Update on the denial

[Together4ever 1]

I also think it's a disservice to others who are now panicking that their cases will be denied. If you think you're gonna be ridiculed then you know something doesn't seem right in the first place. Sorry but I gotta be honest here.

Jabree, could you tell us why you can't visit your significant other?

See, this is the annoying part of this game. She's stated publically flat out that she will NOT detail her reasons, so as not to be ridiculed. So then everyone speculates on what the reason is, and all the possible solutions to all the possible reasons. It's ridiculous, and unfair to VJers.

If she wants support and prayers, there are emails and private messages, or public postings with LESS detail than she's put out. If you're not going to talk about it, don't bring it up. People here are naturally helpful and want to find solutions--I think it's an insult, the way it's been approached here.

So that makes it excuseable to ridicule someone? THIS is what I don't get. WHY do people assume they deserve to know everything? I understand the informational part, but on the other hand she has every right to edit what information she puts out here... especially considering the level of ridiculing that can go on here sometimes. I know I can say personally no matter what happens at the end of this journey for me, it won't be appearing anywhere on this board for the same reason. I've learned my lesson well.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I also think it's a disservice to others who are now panicking that their cases will be denied. If you think you're gonna be ridiculed then you know something doesn't seem right in the first place. Sorry but I gotta be honest here.

Jabree, could you tell us why you can't visit your significant other?

See, this is the annoying part of this game. She's stated publically flat out that she will NOT detail her reasons, so as not to be ridiculed. So then everyone speculates on what the reason is, and all the possible solutions to all the possible reasons. It's ridiculous, and unfair to VJers.

If she wants support and prayers, there are emails and private messages, or public postings with LESS detail than she's put out. If you're not going to talk about it, don't bring it up. People here are naturally helpful and want to find solutions--I think it's an insult, the way it's been approached here.

So that makes it excuseable to ridicule someone? THIS is what I don't get. WHY do people assume they deserve to know everything? I understand the informational part, but on the other hand she has every right to edit what information she puts out here... especially considering the level of ridiculing that can go on here sometimes. I know I can say personally no matter what happens at the end of this journey for me, it won't be appearing anywhere on this board for the same reason. I've learned my lesson well.

Who is being ridiculed?

[ya falaha! 0]

No one.

[~kiyah~ 14]

Jabree: I am so sorry for everything you are going through...a denial whether it be on the DHS or DOS side is hard to swallow, no matter the reason.

I can tell you about the research I have done in the past year in regards to denials and the appeal process. Yes, you can hire and pay this attorney to file an appeal for this denial. If this denial is due to not meeting the hardship requirment for meeting in person within 2 years, statistics do show that not only can this appeal take up to several years, but statistics do show that the appeal will most likely be denied.

Now, if this is the reason for the denial, you really need to sit and think about this:

1. Are you (and your fiance) willing to go through the financial and emotional roller coaster of filing an appeal which will most likely be denied? This process is stressful enough on any strong relationship for those of us who not only have met their SO in person several times but have been together for years.

The cost of what it will take to fly you to Egypt to be with your fiance is much less than the cost of hiring an attorney and fighting this denial with an appeal.

2. I do not know anything about you or the relationship you have with your fiance, how long you have known each other, etc. I can tell you this...I would never file a visa petition for a man I have not met in person, let alone not knowing for sure how he will really be with me, if the love is real, etc.

You are much better off meeting him Jabree face to face...you need to know how he is with you in person, whether the chemistry is really there or not. If you really do love each other after meeting in person, then you file again.

If it is flying you fear, then you need to weigh out what matters more...the love you have for him and the need to be together, or the security of knowing your feet are on solid ground.

Whatever the reason is for not meeting in person you should weigh your pros and cons...you will find the strength to do what is right for you.

I have had my own problems with this process, and it does wear you down alot, it takes a toll on your relationship like you would not believe. What ever you decide is your business, I do wish you much luck and pray that everything works out for you.

~Kiyah~

[meauxna 15]

I also think it's a disservice to others who are now panicking that their cases will be denied. If you think you're gonna be ridiculed then you know something doesn't seem right in the first place. Sorry but I gotta be honest here.

Jabree, could you tell us why you can't visit your significant other?

See, this is the annoying part of this game. She's stated publically flat out that she will NOT detail her reasons, so as not to be ridiculed. So then everyone speculates on what the reason is, and all the possible solutions to all the possible reasons. It's ridiculous, and unfair to VJers.

If she wants support and prayers, there are emails and private messages, or public postings with LESS detail than she's put out. If you're not going to talk about it, don't bring it up. People here are naturally helpful and want to find solutions--I think it's an insult, the way it's been approached here.

So that makes it excuseable to ridicule someone? THIS is what I don't get. WHY do people assume they deserve to know everything? I understand the informational part, but on the other hand she has every right to edit what information she puts out here... especially considering the level of ridiculing that can go on here sometimes. I know I can say personally no matter what happens at the end of this journey for me, it won't be appearing anywhere on this board for the same reason. I've learned my lesson well.

How did you conclude that from the posts you're quoting?

People don't deserve to know bupkus. *I* think it's distracting, harmful, stupid, whatever to post "I got denied, for a damn good reason, which I disagree with, and I want you all to support me and my reasoning but I'm not going to tell you what my reasoning it".

And, WHO is ridiculing? That is what she is *worried will happen*, not what has happened.

I've been able to post all my immigration related steps and tips here and there over the past 4 years; I don't know what would keep you from doing the same.

I did not post my every thought bubble, giggle and squeak, and I don't know what would keep you from doing the same (while still being helpful, supportive to others AND gaining important info that benefits your own case).

Jabree: I am so sorry for everything you are going through...a denial whether it be on the DHS or DOS side is hard to swallow, no matter the reason.

Kiya, not picking at you individually, but I don't understand the above sentiment, and I am sort of picking at that.

This denial was a foregone conclusion; jabree was told this many times. If she expected *anything* else, that was unreasonable, IMO.

I'm sorry that she doesn't have a backup plan, I'm sorry that she's going to spin her wheels with appeals and lawyers in a (presumably) fruitless pursuit. I'm sorry that she's in love and can't see the object of her affections.

[ya falaha! 0]

Very well said, Kiya.

My husband and I knew each other about 1.5 years before we met in person. We had talked about marriage for awhile but didn't know when. He told me that it was a must that I meet his family and get their approval before we could marry. He said that he wanted me to know everything about him and his life before I made a final decision on whether or not I really wanted to be his wife. We've been "together" for two years now, alhamdulillah..married for nearly 8 months.

Jabree, Kiya is right...not only would it be less expensive to go to Egypt and meet you fiance in person it would help your case greatly. Not to mention the peace of mind of knowing where he comes from and meeting his family. Family is so very important in Egypt. How awful would it be if he came here and you found he wasn't the man you thought he was? I think that would be a greater heartache.

Jabree: I am so sorry for everything you are going through...a denial whether it be on the DHS or DOS side is hard to swallow, no matter the reason.

I can tell you about the research I have done in the past year in regards to denials and the appeal process. Yes, you can hire and pay this attorney to file an appeal for this denial. If this denial is due to not meeting the hardship requirment for meeting in person within 2 years, statistics do show that not only can this appeal take up to several years, but statistics do show that the appeal will most likely be denied.

Now, if this is the reason for the denial, you really need to sit and think about this:

1. Are you (and your fiance) willing to go through the financial and emotional roller coaster of filing an appeal which will most likely be denied? This process is stressful enough on any strong relationship for those of us who not only have met their SO in person several times but have been together for years.

The cost of what it will take to fly you to Egypt to be with your fiance is much less than the cost of hiring an attorney and fighting this denial with an appeal.

2. I do not know anything about you or the relationship you have with your fiance, how long you have known each other, etc. I can tell you this...I would never file a visa petition for a man I have not met in person, let alone not knowing for sure how he will really be with me, if the love is real, etc.

You are much better off meeting him Jabree face to face...you need to know how he is with you in person, whether the chemistry is really there or not. If you really do love each other after meeting in person, then you file again.

If it is flying you fear, then you need to weigh out what matters more...the love you have for him and the need to be together, or the security of knowing your feet are on solid ground.

Whatever the reason is for not meeting in person you should weigh your pros and cons...you will find the strength to do what is right for you.

I have had my own problems with this process, and it does wear you down alot, it takes a toll on your relationship like you would not believe. What ever you decide is your business, I do wish you much luck and pray that everything works out for you.

~Kiyah~

Edited September 21, 2006 by moody

[~kiyah~ 14]

I also think it's a disservice to others who are now panicking that their cases will be denied. If you think you're gonna be ridiculed then you know something doesn't seem right in the first place. Sorry but I gotta be honest here.

Jabree, could you tell us why you can't visit your significant other?

See, this is the annoying part of this game. She's stated publically flat out that she will NOT detail her reasons, so as not to be ridiculed. So then everyone speculates on what the reason is, and all the possible solutions to all the possible reasons. It's ridiculous, and unfair to VJers.

If she wants support and prayers, there are emails and private messages, or public postings with LESS detail than she's put out. If you're not going to talk about it, don't bring it up. People here are naturally helpful and want to find solutions--I think it's an insult, the way it's been approached here.

So that makes it excuseable to ridicule someone? THIS is what I don't get. WHY do people assume they deserve to know everything? I understand the informational part, but on the other hand she has every right to edit what information she puts out here... especially considering the level of ridiculing that can go on here sometimes. I know I can say personally no matter what happens at the end of this journey for me, it won't be appearing anywhere on this board for the same reason. I've learned my lesson well.

How did you conclude that from the posts you're quoting?

People don't deserve to know bupkus. *I* think it's distracting, harmful, stupid, whatever to post "I got denied, for a damn good reason, which I disagree with, and I want you all to support me and my reasoning but I'm not going to tell you what my reasoning it".

And, WHO is ridiculing? That is what she is *worried will happen*, not what has happened.

I've been able to post all my immigration related steps and tips here and there over the past 4 years; I don't know what would keep you from doing the same.

I did not post my every thought bubble, giggle and squeak, and I don't know what would keep you from doing the same (while still being helpful, supportive to others AND gaining important info that benefits your own case).

Jabree: I am so sorry for everything you are going through...a denial whether it be on the DHS or DOS side is hard to swallow, no matter the reason.

Kiya, not picking at you individually, but I don't understand the above sentiment, and I am sort of picking at that.

This denial was a foregone conclusion; jabree was told this many times. If she expected *anything* else, that was unreasonable, IMO.

I'm sorry that she doesn't have a backup plan, I'm sorry that she's going to spin her wheels with appeals and lawyers in a (presumably) fruitless pursuit. I'm sorry that she's in love and can't see the object of her affections.

No, I know you're not picking at me personally meauxna. Not everyone makes the right or even a fully informed decision.

Even if the wrong decision is made that ends with a negative result such as this...I am still sorry for it, it still hurts to go through a denial, even if you knew or thought it was probably coming your way. It is still tough to deal with it regardless of the circumstances.

~Kiyah~

[jordanianprincess 0]

I think its definitly tough to deal with a denial regardless of the reason or whose fault it is. But we have all been around VJ long enough to know this is not a place of lollypops and rainbows too. I think its unfair to say anyone has been ridiculed in this thread. People have given some very good and sound advice and after that is what this place is for, immigration advice. Even if its not what you want to hear or what you were expecting, its better to know upfront.

There has been many debates on this forum about people being nicer and more supportive. I think it all comes down to what you need as a person. For myself, I would prefer to know the facts so that I can make more informed decisions, even if its not what I want to hear. There is no better form of support than this. What I find absoulutly amazing is that the same people who complain so much about this fourm, keep coming back. If something makes you so unhappy then why do you even participate, we are all adults. YES, we are all adults, and I don't think any one of us needs another member to tell us what is right and wrong. We are all entitled to state our opinions and you don't like it, then just skip over it. I think there is too much "mothering" going on here. No one forces anyone to make a thread about their experiances, if you decide to do so, you do it at the risk of recieving a variety of opinions and variations.

This board has helped me tremendously in making some of my immigration based decisions. Even when sometimes I don't like what people have said, later on it does start to register.

Jabree, I hope you take the advice you have recieved on this thread to heart. I think alot of it will help you tremendously with your journey. I don't think anyone is ridiculing you, eveyone just wants to help you.

[meauxna 15]

There has been many debates on this forum about people being nicer and more supportive. I think it all comes down to what you need as a person. For myself, I would prefer to know the facts so that I can make more informed decisions, even if its not what I want to hear. There is no better form of support than this.

It is still tough to deal with it regardless of the circumstances.

And you're absolutely right, Kiya, you and JP both note this. It would have been more sensitive of me to acknowledge that, so thank you.

[jordanianprincess 0]

There has been many debates on this forum about people being nicer and more supportive. I think it all comes down to what you need as a person. For myself, I would prefer to know the facts so that I can make more informed decisions, even if its not what I want to hear. There is no better form of support than this.

It is still tough to deal with it regardless of the circumstances.

And you're absolutely right, Kiya, you and JP both note this. It would have been more sensitive of me to acknowledge that, so thank you.

To be honest Meaxana, I don't think that you said otherwise. Its a given that it is hard, we all know that. Its a known fact that filing under hardship is like looking for a needle in a haystack. I don't think there is one person on VJ that isn't sympathetic to this, but saying your are sorry for what happened is not constructive advice. Its nice to hear but I would assume that the reason people have joined this immigration forum for advice and facts and not just well-wishing. I am not calling you out and I agree with everything you said.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows... sorry you made me think of this song I used to sing and dance to it when I was 7.

I don't think anyone is being ridiculed, just the usual taking things personally and being far too dramatic about everything. Kiya, JP, Moody, and Mex- I like your posts, they make sense.

[Caladan 19]

I think the only thing that could be construed as insensitive were the comments that implied 'gah, why did you even bother applying?' But even so, hardship waivers are nigh impossible to get, and I don't think anyone meant to ridicule.

jabree, I hope you two manage to meet in person. I agree with the previous posters who have noted that it's very hard to have a relationship that has a chance without meeting in person. My fiancé and I chatted for thirteen months before we met in person, and while I knew all the 'details' about him, being able to hear his voice in person, see his face, read his body language, see how he got on with my friends & family.... well, knowing all the nonverbal communication meant more than all the phone calls in the world.

I don't know why you can't fly. Some here seem to think that it's because of a fear of flying, and that sucks. I'm pretty much a basket case every time I fly, but I do it. Maybe a friend or relative could go with you to help calm your fears?

[rebeccajo 14]

I was just PM'ing with a good friend of mine here - we were talking about the journeys some people have taken to be with their SO. My friend mentioned a particularly amazing story....

There's a young woman in the UK forum who is 18 years old and has a form of muscular dystrophy. Her fiance in the US also has the disease - they met in a forum for people stricken with this condition.

They were able to meet face to face 15 months ago. She traveled to the US with her motorized wheelchair and all her meds. After going back home he filed the K1 for her. Because travel is difficult for her, she arranged to have her medical and interview on the same day in London. Quite a bit of running about even for a healthy person. She had to hire a medical ambulance to drive her to London (at the cost of nearly $1500). They first took her to the embassy for the interview, where she was approved pending her medical results. Because she had to wait past her scheduled appointment time at the consulate she was nearly late for her medical.

Imagine having limited mobility and being only 17 and flying to the US to meet a man you think you might love. Then in order to be his wife, hiring a very expensive car to take you to one of the largest cities in the world, and rush about like a mad person all day long. Then get yourself back home.

A lot of us admire Fiona. If she can travel to meet her man so she can file, my friend and I reckon about anybody can. Not to mention what she put herself through in London to get the visa.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I was just PM'ing with a good friend of mine here - we were talking about the journeys some people have taken to be with their SO. My friend mentioned a particularly amazing story....

There's a young woman in the UK forum who is 18 years old and has a form of muscular dystrophy. Her fiance in the US also has the disease - they met in a forum for people stricken with this condition.

They were able to meet face to face 15 months ago. She traveled to the US with her motorized wheelchair and all her meds. After going back home he filed the K1 for her. Because travel is difficult for her, she arranged to have her medical and interview on the same day in London. Quite a bit of running about even for a healthy person. She had to hire a medical ambulance to drive her to London (at the cost of nearly $1500). They first took her to the embassy for the interview, where she was approved pending her medical results. Because she had to wait past her scheduled appointment time at the consulate she was nearly late for her medical.

Imagine having limited mobility and being only 17 and flying to the US to meet a man you think you might love. Then in order to be his wife, hiring a very expensive car to take you to one of the largest cities in the world, and rush about like a mad person all day long. Then get yourself back home.

A lot of us admire Fiona. If she can travel to meet her man so she can file, my friend and I reckon about anybody can. Not to mention what she put herself through in London to get the visa.

I saw her post about how both her and her fiance are sick and yes you are right she was very brave and I admire her a lot for making things work even with such a huge disadvantage. Although I don't think we'll know why Jabree can't go over there I agree with the others who say she should try to do anything she can to make the trip.

[AngelK96 0]

Sorry about the denial Jabree. Good Luck in whatever road you decide to take