My mother in Law & her sister ruining our Marriage

[gehn 0]

Im sure this is sucks!!!this kind of in laws should be hang !!!LOL sorry,sis pls be patient until they file condition for u then if u done and have ur permanent visa ,its ur turn to leave them for good,dont come back here in PI u already there all u need is be strong ,save money dont tell ya hubby,then talk to ur hubby if he wants to come with u to stay away and leave his mom and aunt,if not then no reason for u to stay with him,then if ya already in good condition u can file divorce,hope im already in US that time so i could help u,u can stay with our house and lets find work for u..TC and God bless....its just my opinion.

Wow thats cool..yeah definetely will find job together..thank you so

Much for having time to rePly and read my post..thank you so much

[gehn 0]

This particular quote worries me a little bit... Did they want you here for reasons to work for them? You also need to look a little deeper into the reasons behind the desire to have you here and married to him. If it's really love then understandable but if for any reason you feel they wanted you here to work for them and as you say sometimes they over work you... that is pretty serious along with all the other issues your explaining on here.

I'm very sorrr your enduring this... this is not the typical american family but unfortunately it is what some of them are like. I married and divorced one myself so I can totally understand your delimma.. mine also dealth with verbal and mental abuse until I felt such depression it was horrible. Please don't get to that point.. stand up for yourself and take pride in who you are.

Wish you the best.

Good thing you understand..they abuse me mentally, verbally. And emotionally..honestly im in the situation of giving up..i dont to fight im really tired..;(

[sunshinearizona 21]

Help, im almost one year and next yr is my visa expire good thing i open VJ. And notice that we havent touch any of the requirement esp his auto insurance and health most of it her mOther is the beneficiary and when i told him about it thats it is one of the requirement He just tell me "I'l ask My Aunt.because its like her aunt do all the things for them, even fill up the form..i had a hard time since im not in good terms with her aunt..what if she will sabottage me and tell my husband crazy stuff so i will not remove my condition and fly vack to my country..we are married there.and who my concern to is that what will be my life back home since im married no man will be serious with me.

Her aunt let me pay too for the house its like a rent but she dont want to name it..she said its only for help in the house and when i right it on the check she does not take it she wants cash im just worried since i read in forum that maybe irs or any agency will ask me where my paycheck goes since i pay her 600/month..including the plane ticket, and the processIng fee , reason i got here..my husbnd is us citizen..and she know what her aunts doing but he just cannot do anything to defend me against her aunt

just trying to comprehend your story, my head is spinning..her aunt or mom's aunt? or suppose to be his aunt or his mom??? i'm so sorry....

[ThaitoUSA 15]

Just a few pronoun errors. The OP meant that her husband's aunt controls everything, including the OP removal of conditions.

[piglett 16]

well Gehn after reading all the posts i guess i'll chime in here.

first i'm sure the man you married is a good man .....

however he has been dealing with these crazy people all his life & that is probably why he just does whatever they tell him to do.

now having said that it's still not normal, the people you live with have H-U-G-E control issues !!!!!!!!!!!!

you will need to be very strong

the question i have is how long have you already been in the USA ?

also , are you willing to try something, it mite work & it mite not

i don't really know how many people are living in this mad house with you

however have you tried to do small things that they didn't ask you to do?

you know little things to help them

like bringing a cold drink to your mother inlaw

i know it sounds crazy but these people love playing games .....mind games

so you too can play

just get up one day & put a nice smile on your face

yes it will be fake & you will always know this , but maybe you can in time fool them

use these crazy people to get what you need to get & once your conditions are removed give them another fake smile & pack your bags & go.

if your husband wants to go with you great but i hate to say it but i have to be 100% honest

i don't think he will ever leave these people.

ok enough about that

back to the plan

once you have your fake smile on just start to act like you are the maid

(because that is what these crazy people want from you anyhow)

you know Hollywood has many actors that make a very good living

can you be an actor till your conditions are removed????

i think in the end it will be well well worth it

now if you see any kind of changes in the crazy people (you know them treating you a little better)

then you can really try out your Hollywood acting skills

if you find the aunt & the mother inlaw in the same room

have a talk with them & tell them how sorry you are & that you really want to do better & make them happy

(this is a total lie but you mite be able to get them to think that you are really sorry)

i think that once they start to not see you as any kind of a threat that they will treat you better

you will have to a great actor .....can you play this role?

you can't let anyone know , can you keep this to yourself?

i think that in the end you will see that even though this will be really really hard

in the end it will make you a much stronger person &

you will be able to get what you need to start a new life in the USA

best of luck

piglett

Edited September 10, 2011 by piglett

[TJ01212011 47]

Why not try to be complaisant first? U are filipina and u know filipino culture, once u married the son, u also married the whole family. I think, u better adjust for ur husband, rather than trying to get him adjust for u. They are right, once u showed to ur in laws that u are not a treat, eventually they will treat u right. Try to see things in positive ways. Such as, don't think that they try to manipulate u and ur husband, instead try to think that they just want what best for u both. and about the joint acct and not being his beneficiary, for me that's superficial. What is important is u and ur husband, loving and supporting each other, in bad times and good times....

sorry if I butt in, I know I don't have much of experience about this....just trying to help...

[gehn 0]

they even threaten me not to remove my condition since my they hold my husband..

What if i move out because me and mu Husband live with his Aunt & parents and my husband dont go with me? Will they sue me abandonment?

I call USCIS but they say its family problem!!!

I came here for my husband & i dont know any one or even relative

I go to pilice station to report...but i need attorney when the case go to the court...

I work with the same company as his mother & aunt..and it always happen at work..his aunt is in charge now im jObless..

I guess i really need to talk to a Immigration Lawyer because my husband still doesnt do anything they manipulate my husband they hold him in the neck..

My aunt is really evil..she can turn around the whole story

She even Accuse me Having A Boyfriend or Men since i learn how to ride bus and train, i learn how to go to the cvs and thrift store alone sometimes when my husband gone for work

ANY ADVICE...?????

[EAbbas 213]

they even threaten me not to remove my condition since my they hold my husband..

What if i move out because me and mu Husband live with his Aunt & parents and my husband dont go with me? Will they sue me abandonment?

I call USCIS but they say its family problem!!!

I came here for my husband & i dont know any one or even relative

I go to pilice station to report...but i need attorney when the case go to the court...

I work with the same company as his mother & aunt..and it always happen at work..his aunt is in charge now im jObless..

I guess i really need to talk to a Immigration Lawyer because my husband still doesnt do anything they manipulate my husband they hold him in the neck..

My aunt is really evil..she can turn around the whole story

She even Accuse me Having A Boyfriend or Men since i learn how to ride bus and train, i learn how to go to the cvs and thrift store alone sometimes when my husband gone for work

ANY ADVICE...?????

Did you file k1 and come and marry within 90 days or did you file cr1 and come with a 2 yr green card?

[NoneYa 73]

Tell your husband to grow a pair of balls first. You would have a tough time to stay in this country without support.

Look, there are difficult people in this world. This woman obviously doesn't like you. She doesn't trust you. Sometimes people are negative and are just like that. They are called difficult. This is really a tall order but the only way to deal with her is to handle her correctly. Study how to handle difficult people. You have to understand that it is her domain and you are at a disadvantage. I would change your view of her. If you can get her to be your friend, no matter how negative she is.. your problem would be solved. You have to find a way to manipulate her (this is fair if she is a manipulator herself). Study her and find out what it is that bothers her. Maybe you are too pretty.. Ugly up some. Maybe she thinks you go to the store too much (find something else to do). Maybe she feels like you don't contribute... (although you are working so I don't think that is it.). Maybe she is worried you are going to have children and screw up her life. You have to cave in and make her your friend. SLOWLY. Very gently, start to agree with her and support her but don't let her know that you are doing this. Be sly about it. If you can swallow your pride and accept the fact that they are in charge and you must get along with them at all cost, then you might survive in this situation. I don't want to bash your husband but why would he bring you into this situation ? You better really evaluate whether you want to try to work this out because if you get pregnant in a situation like this and not solve it, things will get worse. Why does your husband not find his own place ? I don't know.. it almost sounds like you picked the wrong man but like I said, your only option is to make this woman your best friend. I don't know about the legalities or anything else but I do know if you get in trouble there are women crisis centers and churches that would help you too maybe. I had a bad experience with a lying manipulative woman once. I hired the best attorney in town and probably 50% of his strategy was to identify and classify her ways and then devise a plan to deal with the problem (the woman). I caught on very fast... you can't avoid dealing with people like this. People are complex and they are everywhere. If you fight them, they will fight back. If you swim with the current... you will make it to the other side of the river and not drown.

[markelsa71 4]

they even threaten me not to remove my condition since my they hold my husband..

What if i move out because me and mu Husband live with his Aunt & parents and my husband dont go with me? Will they sue me abandonment?

I call USCIS but they say its family problem!!!

I came here for my husband & i dont know any one or even relative

I go to pilice station to report...but i need attorney when the case go to the court...

I work with the same company as his mother & aunt..and it always happen at work..his aunt is in charge now im jObless..

I guess i really need to talk to a Immigration Lawyer because my husband still doesnt do anything they manipulate my husband they hold him in the neck..

My aunt is really evil..she can turn around the whole story

She even Accuse me Having A Boyfriend or Men since i learn how to ride bus and train, i learn how to go to the cvs and thrift store alone sometimes when my husband gone for work

ANY ADVICE...?????

If you think you've been abused and manipulated i think you have to ask your husband to find you a safe place where they cannot reach or see you..your husband is not a teenager anymore for them to control him! i am sorry that you don't have any relatives in the U.S your husband just can't do anything to defend you?..it's like he's kissing the ground they walk on!

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I have merged multiple threads started by the OP into one thread in the ROC forum. Please do not start a new thread on the same situation in another forum. Continue the discussion here. While the family is causing problems, this topic started as and still is primarily about how to remove conditions in this currently hostile situation so this is still the correct forum for the discussion. All of the background information necessary to understand the situation is also contained in this thread.

[gehn 0]

Did you file k1 and come and marry within 90 days or did you file cr1 and come with a 2 yr green card?

I came with CR-1 visa

[piglett 16]

it's a clasic power struggle, you will have to submit if you stay living there, that's just how it is

good luck

piglett

[Kathryn41 3,205]

One inappropriate post, 2 duplicate posts and 2 off-topic posts have also been removed.

[EAbbas 213]

I came with CR-1 visa

Ok but you work for the mother or aunt in their business correct? If so, why don't you obtain a competely different job away from them and that way your not dependent upon them as well... then if something does happen and they won't do the AOS as they keep threatening to hold it against you then you arent dependent upon their money you have your own and you can file for AOS yourself if you need to get away from them...

This will not get better... i've been there..ive tried everything the other posters are suggesting and in the end of the years i was married I thought I needed to change i realized it wasn't me... it was them.. and when I laid down my terms after that... it was obvious my ex husband didnt want part of me being someone independent from him and his family so we ended up divorcing... I can't tell you how many times I needed my husband but he was always running to his mother or his brother for minute reasons.. It never got better over the years only worse.. the only difference is they couldnt hold the Visa over my head cos im a usc... but... he did tell me over and over its not my house you know where the door is you can leave... so one day.. I did just that.. haven't looked back was teh best thing for me and in the meantime I found a wonderful man who is respectful and loving the way a husband should be to a wife.

I worry mostly for you because of the depression I know its building in you. It becomes horrible and stressful and then nothing is good anymore... please look and see if you can find a community that may have some resources for you...counseling, anything to help you get grounded... if you want to stay in your marriage thats up to you.. if you want to leave you need to find resources to do so but be careful. You have to look out for yourself because its obvious nobody else is going to.

wish you the best.. im sorry for what they are doing to you but please don't let it destroy you.. protect yourself...