Limbo Land.

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

Wow!

It's so wonderful to hear from someone whose made it to the other side (as it were). I agree with EVERYTHING you have said. And, for the most part I have been treating this transition as a time to enjoy the parts of my life here that will change once I am out there. You just gave me some invaluable advice about volunteering and schools. I was hoping I could volunteer while I was waiting for everything to go through. Yay! I have accepted that it may be up to three months before all the paper work goes through state side and I can work etc.

You have a great attitude, Helen one that I share.

Thanks for sharing and congratulations on making it.

I think you'll have a great experience.

It is so easy to get involved here. Especially if you are motivated and have time to give. I volunteered full time as a educational counselor in an alternative school for teenagers. I have a psychology degree and they were happy to have me get involved. It is different to the UK in a lot of ways and 'getting involved' is really really encouraged. In fact I got a booklet about it when I got my greencard. Being part of your community and all that It's easy to do here.

Sometimes it's hard and you do sacrifice...but more that that you also gain an amazing opportunity. So does your fiance. Waiting for the K1 is tough though and I hope it goes quickly for you.

What State are you moving to?

Helen

[Vicky and Larry 27]

I think you'll have a great experience.

It is so easy to get involved here. Especially if you are motivated and have time to give. I volunteered full time as a educational counselor in an alternative school for teenagers. I have a psychology degree and they were happy to have me get involved. It is different to the UK in a lot of ways and 'getting involved' is really really encouraged. In fact I got a booklet about it when I got my greencard. Being part of your community and all that It's easy to do here.

Sometimes it's hard and you do sacrifice...but more that that you also gain an amazing opportunity. So does your fiance. Waiting for the K1 is tough though and I hope it goes quickly for you.

What State are you moving to?

Helen

That is so cool to hear, and that you have a psychology degree. My fiance has a lot of contacts and I don't doubt that I will be able to secure some relevant voluntary work with or without those links. I am moving to St.Louis MO cowboy land - yehaaaaw! I jest. I have noticed that community is a much bigger part of people's lives where he lives - I like that too! Larry is a high-school teacher in a private school, where he has worked for 20 years. His friends have all ready made me feel so welcome and popular - ha, ha ha. So, you do the college counseling?

I generally see all the positives if this situation, but just some days I get in a slump. You know how that can feel.

How long have you been settled?

[Vicky and Larry 27]

I think you'll have a great experience.

It is so easy to get involved here. Especially if you are motivated and have time to give. I volunteered full time as a educational counselor in an alternative school for teenagers. I have a psychology degree and they were happy to have me get involved. It is different to the UK in a lot of ways and 'getting involved' is really really encouraged. In fact I got a booklet about it when I got my greencard. Being part of your community and all that It's easy to do here.

Sometimes it's hard and you do sacrifice...but more that that you also gain an amazing opportunity. So does your fiance. Waiting for the K1 is tough though and I hope it goes quickly for you.

What State are you moving to?

Helen

I just checked out Burlington Vermont. Beautiful! St.Louis has it's charms :-)

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

That is so cool to hear, and that you have a psychology degree. My fiance has a lot of contacts and I don't doubt that I will be able to secure some relevant voluntary work with or without those links. I am moving to St.Louis MO cowboy land - yehaaaaw! I jest. I have noticed that community is a much bigger part of people's lives where he lives - I like that too! Larry is a high-school teacher in a private school, where he has worked for 20 years. His friends have all ready made me feel so welcome and popular - ha, ha ha. So, you do the college counseling?

I generally see all the positives if this situation, but just some days I get in a slump. You know how that can feel.

How long have you been settled?

I definitely know the slumps.

I actually just started my first job this week! In a high school. I got my greencard in April but held off looking for work until after the summer. We travelled across the States this summer and saw a lot! I was in St Louis during the heatwave!

That's great that his friends are welcoming! My husband and I lived in Scotland for 3 years until we moved to Vermont, he's from Alaska so we are both new to this State. I don't know if that makes it easier or not. At least we both have tomake friends...but he had few contacts when I got here. He teaches college here.

I also love that community involvement is important here. It makes it easier to get involved, definitely. I just started a volunteer job teaching a college prep course to immigrants whose first language is not English.

It took a while to feel 'settled' here. But I definitely do now

Good luck with everything! It will be worth it.

Edited September 3, 2011 by Helen Louise Pile

[JohnandWendyB 21]

I definitely know the slumps.

I actually just started my first job this week! In a high school. I got my greencard in April but held off looking for work until after the summer. We travelled across the States this summer and saw a lot! I was in St Louis during the heatwave!

That's great that his friends are welcoming! My husband and I lived in Scotland for 3 years until we moved to Vermont, he's from Alaska so we are both new to this State. I don't know if that makes it easier or not. At least we both have tomake friends...but he had few contacts when I got here. He teaches college here.

I also love that community involvement is important here. It makes it easier to get involved, definitely. I just started a volunteer job teaching a college prep course to immigrants whose first language is not English.

It took a while to feel 'settled' here. But I definitely do now

Good luck with everything! It will be worth it.

Hey, if you think St. Louis, MO is bad... I lived very rurally in MO when I first moved here. Ugh. At least St. Louis is a major city! I absolutely hate MO but my family moved here so I eventually did as well from Colorado which I know is evidence in and of itself of my insanity! Hehehe

We are going through the slumps and limbo land feelings, too. Hard to keep upbeat and positive somedays. I try to just keep busy. I spend so much time on the phone that I feel tied to the pc or phone which really is aggravating. I want to stay connected but it just exaggerates the feeling of limbo and unsettled.

Hey, if you think St. Louis, MO is bad... I lived very rurally in MO when I first moved here. Ugh. At least St. Louis is a major city! I absolutely hate MO but my family moved here so I eventually did as well from Colorado which I know is evidence in and of itself of my insanity! Hehehe

We are going through the slumps and limbo land feelings, too. Hard to keep upbeat and positive somedays. I try to just keep busy. I spend so much time on the phone that I feel tied to the pc or phone which really is aggravating. I want to stay connected but it just exaggerates the feeling of limbo and unsettled.

oops meant to respond to Vicky

[arynmichael 3]

My fiance and I are in limbo as well. We met in Panama a year a go and had plans to move there and spend our lives there until we realized that without my job, I'm a teacher, he would not be able to immigrate to the U.S. in the future. Because of the teaching crisis we had last year we decided to stay in the U.S. and start our life together here. He visisted me in Texas for six weeks in 2010 and I went to Holland for Christmas, then we had to wait until April for him to come back to Texas. We filed our K1 visa once he got here and then as soon as school let out we left the country (his tourist visa was also going to expire) and spent the summer traveling in Panama together. He went back to Holland in August 2011 and I went back to Texas and now the next time we will see each other is basically at our wedding once all of this approved. We filed on in April 2011 and got our NOA1 May 4th, 2011 and we were hoping for a November wedding, but since it is Septemeber and we have yet to receive our NOA2 we having pushed the potential wedding date to Februrary 2012 and it looks like I will be flying to Holland for Christmas, so we will have spent about 5 months apart.

Thankfully God has taken care of us and we are both employed and able to make it financially. The hardest parts are the waiting, not knowing, and being apart. I know a lot of American couples choose to be long distance for employment reasons, but we never made that choice. I know many of you feel this sentiment as well. If we had it our way we would have NEVER been apart, but because he was not born a U.S. citizen we are forced to be separate. It is so hard, but thankfully we are all doing this the legal way.

[cardigans5 43]

I read this site every day...more than a few times actually lol....and I think I'm the only one that's not going crazy with this whole K-1 process. Granted I'm only 3 1/2 months in and I haven't received any RFE's (knock on wood) I just figure its a lengthy process and a very small price to pay to spend the next 20, 30, or 40 years with the woman I love. As much as I want my fiancé here I tell myself its not a question of if but when will she be here. That's the important thing in my eyes. Being a realist really makes things easier.

[KayMar 4]

I completely understand the feelings in the original post but your life doesn't have to be in a total holding pattern, especially, when it comes to school. When I met my fiance (now hubby) I was really distracted by my father being seriously ill and going to school myself. I felt horrible because I was always on my way to the hospital or with my father and putting him off a little when my fiance called. He actually told me later that it only solidified his feelings for me because he saw how caring that I was for my dad and that I was driven. Later on my father was better and I made plans to visit him and the moment I got off the plane upon my return I was ready to start the K1 process. I was still in school persuing my BS and I had never taken out a loan. I was able to pay for my education myself and through the help of partial education reimbursements from my job. That January, I got hit with a few class bills at once and had to pay the visa fee on my own which was the beginning of school loans. It did bother me a bit but I stayed in school taking a little loan help as possible and even doubled up on classes because the end was in sight. I am a planner and driven never to quit once I start something. Anyway, I worked hard that year, I still went on my annual vacation with my best friend that year but the difference was I took my cam and laptop with me to check in with my fiance at nights. It was hard work but the way I looked at it was the hardest part about the USCIS petitions were just the waiting so why not use the time wisely. My focus was to get in all of my classes so I would have more time for him when we were united. Plan all wedding aspects - I made calls and I would show him our wedding venue, the chapel, etc via the internet but I didn't put out any money yet but I knew all of the things we wanted and only had to set a date by the time he came. This was the way I could focus on happy aspects. I even went dress shopping so all I had to do when he came was to order the dress. We were approved and reunited the end of October. We got married in December but by the time he arrived in October I only had one class to physically go to the next week and a science course online. I put off one final class to January of the following year and graduated in May. I say all of this to say that my focus was to maximize my time apart so we could spend as much time as possible together when he came and it made me stop focusing on the waiting period. I was also saving money during that time but spending time with my friends and the frequency of talking to my fiance never stopped. Maybe you can go to school part time and still save. I realize not everyone can go full force into your studies like I did but you could still be working towards some of your personal goals, just at a little slower of a pace. If you are the one coming to the US then being that much closer to your degree or having it will help you when you relocate and make the transition easier once you get your EAP. I personally always feel better when working towards a goal and if you are able to continue to further yourself during the wait you won't feel like you are giving up so much.

Hope that helps and I totally get how you are feeling and admire that you had the courage to post your feelings. We have all been there in one way or another. Good luck!

[Jim N Augie 16]

Good post. I'm sure all of us deal with it best we can. I know I have made financial decisions based on getting thru this k1 as opposed to future plans. But I can get back to those someday. I go to work and I come home, do it all again tomorrow and watch life pass me by while trying to save as much money as I can. You have to help each other stay strong. I feel like my whole life is on hold. I know my fiance is going thru the same thing so I try not to complain. Besides, If I had kept on dating I would still be looking for that special someone and finding that is the hardest of all. So I just tell myself the hard part is already done. Doesn't make waiting or jumping thru all these hoops easier but it does keep me focused on why I am doing this. Jim.

[KarenG 1]

Great, great topic. Makes me feel so good to know that we're not alone in our thinking. The "limbo" is so true. I am looking forward to the day when we all can look back at this!!

[Vicky and Larry 27]

Wow! so may of you with so many experiences and great advice. I am really glad I posted this, because I think we can all at least get some comfort from knowing that we have shared and common experiences, feelings and emotions with each other.

My 'slump' days never last more than a day or so, because I am a positive person by nature. I choose to be. I just think if you are feeling 'slumpish' it's healthy and good to share it and it makes it a lot easier to walk away from once you have outed how you feel. I don't tend to dwell.

The ONE GREAT thing we do all have in common is that we have found a love that is worth fighting for -- we are the fortunate ones.

Here is a good quote that I posted on my facebook status today: A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. Winston Churchill.

Although, I can and do relate to that quote I think we should feel free to say how things feel to us even if there is a silver lining. I am so glad people are sharing -- another great silver lining - people coming together and helping each other by having a good old moan and then finding perspective.

[Vicky and Larry 27]

For me, it's not major things that are missing, it's little things. For instance, there are so many things to do where I live, but I'm not really doing them anymore. Sporting events, amusement parks, music events, etc..... things I would normally like I'm avoiding right now. I found early in the process that when I'm doing something I really enjoy, I usually end up thinking about how much more I will enjoy it when she's finally here with me. Then I end up being sad at something I'm supposed to be enjoying. So now I'm sort of making a list of all the things I want us to do together when she's here; because I really don't feel like doing these things alone anymore.

Luckily, she should be here soon.

Good luck on your journey.

I think you should have fun while you are apart and then you will have great stories to share with her. Good luck with the rest of your journey too.

[Vicky and Larry 27]

I definitely know the slumps.

I actually just started my first job this week! In a high school. I got my greencard in April but held off looking for work until after the summer. We travelled across the States this summer and saw a lot! I was in St Louis during the heatwave!

That's great that his friends are welcoming! My husband and I lived in Scotland for 3 years until we moved to Vermont, he's from Alaska so we are both new to this State. I don't know if that makes it easier or not. At least we both have tomake friends...but he had few contacts when I got here. He teaches college here.

I also love that community involvement is important here. It makes it easier to get involved, definitely. I just started a volunteer job teaching a college prep course to immigrants whose first language is not English.

It took a while to feel 'settled' here. But I definitely do now

Good luck with everything! It will be worth it.

Thanks, Helen.

You story helped me a lot today. You sound like you have had a great start of your life together. Go you!

[Vicky and Larry 27]

My fiance and I are in limbo as well. We met in Panama a year a go and had plans to move there and spend our lives there until we realized that without my job, I'm a teacher, he would not be able to immigrate to the U.S. in the future. Because of the teaching crisis we had last year we decided to stay in the U.S. and start our life together here. He visisted me in Texas for six weeks in 2010 and I went to Holland for Christmas, then we had to wait until April for him to come back to Texas. We filed our K1 visa once he got here and then as soon as school let out we left the country (his tourist visa was also going to expire) and spent the summer traveling in Panama together. He went back to Holland in August 2011 and I went back to Texas and now the next time we will see each other is basically at our wedding once all of this approved. We filed on in April 2011 and got our NOA1 May 4th, 2011 and we were hoping for a November wedding, but since it is Septemeber and we have yet to receive our NOA2 we having pushed the potential wedding date to Februrary 2012 and it looks like I will be flying to Holland for Christmas, so we will have spent about 5 months apart.

Thankfully God has taken care of us and we are both employed and able to make it financially. The hardest parts are the waiting, not knowing, and being apart. I know a lot of American couples choose to be long distance for employment reasons, but we never made that choice. I know many of you feel this sentiment as well. If we had it our way we would have NEVER been apart, but because he was not born a U.S. citizen we are forced to be separate. It is so hard, but thankfully we are all doing this the legal way.

I know how it feels to be apart for months. I used to struggle with that element, but I have conditioned myself to accept that that dynamic is just part of loving my fiance - for now He has purchased his ticket for December and he will be here for 11 days - we would have been apart for 4 months by then, which is a small amount of time compared to other periods we have been apart. I am hoping it will be the last visit we have together while I live in the U.K.

Good luck with your journey.

[Vicky and Larry 27]

I read this site every day...more than a few times actually lol....and I think I'm the only one that's not going crazy with this whole K-1 process. Granted I'm only 3 1/2 months in and I haven't received any RFE's (knock on wood) I just figure its a lengthy process and a very small price to pay to spend the next 20, 30, or 40 years with the woman I love. As much as I want my fiancé here I tell myself its not a question of if but when will she be here. That's the important thing in my eyes. Being a realist really makes things easier.

I am an idealist, but I have learned through the wisdom of life -experience to be a realist when I need too. I think I balance that out pretty well for the most part. As I have said, I just get these 'slump' days every now and then. We have been in the process about as long as you guys, and so far we have not received any not-so-good news. I hope that continues. I am contented by the knowledge that some day in the future we will be livng our lives together and reminiscing about all of this.......I just figuired that if I have slump days due to the transitional aspect of this process, that others must, too.

I like your attitude!

Good luck with everything.