My mother in Law & her sister ruining our Marriage

[Dean_De 61]

Cool off will you? you sound like you are harrassing her... bombarding her with questions, you are a filipina too, learn to empathize... not all situations are perfect... and i can certainly feel what she is going through... she needs guidance, not judgement.

We can give guidance by trying to know the root cause of this..I am not here to bombared the OP or to be judgemental. We need to analyze every area to arrive into a much better advice. I do feel where she is coming, but I dont advice DIVORCE too quick. Marraige can still be resolved in ways possible..there are time for adjustment...and mind you, I had been in her situation that why I am asking.

[bigdog 376]

If you can't talk to him, maybe he will see he light, if not see an attorney for immigration and divorce, sorry this happened to you.

[Theresa0828 65]

We can give guidance by trying to know the root cause of this..I am not here to bombared the OP or to be judgemental. We need to analyze every area to arrive into a much better advice. I do feel where she is coming, but I dont advice DIVORCE too quick. Marraige can still be resolved in ways possible..there are time for adjustment...and mind you, I had been in her situation that why I am asking.

I am not trying to start a fight, but kindly re-read your other posts with the CAPSLOCK on it which means "shouting", you scare my wits and I am not even the OP (who is really depress at the moment), i am glad that you are doing very well with your fiancee, but soon enough you will know what it is like being here... and the adjustments that we have/are going through, I am one of the lucky who have a supportive husband, but even with that, there are times that I still want to go home... BTW, congratulations for getting your NOA 2 and I hope that you have a smooth journey... God bless!!!

[Dean_De 61]

Cool off will you? you sound like you are harrassing her... bombarding her with questions, you are a filipina too, learn to empathize... not all situations are perfect... and i can certainly feel what she is going through... she needs guidance, not judgement.

Oh btw, where in my post was I judgmental? A question raised just means that we give her the benefit of a doubt and showing her the realization that we are here to walk with her out of her problem. I am sure that no relationship is perfect, but the only person who knows her case is the OP itself, and to know her problem best is to be able to understand the scenario.

FYI: Remember I told the OP to talk with her husband as I know communication is a must..was it a bad suggestion? Sorry you misunderstood me, but don't even question my sympathy to the OP, not just because she is a FILIPINA but I do sympathize with her since I too had been on her shoes...but realize not all relationship are the same so WE NEED TO ASK.

[Dean_De 61]

I am not trying to start a fight, but kindly re-read your other posts with the CAPSLOCK on it which means "shouting", you scare my wits and I am not even the OP (who is really depress at the moment), i am glad that you are doing very well with your fiancee, but soon enough you will know what it is like being here... and the adjustments that we have/are going through, I am one of the lucky who have a supportive husband, but even with that, there are times that I still want to go home... BTW, congratulations for getting your NOA 2 and I hope that you have a smooth journey... God bless!!!

Well, everyone is entitled to each of their own opinion. I had not for ones tried to disrespect you or the OP in anyway, as far as I remember. The way we converse is a strategy an individual has. Caplocks for you means shouting...you could have asked what it means on my point of view. rather than to jump into a conclusion w/o verifying what is factual. Each of us needs to know how to create a responsible post. If you feel I was harassing anyone, you could have reported it to the moderator or administrator.

I take your congratulations in a good way, thank you for that..all of us wish to have a smoot journey but no matter what, we know that God is in our midst like always.

To the OP, I hope you also didn't get me wrong...my manner of asking and CAPSLOCK means giving a more focus of attention there and not to shout and be disrespectful...I had been in a 10 year relationship with a filipino who was the father of my kids who was like your hubby, NO BACKBONE!! Give it sometimes to let your relationship grow. Understand that the outcome of a relationship is dependent on how you are both willing to make it work. Not all relationship are good, as they say the period of adjustment in marriage is about 7 years. Don't let communication die. You will fall out of love if you really will it to happen however, there's always a reason to make love grow if you give it a chance. The reason why I asked how long had you been in a relationship with you hubby is to know how far you may know him..his TICK as you may call it..you need this to know when is the right time to talk with him in an amicable way. Where you can get his attention. Think back of those times you were sweetheart and how you were able to captivate his heart...maybe you need to keep the fire back up.

[adiiann 163]

There's an extent of being patient. I may suggest to the OP that you try to talk to your husband outside your home. Go to place like park where two of you could talk privately and not getting stress out because of your environment. I am not a guidance counselor but I may suggest that you ask him what is his plan for you and your future. Soon enough you will have kids, you don't want your kids to live in your situation right now.

Save money as much you can. Have patience and perseverance in finding job. I know that looking for a job here is very hard but never give up. It's also helps when you feel so stress that you take refuge from Almighty Father (not imposing but might help you to your stressful life).

As for mail, to keep it for your privacy, go to post office get P.O. Box. All you need is your husband's signature to remove conditions. You can ask help here, when you need to apply.

[gehn 0]

I have a filipina friend who live in Hawaii who also married a filipino USC, they have been in Hawaii for 10 years... if you see her right now, you will not think that she went through a lot with the in-laws before... she said that in the early stage of their relationship she was struggling so much she almost gave up... but she keep on bravely... she works, never complain and just let things go...i think everything slowly change when the in-laws did not see her as a threat, she also reached out to the in-laws making them feel comfortable that she is not competing with their son's attention... and i guess when you start to have kids... this will greatly help. Right now, they have a small business of their own, their own place and 3 kids.

I am guessing that you are a young couple? This is the reality of marrying of young man, you have to be part of their growing up... This is also very common in the Philippines... sons will always be their mom's baby, same way as daughters will always be Daddy's little girl... actually, its not only Philippines... You said you are working right? Concentrate on your work, start a hobby... like I said things will fall in place at the right time in the right place... we are famous for being "matiisin", survive!!! your husband need your support too... understand also his situation of being in the middle of it... his mom and aunt might be a source of stress for him... and you are also a source of stress for him... you cannot make him turn around 360 degrees by pushing him to understand how you feel... stay with him and be supportive... he will come out of it soon enough.

God bless!

Yes we are in late 20's and i guess u can all it we still are young couple..but with having a kid? Right now? I doubt because i dont like thats she will encounter what i have gone through...i try to leave him alone and let her mOther im not a threat..i dont want to take her son..all i want is that his responsibility as my husband..its like im the one whose doing for us..and with our pay check even combine cannot raise a child as of now..

You know what her mom and his dad dont get along for many years..just recently, my father in law had daibetes and sees that he had a bleeding in his eyes..now they are worried for many years they are here..my mOther in law dont inculde mu father in law even as beneficiary, even at first she knew in his work he does not have health insurance and she has in her work..and i dont like to be like them

[gehn 0]

I am not trying to start a fight, but kindly re-read your other posts with the CAPSLOCK on it which means "shouting", you scare my wits and I am not even the OP (who is really depress at the moment), i am glad that you are doing very well with your fiancee, but soon enough you will know what it is like being here... and the adjustments that we have/are going through, I am one of the lucky who have a supportive husband, but even with that, there are times that I still want to go home... BTW, congratulations for getting your NOA 2 and I hope that you have a smooth journey... God bless!!!

Sorry it seems you argue with dean...and thanks so much for the time to reply

[gehn 0]

If you can't talk to him, maybe he will see he light, if not see an attorney for immigration and divorce, sorry this happened to you.

Yes i am considering that

[gehn 0]

We can give guidance by trying to know the root cause of this..I am not here to bombared the OP or to be judgemental. We need to analyze every area to arrive into a much better advice. I do feel where she is coming, but I dont advice DIVORCE too quick. Marraige can still be resolved in ways possible..there are time for adjustment...and mind you, I had been in her situation that why I am asking.

Her aunt and her mother gets into...for many months they dont allow me to go out, i meet a filipina neigbor and if a get a chance we hang out, but when they know it they dont allow me to go there anymore and even try to talk to the girl and i dont know for why..since then we hardly see each other because even she is being nasasama s situation ko..nkakahiya s knya...

In their house you dont heard i love you..

I came here with enthusiam, full Of energy maybe bcoz im young. Full of dream witg both us..but since i came here i barely heard myself laughing out loud..lose my confidence amd just dO eveything even its against my will..just to stay and be with him..and he sees thats....they even pinakikilamn money i send back home...i work Hard for thats..i help my husband to his some bills and since we are in his aunt house we even gave her..

Its the first time i knew people like this...

Before me 3 Of their niece live here before me but their all gone because of their attitude..so whats more with me...the solse reasOn im here if because of him..

[gehn 0]

There's an extent of being patient. I may suggest to the OP that you try to talk to your husband outside your home. Go to place like park where two of you could talk privately and not getting stress out because of your environment. I am not a guidance counselor but I may suggest that you ask him what is his plan for you and your future. Soon enough you will have kids, you don't want your kids to live in your situation right now.

Save money as much you can. Have patience and perseverance in finding job. I know that looking for a job here is very hard but never give up. It's also helps when you feel so stress that you take refuge from Almighty Father (not imposing but might help you to your stressful life).

As for mail, to keep it for your privacy, go to post office get P.O. Box. All you need is your husband's signature to remove conditions. You can ask help here, when you need to apply.

Thats my prOblem that when ig come to the time we nee to apply we dOnt have much requirement like joint & benificiary since all are in his mom's !name.....But maybe il just need Is to enjoy while im still here..but im

Thinking also when i will go back that i am still married whose man will ake me seriously when they know im married and i heard its expensive..

[GLJ1322 5]

Be tough woman, if your husband really married you with all the right reasons then why would he be scared to separate or move out from his mother&aunt's place? Did you tell your husband that you're already having a hard time living with his family? or like you said they're making you work hard at home, dhang! it girl you didn't marry him to be their maid , talk to your husband about it and make it sure he understands it crystal clear. And he's probably having reasons as well why he can't move out with you. Like financial status, is he stable enough to be able to pay all the bills, food, etc.. when you both separate? I hope you'll be alright and able to solve your problem. God bless.

[AmyWrites 593]

You have to talk to your husband. Turn off all phones, TV's, etc, and JUST TALK. You need to solve this, and he needs to man up.

Unfortunately I have darted men whose family is like this. And I can tell you... there's never a solution. He will never pick you over his family. Of course that was my experience, since you're married I think yours might be different.

[gehn 0]

Be tough woman, if your husband really married you with all the right reasons then why would he be scared to separate or move out from his mother&aunt's place? Did you tell your husband that you're already having a hard time living with his family? or like you said they're making you work hard at home, dhang! it girl you didn't marry him to be their maid , talk to your husband about it and make it sure he understands it crystal clear. And he's probably having reasons as well why he can't move out with you. Like financial status, is he stable enough to be able to pay all the bills, food, etc.. when you both separate? I hope you'll be alright and able to solve your problem. God bless.

Yes i am doing my best to survive..well if we both help each other we can make it..and yes he know that i have a hard time i talk to him and told him about it..he even saw me i being scold by his aunt..but he jut tell me undertstand since their old...they even manipulate even my family like with my sister they want to decide for my family...thats why u i only cOntact my family alone they dOnt know...

Its seem like they will let you rely ln them until u totally rely and stuck with them just like what happen to my husband..di n sya marunOng dimiskarte..u know what even ride a metro..tagal n n nya dito..even s time sheet s work..her mom do it for him.and i told hum about that but he dont listen..he is tooooo dependent..um not over exagerate but thats tru

[gehn 0]

You have to talk to your husband. Turn off all phones, TV's, etc, and JUST TALK. You need to solve this, and he needs to man up.

Unfortunately I have darted men whose family is like this. And I can tell you... there's never a solution. He will never pick you over his family. Of course that was my experience, since you're married I think yours might be different.

I already do that were in the middle of the conversation she just clean his ear and slowly turn on the tv and watch eat bulaga..i think even we are married he will never choose me Over his family and i am 100% sure about that..there are many times...