Getting a guilt trip from my fiancee...

[qwerty1974 11]

Simple. She wants to be the most important in your life. She should be. But you just told her books are more important and student loans are more important and tuition is more important.

It's a two way street. I want MY fiance (the USC) to feel like the most important person in MY world (he is, outside of my children) so I insist he does NOT come to the interview and add undue stress on finances. I'd LOVE him to be there, I miss him like crazy but I can do this myself...he already does enough. I think it's only fair the OP expects some support as it seems he is responsible for giving all of the rest of the support (financial and so on) to the beneficiary. it's NOT too much to ask and would make me, as the petitioner, question my fiancees intentions, were she not factoring in my feelings or concerns. It would be different if it seemed she was doing all she could, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Not saying that this is an intentional state of affairs but one Might think there'd be Some gratitude at best, recognition at worst, of this fact.

One day you will have a heart attack and then have to have bypass surgery and if you live through it you will wake up and your WIFE and children will be there and the nurses will tell you that you have a remarkable wife and she has been sleeping in your bed with you since you have been "out" for nearly two days and refused to leave when they told her she couldn;t do that because she said "this is my husband and I sleep with my husband" and your boys have come from all over the country and half-way round the world. If you are lucky and you have made them number 1 in your life.

This seems a bit wildly irrelevant. I don't think his finishing his degree means he will end up childless and alone lol! They are both young and have no need to have that desperate clawing at a relationship for the sake of having someone there to nurse you. He has a right to be number one in Her life too.

Or...you could buy books.

Or....he could do both. he is not leaving her, just pacing their relationship.

FYI I did go to our interview and did not wait to be asked, I just planned on it from the start.

That's down to personal choice and finances, by no means is it commonplace. If he says he can barely afford to live as it is and she is unable/unwilling to find work or complete her nursing examinations then I think it is a bit one sided if you ask me. She is not even willing to provide understanding or patience whilst he gets it in the proverbial neck for not making a flight over to join her for something she can easily do alone. It seems it IS all he is asking of her after all. maybe the fiancee ought to think about all he IS doing for her/paying for her and not the one thing he falls short (in her opinion) on- a flight to attend the interview he does not need to be at. I think it's unfair to make him feel bad for not attending, he IS paying for it after all, shouldn't THAT be proof enough of his commitment?

Edited November 28, 2011 by qwerty1974

[Dan and Judy 614]

never mind

Edited November 28, 2011 by Dan and Judy

[ria_s 0]

Yeah, that's tough, that's guilt tripping right there. I can get she'd want the support, but reassure her that the interview will go okay - and call you before and after she goes in to at least offer something for support. The process is stressful (and maybe she hasn't seen you in person in awhile?) so check into what else could help her out for the interview, maybe her bringing a family member or friend?

You could also go into your schedule too (along with money expenses on how much money comes in and out). My fiance probably won't be at my interview because taking time off work = more money lost.

And I guess you could also point out theres high cost in paying for the blasted K-1 visa process, then have to pay for moving, then have to keep money saved for wedding, honeymoon, and money to keep you both afloat until she is able to work.

I went on mine on my own. I was a bundle of just jittery nerves. It went well though and far easier than I had expected. But then again, hubby and I were married before the Visa interview so the interviewer really didn't have much to ask me. Plus I came armed with a thick pile of "evidence." My mom came with me on the trip for moral support. But she waited outside.

[ria_s 0]

:blink:

What kind of celebration was she going for? Back home in Pinas, pansit and lechon manok and ice cream are cheap enough celebration fare. I'd say $15-25 would have been more than enough of a budget for me celebrating my birthday in Pinas. That might even get me several kilos of roasted pig meat.

[ria_s 0]

She sounds like the typical Filipina you read about on here who has grown up thinking American's are rich simply because they make more money, not realising they have to SPEND more money too. It could also be her family is pressuring her saying her "rich american" should be able to come visit. It could be she's just a spoilt brat.

No matter the reason, what do you tell her? Do you tell her money is tight? Do you tell her you won't have much money? A LOT of issues I read on here about Filipino couples is the guys not realising they're "supposed" to send money back to her family. That the women have no concept of how money works in the US and spend spend spend thinking it doesn't end.

What bothers me is you're about to get the visa and you haven't had the money conversation? It sounds to me like she's expecting to have lots of money.. it is NOT going to be easy. You should talk to her about her working to contribute to the household income or what not.

Typical Filipina???

[ria_s 0]

This is a much better statement than the previous one.

Your observation is correct but it's not just a Philippines thing it's more like an Asian Culture thing. Asian families are much more connected to their extended family than the average American family is. We do holidays together, they live in multi-generational houses.

Iv'e seen my wife have stronger connections to her cousins than many Americans have to their own siblings. They consider cousins' kids as their nieces & nephews.

It really is a beautiful thing. But like most great things there are always those who distort and twist it for their own purposes. Your average Filipino is a proud & hard working person. Unfortunately some have come to the conclusion that they don't need to do their fair share and can just live off the rest of the family without contributing. These are the ones who just want to get to America for the better life.