My mother in Law & her sister ruining our Marriage

[Theresa0828 65]

I still think wht's missing between the OP and her husband is communication. Try to do your best to make a civil and meaningful conversation with your husband and let him know how you feel if and when you already out of option and knew that you did your best to make the relationship work, I guess that's the time when divorce is needed.

I know... that is why my first option is to talk... and then answer her questions...

[Dean_De 61]

Yes i am now hopeless because hes not cooperating with me now..few months i came here i want to go home really since they (his mom& aunt) noy treating me right they also threaten me not to remove my condition since they hold my husband in the neck..i cry and became strong so now im fighting for what is my right...they even told me they will

Let me joint the payung for my husband's car but not the insurance they will not allow him to transfer it in my name since its her mother name...i pity my husband in a way, because they always keep on telling him that Mother is only one & wife you can have as many as u want"

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It is difficult to give the OP an advice by just listening at one side of the story. I know it's not impossible to have an in-laws rivalry, are they AMerican btw? or what's their culture? How was your relationship with them from the start? and why did you say your husband is not cooperating if and when you had not even talked to him yet? Just my 2 cent of opinion.

[gehn 0]

I still think wht's missing between the OP and her husband is communication. Try to do your best to make a civil and meaningful conversation with your husband and let him know how you feel if and when you already out of option and knew that you did your best to make the relationship work, I guess that's the time when divorce is needed.

I tried many times..i sometimes only talk to myself, because what will he give me is "il ask my mom or il ask my aunt about it..i sometimes look like "trying hard" he just dont care anymore...stare to me blankly and not paying attention and thats make me give up

[Dean_De 61]

I tried many times..i sometimes only talk to myself, because what will he give me is "il ask my mom or il ask my aunt about it..i sometimes look like "trying hard" he just dont care anymore...stare to me blankly and not paying attention and thats make me give up

How long had you both known each other? And btw, in the duration of your relationship as sweethearts, I know you both encounter problems, how were you able to get him to sit down and talk to you? May I know his culture?

[Theresa0828 65]

Yes i am now hopeless because hes not cooperating with me now..few months i came here i want to go home really since they (his mom& aunt) noy treating me right they also threaten me not to remove my condition since they hold my husband in the neck..i cry and became strong so now im fighting for what is my right...they even told me they will

Let me joint the payung for my husband's car but not the insurance they will not allow him to transfer it in my name since its her mother name...i pity my husband in a way, because they always keep on telling him that Mother is only one & wife you can have as many as u want"

Do not ask your husband to cooperate with you... you will feel frustrated if he won't. Tell him what you think, observe and make him feel what you are going through... If this doesn't work and staying here is not important for you, then go home... In the future, if you wanna get married again, file for annulment.

BTW, is your husband's family also filipino?

[gehn 0]

You are afraid your husband WILL NOT APPROVE LEAVING....well, this is merely based on your humble opinion. How will you know unless you try talking to your husband. And how long had you known him that you seem not to have any idea of the way he was / is?

You can tell because i live with them..he just cant ..theres and instance that we went out to have a date and they knew it..his auny call to pick her and we are late because we finish the movie and she shout and tell things that are very hurtful as if we dont have right to go out as husband & wife.. And my husbnd just say sorry i know he respect the oldies but we also have the right..i meet him way back when we were in elementary and met again after graduation in college

[gehn 0]

Do not ask your husband to cooperate with you... you will feel frustrated if he won't. Tell him what you think, observe and make him feel what you are going through... If this doesn't work and staying here is not important for you, then go home... In the future, if you wanna get married again, file for annulment.

BTW, is your husband's family also filipino?

Yes he is a filipino..thats the thing..i have to file ....and i have to like to go through tough times..while he..you know..thats also my concern..you know in out country..they will not take you seriously if you are married And i dont have money for annulment

[Dean_De 61]

You can tell because i live with them..he just cant ..theres and instance that we went out to have a date and they knew it..his auny call to pick her and we are late because we finish the movie and she shout and tell things that are very hurtful as if we dont have right to go out as husband & wife.. And my husbnd just say sorry i know he respect the oldies but we also have the right..i meet him way back when we were in elementary and met again after graduation in college

I see so you both are Filipino citizen?Correct me if I am wrong. And for this, cultural differences can be ruled out. Having JUST meet him way back elementary and after college graduation is different than the KNOWING STAGE you both have as sweethearts..the depth of getting to know each other is different when you both are just classmates or friends. How long had you been atleast FRIENDS as you may call it and SWEETHEARTS? before getting married?

[gehn 0]

How long had you both known each other? And btw, in the duration of your relationship as sweethearts, I know you both encounter problems, how were you able to get him to sit down and talk to you? May I know his culture?

Hes a filipino..we dont have a chance to like sit and talk since we are long distance..and we dont have any big problem thats big..even here we dont have any thats big problem if only for the both of us..our big or just say mine is hes mother & aunt...

[gehn 0]

I see so you both are Filipino citizen?Correct me if I am wrong. And for this, cultural differences can be ruled out. Having JUST meet him way back elementary and after college graduation is different than the KNOWING STAGE you both have as sweethearts..the depth of getting to know each other is different when you both are just classmates or friends. How long had you been atleast FRIENDS as you may call it and SWEETHEARTS? before getting married?

He is now USC..almost a 2 years b4 getting married..i can callhim friends since were in elementary

[Dean_De 61]

Hes a filipino..we dont have a chance to like sit and talk since we are long distance..and we dont have any big problem thats big..even here we dont have any thats big problem if only for the both of us..our big or just say mine is hes mother & aunt...

remember BIG problem comes after letting small problems accumulate and just be ignored and not resolved. You mentioned being in a long distance relationship, had you not for ones or in as many times been introduced to his real environment? Like let you know who he lives with and how they are if and when around the house. Me and my fiance had been in along distance relationship and thanks for the VIDEO CALLS I am able to be part of his day to day life.

[gehn 0]

I know... that is why my first option is to talk... and then answer her questions...

Thanks HarveyAndTheresa...appreciate it all i need is info..its different when you dont have any idea..but atleast some how i need now what to do and with the conversation it lighten me..thank you so

Much

[gehn 0]

remember BIG problem comes after letting small problems accumulate and just be ignored and not resolved. You mentioned being in a long distance relationship, had you not for ones or in as many times been introduced to his real environment? Like let you know who he lives with and how they are if and when around the house. Me and my fiance had been in along distance relationship and thanks for the VIDEO CALLS I am able to be part of his day to day life.

Was your husband also a filipino? I mean not all relationship are the same.

[Theresa0828 65]

Hes a filipino..we dont have a chance to like sit and talk since we are long distance..and we dont have any big problem thats big..even here we dont have any thats big problem if only for the both of us..our big or just say mine is hes mother & aunt...

I have a filipina friend who live in Hawaii who also married a filipino USC, they have been in Hawaii for 10 years... if you see her right now, you will not think that she went through a lot with the in-laws before... she said that in the early stage of their relationship she was struggling so much she almost gave up... but she keep on bravely... she works, never complain and just let things go...i think everything slowly change when the in-laws did not see her as a threat, she also reached out to the in-laws making them feel comfortable that she is not competing with their son's attention... and i guess when you start to have kids... this will greatly help. Right now, they have a small business of their own, their own place and 3 kids.

I am guessing that you are a young couple? This is the reality of marrying of young man, you have to be part of their growing up... This is also very common in the Philippines... sons will always be their mom's baby, same way as daughters will always be Daddy's little girl... actually, its not only Philippines... You said you are working right? Concentrate on your work, start a hobby... like I said things will fall in place at the right time in the right place... we are famous for being "matiisin", survive!!! your husband need your support too... understand also his situation of being in the middle of it... his mom and aunt might be a source of stress for him... and you are also a source of stress for him... you cannot make him turn around 360 degrees by pushing him to understand how you feel... stay with him and be supportive... he will come out of it soon enough.

God bless!

[Theresa0828 65]

I see so you both are Filipino citizen?Correct me if I am wrong. And for this, cultural differences can be ruled out. Having JUST meet him way back elementary and after college graduation is different than the KNOWING STAGE you both have as sweethearts..the depth of getting to know each other is different when you both are just classmates or friends. How long had you been atleast FRIENDS as you may call it and SWEETHEARTS? before getting married?

Cool off will you? you sound like you are harrassing her... bombarding her with questions, you are a filipina too, learn to empathize... not all situations are perfect... and i can certainly feel what she is going through... she needs guidance, not judgement.