How did your family take the news your moving??

[Jumeriah Jill 0]

How did your family here in Australia, take the news of you moving to the USA? I have 3 kids aged 9yrs, 6yrs and 4yrs, and my parents and friends are so negative about the move.

Hubby and I feel it's whats best for our family, and what the life we want to give our family, we can't give here.

So how did you deal with your family and friends negativity aganist moving??

[VanessaTony 3,567]

How did your family here in Australia, take the news of you moving to the USA? Not well I have 3 kids aged 9yrs, 6yrs and 4yrs, and my parents and friends are so negative about the move.

Hubby and I feel it's whats best for our family, and what the life we want to give our family, we can't give here.

So how did you deal with your family and friends negativity aganist moving??

I answered your first qn above.

How did I deal with it? I ignored/ignore it... or tried to. Though my friends were fine with it, family not so much.

I personally don't feel the US is the promise land and there's a lot of negativity from Australian's (and other countries) about the US's arrogance (it is HARDCORE here.. "The US is the best country in the world"). There are a lot of issues here BUT it is cheaper living (and lower income too). The health care scares me (thankfully now my husband has a job with good health insurance and my job will). We bought a house here, no way we would have a house in Aus. I like the extracurricular activities for kids at school. I don't like how pervasive marijuana is here (and how everyone seems to think it's cool to smoke it.. I know it's in Aus too but it's worse here). I don't like the idea of 15 y/o's driving, or 16 y/o's driving by themselves. My husband has a school loan debt and I don't like how that works either (you have 10 years usually to pay it back. Depending on the amount of your loan it can be more than a house so you REALLY want your kids to get good grades and scholarships). In the beginning the food was SO bad. It's getting easier.. I dread to think how my stomach will react when I visit Aus next and have food without the incredible amount of preservatives and "fake" flavours. Most of the time my accent is treated well but at work lately I've been getting rather ticked at them trying to "Americanise" me and it's really frustrating on the phone with people when they don't understand you. No-one has EVER been polite and said "excuse me I missed that", it's always "what?" "Huh?" "Oooohh you mean xxx" yes.. that's what I fricken said. Grr!

Flights for Tony and I to go back are around $3K. We need money saved to pay bills while we're gone and of course spending money there so feel we should have $5K saved before going. With bills and necessities.. I'm telling you we don't have that saved right now... I haven't been home in almost a year now and Tony's NEVER been and with dad not being particularly well (dementia now) I'm definitely feeling the pressure.

Speaking of, any time a family member gets sick you CAN'T just pack up and leave. Not only is it unlikely you'll have enough money saved for flights willy nilly, but you've got to bear in mind the flight is around 24 hours, and even if you book an immediate flight you may not be back in time for last moments of some family members.

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Why am I writing all the negative stuff? because I think THAT'S what family are focussing on. Right now your family is thinking:

1. I won't see the kids grow up, they'll forget me.

2. What if they get into trouble or need help? I can't help them from so far away

3. What about the time difference and cost of calling? We can't talk to them easily

4. What about cost of flights? I can't visit all the time, they'll forget about us.

5. What about health care etc?

Every holiday my mum gets upset. My birthday this year she cried again. in the beginning she cried EVERY time we talked but now it's kinda restricted the holidays/birthdays. You'll feel it as well, and so will your kids, that suddenly it's all different.

There really is no way to alleviate your families fears. You can't promise to come back every X years because life WILL get in the way and they'll feel betrayed if you have to change plans. You could tell them you have a guest room when they want to visit but you're asking them to come up with the money for flights, as well as time off to visit you. I wish I could say they'll get used to it but they won't. My family still says ALL the time "when are you coming to visit?". Mum's now worried about if/when we have kids (unlike you I don't have any so I can only imagine how much worse it is for your family) and seeing the in-law support here is non-existent for us I'm worried too. We've actually discussed my Will and how I need to write a new one that includes a provision about guardianship of any kids going to MY family. Mum's worried that because they'll be in the US that they'll have to stay here. They'll be dual though so I'll make sure they have passports pretty much immediately.

This is a useless post 'cause I can't really help that much BUT the one thing I said was: What if I was just moving to the other side of Australia? Or just changing towns? It's the same thing. The only difference is I'm overseas rather than in the next state. They would still be spending money to visit, they would still not see us all the time.. they just feel SAFER knowing you're in the same country. The sad truth is they won't be there forever and do they REALLY expect you to plan your life around them? That's just not possible. You are living your life the way you feel is best and they basically need to chill out about it. I would suggest sitting down with them all and maybe getting them to explain what their issues are, or explaining how YOU feel about it and how you could really do with the support. Right now you're focussed on how YOU feel and they're focussed on how THEY feel. You should try and get on the same page as each other, or bitterness will occur (trust me on that one!)

Edited August 27, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[Amanda and Josh 12]

I don't have family to worry about but my friends are quite often really negative about it. I also have 3 kids (18, 13 and 10 - so any advice on form filing for them will be greatfully recieved lol), and my friends constantly bang on about what will happen if Josh and I break up? I just tell them that I wouldn't have married him in the first place if I thougth he would oneday leave me high and dry. i also tell them that i know my friends love me and would help me come home ;-P. I honestly just try to remember that they only say these things because they will miss us and dont want to see us go. Believe it comes from a good place and it is easier to deal with.

[Ashton & Ben 1]

It's a tough situation when your family makes it difficult for you with this decision. It's hard for them to know they won't get to see you as often or talk as often as they would if your family was living in Australia. Hopefully after you and husband have been married for a while they will see that you are happy with each other and providing a great environment for the kids, they will come to accept that it is your life and this is the decision that you've made. Unfortunately though, that doesn't make it any easier right now. The best advice that I could give you guys is to not let their negative feelings and sadness push a wedge between the two of you as you deal with it. And try not to let them doubt your decision to move. I know that's difficult sometimes but if you really believe that you two are meant to be together and you will have a better life in the U.S., hang onto that and just keep moving forward. I wish you all the best in this difficult but exciting time!

I didn't really have the same experience as my fiance isn't really close to his parents but they were unhappy with other things. They didn't want him to leave right after he got the visa; they wanted him to stay in Australia another six months after he got it rather than coming right to the U.S. so we could be together again. In the end, we just had to let them know that we appreciated their opinion and understood why they felt that way but for us it was important to be together again and start building our life here rather than just hanging in limbo for another six months. I don't know if they've accepted our decision or not as it's only been about a month since he got here but in time I am sure that they will.

Cherish the moments you still have with your family. It will be much better to leave on good terms and with everyone wanting what's best for your family than with people feeling hurt. Maybe set aside a time before you go where you can all sit down and honestly deal with their negative comments/feelings and answer them with why you still think it's better for your family to live in the States. It might make it easier if everything is out there and dealt with before you go even if they still feel negative about it.

[SDuke 3]

My family has been nothing but supportive of my impending move. Ever since i turned 18 i have been traveling and living overseas for extended periods of time, so I think they knew that eventually this day would come. They're not happy, but the understand and they only want me to be happy. Having said that, they love my husband and his family and know that i will be well taken care of. I am a bit scared with the state of the US economy and the health care system, but im lucky that my husband has coverage with his job - but we will be buying a house over there, and there is absolutely no way that we could afford a house here in Australia at the moment. There are negatives to moving and positives and it was an agonizing decision trying to figure out where to stay or go, but in the end as of right now, it is better for us to be in the US than Australia. My friends on the other hadn aren't taking it so well and have been really negative about the whole thing. I understand where they are coming from, but in the end, I need to be happy and i need support - im having a touch time knowing that in a few months i will be in another country starting from scratch, and im so glad i found these forums and can see that you are all going through the same thing - its like a mini support system!