Limbo Land.

[paul_kay 31]

I;m on the same boat. I had to put my career (medical field) on hold just to be with my fiance. I know it will make me sad for a period of time but I know that he's worth it. I'd rather choose to go home with someone to look forward to rather than living alone comfortably but feel emotionally empty.

[Vicky and Larry 27]

I;. I'd rather choose to go home with someone to look forward to rather than living alone comfortably but feel emotionally empty.

I agree with your sentiments wholeheartedly. I love that so many people have a great attitude about this. We can identify and feel the sacrifices, but we know why we made them.

I love your profile picture - great aspect.

Good luck and best wishes.

[Lavi 3]

All of us knew that beeing with someone who lives across the ocean, or so many miles away will not be easy at all. It is very hard to give up on parents, friends, job, house, in my case even my 9 years old cat lol, country etc. But we knew we have to do that at one point, we chosed this so we have to find ways to deal with bad days, bad moments, try to breath, count from 1 to 10, think about the love we have for the one and with the one we chosed to do all this... if we do this we will smile and forget about the waiting times, about the papers we have to do, about how much it takes. It is hard, but what is easy in this life? Remember always what comes fast goes fast. I think this process makes us stronger, wiser, with a lottttttttt more patience, and above all shows us what is realy important and makes our relathionship more tied. If we did or do this we sure can do lots together. Just have faith in God, in yourselfs and in you and your partner for life! I have many bad days, i miss my fiance more and more, i am sick and tired of waiting, even the long part is gone for us, i want all this to be over and be with him. The rest i know, i am sure we can solve... Talking a lot lol, times to sleep. Good luck to everyone of you, smile coz you have love,the most wonderful and important feeling for all of us! God bless us and give as helth, strength, wisdom to pass our bad moments, to us, to our family!

Edited September 3, 2011 by Lavi

[beckyb 0]

I share mine as well. I had just been accepted to a masters program before I met my now husband. The plan was that I would apply for him and start my courses and I thought he would be here my first semester. And we both want a baby. I was 34 when we began this process. I would have finished school and we would be having our baby by now. But..... Life has played a cruel joke on us. The first visa was denied at consulate and I was too stressed to focus on school. So I have no masters degree yet, no baby, my husband is still in morocco and im 36 now so I feel like I just watch my opportunity to ever start a familydwindle away slowly with each padding month.

There was a time also when I used to go on vacations with my family and friends. But I havent done that now in almost three years. I use all my extra money and vacation time now to see my husband. So I really miss spending holidays with my family out of state. I never hardly see my mom and dad anymore.

This is hard for a lot more reasons than just the separation. Without my husband, my whole life is on hold. It is literally like being ripped in half.

I hope it goes quickly for you.

I feel exactly the same way you do especially the part about starting a family. I already have the Master's Degree, but that is no small comfort when all you want is the one you love. And without him how can we start a family? I've even contemplated trying to find a job in El Salvador, but the reality is he wants to be here to have a good life, not one where poverty is hanging over you like a dark cloud. So, I do get what you're saying. We have to be strong for ourselves and our spouses. Good luck to you all!

[Nicoco 26]

Not sure how to answer this question, but two ways to answer...

1.) I am only getting an Associate's because I need to pay for K-1 and wedding when my fiance gets here. Putting school on a hold. I also got a full time management job to be able to make the I-134 requirements. I think if I hadn't met him, I would be at a 4 year college with a small part time job.

2.) I don't go out late at night with friends. I used to all the time, but I just don't now.

I'm not as bad as I used to be, but I have in a way put my life on a hold. I don't want to be that way, but it's really easy to fall into that pattern automatically because it just feels like something's (someone!!) missing.

[Tyeger87 10]

I know this feeling and I go through it everyday. I feel like i am stuck and cannot do anything. My future career plans will require work and travel outside of the US that I cannot commit to because of this visa process. I have had opportunities presented to me to work and live in other countries, things that I really want to do but I can't because of our visa process. I have also had to limit myself to my hometown so at least he will be surrounded by my family while he gets adjusted. It is sooo good to know that I am not the only one and I question our decision alot, not because I dont love him and dont want to marry him, but because of the hold it puts on both of our lives. I have tried to express this feeling to others and they say "well maybe its not really love." They dont understand the difficulty in watching your chances pass you by because of immigration, they think because you question its not love. Clearly if we werent in love we would not be choosing to go through this hellish process (scammers are the exception). it feels good to know that I am not alone in this feeling

[Josie-Be-Happy 11]

Firstly, I will apologise if I have posted this in the wrong place? I don't think it's in the wrong place, but it's not about Visa process queries, or waiting times, or RFE's or any of the procedures surrounding emigrating via the K1 visa.

I would like to know what aspects of people's lives are in limbo, apart from waiting to be united with their loved ones?

Here's mine:

Today I was checking out Facebook and I saw that one of the friends I had made from being on an undergraduate psychology course here in the U.K, was updating their work/career/education information. She has been accepted into Teachers College Columbia University in New York. I was really happy for her and congratulated her, but I also experienced this sense of longing for more than my fiance. I miss studying and working towards actualizing my career goals. SO MUCH!!!

I decided that once we began our petition that it would be best for me to stop my studies here and focus on getting employment. I received the transcript of the credits I have all ready accrued and sent it over to my fiance. I plan on attending a good school that's not to far from where I will live with my faince.

Today, just felt hard, because although my life with my fiance means everything to me, I have had to make sacrifices for us to have a future together, albeit in the short-term, but nonetheless sacrifices. Don't get me wrong I don't regret those choices, but I really miss living the life that sees me progressing with my other life dreams.

This is just a temporary feeling, but it really grabbed a hold of me. I miss studying, I miss doing all the things that are associated to my long-term career plans, the things that stir-up that fire in my belly, and instead I have a blah 9-5 job. Most days I am grateful that I am fortunate enough to have a blah 9-5 job, one that will help to pay for bills and pay for visa stuff. I just miss that part of my life today. I do my best not to see this interim period as limbo, but sometimes I am reminded that there is a lot of my life that is on hold.

I think it's good to acknowledge these feelings, express them, feel them and then move on....

Please don't feel like you're alone. I know how you feel as I have put off my career and turned down major job opportunities until my husband is finally able to come home. I don't regret any decisions that I have made and will do anything and everything for us to be together. We look at this long, drawn-out waiting period/process to get his visa approved is just a short period of time in our lives compared to the many years to come once we are permanently reunited. Some days are very hard as we are facing many challenges that a normal marriage wouldn't. Be strong and stay positive. Your day to be united with your loved one will come.

Best wishes.

[Josie-Be-Happy 11]

Firstly, I will apologise if I have posted this in the wrong place? I don't think it's in the wrong place, but it's not about Visa process queries, or waiting times, or RFE's or any of the procedures surrounding emigrating via the K1 visa.

I would like to know what aspects of people's lives are in limbo, apart from waiting to be united with their loved ones?

Here's mine:

Today I was checking out Facebook and I saw that one of the friends I had made from being on an undergraduate psychology course here in the U.K, was updating their work/career/education information. She has been accepted into Teachers College Columbia University in New York. I was really happy for her and congratulated her, but I also experienced this sense of longing for more than my fiance. I miss studying and working towards actualizing my career goals. SO MUCH!!!

I decided that once we began our petition that it would be best for me to stop my studies here and focus on getting employment. I received the transcript of the credits I have all ready accrued and sent it over to my fiance. I plan on attending a good school that's not to far from where I will live with my faince.

Today, just felt hard, because although my life with my fiance means everything to me, I have had to make sacrifices for us to have a future together, albeit in the short-term, but nonetheless sacrifices. Don't get me wrong I don't regret those choices, but I really miss living the life that sees me progressing with my other life dreams.

This is just a temporary feeling, but it really grabbed a hold of me. I miss studying, I miss doing all the things that are associated to my long-term career plans, the things that stir-up that fire in my belly, and instead I have a blah 9-5 job. Most days I am grateful that I am fortunate enough to have a blah 9-5 job, one that will help to pay for bills and pay for visa stuff. I just miss that part of my life today. I do my best not to see this interim period as limbo, but sometimes I am reminded that there is a lot of my life that is on hold.

I think it's good to acknowledge these feelings, express them, feel them and then move on....

Please don't feel like you're alone. I know how you feel as I have put off my career and turned down major job opportunities until my husband is finally able to come home. I don't regret any decisions and sacrifices that I have made and will do anything and everything for us to be together. We look at this long, drawn-out waiting period/process to get his visa approved as a short period of time in our lives compared to the many years to come once we are permanently united. Some days are very hard as we are facing many challenges that a normal marriage doesn't. For now, my main focus is my husband. Your educational goals and long-term career plans will always be there. Be strong and stay positive. Your day to be united with your loved one will come.

Best wishes.

[Alelovescesar 5]

First of all, i just want to say that this is a great topic!! I am the USC and am applying for my husband. Everything about this process sucks! i too had to put my career goals on hold. I was hoping to be back in graduate school and getting my masters in psychology by now and in two years be able to start my family with my husband. But as of now, i can't really make any plans for anything until this process ends. Not only is it hard to feel "stuck" and unable to make plans...it's extremely hard to be without my husband. although he is only in Mexico, it is very expensive to be flying there so often. the last time i was with him was two months ago and it feels like it's been years. I hate going out bc like someone else mentioned, i start to have fun and just picture how much more fun i'd have if he were here with me. It really does help to know that there are other ppl in our same situation. When i first started this process i felt like we were the only ones going thru this situation, for some reason it made me feel even more lonely. Knowing that there is such a large support system for this process has definetly made it a lot easier...thanks so much for this topic. I honestly feel so sad on an every day basis and it's nice to know that i'm not the only one going thru these emotions...

[Tyeger87 10]

I know how it feels to be apart for months. I used to struggle with that element, but I have conditioned myself to accept that that dynamic is just part of loving my fiance - for now He has purchased his ticket for December and he will be here for 11 days - we would have been apart for 4 months by then, which is a small amount of time compared to other periods we have been apart. I am hoping it will be the last visit we have together while I live in the U.K.

Good luck with your journey.

This is great but i know i find it especially hard to accept the distance as a part of loving my fiance. Its especially difficult when we can only talk once or twice a week for maybe 3 to five minutes at a time because of the lack of development in his country and the expensive cost of calling there. That he does not have internet in his village and its shotty in the capital. It is ever harder to deal with because i dont have the option to break up the time apart. We can't visit each other and we have already been apart for 7 months. It costs over 2500 to fly to his country. This process and being in limbo and being unable to see or even speak to my fiance enough to make the limbo less painful just makes me angry, really angry

[Alelovescesar 5]

This is great but i know i find it especially hard to accept the distance as a part of loving my fiance. Its especially difficult when we can only talk once or twice a week for maybe 3 to five minutes at a time because of the lack of development in his country and the expensive cost of calling there. That he does not have internet in his village and its shotty in the capital. It is ever harder to deal with because i dont have the option to break up the time apart. We can't visit each other and we have already been apart for 7 months. It costs over 2500 to fly to his country. This process and being in limbo and being unable to see or even speak to my fiance enough to make the limbo less painful just makes me angry, really angry

i admire your strength! i can't even imagine talking to my husband only once or twice a week. I wish you the best of luck with this process and hopefully all of us can be reunited with our loved ones and start our "happily ever after" =)

[hikergirl 277]

This was a great topic idea! If you've seen the video to Counting Down The Days by Natalie Imbruglia, that is how I feel at times. Like I'm surviving my day-to-day life just to make it to the next visit.

Thank goodness for Skype though and the internet, I can't imagine the old days where you had to wait for mail service in a long-distance relationship.

[Vicky and Larry 27]

This is great but i know i find it especially hard to accept the distance as a part of loving my fiance. Its especially difficult when we can only talk once or twice a week for maybe 3 to five minutes at a time because of the lack of development in his country and the expensive cost of calling there. That he does not have internet in his village and its shotty in the capital. It is ever harder to deal with because i dont have the option to break up the time apart. We can't visit each other and we have already been apart for 7 months. It costs over 2500 to fly to his country. This process and being in limbo and being unable to see or even speak to my fiance enough to make the limbo less painful just makes me angry, really angry

The situation you are in is a really tough one. I agree with another poster that you have great strength. I hope you recognize that. The longest I have been apart from my fiance was just over 6 months and it was hellish. I can't imagine doing that and having limited resources to talk and communicate thrown into the mix. However, it just goes to show the extraordinary lengths people will go to for love, and that is a beautiful thing. This is a quote I like a lot, I hope it gives you some comfort "Distance is to love like wind is to fire...it extinguishes the small and kindles the great!" Roger de Rabutin

Good luck with everything. Stay strong.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

One makes choices in life and lives with those happily and devotes themselves to their family. Gee...what could I have if I didn't pay for my children's education? I could have a really cool boat and sports car at the very least.

I would suggest you begin by getting rid of facebook and never comparing yourself to what others have chosen to do.

[Jim N Augie 16]

It's been really helpful reading everyones posts. Seems many realize that the things around you are just things and without your special someone they dont matter so much. Staying busy really helps. Luckily I have a demanding job. Someone here mentioned the little things they dont do because no fun doing them alone. I really understand that! Theres been some great quotes here too. Whatever motivates you just stay strong. I try not to have much free time and when I do I have my guitar. Theres a song by an old band called Triumph...Fight the good fight. Thats what we are all doing. It's hard not to be jealous sometimes of others who have alreday made it thru this and are going on with life but that day will come for all of us. I know some have had it easier and some harder. As for me we spent 3 years getting an anullment before we could even start a k1 because her country has such crazy laws and greedy judges. I flew to see her as much as I could but yeah it gets expensive. This year is really hard because we are spending the money on the k1, visa and hopefully tickets to the US so it's now been 8 months since we've seen each other and thats the longest we have done that. But I couldn't do both so we are doing what is most importantthis year. Sure I could have remodeled my house by now or really stuck alot away for retirement but I am smart enough to know none of that would matter without her so here I am Jim.