Am I potentially in trouble?

[confusedasheck 21]

I'm trying to get some photos of my gf and her family. Her parents in any photos do not look like they want to be in them. They are actually good to me outside of the camera. But they really hate photos for superstitious reasons. In the photos her parents are in with us they really look like they do not want to be in them.

Among other red flags, I was introduced by a family member of hers in the US who I work with. Age difference is 12 years. She failed a student visa once. Mom failed a tourist visa once because she didn't get evidence for her house and bank account.

In light of the red flags combined with her parent's unwillingness to smile in photos or even look at the camera, I am serious considering ending this relationship because I fear even if I go the CR-1 route, it will be denied for lack of family photos and the way her parents look like they don't want to be in the photos.

Am I justified in this fear?

[luckytxn 2,264]

I'm trying to get some photos of my gf and her family. Her parents in any photos do not look like they want to be in them. They are actually good to me outside of the camera. But they really hate photos for superstitious reasons. In the photos her parents are in with us they really look like they do not want to be in them.

Among other red flags, I was introduced by a family member of hers in the US who I work with. Age difference is 12 years. She failed a student visa once. Mom failed a tourist visa once because she didn't get evidence for her house and bank account.

In light of the red flags combined with her parent's unwillingness to smile in photos or even look at the camera, I am serious considering ending this relationship because I fear even if I go the CR-1 route, it will be denied for lack of family photos and the way her parents look like they don't want to be in the photos.

Am I justified in this fear?

If you are considering ending a relationship because of this fear then maybe you should reconsider the relationship and stop wasting time and money and the emotional damage that will come.

[confusedasheck 21]

Everything that I've read about the US consulate in HCMC indicates they will reject applications for trivial reasons or if the CO is having a bad day. As long as I have some hope, I am willing to go with it. If there is no hope, there is no point in continuing.

I'm just trying to get a straightforward answer to my question. Is my fear justified or not?

[Hot Vit Lon 7]

I'm trying to get some photos of my gf and her family. Her parents in any photos do not look like they want to be in them. They are actually good to me outside of the camera. But they really hate photos for superstitious reasons. In the photos her parents are in with us they really look like they do not want to be in them.

Among other red flags, I was introduced by a family member of hers in the US who I work with. Age difference is 12 years. She failed a student visa once. Mom failed a tourist visa once because she didn't get evidence for her house and bank account.

In light of the red flags combined with her parent's unwillingness to smile in photos or even look at the camera, I am serious considering ending this relationship because I fear even if I go the CR-1 route, it will be denied for lack of family photos and the way her parents look like they don't want to be in the photos.

Am I justified in this fear?

Even if they smiled like they just won the jackpot lottery in their photos, your case will most likely get denied due to the bold highlight I quoted.

[start of "Dr Phil" amateur advice]...............Are you still sure they're NOT trying to use you to get their feet in the US? (Since they failed on their own attempt)..............And you realize the US C/O would NOT fail to notice this fact right?

What you're doing right now is very similar to taking your whole month of salary to Vegas and "hope" your luck will take care of the next 3-month mortgage payments! Sure, it can happen, but what's your odd? [End of "Dr Phil" amateur advice]

Edited September 3, 2011 by Hot Vit Lon

[Kevin and 10]

People have overcome a lot more than this at HCMC. If your relationship is genuine there's nothing to worry about. There might be a few delays, but in the end you will get a visa. Is it worth the heartache? Only you know.

[Huong and Phung 0]

Well, if your relationship cant overcome just some Photos and not to mention the rough road ahead at the Consulate, you shouldn't waste anytime like other have said. I mean, do you love this gal and willing to work at it and overcome it? My father in law lives in the country side of Vietnam and he doesn't like to take pictures either but I guess I'm that good to get him in a photo hihihi. Try if you think it worth it man and drop it if you think it doesn't worth it FASTTTT.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

We've got tons of pictures where everyone is posing and smiling for the camera. I didn't send any of those photos with the petition, and the CO didn't look at them. All of the photos I included with the petition were impromptu pictures taken when nobody was paying any attention to the camera - everyone just being themselves. I also included some Dam Hoi pictures with the petition, but none of them were posed. At the interview the CO asked to see the Dam Hoi pictures, and he only flipped through a few of them quickly.

Take a good look at the photos you've got. Do her parents look angry or annoyed? Would someone who doesn't know any of you look at those pictures and perhaps get the impression that her parents are not happy about their daughter marrying you? Have you talked with her parents about the photos?

How long have you known the family member who introduced you? Did you explain your background with the family member with your petition? Is he/she an actual friend (e.g., you hang out when you're not at work, and you know each other's families) or just someone you know from work? The longer you've known them and the more friendly your relationship is, the less suspicious the introduction will seem.

A 12 year age difference is not a big deal if you're in your 50's. It's a much bigger deal if you're in your 30's. Even so, a friend of mine has a wife from Vietnam - she's in her early 20's and he's in his early 40's, and she got a K1 on the first try. My wife and I have an 8 year age difference, but I'm in my 50's.

Anyway, you should have given some thought to your long term plans when you got involved with this girl. Knowing how difficult the consulate in HCMC can be, you should have had a contingency plan for what you would do if the K1 is denied. Would you marry and file a CR1? What if that's also denied? Would you go to live with your wife in Vietnam? It sounds like maybe you didn't think of any of this stuff until recently, and now you're worried about it. If you've already decided you're willing to call the whole thing off if the K1 fails then you might want to give some thought to whether this relationship is as strong as you think it is.

[rlogan 2,036]

Among other red flags

When there are enough red flags to make a decent-sized tent, you keep the flags; dump the girl; go moose hunting in your tent.

[WeatherEmperor 21]

If you are considering ending a relationship because of this fear then maybe you should reconsider the relationship and stop wasting time and money and the emotional damage that will come.

+1 to what Curtis said.

OP(confusedasheck), if you have doubt/confusion/fear or whatever about the situation in your relationship, I think you should think about ending it. In your comments you already indicated that you are considering ending the relationship because of the picture issue. If you are not 100% determined to go through with this, you should stop the relationship ASAP.

[Anh map 2,098]

Everything that I've read about the US consulate in HCMC indicates they will reject applications for trivial reasons or if the CO is having a bad day. As long as I have some hope, I am willing to go with it. If there is no hope, there is no point in continuing.

I'm just trying to get a straightforward answer to my question. Is my fear justified or not?

Your impression of what you've read is way, way off. You've been seeing potential boogeymen since the Spring. Most of your worries are overblown. To the best of your abilities try to keep a cool head and prepare yourselves for the interview. And don't let your anxiety rub off on your SO.

[Dan and Judy 614]

I'm trying to get some photos of my gf and her family. Her parents in any photos do not look like they want to be in them. They are actually good to me outside of the camera. But they really hate photos for superstitious reasons. In the photos her parents are in with us they really look like they do not want to be in them.

Among other red flags, I was introduced by a family member of hers in the US who I work with. Age difference is 12 years. She failed a student visa once. Mom failed a tourist visa once because she didn't get evidence for her house and bank account.

In light of the red flags combined with her parent's unwillingness to smile in photos or even look at the camera, I am serious considering ending this relationship because I fear even if I go the CR-1 route, it will be denied for lack of family photos and the way her parents look like they don't want to be in the photos.

Am I justified in this fear?

I wonder if your real fear is that you are getting snookered.

If you back out because of the chance of being turned down then you can break up without coming to the conclusion that you are being used.

You don't have to accuse the girl. You can tell the person you work with that it is beyond your control and yada yada yada.

So if you are looking for a non confrontational excuse to end the relationship, I think this one is good enough.

I think if you didn't have your own reservations your question would have been more like: What can I do to make this happen?

If your gut is telling you there is something wrong you should probably listen

[cardigans5 43]

If you're considering ending a relationship due to some difficulty then you don't have a strong relationship or a strong love. I am very confident my fiance will be here soon but if not I will marry her there and go a different route...and if THAT wouldn't work and I exhausted all options I would move there! I am deeply in love with this woman and if you truly want to be with someone you're going to do it...not use parents not smiling for an excuse to get out.

[Josie-Be-Happy 11]

Even if they smiled like they just won the jackpot lottery in their photos, your case will most likely get denied due to the bold highlight I quoted.

[start of "Dr Phil" amateur advice]...............Are you still sure they're NOT trying to use you to get their feet in the US? (Since they failed on their own attempt)..............And you realize the US C/O would NOT fail to notice this fact right?

What you're doing right now is very similar to taking your whole month of salary to Vegas and "hope" your luck will take care of the next 3-month mortgage payments! Sure, it can happen, but what's your odd? [End of "Dr Phil" amateur advice]

Question/Curiosity - Why would the denial for her mother's tourist visa as well as the OP's fiance's prior student visa request be a red flag? These visas are not considered to be immigration visas unless the intent was to immigrate to the US.

Edited September 4, 2011 by Josie-Be-Happy

[Josie-Be-Happy 11]

Your impression of what you've read is way, way off. You've been seeing potential boogeymen since the Spring. Most of your worries are overblown. To the best of your abilities try to keep a cool head and prepare yourselves for the interview. And don't let your anxiety rub off on your SO.

:thumbs: I totally agree with you.

[bigdog 376]

Take the best of what you have, make a good impression. be in love and get a visa.