My mother in Law & her sister ruining our Marriage

[Nero 17]

If you entered into the marriage in good faith, and can prove it, then you can remove conditions on your own. I would DEFINITELY try to work it out with my husband, and maybe even put it to him straight "look, I think the words/ actions of your mom and aunt are interfering with our marriage. Do you want to be married to me or not because you aren't acting like a husband? When your husband married the marriage should have become priority in his life. It's important to always love and respect your parents / family, but no man should treat his wife badly to please his mother (and no wife should expect her husband to treat his mother badly)

Seriously, I havn't read all the comments, I'm sure someone has said it before, but if you came with the right intensions, it's good enough for the US government and you should be able to remove conditions on your own. You'll have to be able to prove that you didn't marry your husband just for a greencard, but if you can show that he's keeping you repressed, and when you came here it was for a true and loving marriage you can remove the conditionson your own.

[gehn 0]

If you entered into the marriage in good faith, and can prove it, then you can remove conditions on your own. I would DEFINITELY try to work it out with my husband, and maybe even put it to him straight "look, I think the words/ actions of your mom and aunt are interfering with our marriage. Do you want to be married to me or not because you aren't acting like a husband? When your husband married the marriage should have become priority in his life. It's important to always love and respect your parents / family, but no man should treat his wife badly to please his mother (and no wife should expect her husband to treat his mother badly)

Seriously, I havn't read all the comments, I'm sure someone has said it before, but if you came with the right intensions, it's good enough for the US government and you should be able to remove conditions on your own. You'll have to be able to prove that you didn't marry your husband just for a greencard, but if you can show that he's keeping you repressed, and when you came here it was for a true and loving marriage you can remove the conditionson your own.

Thank you..sO you mean..divorce so i can remove my condition on my own right...i was also thinking that just go on and wait what will happen if we can remove my condition or not i just stay as long as i can until the time we need to file.my concern is that what if i dont have approved? And fly back hOme what are my option? File annulement? And pay with my own money? They said its very expensive

[gehn 0]

And i also dont like asking him to choose between me and his mom..i just cant...i abide his mom even during our wedding he decide the concept ad even my wedding dress...it very thoughtful of her but its my 1st wedding in the church...the dress is too big so they lete eat just to fit..and i dont blame her for that but when i talk to my friend about their wedding stuff like that thats when i realize i let her decide until now she wants to decide for us...and i dont like it anymore..hmmm...i enlighten up a little bit..but her aunt if i decide will definetely do things that will make me dont get the chance to remove it..its her nature..

They done it once with her niece husband who she dont get along with..the guy jail 3 days...

[Harsh_77 718]

Since i came here, me & my husband live in her Aunt's house together with her parents and her aunt's husband. All our decision should be based on them even our time alone, one time we went out to watch movie(a date) & her aunt call to pick her up me are late for 30 mins & so and she start to tell things that are very hurtful, the thing is my husband say sorry i know he is respectful but we also have the right we pay montly for the house and her aunt only accept cash, so i decide to sometimes when my husband's away to go out to see the nighybor but thy dont allow me and keep on calling me its nice if they call( my mother n law n her aunt) for concern but they will only wants me to go home early to clran the house and prepare foods, many times my husband saw me husband and told him but he doenst do anything until i lost all the love for him vecause he cannot defend me, he dont even put my nameas a benificiary on his health, auto insurance its her mother. He dont know what to do , he cant decide on his own .. He auny sometimes open my mail.

Im losing hope if i can ever remove my conditon since im not in good term in her mom & aunt..i don have any relative here in the us..and he knows thats..in short i think he doesnt lOve me anymore and maybe i just enjoy myself here while im here..we are married in our country and its not easy to file for annulment..

Do i have any option if i have..i still live with my husbnad in his aunt house because i dont have a choice..Pleaseeee some one help me what to do...Thanks you so much

Where you aware of the living situation before you got married?

How did you guys met and how did the relation start?

Had you guys ever talked about how things would be after you got married?

[Manda_Uk 2]

Oh my goodness the mother-in-law and aunt sound absolutely horrible I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I think you should have a serious chat with your husband. I'm not a big fan of ultimatums but it doesn't sound like you have an awful lot of choice if his mum and aunt are that manipulative. If he doesn't agree to move out then you should seriously think about your options. Life is way to short to be involved in these kind of horrible situations. Stay positive and good luck!

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Yes i am now hopeless because hes not cooperating with me now..few months i came here i want to go home really since they (his mom& aunt) noy treating me right they also threaten me not to remove my condition since they hold my husband in the neck

Threatening to withhold your immigration documents or interfere with your immigration status is recognized as a form of abuse by USCIS. It sounds like they are happy that he married a house girl for them and her simply doesn't care about you as much as he should.

You need to decide if you want to remain in the US or return to the Philippines.

If you want to return to the Philippines then get out of the house now. Go to a woman's shelter and they will help you contact the Philippine Consulate. The Consulate should be able to help you get back home. Once home you can file for Annulment.

If you want to remain in the US still get out of the house now and go to a woman's shelter. They will help you file for divorce and get your life on track without him. Catholic Charities can even help you with the Removal of Conditions.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO REMAIN IN A MARRIAGE THAT DOESN'T TREAT YOU LIKE A PERSON.

[Nero 17]

Thank you..sO you mean..divorce so i can remove my condition on my own right...i was also thinking that just go on and wait what will happen if we can remove my condition or not i just stay as long as i can until the time we need to file.my concern is that what if i dont have approved? And fly back hOme what are my option? File annulement? And pay with my own money? They said its very expensive

Yes, if you and your husband divorce you should be able to remove conditions yourself with sufficient proof that you entered into the marriage in good faith. I don't know about the cost, but I'm sure it will be about the same as removing conditions with him around. If you intend to stay in the US I don't know if I would go back to my country before you get your conditions removed. What I WOULD do, is make sure you're employed and save up for the financial costs. I think an annulment through the church is free (I'm not 100% sure on that one), but according to the US government you will have to be divorced. I would pay with my own money for sure. Do you have children? If not, then you are in a good place to get a job, move in with another woman (as a roomate for cheaper rent) and save up for your legal fees. In the meantime you can just be separated from you husband. You don't have to file a divorce until you are ready to take the next step. Both the divorce and the removal of conditions will cost you money, so be ready to save your pennies if that's the road you choose. FIRST, however, I would at least try to work it out with your husband. If for no other reason then because you need to prove you entered into the marriage in good faith. If you can prove that you asked him to go into marriage counseling with you, and tried to work out your difference before getting a divorce / annulment it will prove you were in the marriage for all the right reasons. Good Luck to you!

[NICOLE23 0]

...SORRY FOR TELLING ME ABOUT THIS, MAYBE HIS MOM WANT ONLY HIS SON TO MARRY YOU BECAUSE THEY HAVE SELF INTEREST, IS LIKE THEY WANT YOU TO MAKE THEIR MAID, THEY USE ONLY YOUR MARRIED , BUT THE MAN CAN'T DECIDE FOR YOU AND HIM, ITS LIKE HE LET HIS MOM DECIDE ANYTHING FOR HIM , BECAUSE IF HE REALLY CARE AND LOVE YOU HE NEED TO DO HIS OBLIGATION LIKE HE PUT YOU IN HIS HEALTH INSURANCE, CAR INSURE AND ETC..... I THINK YOU BETTER LEAVE HIM WEATHER HE LIKE IT OR NOT DON'T LET THEM TO LET YOU DOWN...... JUST PRAY AND GOOD LUCK

We meet in our country where hes not with his family only cousin and its all good until the time i move here in the us i see how he cant decide on his Own..i saw how her aunt and mom manipulate him..and their doing the same with me but i have the urge to disagree with them..but my husband is not like the guys i first meet..

[seaborn 1]

Tell your Husband to grow some Balls.....More often than not, family who are involved in other peoples marriage, will more than likely distroy what you to worked so hard to get, That's my opinion. If you two can find anyway at all to get away from those family members do it, ASAP....when I was married to my ex-wife, I quickly became married to her whole family, but I stuck it out for 12 years because we a son. It was the worse experiance of my life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

The use of non-English is restricted to the Regional forums only so please refrain from using languages other than English in the Immigration forums. I have removed one post totally in a non-English language, and have left the posts with only a little non-English in them this time, but remind everyone please, post only in English so everyone here understands the questions and the answers.

Also, just to clarify something - it is universally considered in 'netiquette' - those rules governing how people interact online - that typing in all capital letters is equivalent to shouting and comes across to readers as rude. So, please take off the Caps Lock key, and understand that if you type a word in capital letters people are more likely to see you as being aggressive rather than trying to emphasize something.

Edited September 9, 2011 by Kathryn41

[rheakin 0]

Im sure this is sucks!!!this kind of in laws should be hang !!!LOL sorry,sis pls be patient until they file condition for u then if u done and have ur permanent visa ,its ur turn to leave them for good,dont come back here in PI u already there all u need is be strong ,save money dont tell ya hubby,then talk to ur hubby if he wants to come with u to stay away and leave his mom and aunt,if not then no reason for u to stay with him,then if ya already in good condition u can file divorce,hope im already in US that time so i could help u,u can stay with our house and lets find work for u..TC and God bless....its just my opinion.

[Dean_De 61]

The use of non-English is restricted to the Regional forums only so please refrain from using languages other than English in the Immigration forums. I have removed one post totally in a non-English language, and have left the posts with only a little non-English in them this time, but remind everyone please, post only in English so everyone here understands the questions and the answers.

Also, just to clarify something - it is universally considered in 'netiquette' - those rules governing how people interact online - that typing in all capital letters is equivalent to shouting and comes across to readers as rude. So, please take off the Caps Lock key, and understand that if you type a word in capital letters people are more likely to see you as being aggressive rather than trying to emphasize something.

I just want to clarify this. How can caplock be deemed unethical? and as far as the terms and condition, nothing states there that prohibits the use of such. I think being unethical can be best read and understood based on the context and not on the style of how one writes its post or reply. Here is the terms and condition for further reference.

http://www.visajourney.com/content/terms

[EAbbas 213]

i think he just married me because only its her mom choice...but if its her mom they should be nice to me bits they are not..thay sometimes over work me

This particular quote worries me a little bit... Did they want you here for reasons to work for them? You also need to look a little deeper into the reasons behind the desire to have you here and married to him. If it's really love then understandable but if for any reason you feel they wanted you here to work for them and as you say sometimes they over work you... that is pretty serious along with all the other issues your explaining on here.

I'm very sorrr your enduring this... this is not the typical american family but unfortunately it is what some of them are like. I married and divorced one myself so I can totally understand your delimma.. mine also dealth with verbal and mental abuse until I felt such depression it was horrible. Please don't get to that point.. stand up for yourself and take pride in who you are.

Wish you the best.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I just want to clarify this. How can caplock be deemed unethical? and as far as the terms and condition, nothing states there that prohibits the use of such. I think being unethical can be best read and understood based on the context and not on the style of how one writes its post or reply. Here is the terms and condition for further reference.

http://www.visajourn...m/content/terms

I did not say 'unethical'. The use of Caps is not a TOS violation so will not be found, specifically listed, in the TOS.

My comment referred to it being 'universally accepted' that typing in all Caps is considered 'shouting' and interpreted as rude: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_caps. As the purpose of VIsa Journey is to be supportive of those who are undergoing their immigration journeys, we expect people to follow the protocols of netiquette as well, as that is viewed as being 'considerate'

btw - you do not need to direct me to the TOS. I am the Lead Moderator on Visa Journey and it was in that capacity that I made my comments. While the use of All Caps - so far - does not violate TOS, it could, however, be 'argued' that for some, 'shouting' at them by typing in Caps after they have asked you to stop would be interpreted as :

Make comments in a Post either direct or implied toward another member that are purposely designed to upset, antagonize, make fun of, belittle, or otherwise instigate an argument that takes away from the personal enjoyment of the Service by other users.

and thus violate TOS.

Now, we will not derail this topic any further with this discussion as that would be a TOS violation.

Edited September 10, 2011 by Kathryn41

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Two posts continuing the discussion have been removed and this conversation has been taken off-list where it belongs. Please return to the discussion of the OPs concerns. Thank you.

Edited September 10, 2011 by Kathryn41