RE- Marriage blues

[Captain Oates 911]

Any relationship with another human being is going to have episodes of sorrow and sadness. Why would marriage be any different/

Which is a good argument for cats

If I bought a kitten now, It would have greater life expectancy than me - so I wouldn't even have the grief when it died

That's positive thinking

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Two old Bahbushkas are outside sweeping the sidewalk with their brooms made of twigs. Ludmilla asks Raisa..

Raisa, how is your daughter?

OH, my daughter, such a wonderful girl, such a beautiful girl. She is like a Princess! She has married a fine young man who has a good job as a director and he makes a lot of money. He bought them a fine home and he hires a woman to clean and cook so my daughter can sleep late and go shopping all day. And he does not drink or beat her!

That is wonderful Raisa! What about your son?

Oh, my poor poor son. He has married a horrible woman. She thinks she is a Princess! She demands that he work long hours so he could buy her a house and makes him hire a woman because she refuses to clean or cook for my son! She sleeps until 10 am at least, as if she were ill or something, and goes shopping all day. Is it any wonder that my son drinks and beats her???!!!!!!

[Captain Oates 911]

Two old Bahbushkas are outside sweeping the sidewalk with their brooms made of twigs. Ludmilla asks Raisa..

Raisa, how is your daughter?

OH, my daughter, such a wonderful girl, such a beautiful girl. She is like a Princess! She has married a fine young man who has a good job as a director and he makes a lot of money. He bought them a fine home and he hires a woman to clean and cook so my daughter can sleep late and go shopping all day. And he does not drink or beat her!

That is wonderful Raisa! What about your son?

Oh, my poor poor son. He has married a horrible woman. She thinks she is a Princess! She demands that he work long hours so he could buy her a house and makes him hire a woman because she refuses to clean or cook for my son! She sleeps until 10 am at least, as if she were ill or something, and goes shopping all day. Is it any wonder that my son drinks and beats her???!!!!!!

Excellent...very good...so it just goes to show:

You can't please everybody so you might as well please yourself

[TBoneTX 45,310]

A weary, sweating policeman emerged from an inner room of the station. "Well, did you give that thug the third degree?" asked the captain. "Yeah. Six of us kept screaming and shouting and badgering him with questions for over four hours," was the tired reply. "And what did you get out of him?" asked the captain eagerly. "Nothing," said the policeman disgustedly. "All he did was doze off and from time to time murmur, 'Yes, Dear. You're right, Dear.'"

A man's wife was arrested for shoplifting, and she was hauled before the small-town judge. "What did you steal?" asked the judge. "A can of plums," the woman answered embarrassedly. "How many plums were in the can?" asked the judge. "Six," responded the woman. "In this case," said the judge, "I sentence you to six days in jail -- one for each plum." The woman's husband then whispered, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas!"

A GLOOMY-LOOKING TRAVELING SALESMAN SAT DOWN IN A RESTAURANT & TOLD THE WAITRESS, "PLEASE BRING ME TWO EGGS FRIED UNTIL THEY'RE LIKE RUBBER, TWO PIECES OF DRY TOAST BURNT BLACK, & SOME WEAK, LUKEWARM COFFEE IN A GREASY CUP WITH SOUR CREAM." "ARE YOU KIDDING?" SAID THE WAITRESS. "NO; I MEAN IT," INSISTED THE MAN. WHEN THE WAITRESS BROUGHT THE ORDER, SHE ASKED, "ANYTHING ELSE?" "NOW PLEASE SIT DOWN & NAG ME WHILE I EAT," SAID THE MAN. "I'M HOMESICK."

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 a.m. The wife, a blonde, picked up the phone, listened a moment, and said, "How should I know? That's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband asked, "Who was that?" The wife said, I don't know -- some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

[Captain Oates 911]

good jokes... need more anecdotes. Here is another real one.

When I was 36 I got married again to a beautiful 26 year old - she was my chief accountant actually.

We went to Spain on honeymoon and went out on the town and then back to the hotel room

I doffed off and jumped into the bed. She came in and sat on the bed and said " I have something to tell you"

then she said:

" I don't want you to take this personally because this is just me. I have only had 3 boyfriends but it has always been the same. For the first 3 months I set off like a (b)itch on heat. After that, well, I could go the rest of my life and not bother. So I have decided to wean you off sex "

I started laughing - what a great sense of humor she has ! Then the laughing stopped . I looked at her face and realized she meant it. The marriage lasted 4 years and I chewed a lot of pillows in that time. She married again to a Director of her company (again). I get reports that he is roaming the town and Europe like a hungry dog looking for women all the time.

My dad was Engaged for 7 years which I thought was excessive at first - now I see the sense of that

Edited September 10, 2011 by Alan the Red

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Atributed to Socrates (who did not have a happy marriage):

"By all means, marry. If you choose well, you will be happy. If you choose poorly, you will become a philosopher."

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

good jokes... need more anecdotes. Here is another real one.

When I was 36 I got married again to a beautiful 26 year old - she was my chief accountant actually.

We went to Spain on honeymoon and went out on the town and then back to the hotel room

I doffed off and jumped into the bed. She came in and sat on the bed and said " I have something to tell you"

then she said:

" I don't want you to take this personally because this is just me. I have only had 3 boyfriends but it has always been the same. For the first 3 months I set off like a (b)itch on heat. After that, well, I could go the rest of my life and not bother. So I have decided to wean you off sex "

I started laughing - what a great sense of humor she has ! Then the laughing stopped . I looked at her face and realized she meant it. The marriage lasted 4 years and I chewed a lot of pillows in that time. She married again to a Director of her company (again). I get reports that he is roaming the town and Europe like a hungry dog looking for women all the time.

My dad was Engaged for 7 years which I thought was excessive at first - now I see the sense of that

It is not necessary to mention she was not Ukrainian.

I would have said..."I am quitting you cold turkey right now! Don't take it personally. Bye"

[Captain Oates 911]

It is not necessary to mention she was not Ukrainian.

I would have said..."I am quitting you cold turkey right now! Don't take it personally. Bye"

I know - I had a sniff around Odessa and did my homework there and pleasant homework it was.

Never been in a taxi with no windshield before

AS Kipling Wrote:

The Colonel's lady and Judy O'Grady,

are sister under the skin

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I know - I had a sniff around Odessa and did my homework there and pleasant homework it was.

Never been in a taxi with no windshield before

AS Kipling Wrote:

The Colonel's lady and Judy O'Grady,

are sister under the skin

I took a taxi once that was a mini van with the sliding doors removed. I felt like there should be a machine gun or somethingattached there

I had been there long enough to know not to ask what happened to the doors.

Seriously if a woman said that to me I would save us both an unhappy marriage followed by a bitter divorce and just leave right then. Better to get it over with.

Edited September 11, 2011 by Gary and Alla

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

good jokes... need more anecdotes. Here is another real one.

When I was 36 I got married again to a beautiful 26 year old - she was my chief accountant actually.

We went to Spain on honeymoon and went out on the town and then back to the hotel room

I doffed off and jumped into the bed. She came in and sat on the bed and said " I have something to tell you"

then she said:

" I don't want you to take this personally because this is just me. I have only had 3 boyfriends but it has always been the same. For the first 3 months I set off like a (b)itch on heat. After that, well, I could go the rest of my life and not bother. So I have decided to wean you off sex "

I started laughing - what a great sense of humor she has ! Then the laughing stopped . I looked at her face and realized she meant it. The marriage lasted 4 years and I chewed a lot of pillows in that time. She married again to a Director of her company (again). I get reports that he is roaming the town and Europe like a hungry dog looking for women all the time.

My dad was Engaged for 7 years which I thought was excessive at first - now I see the sense of that

If your wife doesn't like football, you can watch it with your friends and she will be no more than mildly annoyed. Likewise golfing or anything else you like to do and gives you pleasure in life. Heck, even if your sperm are not swimmers you can get her inseminated artificially and clinically and no one cares and eveyone is happy. But if she refuses sex it is not like you can just go out and meet your needs with other women. Wives HATE that, yet they do not want to provide for it? Sorry, but it will not work and no one will be happy. If your wife and your sex desires are not compatible it is doomed, just get it over with.

[Captain Oates 911]

I took a taxi once that was a mini van with the sliding doors removed. I felt like there should be a machine gun or somethingattached there

I had been there long enough to know not to ask what happened to the doors.

Seriously if a woman said that to me I would save us both an unhappy marriage followed by a bitter divorce and just leave right then. Better to get it over with.

Yeah she caught me at a vulnerable time - my 36 year old wife had just gone off with an eighteen year old unemployed boy who was 5 foot 4 and walked like a chimp and lived with his parents and who had a pedal cycle with no lights. My kids were 13 and 10

I spend 3 months in a 1 room apartment in a dark, cold winter - no money as I paid 60% of my income to my ex !! the rest hardly left anything for food

So suddenly I have a really beautiful (I mean beautiful !) 26 year old who is a CPA too and who wants to split my bills - and she is VERY VERY physical. What guy in those circumstances would say no

You only get to know when its too late and have signed.

It's an old story and shows that enormous caution is necessary and I have a duty to spread this info to young men

(in lieu of charity donations)

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yeah she caught me at a vulnerable time - my 36 year old wife had just gone off with an eighteen year old unemployed boy who was 5 foot 4 and walked like a chimp and lived with his parents and who had a pedal cycle with no lights. My kids were 13 and 10

I spend 3 months in a 1 room apartment in a dark, cold winter - no money as I paid 60% of my income to my ex !! the rest hardly left anything for food

So suddenly I have a really beautiful (I mean beautiful !) 26 year old who is a CPA too and who wants to split my bills - and she is VERY VERY physical. What guy in those circumstances would say no

You only get to know when its too late and have signed.

It's an old story and shows that enormous caution is necessary and I have a duty to spread this info to young men

(in lieu of charity donations)

Just ask ahead of time. I am assuming you discussed something else about life, why not that? We just discussed it and realized, yeah, that part is OK. And it has been so far and I do not see it changing. I suppose they could lie and maybe she did, but then once the truth is known you know you are going to have to do it anyway so why not sooner?

Hopefully you got passed that now.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yeah she caught me at a vulnerable time - my 36 year old wife had just gone off with an eighteen year old unemployed boy who was 5 foot 4 and walked like a chimp and lived with his parents and who had a pedal cycle with no lights. My kids were 13 and 10

I spend 3 months in a 1 room apartment in a dark, cold winter - no money as I paid 60% of my income to my ex !! the rest hardly left anything for food

So suddenly I have a really beautiful (I mean beautiful !) 26 year old who is a CPA too and who wants to split my bills - and she is VERY VERY physical. What guy in those circumstances would say no

You only get to know when its too late and have signed.

It's an old story and shows that enormous caution is necessary and I have a duty to spread this info to young men

(in lieu of charity donations)

On another note I met a really beautiful (I mean beautiful) woman about 3 years younger than me the day I arrived in Odessa, she lived in my building and we became fast friends and she showed me around and was great fun to spend time with. She was very religious though, which was OK with me, just leave me out. So eventually the subject came up and she said if she was married to me then she could do "what she had to" in the bedroom but otherwise, no way. So we remained friends, went to museums, theatre etc but she is still single that I know of and very unusual for a Ukrainian. Alla did not like so much that I had a woman friend even though there never was any sex. Ever. But we were friends throughout and she understands that my now wife does not want any "concurrent women" around.

[Captain Oates 911]

Just ask ahead of time. I am assuming you discussed something else about life, why not that? We just discussed it and realized, yeah, that part is OK. And it has been so far and I do not see it changing. I suppose they could lie and maybe she did, but then once the truth is known you know you are going to have to do it anyway so why not sooner?

Hopefully you got passed that now.

oh yes I was out of that many years ago. She moved in with the director of her new company a few months after we divorced

He had children, which she didn't like, so she made him build her an extension on his house so she could have her own rooms and live her own life in there

They are still married coz he doesn't want to lose his nice house - so he goes roaming like an alley cat coz she pulled the same stunt on him

She comes over quiet and shy and modest, so avoiding flash women and obvious trash is no defense. She knows what guys rate as the 'real thing', 'classy', modesty dressed, and gives them that - while it suits her

Actually, I had more luck with the flirty lipstick types - at least they were more genuine.

Quiet, shy, modest types are always thinking.....

SUMMARY:

Head back, belly laugh, gimme another drink - good - thinking - bad

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

oh yes I was out of that many years ago. She moved in with the director of her new company a few months after we divorced

He had children, which she didn't like, so she made him build her an extension on his house so she could have her own rooms and live her own life in there

They are still married coz he doesn't want to lose his nice house - so he goes roaming like an alley cat coz she pulled the same stunt on him

She comes over quiet and shy and modest, so avoiding flash women and obvious trash is no defense. She knows what guys rate as the 'real thing', 'classy', modesty dressed, and gives them that - while it suits her

Actually, I had more luck with the flirty lipstick types - at least they were more genuine.

Quiet, shy, modest types are always thinking.....

SUMMARY:

Head back, belly laugh, gimme another drink - good - thinking - bad

Maybe it is just me but I never saw the house I would be willing to be miserable for, and prowling the streets for sex when I have a wife would make me miserable. Some things you just gotta get from your wife and that is one of them. Hell, they tolerate you eating others women's cooking, but you better not be getting dessert from them, right?

Heck I have nearly been croaked off twice in my life and other than that I haven't had any other bad days, now that I look back on it. Losing a house or all the rest of the stuff I have wouldn't bother me as much as living with a woman that said she was going to wean me off sex. I would try to stuff as many of my guns as possible in the mini-van, though.