How do you deal with the overwhelming depression....

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

It's just so hard, so darn hard sometimes to just focus on life sometimes when your SO is on the other side of the world.

I feel like all the things I used to enjoy doing just aren't fun anymore, especially without him here. I keep thinking, "I wish K was here" or "K would have really liked this" or this is so much more fun when K is doing this with me"

The more free time I have, the more I go crazy. I've been thinking of getting a second part time job just to fill the empty weekend space.

I've also developed a few new hobbies to keep me from going insane:

-knitting/crocheting

-running

-quilting

-stitching some new tunics/ salwar kameez and other traditional Indian clothing

-Learning how to cook Indian food better

-Learning Hindi

-And once in a while, planning our future wedding

We all know it hurts, I'm just curious, what does everyone else do to distract themselves from the pain and frustration of being apart from their loved ones?

~A

[TBoneTX 45,288]

This is all very positive stuff, si man -- very commendable.

For quiet times, find some uplifting books, about faith or persistence or positive thinking or other such subject.

Violent physical exercise is helpful, si man. In fact, you might make a self-game out of it: Whenever a morose thought enters your mind, immediately drop down and do 25 vigorous push-ups. That will be the rule. When you're in a place where it would be inappropriate to do push-ups (a restaurant, an elevator, a public restroom with gross floors) and a morose thought enters your mind, think "Morose Thought, you're not allowed right now -- come back when I can do something about you."

It sounds goofy, but it works, si man.

[awkwardsoul 20]

Yeah, long distance sucks. I got my NOA1 not too long ago, so I got a long wait, with one visit with my SO until I move there.

I do hobbies like crocheting/knitting (get those christmas presents done early!) and cooking too. I don't want food to be my comfort as I don't need extra weight at my wedding, but my coworkers are liking all the cookies!

Exercise helps a lot. Even just go for a walk, bike ride or stretching. I do strength training and yoga couple times a week.

And overall keeping busy - go out with friends, meet new people, etc.

With my SO, we do stuff like video calls on Skype and queing up the same TV show and watching it together over voice call.

[garrobito 1]

...Believe me it's the same in both sides...

My GF is out the work, taking care her daughter and sometimes she got depressed because feel like she is in free fall and never ended...

I tried to support her from here, work hard, hit the gym and, in general lines, tried don't think too much about, just I dream when we talk every day on evenings.

Mind is a motherf... and always find the way to introduce that kind of thinking but, like the other people say here, use books or hobbies (my is the gym and from her, the same)

Good luck for both!!... And if you think you need to wait a lot, remember me.. I'm not a US citizen so I need to wait 5 month more to become a citizen, then apply for a K1 and in the middle, finish with my divorce.. so.. always have somebody who have less luck than you...

[misterbigtoe 45]

Read the VJ posts of the joyous couple who have finally completed their journeys to be together.....................look at the faces of those in the galleries and know that soon..............soon that will be you too. It is worth whatever hurdles we must jump to achieve togetherness including the pain of separation.

[MrsP2010 20]

I work full time, and I'm a blessing in disguise to them. They don't know about my personal life, I had to leave it out so they would hire me for a permanent job. I willingly do overtime, I throw myself into social evenings and outings, and I'm also super sober on nights out in case a secret slips out, so I'm usually designated driver.

As a result, I've been promoted already, I have tonnes of work to be doing every day, and each time I look at the calendar another two weeks have flown by!

The only downside is I have to bottle up so much emotion. I'm getting really close with some of them, and sometimes I long to pour my heart out and have a shoulder to cry on. But it's what I've got to do to be back home with him again. I'll cry a river of relief then instead!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I never had any.

I was remodeling an entire house with Alla choosing samples of material by skype and email photos, getting her educational transcripts translated and evaluated, applying for schools grants, learning what I needed to do for our 13year old to get him ready to start school in a new country the day after arriving, learning about all the stuff we would have to do after she arrived, AOS, drivers lisence, transportation issues (we had no public transport where we lived and I have to work and she couldn't drive...hmmm)

My theory has been like this ...get it done and move on. You filed for the visa...move on. You need to be getting ready for arrival, life after arrival, learning about AOS. Why post "woe is me" posts and not read about AOS and ask questions about that?

This process BEGINS when the visa is issued, it does not end at that time

[Rufus2012 175]

I never had any.

Waiting 58 days for your NOA2 compared to the 100+ everyone is doing now undoubtedly helped.

[TBoneTX 45,288]

Waiting 58 days for your NOA2 compared to the 100+ everyone is doing now undoubtedly helped.

Focus on the advice itself and the jobs ahead. There's always something else to do.

[Rufus2012 175]

Focus on the advice itself and the jobs ahead. There's always something else to do.

Everything that can be done is already done. Some of it, like getting the most up to date salary confirmation letter, just depends on when the interview is setup, but the process for those time dependent things has already been rehearsed and can be accomplished in minutes.

I've done my part, I've paid my fee months ago, I'm just waiting for the USCIS to get its <bleep> together and actually do their <bleeping> jobs.

(cue responses from USCIS apologists and those who have friends who "work" there)

[Rufus2012 175]

We all know it hurts, I'm just curious, what does everyone else do to distract themselves from the pain and frustration of being apart from their loved ones?

I have some hobbies I really enjoy. Astronomy relaxes me, especially when I think it's the same sky my fiance sees 12 hours earlier. There's something about the distances to the stars that makes her 6000 mile distance seem manageable.

Something physical also helps - nothing like half an hour on a rowing machine at full force until you can neither breathe nor move to calm you down (once your heart rate returns to normal of course ).

What also helps me is to indulge my contempt for red tape, bureaucracy and bureaucrats. Disdain is an easier emotion for me to handle than despair.

[PantomimeGoose 59]

And here I've been thinking of my marriage as a relationship, when I should be thinking of it as a *process*! A process does sound like much less to get worked up over.

Guess I can quit those welding classes now. : p

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Waiting 58 days for your NOA2 compared to the 100+ everyone is doing now undoubtedly helped.

Why? What happens when you get the NOA2? Nothing. We waited 6 months for Alla to arrive, so check the WHOLE timeline because the NOA2 isn't even halfway there.

What HELPED was I didn't waste my life staring at unreliable online "updates" and spent every moment of my availabe time DO-ing things for the future of my family.

Sorry if my response is not the usual

I never found to be very helpful to anyone.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

And here I've been thinking of my marriage as a relationship, when I should be thinking of it as a *process*! A process does sound like much less to get worked up over.

Guess I can quit those welding classes now. : p

Obviously you are confusing marriage with getting a visa. Getting a visa IS a process. The AOS is a process, RoC is a process. Anyone that has done it can tell you that.

None of that has anything to do with our "marriage", our "relationship" or our life in general.

What are you doing to make sure YOUR spouse will be able to adjust to life here? what are you doing for HER/HIM? If you were going to move to another state in 3 months you would be scrabbling around getting ready for your "big move" Your future spouse is coming from another country and you have to ask "What should I do?"

But you are right, there isa really nothing to get "worked up" over. Just discuss it with your future family, make a plan and do it.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Everything that can be done is already done. Some of it, like getting the most up to date salary confirmation letter, just depends on when the interview is setup, but the process for those time dependent things has already been rehearsed and can be accomplished in minutes.

I've done my part, I've paid my fee months ago, I'm just waiting for the USCIS to get its <bleep> together and actually do their <bleeping> jobs.

(cue responses from USCIS apologists and those who have friends who "work" there)

Right on cue...

You say "everything" has been done and then mention only things for the visa. The visa is nothing. What have you done for LIFE? Did you get your spouse's school transcripts yet? Did you get them translated? Have they been evaluated? They are going to need them, either for future jobs or for future education. Do you think it will be easier to get them AFTER they are no longer in their country? What about all her other vital records and documents? Do you have them? Have they been translated? Do you think that for LIFE you only need what is required for a VISA? Dental records? May come in handy here for the dentist and he can't just fax the dentist in the next town over. Medical records? Have you spoken to your doctor yet about your wife that will joining you soon and will also need a doctor? what will he want from her?

What will your spouse have to do to get a drivers lisence? You can find out now or you can wait until she needs it and then come to VJ and ask. The amswer will be "depends on your state, check with the DMV" You can do that now and I saved you time. What about driving schools? I strongly suggest you pay someone to teach her to drive. (I did not, which is why I suggest you do)

Getting her belongings here. How? what? When? We were sending things for MONTHS in advance. Alla did not arrive until September but her first box of "stuff" arrived in February, even before we filed the petition when we had no idea how long it would take for the NOA2. Send winter clothes now if it is summer. Summer clothes if it is winter. Books? send them now. I hope you do not imagine everything will come in two suticases with a weight limit of 27 kilos each.

Closet space? You have enough? We didn't, I built a built-in wardrobe based on photos Alla found in an Italian furniture catalog. You have all the furniture you need? I doubt it. Pots and pans? Alla needed THREE of those deep covered frying pans for her cooking, not to mention a bunch of other stuff. (a lot of which you cannot buy ahead of time) I primed ALL the walls and trim, she picked the colors when she got here and then I painted.

Does she need English classes? Start NOW in her country. Does your community offer English classes? where? How much? What are your options? If you want her to LEARN English, then twice a week for 2 hours isn't going to cut it. You need to find more than one program if that is what is offered. She should go to English class every day if she needs to learn it. You MAY have to pay for it, you MAY be able to get grants for it. Check it out.

I started going to school board and PTA meetings in our town, met with people at the hospital about volunteer jobs for Alla (doesn't hurt to make business contacts and now Alla is an interpreter for the hospital for $35 per hour!)

Stop focusing on USCIS, they are not even 1/10,000 of your life. Do you think it makes a difference when you are about to file for citizenship if you waited 58 days for the NOA2 or 158 days?