I would like to adopt my wifes son

[Theglassguy 0]

We have been married and living in the US for 2 years. I would like to Adopt her son. He is 4 and only knows me as his father. I have been in his life for 3 years. I want to have my last name. How do I go about starting the paper work?? If you can help thank you so much.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Google "Step-Parent Adoption" and the State you live in...

[1HappyGuy 45]

I am not sure which country you would apply, but I found a pretty good link that might be able to help you.

http://childrenshouseinternational.com/ukraine/

This is of course a site that deals with foreign parents adopting children from other countries but it looks to be very helpful and informative. Good luck in this quest. I'm sure you're a great father to him.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

It is a state matter. His immigration situation is a federal matter and the topic of these forums, but adopton is handled on the state level. I would say to contact a family law attorney or find out how to do it yourself in your state

[Theglassguy 0]

It is a state matter. His immigration situation is a federal matter and the topic of these forums, but adopton is handled on the state level. I would say to contact a family law attorney or find out how to do it yourself in your state

Thank you for your advice and your time!!!

[Danno 1,228]

On a practical level, I would give it a few more years before you took this step, if God forbid, the Marriage should fail, your alimony would be joined with child support.

That piece of paper is meaningless to him at this point, your love is everything so give that freely and give the legal side a bit more time IMO.

Edited September 3, 2011 by Danno

[Olya&Bill 0]

as usual, Gary And Alla are exactly correct.

(i was just researching this myself this week.

hard to find the info, with all the state agencies,

and people wanting free money, etc.)

after much searching, the single best site i found, is:

http://step-parent.adoption.com/

...simplest solution is to hire a lawyer,

but in some states, you can get the forms from Family Court,

and do it yourself.

and Danno gives very wise advise. ANY marriage can fail.

but in my case, i'm going to try to adopt,

even before the AOS.

her son is 5. "no father" on B.C.

Like in your case, i'm the only man he's ever called "Father".

and i want ALL of us, to be one family,

with one last name.

[Theglassguy 0]

as usual, Gary And Alla are exactly correct.

(i was just researching this myself this week.

hard to find the info, with all the state agencies,

and people wanting free money, etc.)

after much searching, the single best site i found, is:

http://step-parent.adoption.com/

...simplest solution is to hire a lawyer,

but in some states, you can get the forms from Family Court,

and do it yourself.

and Danno gives very wise advise. ANY marriage can fail.

but in my case, i'm going to try to adopt,

even before the AOS.

her son is 5. "no father" on B.C.

Like in your case, i'm the only man he's ever called "Father".

and i want ALL of us, to be one family,

with one last name.

I respect your advice but I never think it will fail when going into a relationship.And even if it did I would still be his father. I have 2 foster children and they love me like I was there real dad. And they still come to my house with there new wives and babys. I dont ever think about it like that when it comes to the children. My own kids are now 18 and 22 and they had no mother.I rased them by myself. It was a hard job but it was worth it. Now I have a big extended family and feel very loved when they come to see me at my house. It will be the same with my wifes son.I know it may sound crazy or foolish to some people. I just think a child is not to blame for the break up of two people. So I would never punish him by stopping to being his dad. I would still take care of him and do all the things a father should do.Again thank you for your advice and I wish you all the best.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I respect your advice but I never think it will fail when going into a relationship.And even if it did I would still be his father. I have 2 foster children and they love me like I was there real dad. And they still come to my house with there new wives and babys. I dont ever think about it like that when it comes to the children. My own kids are now 18 and 22 and they had no mother.I rased them by myself. It was a hard job but it was worth it. Now I have a big extended family and feel very loved when they come to see me at my house. It will be the same with my wifes son.I know it may sound crazy or foolish to some people. I just think a child is not to blame for the break up of two people. So I would never punish him by stopping to being his dad. I would still take care of him and do all the things a father should do.Again thank you for your advice and I wish you all the best.

Bully for you! Be a man and step up and give your family all you have and you will never regret it...ever.

Some advice...make this the last time you refer to him as "my wife's son" and never refer to him as that in earshot of him. Never refer to your wife as "your mother", it is just "mom" Let them know you are proud to be his "dad". Let them know that is the only way you will think of it. Let your wife know that. Lay down the rules and be done with it. This is a family and we will do what is best for the family and their are no "his", "hers". IMHO if you don;t do that you may as well just forget it.

Names never meant much to me, I am an action/adventure kind of guy and not much for symbolism over substance. When I woke up from bypass surgery my wife and four sons were there and I forgot their names. Be there for him and he will be there for you.

That said, since he is so young there is no reason for him not to have your name. Our boys are older and it would be somewhat redundant to do anything now.

[Olya&Bill 0]

I respect your advice but I never think it will fail when going into a relationship.

///

?

...you seem to misunderstand. i feel exactly the same as you.

as i said, like you, i am the -only- Father this child has had.

that, to me, is an honor, and a sacred trust.

...i was simply acknowledging that Danno had valid points and concerns,

in this modern world. and he cared enough, to offer that advice, which i respect.

but i'm old school. as apparently you are.

and, the main point of my post, was to share the result of my recent research,

for the exact same goal as you. my only advice, was that it's easier to hire a lawyer.

(but i'm downloading the forms in my state, and am doing it myself.)

Gary and Alla does a great job of explaining the practical reasons,

the psychology, of why this is much more than just a "piece of paper".

...and why it is very importance to me,

that ALL our last names are the same.

because, that "other" last name, is as much a reminder,

as saying "my wife's son".

(and in emails with Olya, i am already careful, to always call him our son,

or even MY son. ...i only referred to him as "her's" above, for clarity.)

that is why i am already working on our adoption papers,

and intend it to be complete in months, not years.

i'm especially hoping he will share OUR name,

before being in school for a single day.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

///

?

...you seem to misunderstand. i feel exactly the same as you.

as i said, like you, i am the -only- Father this child has had.

that, to me, is an honor, and a sacred trust.

...i was simply acknowledging that Danno had valid points and concerns,

in this modern world. and he cared enough, to offer that advice, which i respect.

but i'm old school. as apparently you are.

and, the main point of my post, was to share the result of my recent research,

for the exact same goal as you. my only advice, was that it's easier to hire a lawyer.

(but i'm downloading the forms in my state, and am doing it myself.)

Gary and Alla does a great job of explaining the practical reasons,

the psychology, of why this is much more than just a "piece of paper".

...and why it is very importance to me,

that ALL our last names are the same.

because, that "other" last name, is as much a reminder,

as saying "my wife's son".

(and in emails with Olya, i am already careful, to always call him our son,

or even MY son. ...i only referred to him as "her's" above, for clarity.)

that is why i am already working on our adoption papers,

and intend it to be complete in months, not years.

i'm especially hoping he will share OUR name,

before being in school for a single day.

You make a valid point regarding the names, I agree. One of our sons is 16 the other 20 going on 21. I am not the only "father" they have ever known but the only "dad". Father was nothing but AWOL in any of their memories and now has nearly nothing to do with them. Alla never used that name and still uses her maiden name. I have no prolem with that, I WOULD have a problem if she chose to use her ex-husbands name.

To me, they are just Pasha and Sergey, they are our sons and I am proud to help them and teach them and just play around with them.

Pasha bought his first car this week with money he saved from two summers working, paid cash for it. We picked it up today and tomorrow we are going to outfit it with "stuff" Makes me think of my first car (his is MUCH better) He bought the car, paid 6 months insurance in advance, and paid for the tax, title and lisence and learned the lesson of working for something and earning it.

IMHO there is nothing better you can do than do make a difference in the lives of your children and raise good men (or women) Best investment on earth

[Dan and Judy 614]

I'm disappointed, from the forums page it looked like you wanted to adopt your wife

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I'm disappointed, from the forums page it looked like you wanted to adopt your wife

This is the RUB forum, not PI forum.

[Danno 1,228]

Another thought on this topic, I have heard in some places the cost to adopt is not so cheap for a family on a budget, I have heard people suggest to do a simple name change -in the mean time.

[eekee 182]

I think it is a bit different re: cost when people are trying to adopt the child of a stranger via private or international adoption versus adopting a stepchild.