Pregnancy during the process is ridiculous

[SMR 368]

Then get society off the hook and stop socializing stupidity.

Precisely my point.

[LlamaInvasion 76]

I am glad that the people who already have children are disgrunted by the OP's statement. Their kids are here and it's great to hear of their success. Really great. Good for you guys for making it work.

Consider though that some are not as lucky as you and cannot make the best out of a situation that is very risky.

OP: I also think that deciding to get pregnant during the immigration process is stupid. In fact my doctor and I joked about it at my medical. She said I shouldn't get pregnant within 3 months of getting the MMR. I told her I was going to be married for a while before I decided to do that! She said something about wishing all girls were smart enough to do that.

The person who said the OP hasn't had children so cannot comment is ridiculous! Every single person is in that position when they have their first child. No-one ever goes into it with hindsight. Everyone is still allowed opinion on the matter.

As one of the people with a child in this thread, I just wanted to point out: It wasn't the fact that OP is seemingly judging people's decisions in regards to procreation that caused me to leave my 2 cents. It was the fact that OP seemed to assume anyone who gets pregnant at an inopportune time (such as during a visa process) is either dumb as bricks, not using birth control, using it incorrectly, or did it on purpose with the express intent of using it to benefit their visa process. While I'm sure that happens too, those of us who found ourselves in unlikely situations generally try not to judge so harshly.

[SMR 368]

I am glad that the people who already have children are disgrunted by the OP's statement. Their kids are here and it's great to hear of their success. Really great. Good for you guys for making it work.

Consider though that some are not as lucky as you and cannot make the best out of a situation that is very risky.

OP: I also think that deciding to get pregnant during the immigration process is stupid. In fact my doctor and I joked about it at my medical. She said I shouldn't get pregnant within 3 months of getting the MMR. I told her I was going to be married for a while before I decided to do that! She said something about wishing all girls were smart enough to do that.

I think the OP has a fine point if the comment had been contained to talking about people that get pregnant during the process and particularly to those that think being pregnant should allow them special treatment. But the OP further pontificated and implied that people who have children can't put enough time into their relationship. That's presumptuous and ignorant.

The person who said the OP hasn't had children so cannot comment is ridiculous! Every single person is in that position when they have their first child. No-one ever goes into it with hindsight. Everyone is still allowed opinion on the matter.

The OP made statements as to the quality of the time that the spouses can spend together after having a kid. Anyone without a kid is completely unqualified to comment on that subject. You don't know what a kid will do to your relationship with your spouse until you have a kid. Moreover, you shouldn't presume to even speculate about what having a kid does to someone else's relationship.

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

I think the OP has a fine point if the comment had been contained to talking about people that get pregnant during the process and particularly to those that think being pregnant should allow them special treatment. But the OP further pontificated and implied that people who have children can't put enough time into their relationship. That's presumptuous and ignorant.

The OP made statements as to the quality of the time that the spouses can spend together after having a kid. Anyone without a kid is completely unqualified to comment on that subject. You don't know what a kid will do to your relationship with your spouse until you have a kid. Moreover, you shouldn't presume to even speculate about what having a kid does to someone else's relationship.

agree to that. and to whoever says a kid can bring problems in the couple well hear this. me and my future husband lost a baby this year because of an unfortunate ectopic pregnancy i had to take out and that hurt our relationship for a while MORE than any baby crying at 2am would. as for the time i'll be able to spend with him after we finally manage to get pregnant, i gotta say that im lucky i have a mom in law who would LOVE to spend time with the little one and give us some time to breathe. both the baby and the relationship should be on first place, not one on first place and one on second place

[xxdreamer 1]

I have a one year old, and another on the way. I live a good life with my fiance and daughter. He makes enough to support us. I got to college and We dont depend on the government and definately not on anyone else. My boyfriend is turning eighteen soon. Some might say he's TOO young, but considering hes given me my own place to live, a brand new car, and all the luxury I could have; Im not complaining.

We planned our first child. We werent even considering doing the Visa process, til later. But considering we have an advantage since he has the chance to leave before accumulating any illegal presence, we're taking the chance NOW. We know how hard the process will be, being apart but Im not much worried about the expenses. Luckily we have enough money saved up. (sure its not gonna last forever, but it will for the whole process) We've been smart since the beginning of our relationship. I dont think OPs comment applies to me, but just saying.

Being in love is fun. One likes to have freedom from kids and have fun with their partner, but I dont regret a single desicion I have made in my life. I love my daughters and I love my fiance. We spend so much time together. I cant be selfish. We always try to find things to do that include our young one. Luckily I have an amazing mother who takes the time to watch her a couple of nights so we can have some alone time. Having a kid, doesnt ruin much. It only makes things better; at least for me.

[EminTX 131]

I think it is interesting that no one has mentioned age as a factor. I am 40. Every minute is a tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick for us. We are not kids, nor even "young adults". If we are here, in the US together, the time to begin trying is NOW. But, we are not. Every cycle means the odds are much less. No woman in my family (that I know of) has ever been pregnant after 38.

FYI-Statistic: A women at 30 has 50% of the same chance of pregnancy as a woman at 25.

Every 5 years pretty much halves a woman's chances. At 45, the odds are low enough that if a couple wants a child by that point, they need to START with an infertility medical workup.

For us, if he can't (for whatever reason) be here with me, then we will live together there. Would that suck? Maybe. Maybe not. Would it be completely worth it to turn my life upside down to go and be with him, of course. He is worth it. And he is absolutely willing to do that for me, so it is only fair that I offer the same, if need be. If we do have a child, that child is part of the package-deal.

Anyone who assumes that the child would grow up without both parents is assuming that couples who are filing the K-1 don't actually have serious enough commitments to be together and it is very telling about the writer's own commitments to his/her future spouse.

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

The OP made statements as to the quality of the time that the spouses can spend together after having a kid. Anyone without a kid is completely unqualified to comment on that subject. You don't know what a kid will do to your relationship with your spouse until you have a kid. Moreover, you shouldn't presume to even speculate about what having a kid does to someone else's relationship.

I agree with you here.

You seem reflective and I appreciate that. Some are not so.

I moved in with my sister just before she had my nephew and I lived there for 4months to help out. She was a single mother. I have seen how hard it is to have a baby. I think I have a realistic expectation of what it will be like to have a child. I am under no illusions of fairy tales and fun and I am glad of it. I know it will take a strong relationship and selflessness. Some people have no idea. Of course it is a wonderful blessing to have a child and one day I will if I am lucky. But I think the reason that it's so rewarding is that you put in more work than you've even put into anything in your life. The start of a marriage seems like a crazy time to choose to do that...especially for people who have never lived together.

I personally plan to build a support network here in the US before we decide to have kids. And be married for a while. Why rush?

[KittyPollitt 284]

I think it is interesting that no one has mentioned age as a factor. I am 40. Every minute is a tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick for us. We are not kids, nor even "young adults". If we are here, in the US together, the time to begin trying is NOW. But, we are not. Every cycle means the odds are much less. No woman in my family (that I know of) has ever been pregnant after 38.

FYI-Statistic: A women at 30 has 50% of the same chance of pregnancy as a woman at 25.

Every 5 years pretty much halves a woman's chances. At 45, the odds are low enough that if a couple wants a child by that point, they need to START with an infertility medical workup.

For us, if he can't (for whatever reason) be here with me, then we will live together there. Would that suck? Maybe. Maybe not. Would it be completely worth it to turn my life upside down to go and be with him, of course. He is worth it. And he is absolutely willing to do that for me, so it is only fair that I offer the same, if need be. If we do have a child, that child is part of the package-deal.

Anyone who assumes that the child would grow up without both parents is assuming that couples who are filing the K-1 don't actually have serious enough commitments to be together and it is very telling about the writer's own commitments to his/her future spouse.

My reasoning exactly.