need to make impotant decision.. need help

[mar2011 1]

hi everybody:) I wonder what you guys think about marriage contracts.. is it something you would go for or not? I'll explain.. I got my K-1 visa and I came to the states about a month ago. My fiance never told me about his desire to sign a marriage contract before (he knows that i dont like this idea because I believe people do it when they dont trust each other completely). He works in his father's company... we live in his parents house now... so pretty much he doesnt have many things of his own.. but he told me today that he wants to hire a lawyer to sign a marriage contract.. he didnt tell me much about it... only that this contract will somehow give him more chances to inherit his father's company in the future... and in case of divorce we will not have to deal with 50;50 sharing of things... what's mine will be mine and what's his will be his, he said "it will be like we are just boyfriend and girlfriend.. dont worry about it... it doesnt really mean anything"... besides that they have kinda strange relationships in their family.. they go on a vacation without telling anybody about it *(like is sister just left to a different state without telling anybody).. his mum says that all of her kids (including my fiance) act like that.. so yeah.. he wants us to get married without telling the date to his parents.. he wants us to tell them that we got married after we get married.. i feel very confused.. I dont really understand their relationships in the family but the thing about not telling the date to the parents and especially this stupid contract bother me a lot... he swears he loves me and trusts me, and that this contract is mostly for his dad.. but i feel that something is wrong.. I dont know what to do.. sometimes I really want to take my things and go home but at the same time i love this person.. all this situation makes me feel bad... has anybody ever had anything like that? what are your thoughts about all this? I would be happy to hear your ideas and comments..

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

hi everybody:) I wonder what you guys think about marriage contracts.. is it something you would go for or not? I'll explain.. I got my K-1 visa and I came to the states about a month ago. My fiance never told me about his desire to sign a marriage contract before (he knows that i dont like this idea because I believe people do it when they dont trust each other completely). He works in his father's company... we live in his parents house now... so pretty much he doesnt have many things of his own.. but he told me today that he wants to hire a lawyer to sign a marriage contract.. he didnt tell me much about it... only that this contract will somehow give him more chances to inherit his father's company in the future... and in case of divorce we will not have to deal with 50;50 sharing of things... what's mine will be mine and what's his will be his, he said "it will be like we are just boyfriend and girlfriend.. dont worry about it... it doesnt really mean anything"... besides that they have kinda strange relationships in their family.. they go on a vacation without telling anybody about it *(like is sister just left to a different state without telling anybody).. his mum says that all of her kids (including my fiance) act like that.. so yeah.. he wants us to get married without telling the date to his parents.. he wants us to tell them that we got married after we get married.. i feel very confused.. I dont really understand their relationships in the family but the thing about not telling the date to the parents and especially this stupid contract bother me a lot... he swears he loves me and trusts me, and that this contract is mostly for his dad.. but i feel that something is wrong.. I dont know what to do.. sometimes I really want to take my things and go home but at the same time i love this person.. all this situation makes me feel bad... has anybody ever had anything like that? what are your thoughts about all this? I would be happy to hear your ideas and comments..

Personally I would tell him to stuff it and get on the next plane back to Ukraine. I am the US citizen and believe marriage is what it says, two people joining as one, for better or worse, richer or poorer and each gives 100% and shares equally in responsibilities and rewards, and no further contract is needed. It is the most important and sacred of contracts. If my future spouse did not agree on this very basic principle then we could not be married

I also think it very dishonest that this was not disclosed, but that seems normal for this guy and his family. It would be a deal breaker for me.

My wife and I are nothing like "boyfriend and girlfriend" and please ask him to refrain from insulting our institution and our efforts.

You are Ukrainian, I am guessing you are a much better than average looking woman (pretty safe guess) and you can do better. Go do it.

Edited September 4, 2011 by Gary and Alla

[no more 16]

hi everybody:) I wonder what you guys think about marriage contracts.. is it something you would go for or not? I'll explain.. I got my K-1 visa and I came to the states about a month ago. My fiance never told me about his desire to sign a marriage contract before (he knows that i dont like this idea because I believe people do it when they dont trust each other completely). He works in his father's company... we live in his parents house now... so pretty much he doesnt have many things of his own.. but he told me today that he wants to hire a lawyer to sign a marriage contract.. he didnt tell me much about it... only that this contract will somehow give him more chances to inherit his father's company in the future... and in case of divorce we will not have to deal with 50;50 sharing of things... what's mine will be mine and what's his will be his, he said "it will be like we are just boyfriend and girlfriend.. dont worry about it... it doesnt really mean anything"... besides that they have kinda strange relationships in their family.. they go on a vacation without telling anybody about it *(like is sister just left to a different state without telling anybody).. his mum says that all of her kids (including my fiance) act like that.. so yeah.. he wants us to get married without telling the date to his parents.. he wants us to tell them that we got married after we get married.. i feel very confused.. I dont really understand their relationships in the family but the thing about not telling the date to the parents and especially this stupid contract bother me a lot... he swears he loves me and trusts me, and that this contract is mostly for his dad.. but i feel that something is wrong.. I dont know what to do.. sometimes I really want to take my things and go home but at the same time i love this person.. all this situation makes me feel bad... has anybody ever had anything like that? what are your thoughts about all this? I would be happy to hear your ideas and comments..

Hate you are feeling like this....Do you get along with his parents? Do they accept you? American families are more disconnected from each other then european families that is for sure. Just sounds to me he is catching some heat from his father about marrying. I personally would not be ok signing marriage contract...and this is up to you. But if your relationship is solid and you guys work well together signing it will not be a issue as it is a request through his father. Have you asked him what other options there are? Really not fair he did not speak about this before. The not telling the date is different for sure. but all families are different. If you trust this situation and I would not just sign it without having someone looking over the contract. There are a million what ifs. Trust your instincts!!

[Anh map 2,098]

Pay an attorney to review the contract with only you where you can ask any questions that you want. After that make an informed decision.

[together4evr 360]

I agree with him asking you for a prenuptial agreement (marriage contract) because the business needs to stay in his family in the unlikely event of your divorce and he must protect his families investment and the future of the business. But make sure on that contract that it says any money that he earns while you two are married counts as yours also. You can deal with not owning the business that is his families. But, his income from that business needs to be counted for you. Get a lawyer that he is not privy to and have them review any contract you sign and make sure it is normal. If he cannot tell family dates then what might he not tell you that you are signing.

But...what is up with the date thing and the not communicating within his family? This would scare me. I have to have someone who is completely open and honest. If he hides the simple facts of vacation or MARRIAGE dates then exactly what else will he hide from you for the rest of your lives. I think he needs some therapy. This is not normal behavior. It is deceitful. If he hid my marriage date from family does that mean he is hiding it, embarrassed? I would make him open up and speak to me a couple hours each and every night till I felt comfortable. I would not trust him completely if he chooses to hide his marriage date with me. And when will he tell them about it. 1 month, 1 year, 2, never??? When do the lies and deceit end?

Good Luck. Think with your head and not your heart.

[Patty♥Paul 8]

well if you are thinking on sign that contract, make sure of read it all very carefully... and yeah family relationships are kind of weird here in USA, I'm still not get used to it, thanks God my husband is really lovely

God bless you and hope everything goes well for you

Patty

[krautlaus 7]

hi everybody:) I wonder what you guys think about marriage contracts.. is it something you would go for or not? I'll explain.. I got my K-1 visa and I came to the states about a month ago. My fiance never told me about his desire to sign a marriage contract before (he knows that i dont like this idea because I believe people do it when they dont trust each other completely). He works in his father's company... we live in his parents house now... so pretty much he doesnt have many things of his own.. but he told me today that he wants to hire a lawyer to sign a marriage contract.. he didnt tell me much about it... only that this contract will somehow give him more chances to inherit his father's company in the future... and in case of divorce we will not have to deal with 50;50 sharing of things... what's mine will be mine and what's his will be his, he said "it will be like we are just boyfriend and girlfriend.. dont worry about it... it doesnt really mean anything"... besides that they have kinda strange relationships in their family.. they go on a vacation without telling anybody about it *(like is sister just left to a different state without telling anybody).. his mum says that all of her kids (including my fiance) act like that.. so yeah.. he wants us to get married without telling the date to his parents.. he wants us to tell them that we got married after we get married.. i feel very confused.. I dont really understand their relationships in the family but the thing about not telling the date to the parents and especially this stupid contract bother me a lot... he swears he loves me and trusts me, and that this contract is mostly for his dad.. but i feel that something is wrong.. I dont know what to do.. sometimes I really want to take my things and go home but at the same time i love this person.. all this situation makes me feel bad... has anybody ever had anything like that? what are your thoughts about all this? I would be happy to hear your ideas and comments..

I personally think that there is nothing wrong with having/getting a marriage contract per se. I can understand that he would like to protect his savings or whatever, especially if it (truly) increases his chances of inheriting his father's company. If that is his wish, you will have to respect it in my opinion. Also, a marriage contract has nothing to do with trust. You said yourself that he doesn't appear to have that much money anyways - so what is he really afraid to lose?

Don't think too much of it - my fiance, now husband, wanted to sing a prenuptial agreement/contract too and although I thought he didn't trust me at first, I realized he just wanted to protect the funds he spent years to build up.

As for the not telling anyone part - I would personally be very confused myself as well. Some guys don't feel like telling the entire world that they're getting married (unlike us women) but not even letting your parents be there seems a little awkward. Is he planning on hiding you from them? Seems a little dodgy to me..

[Tim/Mav 305]

There is a clear indication he's a Momma's Boy. Living at home and reliant upon the parents and folowing their household rules. There is No trust. Yes, you can Marry but sign this first. Oh Please. I have an idea if your Husband was away from the parents and not under their roof he would not suggest a pre-nup.

You should have been informed that this was going to presented to you and not after your arrival. Thats BS. That was not honest.

Some members will say: He is just protecting himself as this topic has been posted before but you should have been informed that this was in "Their" Plans later and later is now.

I call this entrapment. Why, your here in the US and helpless. Sign or not Sign. I would refuse to sign and ask his parents to send you back and watch him fall apart.

Any pre-nup must be explained in the immigrants luanguge and should be reviewed by an Attorney as said above.

What a "Welcome to the Family" Marridge is a Contract of course. There will be alot of different opinions on this. Me, I see it as wrong as to you were not told beforehand that this was the plan. BEST

Edited September 4, 2011 by Tim/Mav

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Duplicate threads have been merged and duplicate post removed. It is not necessary to post the same topic more than once.

[awkwardsoul 20]

Yeah, that's not too great to get that dropped on you like that. Quoting advice columnist Dan Savage, prenups "are like car insurance, sure you don't ever want to need it, but just in case..."

Make sure your rights are protected the prenup as well. The most important thing is to protect yourself first.

[gland 5]

hi everybody:) I wonder what you guys think about marriage contracts.. is it something you would go for or not? I'll explain.. I got my K-1 visa and I came to the states about a month ago. My fiance never told me about his desire to sign a marriage contract before (he knows that i dont like this idea because I believe people do it when they dont trust each other completely). He works in his father's company... we live in his parents house now... so pretty much he doesnt have many things of his own.. but he told me today that he wants to hire a lawyer to sign a marriage contract.. he didnt tell me much about it... only that this contract will somehow give him more chances to inherit his father's company in the future... and in case of divorce we will not have to deal with 50;50 sharing of things... what's mine will be mine and what's his will be his, he said "it will be like we are just boyfriend and girlfriend.. dont worry about it... it doesnt really mean anything"... besides that they have kinda strange relationships in their family.. they go on a vacation without telling anybody about it *(like is sister just left to a different state without telling anybody).. his mum says that all of her kids (including my fiance) act like that.. so yeah.. he wants us to get married without telling the date to his parents.. he wants us to tell them that we got married after we get married.. i feel very confused.. I dont really understand their relationships in the family but the thing about not telling the date to the parents and especially this stupid contract bother me a lot... he swears he loves me and trusts me, and that this contract is mostly for his dad.. but i feel that something is wrong.. I dont know what to do.. sometimes I really want to take my things and go home but at the same time i love this person.. all this situation makes me feel bad... has anybody ever had anything like that? what are your thoughts about all this? I would be happy to hear your ideas and comments..

Sounds like the dad has the issue. Plus the son may have a problem putting you ahead of his parents. Just make sure the contract protects you after the marriage. Anything he and you earn after the marriage is 50/50. He should have brought all this up before moving you to the USA though. If he had would still have come? Might ask yourself that.

[hikergirl 277]

I agree with him asking you for a prenuptial agreement (marriage contract) because the business needs to stay in his family in the unlikely event of your divorce and he must protect his families investment and the future of the business. But make sure on that contract that it says any money that he earns while you two are married counts as yours also. You can deal with not owning the business that is his families. But, his income from that business needs to be counted for you. Get a lawyer that he is not privy to and have them review any contract you sign and make sure it is normal. If he cannot tell family dates then what might he not tell you that you are signing.

I think that togetherforever13 has the right idea. It seems to me that your fiance might be having some resistance to your engagement/marriage from his Dad. If he has a pre-nup to protect the family business in the case of a divorce then it may help you and your fiance with his family. A lot of people don't understand that it is possible to love someone who you have met on the internet. They think that the person coming to America is automatically "using" the other person for a green card and money. If he is getting some resistance from his Dad then him planning on hiding the wedding date and announcing it after the fact makes sense to me.

I also agree with you getting a lawyer to make sure that any income your fiance/husband (and you as well) make are marital assets. IMO You should be partners in all that you do from that day forward.

I wish you all of the best and I hope that it all works out!

[Julie y Pat 67]

If he's hiring a lawyer to do this, as others have said, you should hire a lawyer as well to review it, and/or having your own contract drawn up saying if things go wrong, you want absolutely NOTHING to do with his family's business.

[Gosia & Tito 199]

hi everybody:) I wonder what you guys think about marriage contracts.. is it something you would go for or not? I'll explain.. I got my K-1 visa and I came to the states about a month ago. My fiance never told me about his desire to sign a marriage contract before (he knows that i dont like this idea because I believe people do it when they dont trust each other completely). He works in his father's company... we live in his parents house now... so pretty much he doesnt have many things of his own.. but he told me today that he wants to hire a lawyer to sign a marriage contract.. he didnt tell me much about it... only that this contract will somehow give him more chances to inherit his father's company in the future... and in case of divorce we will not have to deal with 50;50 sharing of things... what's mine will be mine and what's his will be his, he said "it will be like we are just boyfriend and girlfriend.. dont worry about it... it doesnt really mean anything"... besides that they have kinda strange relationships in their family.. they go on a vacation without telling anybody about it *(like is sister just left to a different state without telling anybody).. his mum says that all of her kids (including my fiance) act like that.. so yeah.. he wants us to get married without telling the date to his parents.. he wants us to tell them that we got married after we get married.. i feel very confused.. I dont really understand their relationships in the family but the thing about not telling the date to the parents and especially this stupid contract bother me a lot... he swears he loves me and trusts me, and that this contract is mostly for his dad.. but i feel that something is wrong.. I dont know what to do.. sometimes I really want to take my things and go home but at the same time i love this person.. all this situation makes me feel bad... has anybody ever had anything like that? what are your thoughts about all this? I would be happy to hear your ideas and comments..

Assuming that you go along with it, get your own attorney to have it checked. It is not so uncommon to have such a contract (pre nuptial agreement) here. As far fetched as this would sound, it could be a condition in the parents will (that is; for him to inherit, that if he was married a pre nup was executed.) Or it could also be that his parents are pressing for this and would have done with anyone not just you; after all, he's living at parents house, he works at dad's company, etc.

Keep in mind that in the US, in many states, no fault divorces are the law (that is, any spouse can ask for a divorce without anyone being at fault), also, many states are 'community property'. Also, normally, assets are community property from the time of marriage, this means any assets acquired before marriage are not considered community; this agreement is protecting future assets, his dad company being the main one. As I noted, it is not far fetch that parents have make this a requirement if he is to inherit company.

I do have a perfect real life example: friend of mine married and did not do a pre nup; he was running his parents business (ownership had been transferred to him already). Suddenly he passes and widow finds herself owning the business that my friend parent worked decades to develop. Parents of my friend and his siblings find themselves out of a business.

The business? a bookstore and paper store in the middle of Rodeo Drive, the highest cost real state in the West Coast, it was worth big$ just for the land.

Some people get offended by this kind of contracts, but you would need to look at marriage as being a contract, as cold as it sounds. For some other people it is normal.

I am not sure what is USCIS position in respect to pre nuptial agreements in the context of a K-1 though.

In your case, not disclosing it before hand is just not acceptable.

[Julie y Pat 67]

If he's doing it mostly for his dad, tell him you'll go along with it, under one condition: he sign a separate contract with you, that makes the other contract void upon his father's death. He can have his father's protection as long as he lives, but once he passes your fiancee will have to make his own decision