Update on the denial

[homesick_american 1]

So the usual judgemental VJ crud has taken over yet another thread. Its so easy when it's NOT YOU, isn't it? But hey, makes a person all feel snuggly warm that he/she are always better in their views then some poor sod who obviously has no clue, eh?

We're all adults on this board, we've all been through so many scenarios in our minds. What works for one may not for another for whatever reason isn't even any of our business, so all the hot air is just ego stroking and not advice giving as you may like to label it. Folks suffer enough stress and anxiety in this process without this fluff. It's a shame really. All the helpful information gets lost in the inevitable muck.

(flame away... as is the VJ style.)

Just_waiting, I think there's a difference between regular applicants and the ones in this situation. I think it's completely unrealistic for them to expect the US to issue him a visa when they have not met face-to-face. If her problem is a fear of flying, I can sympathize...I myself have suffered from a severe flying phobia for years...but it did not stop me from visiting my SO when I still lived in the US (we now both live in the UK). My love for him was greater than my fear of flying. To me, being afraid to fly is not a good enough excuse.

I don't see why she can't just visit him, fear of flying or not. I think it's clear that she will probably have to, since the government isn't going to just let him come over on a K1 unless she does. Plus, what if they meet and decide they don't like each other after all? It may sound silly, but I had a friend in college who 'fell in love' with a guy online. They 'loved' each other online for 7 months until he visited over spring break, and the relationship fizzled within 3 days. That's not the only time I've seen that happen. I fully believe that people CAN fall in love online sight unseen because I have seen it happen, but I also know that it does not always work out...and I think it is extremely important for them to meet for this reason, even without the US government's requirements.

I don't think I'm being harsh at all, just realistic.

[john_and_marlene 162]

If you fear flying, take a boat.

[wileastmot 0]

My thoughts go to you. I hope you are able to work everything out.

[Welshcookie 17]

So the usual judgemental VJ crud has taken over yet another thread. Its so easy when it's NOT YOU, isn't it? But hey, makes a person all feel snuggly warm that he/she are always better in their views then some poor sod who obviously has no clue, eh?

We're all adults on this board, we've all been through so many scenarios in our minds. What works for one may not for another for whatever reason isn't even any of our business, so all the hot air is just ego stroking and not advice giving as you may like to label it. Folks suffer enough stress and anxiety in this process without this fluff. It's a shame really. All the helpful information gets lost in the inevitable muck.

(flame away... as is the VJ style.)

personally I haven't seen people being judgmental....just realistic.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I don't get why he can't just visit America.

Because an unmarried Egyptian male has a snowballs chance in hell of getting a visitor's visa, unless he's part of the top .01% of society.

[Ban Hammer 13,275]

I don't get why he can't just visit America.

Because an unmarried Egyptian male has a snowballs chance in hell of getting a visitor's visa, unless he's part of the top .01% of society.

exactly! each country has a perception about them. trying to get nessa here on a visitor visa stood just slightly more of a chance. i can't even imagine how difficult it would be for a male from the middle east trying to come here on a tourist visa.

[Fandango 1,439]

The govt has this proviso for a reason....how can you marry someone you've never met? Seriously, it baffles my mind.

[Together4ever 1]

So the usual judgemental VJ crud has taken over yet another thread. Its so easy when it's NOT YOU, isn't it? But hey, makes a person all feel snuggly warm that he/she are always better in their views then some poor sod who obviously has no clue, eh?

We're all adults on this board, we've all been through so many scenarios in our minds. What works for one may not for another for whatever reason isn't even any of our business, so all the hot air is just ego stroking and not advice giving as you may like to label it. Folks suffer enough stress and anxiety in this process without this fluff. It's a shame really. All the helpful information gets lost in the inevitable muck.

(flame away... as is the VJ style.)

Just_waiting, I think there's a difference between regular applicants and the ones in this situation. I think it's completely unrealistic for them to expect the US to issue him a visa when they have not met face-to-face. If her problem is a fear of flying, I can sympathize...I myself have suffered from a severe flying phobia for years...but it did not stop me from visiting my SO when I still lived in the US (we now both live in the UK). My love for him was greater than my fear of flying. To me, being afraid to fly is not a good enough excuse.

I don't see why she can't just visit him, fear of flying or not. I think it's clear that she will probably have to, since the government isn't going to just let him come over on a K1 unless she does. Plus, what if they meet and decide they don't like each other after all? It may sound silly, but I had a friend in college who 'fell in love' with a guy online. They 'loved' each other online for 7 months until he visited over spring break, and the relationship fizzled within 3 days. That's not the only time I've seen that happen. I fully believe that people CAN fall in love online sight unseen because I have seen it happen, but I also know that it does not always work out...and I think it is extremely important for them to meet for this reason, even without the US government's requirements.

I don't think I'm being harsh at all, just realistic.

If you were in the middle of all the emotions of a denial... I'll bet you would read your thread with different eyes. No matter. I'm sure she has asked herself these questions all a million times.

I understand as well as anyone the need and reason for a couple to meet face to face. Its far too easy to build a fantasy around someone that isn't always accurate without actually seeing the reality first hand. I also think, especially given the differences in culture in a circumstance like this one (and mine), getting an understanding of your SO's homeland and customs are terribly important to building a strong foundation for a marriage. You can't get that over the internet/telephone. However, I still don't feel it necessary to sit and pick her apart for her situation. You never really know until you stand in someone's shoes.

I'm just a bit sensitive at the insensivity on this board lately. Not aimed at anyone directly, I just really feel for people sometimes when I read the comments of others but I guess "support" comes in may wrappers.

[Fandango 1,439]

So the usual judgemental VJ crud has taken over yet another thread. Its so easy when it's NOT YOU, isn't it? But hey, makes a person all feel snuggly warm that he/she are always better in their views then some poor sod who obviously has no clue, eh?

We're all adults on this board, we've all been through so many scenarios in our minds. What works for one may not for another for whatever reason isn't even any of our business, so all the hot air is just ego stroking and not advice giving as you may like to label it. Folks suffer enough stress and anxiety in this process without this fluff. It's a shame really. All the helpful information gets lost in the inevitable muck.

(flame away... as is the VJ style.)

Just_waiting, I think there's a difference between regular applicants and the ones in this situation. I think it's completely unrealistic for them to expect the US to issue him a visa when they have not met face-to-face. If her problem is a fear of flying, I can sympathize...I myself have suffered from a severe flying phobia for years...but it did not stop me from visiting my SO when I still lived in the US (we now both live in the UK). My love for him was greater than my fear of flying. To me, being afraid to fly is not a good enough excuse.

I don't see why she can't just visit him, fear of flying or not. I think it's clear that she will probably have to, since the government isn't going to just let him come over on a K1 unless she does. Plus, what if they meet and decide they don't like each other after all? It may sound silly, but I had a friend in college who 'fell in love' with a guy online. They 'loved' each other online for 7 months until he visited over spring break, and the relationship fizzled within 3 days. That's not the only time I've seen that happen. I fully believe that people CAN fall in love online sight unseen because I have seen it happen, but I also know that it does not always work out...and I think it is extremely important for them to meet for this reason, even without the US government's requirements.

I don't think I'm being harsh at all, just realistic.

If you were in the middle of all the emotions of a denial... I'll bet you would read your thread with different eyes. No matter. I'm sure she has asked herself these questions all a million times.

I understand as well as anyone the need and reason for a couple to meet face to face. Its far too easy to build a fantasy around someone that isn't always accurate without actually seeing the reality first hand. I also think, especially given the differences in culture in a circumstance like this one (and mine), getting an understanding of your SO's homeland and customs are terribly important to building a strong foundation for a marriage. You can't get that over the internet/telephone. However, I still don't feel it necessary to sit and pick her apart for her situation. You never really know until you stand in someone's shoes.

I'm just a bit sensitive at the insensivity on this board lately. Not aimed at anyone directly, I just really feel for people sometimes when I read the comments of others but I guess "support" comes in may wrappers.

I think you hit the nail on the head with the bit in red. Re read this thread...a majority of the posts are ones of support 'hang in there, thinking of you. etc' The rest...which you call judgemental....are those of realistic solutions. The 'hang in theres' are all well and good, but in order to have a real plan as to where she goes from here, well these responses aren't going to help her at all. Ironically, the posts you deemed as judgemental are the ones who offered the most proactive advise which will help her reunite more quickly with her fiancee.

Especially since (speaking for me) seeing that she just retained a lawyer and is spending hard-earned money to fight a probably losing battle...when she could take the same money and save it and put it towards some means of getting to visit her fiance...well that advice should come sooner rather than later, no? Or wait til she throws away money and then be all 'no don't do that!' totally after the fact?

If you can see that as unsupportive, well then I dunno what to say here.

[Welshcookie 17]

I have just re read the whole thread......all I saw was ppl being supportive and offering good advice....I don't think anyone has 'picked her apart' at all...

[homesick_american 1]

So the usual judgemental VJ crud has taken over yet another thread. Its so easy when it's NOT YOU, isn't it? But hey, makes a person all feel snuggly warm that he/she are always better in their views then some poor sod who obviously has no clue, eh?

We're all adults on this board, we've all been through so many scenarios in our minds. What works for one may not for another for whatever reason isn't even any of our business, so all the hot air is just ego stroking and not advice giving as you may like to label it. Folks suffer enough stress and anxiety in this process without this fluff. It's a shame really. All the helpful information gets lost in the inevitable muck.

(flame away... as is the VJ style.)

Just_waiting, I think there's a difference between regular applicants and the ones in this situation. I think it's completely unrealistic for them to expect the US to issue him a visa when they have not met face-to-face. If her problem is a fear of flying, I can sympathize...I myself have suffered from a severe flying phobia for years...but it did not stop me from visiting my SO when I still lived in the US (we now both live in the UK). My love for him was greater than my fear of flying. To me, being afraid to fly is not a good enough excuse.

I don't see why she can't just visit him, fear of flying or not. I think it's clear that she will probably have to, since the government isn't going to just let him come over on a K1 unless she does. Plus, what if they meet and decide they don't like each other after all? It may sound silly, but I had a friend in college who 'fell in love' with a guy online. They 'loved' each other online for 7 months until he visited over spring break, and the relationship fizzled within 3 days. That's not the only time I've seen that happen. I fully believe that people CAN fall in love online sight unseen because I have seen it happen, but I also know that it does not always work out...and I think it is extremely important for them to meet for this reason, even without the US government's requirements.

I don't think I'm being harsh at all, just realistic.

If you were in the middle of all the emotions of a denial... I'll bet you would read your thread with different eyes. No matter. I'm sure she has asked herself these questions all a million times.

I understand as well as anyone the need and reason for a couple to meet face to face. Its far too easy to build a fantasy around someone that isn't always accurate without actually seeing the reality first hand. I also think, especially given the differences in culture in a circumstance like this one (and mine), getting an understanding of your SO's homeland and customs are terribly important to building a strong foundation for a marriage. You can't get that over the internet/telephone. However, I still don't feel it necessary to sit and pick her apart for her situation. You never really know until you stand in someone's shoes.

I'm just a bit sensitive at the insensivity on this board lately. Not aimed at anyone directly, I just really feel for people sometimes when I read the comments of others but I guess "support" comes in may wrappers.

I think you hit the nail on the head with the bit in red. Re read this thread...a majority of the posts are ones of support 'hang in there, thinking of you. etc' The rest...which you call judgemental....are those of realistic solutions. The 'hang in theres' are all well and good, but in order to have a real plan as to where she goes from here, well these responses aren't going to help her at all. Ironically, the posts you deemed as judgemental are the ones who offered the most proactive advise which will help her reunite more quickly with her fiancee.

Especially since (speaking for me) seeing that she just retained a lawyer and is spending hard-earned money to fight a probably losing battle...when she could take the same money and save it and put it towards some means of getting to visit her fiance...well that advice should come sooner rather than later, no? Or wait til she throws away money and then be all 'no don't do that!' totally after the fact?

If you can see that as unsupportive, well then I dunno what to say here.

I couldn't have put it any better myself, thank you.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Fact: It is very rare for people to get hardship waivers on the "must have met in the last 2 years" thing. Very rare.

Fact: It is a much better use of money to go meet .. doesn't have to be in the Middle East, the meeting can take place anywhere.

Fact: The above two facts are facts and while I feel for people who say they don't have the money to meet, that doesn't change any of the above facts.

Edited September 21, 2006 by Gupt

[rebeccajo 14]

Welshie, what is that critter in your avatar? It kinda looks like WV roadkill..........

[Welshcookie 17]

Welshie, what is that critter in your avatar? It kinda looks like WV roadkill..........

I have no idea....looks like nothing I have ever seen before..

[rebeccajo 14]

Welshie, what is that critter in your avatar? It kinda looks like WV roadkill..........

I have no idea....looks like nothing I have ever seen before..

I see dead possums like that on the road everyday. Except they aren't winking at me.....