Married on K1 wants divorce

[Laura2011 0]

We met on March 2009 and we decided it was worth to try a long distance relationship; things seemed to work fine so we decided the next step would be the k1. While waiting for the k1, we agreed to get everything arranged so I could move right away after getting my visa. As his financial situation was not good at that time, I started sending part of my savings to him, I sold my house and when I got my visa I quit my job.

Before going to the States, he told me he had some fears about marriage but we still agreed we wanted to try and be together cause of our love. On July 2010, I traveled to the States taking the rest of my savings and realized that his fears were more than that, before we got married, he got worse about it and it just broke my heart. One day he would love me with all his heart and forever and the next day he would not want anything.

He asked me to be patient because he was not sure if he wanted to make the next step or not, he still took me to get my SSN and still continued with the wedding arrangements. I tried to be as patient as I could and even offered to return to my country after the first month just to give him time to think about it but he did not want me to leave. Every time we would talk about me leaving the States, he would get sad and we would both cry.

One day he came home and said he was sure about it and we were going to get married and we did (on our 89 day) but when the day ended he told me he regretted of what we did. I could not feel more devastated so I decided it was time for me to leave, my parents paid my ticket (cause all the savings were gone) and I returned to my country after 3 days. When I got my ticket, he asked me not to leave so I did not; the next day he wanted me to leave so I just returned to my country. All his emotional instability was just hurting me.

I had no home, no job and my heart was broken. After a week, he called me and said he wanted us to be together and that we would do all the paperwork for us to be together, I couldn’t feel happier. This got me so strong, I started to work and save money and within a month I prepared our forms and 1st package for the cr1 and mailed it to him. Spent a lonely X-mas but I had hopes that our marriage would work, I asked him to come visit but he never did. We were ready to file but he started having doubts again and giving excuses for not sending the package. After the 3rd month, he told me he did not want to hurt my feelings but this was not going to work. I guess it was just not meant to be.

After that 3rd month, we did not speak anymore so I asked him to file for divorce. It’s gonna be almost a year and he has given me several excuses: no time, no money, not sure he wants to divorce, etc.

I talked with his relatives and I found out he has been dating other woman while we were waiting for the K1 and another woman after I returned. I have not told him anything about this and tried to avoid arguments cause it only hurts, I have told him I only want to get divorced and that I don’t understand why he would not file for divorce, I told him I don’t want any papers (cause he keeps offering to get my green card), I told him I don’t want any money or material things but I still don’t understand why he would keep us married when there’s no real marriage. He even asks if I have another man or another American waiting for me (I guess his doubts were just other women).

I saved some money and I’d file for divorce if I knew how to do it from here and how much it would cost me. I just want to finish with this nightmare.

1- Will this have any impact if I ever want to apply for b1/b2 visa? Do I need to be divorced to apply for b1/b2 visa?

2- Why would he want to stay married if he is dating other women? What reasons could he have? Taxes?

[Barbara J 115]

We met on March 2009 and we decided it was worth to try a long distance relationship; things seemed to work fine so we decided the next step would be the k1. While waiting for the k1, we agreed to get everything arranged so I could move right away after getting my visa. As his financial situation was not good at that time, I started sending part of my savings to him, I sold my house and when I got my visa I quit my job.

Before going to the States, he told me he had some fears about marriage but we still agreed we wanted to try and be together cause of our love. On July 2010, I traveled to the States taking the rest of my savings and realized that his fears were more than that, before we got married, he got worse about it and it just broke my heart. One day he would love me with all his heart and forever and the next day he would not want anything.

He asked me to be patient because he was not sure if he wanted to make the next step or not, he still took me to get my SSN and still continued with the wedding arrangements. I tried to be as patient as I could and even offered to return to my country after the first month just to give him time to think about it but he did not want me to leave. Every time we would talk about me leaving the States, he would get sad and we would both cry.

One day he came home and said he was sure about it and we were going to get married and we did (on our 89 day) but when the day ended he told me he regretted of what we did. I could not feel more devastated so I decided it was time for me to leave, my parents paid my ticket (cause all the savings were gone) and I returned to my country after 3 days. When I got my ticket, he asked me not to leave so I did not; the next day he wanted me to leave so I just returned to my country. All his emotional instability was just hurting me.

I had no home, no job and my heart was broken. After a week, he called me and said he wanted us to be together and that we would do all the paperwork for us to be together, I couldn't feel happier. This got me so strong, I started to work and save money and within a month I prepared our forms and 1st package for the cr1 and mailed it to him. Spent a lonely X-mas but I had hopes that our marriage would work, I asked him to come visit but he never did. We were ready to file but he started having doubts again and giving excuses for not sending the package. After the 3rd month, he told me he did not want to hurt my feelings but this was not going to work. I guess it was just not meant to be.

After that 3rd month, we did not speak anymore so I asked him to file for divorce. It's gonna be almost a year and he has given me several excuses: no time, no money, not sure he wants to divorce, etc.

I talked with his relatives and I found out he has been dating other woman while we were waiting for the K1 and another woman after I returned. I have not told him anything about this and tried to avoid arguments cause it only hurts, I have told him I only want to get divorced and that I don't understand why he would not file for divorce, I told him I don't want any papers (cause he keeps offering to get my green card), I told him I don't want any money or material things but I still don't understand why he would keep us married when there's no real marriage. He even asks if I have another man or another American waiting for me (I guess his doubts were just other women).

I saved some money and I'd file for divorce if I knew how to do it from here and how much it would cost me. I just want to finish with this nightmare.

1- Will this have any impact if I ever want to apply for b1/b2 visa? Do I need to be divorced to apply for b1/b2 visa?

2- Why would he want to stay married if he is dating other women? What reasons could he have? Taxes?

Your Money

[Tim/Mav 305]

Like many of you. I read this post several times and feel for this situation. When trust is gone, love is gone. I don't have the answers. I just think its a shame. Maybe someone can give the OP advice since I'm not qualified to do so.

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

i think true love is never gone if there was love, it would still be love, but there's none from his part.

i agree with Barbara...i think he wants your money...

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Hi, since no one address your question, I will. I order to obtain a divorce in the state that you resided in, you should contact a divorce lawyer and work with him. Some states have different requirements and it would be hard for us on VJ to give you accurate advise.

Try googling a divorce lawyer in his state and start there. Good luck.

[john_and_marlene 162]

Can you not obtain a divorce in your country? There's no law that requires you to divorce in the same place you were married.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

A divorce in your home country will dissolve the marriage. At the most you might want to contact the Clerk of the Circuit Court (where your US marriage is registered) and ask them if there is a way to notify them of the overseas divorce but that usually is not required.

Edited September 12, 2011 by Bob 4 Anna

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I saved some money and I’d file for divorce if I knew how to do it from here and how much it would cost me. I just want to finish with this nightmare.

1- Will this have any impact if I ever want to apply for b1/b2 visa? Do I need to be divorced to apply for b1/b2 visa?

2- Why would he want to stay married if he is dating other women? What reasons could he have? Taxes?

I have a question first. Are you from the Philippines? If not then file for the divorce in your own country. You don't need him to file for you, nor do you need to file in the US.

1. It might. It can be difficult to get a B2 visa if you're married to an American. There will be a strong suspicion that you might try to use the non-immigrant visa to come to the US and adjust status to become an immigrant. US consulates try to prevent people from intentionally using a non-immigrant visa to immigrate.

2. If he doesn't have much income then he wouldn't get much of a tax benefit by filing as married. I think it's more likely he's concerned about the expense of getting a divorce. Attorneys are very expensive. He might also be worried that he's going to be ordered to pay you money or split his assets with you. It's extremely unlikely the court would order this, but it's a common misconception in the US that an ex-wife always gets half of everything.

[markelsa71 4]

I think he has serious mental problem..1 min he loves you then next min he don't care.as i am reading your story I know there's something wrong with this guy!

[K&E2009 71]

We met on March 2009 and we decided it was worth to try a long distance relationship; things seemed to work fine so we decided the next step would be the k1. While waiting for the k1, we agreed to get everything arranged so I could move right away after getting my visa. As his financial situation was not good at that time, I started sending part of my savings to him, I sold my house and when I got my visa I quit my job.

Before going to the States, he told me he had some fears about marriage but we still agreed we wanted to try and be together cause of our love. On July 2010, I traveled to the States taking the rest of my savings and realized that his fears were more than that, before we got married, he got worse about it and it just broke my heart. One day he would love me with all his heart and forever and the next day he would not want anything.

He asked me to be patient because he was not sure if he wanted to make the next step or not, he still took me to get my SSN and still continued with the wedding arrangements. I tried to be as patient as I could and even offered to return to my country after the first month just to give him time to think about it but he did not want me to leave. Every time we would talk about me leaving the States, he would get sad and we would both cry.

One day he came home and said he was sure about it and we were going to get married and we did (on our 89 day) but when the day ended he told me he regretted of what we did. I could not feel more devastated so I decided it was time for me to leave, my parents paid my ticket (cause all the savings were gone) and I returned to my country after 3 days. When I got my ticket, he asked me not to leave so I did not; the next day he wanted me to leave so I just returned to my country. All his emotional instability was just hurting me.

I had no home, no job and my heart was broken. After a week, he called me and said he wanted us to be together and that we would do all the paperwork for us to be together, I couldn’t feel happier. This got me so strong, I started to work and save money and within a month I prepared our forms and 1st package for the cr1 and mailed it to him. Spent a lonely X-mas but I had hopes that our marriage would work, I asked him to come visit but he never did. We were ready to file but he started having doubts again and giving excuses for not sending the package. After the 3rd month, he told me he did not want to hurt my feelings but this was not going to work. I guess it was just not meant to be.

After that 3rd month, we did not speak anymore so I asked him to file for divorce. It’s gonna be almost a year and he has given me several excuses: no time, no money, not sure he wants to divorce, etc.

I talked with his relatives and I found out he has been dating other woman while we were waiting for the K1 and another woman after I returned. I have not told him anything about this and tried to avoid arguments cause it only hurts, I have told him I only want to get divorced and that I don’t understand why he would not file for divorce, I told him I don’t want any papers (cause he keeps offering to get my green card), I told him I don’t want any money or material things but I still don’t understand why he would keep us married when there’s no real marriage. He even asks if I have another man or another American waiting for me (I guess his doubts were just other women).

I saved some money and I’d file for divorce if I knew how to do it from here and how much it would cost me. I just want to finish with this nightmare.

1- Will this have any impact if I ever want to apply for b1/b2 visa? Do I need to be divorced to apply for b1/b2 visa?

2- Why would he want to stay married if he is dating other women? What reasons could he have? Taxes?

He sounds like a :ranting:

[Justine+David 218]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like he doesn't deserve you and that he needs a lot of growing up to do.

[Laura2011 0]

Your Money

Well, all of my money is gone, I guess money just comes and goes.. I have worked all of my life thinking I'd do anything for love and I did.. I have no regrets for giving myself unconditionally, I just feel stupid that I fell for someone who did not appreciate all this love.

There's no money left so I still wonder what's wrong with this man

[hikergirl 277]

Well, all of my money is gone, I guess money just comes and goes.. I have worked all of my life thinking I'd do anything for love and I did.. I have no regrets for giving myself unconditionally, I just feel stupid that I fell for someone who did not appreciate all this love.

There's no money left so I still wonder what's wrong with this man

I have no doubt that it's him. Please don't give up hope because there are good men out there! And karma has a way of biting guys like him in the butt. Once you get your divorce, put him behind you and face forward and try not to look back and wonder.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Well, all of my money is gone, I guess money just comes and goes.. I have worked all of my life thinking I'd do anything for love and I did.. I have no regrets for giving myself unconditionally, I just feel stupid that I fell for someone who did not appreciate all this love.

There's no money left so I still wonder what's wrong with this man

Nobody can even tell you what's wrong with him for sure. Could be he's scared, could be he's an a*shole, could be he's addicted to sex, could be he's addicted to actually doing something interesting (filing for a visa is something *interesting*), could be many things, don't try an analyze him. Just know you did nothing wrong, you tried, and move on.

What country are you from? That will affect the advice regarding your divorce.

[Laura2011 0]

I have a question first. Are you from the Philippines? If not then file for the divorce in your own country. You don't need him to file for you, nor do you need to file in the US.

1. It might. It can be difficult to get a B2 visa if you're married to an American. There will be a strong suspicion that you might try to use the non-immigrant visa to come to the US and adjust status to become an immigrant. US consulates try to prevent people from intentionally using a non-immigrant visa to immigrate.

2. If he doesn't have much income then he wouldn't get much of a tax benefit by filing as married. I think it's more likely he's concerned about the expense of getting a divorce. Attorneys are very expensive. He might also be worried that he's going to be ordered to pay you money or split his assets with you. It's extremely unlikely the court would order this, but it's a common misconception in the US that an ex-wife always gets half of everything.

Thank you all for your replies. I did not know i could file for the divorce in my country, I'm not from the Philippines, I'm from South America. I guess I'll have to find out how to file for divorce but that's easier than depending on him.

1- With all the experience, the least I want is to go to the States; just thinking about it brings all the memories and the sadness back. I think one day I'll go visit and finally have peace.. knowing that the nightmare is over.

2- Last year he was starting a new business and things were hard but I know this was a good year for his business. I think there are really no assets to split unless he has hidden them from me, anyway I'm not interested in anything but divorce. Sometimes I think he just enjoys to control things, that he is a womanizer and as long as I'm away, it doesnt bother him but you may be right that he may just not want to spend money.