most important thing when it comes to mariage. When men see their foreign fiance in their environment the romance overwhelmes the senses and most guys don't see that the relationship they have in "Argentina" is not the same as what they have here on Main Street USA. That is why repeated trips and truly getting to know the person is crucial to a sucessful marriage.

You just stereotyped an entire continent and region of women. Way to perpetuate and endorse stereotypes. It's not true, your opinion is completely subjective, and does not help any situation.

[Brit Abroad 166]

OP, try it this way.

Ask your wife what she expected from your relationship. Ask her what she feels she has got out of it and what she pictures for her future and for your shared future. The answers should help you understand a lot more than you seem to right now.

Yes, it's ok to be frustrated and angry. You chose to marry someone from another country, who was probably raised differently to you and may have a different philosophy on the way relationships work. I've seen many fail based on something as stupid as one partner coming from a family that argued all the time, and the other coming from a household with no voices ever raised in anger. You have different histories and relationships take effort and time to mesh down. Sometimes we all have to grit our teeth and make allowances, it's seldom ever perfectly straightforward.

Like your wife, I spent my first six months in the US on the computer. I was devastated at how much I had left behind and the computer was my access to my past, to help me survive in my present (where I had no easy access to family, friends and a known way of life). If you've never experienced living abroad and finding yourself in a totally alien land, then you probably can't empathise with the emotions your wife is experiencing. Some people don't like going to counselling, they don't like laying their emotions and their lives bare to a stranger. If you're close to your family, try asking them to speak with your wife and see what is really going on with her. Maybe she also has post-natal depression and is struggling on a much deeper level than just fighting homesickness and feeling unwanted in a foreign land. Most immigrant spouses will tell you that it's not all hearts and roses, it takes time to settle, to feel comfortable and what can appear as laziness is often emotional fatigue and stress. Anger is a common expression for depression, too. By avoiding everything in life that she can't cope with, she finds a way to keep going. The fact that she isn't demanding anything of you, so much as denying playing any part in your marriage and home life speaks volumes.

If, at the end of the day, you are both not happy then it's time to discuss divorce and options. Maybe your wife WANTS to go home to Argentina. Maybe she wants to stay in the US and raise your shared child with BOTH parents in her life. Being angry doesn't help you, and seeking revenge for a failed relationship won't help ease any negative feelings you have. It just won't. Talk things through with some honesty on both parts and you'll find a resolution that works for both of you. Bear in mind that she will ALWAYS be the mother of your child. That means you will always be in communication on some level until your child is independent. Do you really want to produce another human being with issues?

Frankly, if she has a 2 year green card then she's perfectly able to apply for removal of conditions if you divorce. Stop looking at ways to "send her home" and start thinking about your own future, what you want and where you go post-divorce. Holding onto bitterness stops you from looking for your future partner with an open heart, and nobody wants to crimp their own future. Sometimes it's hard to be the bigger person, but in the end you won't regret it.

[Deema & Wayne 28]

OP, try it this way.

Ask your wife what she expected from your relationship. Ask her what she feels she has got out of it and what she pictures for her future and for your shared future. The answers should help you understand a lot more than you seem to right now.

Yes, it's ok to be frustrated and angry. You chose to marry someone from another country, who was probably raised differently to you and may have a different philosophy on the way relationships work. I've seen many fail based on something as stupid as one partner coming from a family that argued all the time, and the other coming from a household with no voices ever raised in anger. You have different histories and relationships take effort and time to mesh down. Sometimes we all have to grit our teeth and make allowances, it's seldom ever perfectly straightforward.

Like your wife, I spent my first six months in the US on the computer. I was devastated at how much I had left behind and the computer was my access to my past, to help me survive in my present (where I had no easy access to family, friends and a known way of life). If you've never experienced living abroad and finding yourself in a totally alien land, then you probably can't empathise with the emotions your wife is experiencing. Some people don't like going to counselling, they don't like laying their emotions and their lives bare to a stranger. If you're close to your family, try asking them to speak with your wife and see what is really going on with her. Maybe she also has post-natal depression and is struggling on a much deeper level than just fighting homesickness and feeling unwanted in a foreign land. Most immigrant spouses will tell you that it's not all hearts and roses, it takes time to settle, to feel comfortable and what can appear as laziness is often emotional fatigue and stress. Anger is a common expression for depression, too. By avoiding everything in life that she can't cope with, she finds a way to keep going. The fact that she isn't demanding anything of you, so much as denying playing any part in your marriage and home life speaks volumes.

If, at the end of the day, you are both not happy then it's time to discuss divorce and options. Maybe your wife WANTS to go home to Argentina. Maybe she wants to stay in the US and raise your shared child with BOTH parents in her life. Being angry doesn't help you, and seeking revenge for a failed relationship won't help ease any negative feelings you have. It just won't. Talk things through with some honesty on both parts and you'll find a resolution that works for both of you. Bear in mind that she will ALWAYS be the mother of your child. That means you will always be in communication on some level until your child is independent. Do you really want to produce another human being with issues?

Frankly, if she has a 2 year green card then she's perfectly able to apply for removal of conditions if you divorce. Stop looking at ways to "send her home" and start thinking about your own future, what you want and where you go post-divorce. Holding onto bitterness stops you from looking for your future partner with an open heart, and nobody wants to crimp their own future. Sometimes it's hard to be the bigger person, but in the end you won't regret it.

Well said

[Robert&Karen 264]

You just stereotyped an entire continent and region of women. Way to perpetuate and endorse stereotypes. It's not true, your opinion is completely subjective, and does not help any situation.

Funny how a negative word like "possessive" makes the description a stereotype, but if we say "passionate" then it becomes a cultural definition. I completely see the point of view, and while not ALL people possess ALL the descriptors of their culture, there is still some trace evidence that makes these points worth of consideration.

Otherwise coming here from China or Iran or Syria would be as easy as coming here from Canada.

Edited September 14, 2011 by aorobert