Did you meet any new friends in the US?

[Mrs.J06 4]

what is it with the American halves not having any friends? That's just weird!

My hubby doesn't either, and there's only one person that he hangs out with on an occasional basis. Hubby's not at all sociable, and it drives me absolutely nuts.

I've made one friend since I got here, but she lives half an hour away, and now has no email, and only a cell phone that she doesn't turn on a lot because they can't afford it.

I'm not allowed to talk to people at my new job, (seriously!) so its not bloody likely I'd make any friends there, even if we did have anything in common to talk about.

And one other person I've met since I moved here is another transplanted Canuck, but she's an hour away, so we don't see each other often anymore since we both started working.

People don't seem to be all that socialable down here. So much for Southern Hospitality

Well, the Northerners aren't any better! *sign*

My husband has one closer friend with whom he meets every once in a while, and that's it!

He has told me right from the beginning that it might be difficult to make friends where we are, since most people hang out with their highschool buddies or family. He didn't grow up in Minnesota, and his family is in Missouri...

I met another German girl by pure chance (shopping groceries) with whom I hang out sometimes, and I do some things with my colleague, who is 20 years older than I am but really a great person, we get along well.

Like somebody said before, as much as I like living here, I miss the social life I had in Germany! I don't need a whole bunch of friends, just one or two would make me happy already...

[Sleepybears 0]

MarilynP,

I have to reply you right away. You know my hubby and I also visit his parents every weekend. And since they live quite far away, we actually stay over in their place for a night (he still has a room there). Same with you, I'm not saying that it's not good or what... But sometimes I do want to relax or do something on our own during the weekend, or meet some friends instead. So now I'm pretty unhappy when the weekend arrives...

Mrs.Johnson06,

I agree with you. I don't need a bunch of people and go out with me like every night or what. I just need some friends to share with me, laugh with me...

Hey at leats now you're working and you did meet someone from Germany, that's a good thing. Hope you'll be able to meet some more good friends here!

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I don't know what it is about American guys either . . . my husband has one best friend who lives a State away. He visits us several times a year for a few days and they chat on the phone every week or so, but other than that he has very few people with whom he interacts socially. What is funny is that he enjoys meeting and being with people, it is just that he doesn't find very many with whom he 'resonates'. Being older when I married and having relocated a number of times in my life I am used to being self-sufficient and re-establishing my life in a new environment. I am comfortable being the one to reach out and initiate things. That being said, I do miss my friends from where I used to live and the activities and hobbies I used to do there. Some of them are geographically specific and don't transfer so those I miss the most. Some of my friends have come down to visit with me here and that has been great!

Generally, I have found people quite nice here. Interestingly - and this is not a racial comment but an observation - I have found blacks to be much friendlier than whites. They smile and make friendly comments passing in the parking lots or at check out counters or strike up conversations with you when waiting in lines. It was an unexpected but a pleasant surprise. I just don't know why the whites tend to be more stand-offish:-) initially but friendly enough if you are the one to initiate a conversation. Friends of mine visiting from Michigan had the exact same experiences when they were here and commented on it as well. As I said, just an observation.

Edited September 19, 2006 by Kathryn41

[ChristinaM 0]

I've been here since May '05, and I have zero friends. I have many acquaintances, but no one to call and say "come over and have a drink!" or "let's go shoot a game of pool". I have a friend at the office, but she has a young son, my husband thinks she's "trashy" and we just don't get the chance to meet up outside of work.

I think it's great to suggest that people "do" more things, but be realistic - it doesn't always work. I play weekly in a concert band, belong to the Maine Women's Network, go to every local Chamber of Commerce "business after hours" session for two different area chambers, have a leadership position in a local business networking group, have attended two different courses in the local adult ed. department and took a class at the community college. Oh, and I'm a member of the gym.

So it's not like I don't try! And I still have no friends. Sad, but true. I'm pretty sociable; I work in outside sales, so it's not like I'm antisocial or just "not a people person". Maine is just a strange culture for those "from away" - a transplanted Massachussetts lady I know said it took her eight years before people stopped looking at her suspiciously, and she's only from two states away!

I did acquire my husband's friends (all two of them), but like Marilyn, my husband is my best friend. It's difficult sometimes; sometimes I just cry from the loneliness of it. Other times it doesn't seem so bad.

I sympathise greatly with anyone struggling to find friends.

[kath58 0]

Hi,

My husbands the same one friend who he has not seen since January. No family. I have met know one since i have been here end of April. Dont see the neighbours. I think twice in all that time. Very quite. Then again i have my new husband Micheal and i,m very happy. So i,ll have to wait until i get my work permit to make friends. I went to the dentist they where all very friendly wanted to know about the Unitedkingdom. Kept coming to talk to me. Otherwise i have only my husband . Very quite when he is at work.

Kath.

[Mrs.J06 4]

...

Generally, I have found people quite nice here. Interestingly - and this is not a racial comment but an observation - I have found blacks to be much friendlier than whites. They smile and make friendly comments passing in the parking lots or at check out counters or strike up conversations with you when waiting in lines. It was an unexpected but a pleasant surprise. I just don't know why the whites tend to be more stand-offish:-) initially but friendly enough if you are the one to initiate a conversation. Friends of mine visiting from Michigan had the exact same experiences when they were here and commented on it as well. As I said, just an observation.

Yes, I agree, people are very friendly here. Unfortunately there is never any "follow-up" meeting taking place after the initial contact.

I have talked to a lot of people in different locations and different occasions, and almost everybody says "oh, we must meet again, maybe go for dinner or something", we exchange phone numbers, and that's it. I never heard from anybody again. I just have a hard time finding out when somebody is really interested in closer contact, and when they are just being polite. I myself don't want to "push" myself on anybody, either...

In Germany I would only give my phone number to people I want to keep in touch with, since, when they say they'd call they WILL call.

Just a different culture here, I guess....

Any comments from the US citizens?

[Sleepybears 0]

hm... it seems to me that it's so difficult to find a friend here. I agree with you that people here are generally quite nice. But it's hard to make friends with them. For example, my neigbour is quite nice and when we moved in here a month ago, she did come over and introduced herself to us. But then afterwards it's just hi and bye.

My husband does have some friends, but they either live too far away or are too busy. There're only a few we go out to have dinner together sometimes. But that's it. I mean we don't really share a lot like I did with my friends in Hong Kong. So sometimes I feel like my life is so 'blank' here. And... I'm actually not such an active person... I mean I'm not too shy but still not active enough to go out and meet friends anywhere. So I don't really know when I can meet some true friends in this area.

[Peggy 1]

Well I didn't have any friends till I started my job in March.

I was here in May/05, so I went along time before meeting anyone outside of my hubby's family really

Now I have one really good friend from work. We just clicked the first time we met each other. We spent the weekends together at her house grilling out and swimming in her pool for the summer months. Which was awesome.

My husband and her hubby get along really well together. So its really nice to have a close friend now.

I have met other women at work also, but only talk to them mostly at work.

[Sleepybears 0]

pink_roses,

It's good to hear that you've met a close friend. I think for a close friend, one is enough. I hope I'll be able to have one in here later.

[HuffyTheSlayer 22]

City of Heroes can be a lot of fun too, especially if you like designing costumes!

I LOVE City of Heroes. I recently got my main character up to 50 so now I can have fun with peacebringers and warshade.

[^snow^^ 0]

City of Heroes can be a lot of fun too, especially if you like designing costumes!

I LOVE City of Heroes. I recently got my main character up to 50 so now I can have fun with peacebringers and warshade.

I'm a newbie, my character is only Lvl 32 now... my hubby still laughs at my steering... i keep getting stuck at corners!

[HuffyTheSlayer 22]

Hehe, you'll get there. Did you hear about the Veteran rewards? Sadly I've only been around 5 months right now, so I should get a oouple. But my hubby has a year and 5 months, so he'll be getting quite a lot of stuff. I have a sinking feeling that wings will be a 12 month veteran reward. Ah, well. As long as I can get my hands on a trenchcoat, I'll be happy.

[kath1958 0]

No. My husband does not have friends as such. One he calls occasionally. Otherwise sticktly a home person.

[Kajikit 65]

Neither of us have any friends except for a few people at church... DH could count his friends on the fingers of one hand - he's nice to people and chats to them when he sees them, but they're not 'friends'...

I think that if the USC is a 'people person' they're much more likely to have found a partner locally and they wouldn't have been drawn to a long-distance-relationship. Shy people gravitate to the internet because it's a way to be sociable on your own terms...

[chri'stina 190]

what is it with the American halves not having any friends? That's just weird!

My hubby doesn't either, and there's only one person that he hangs out with on an occasional basis. Hubby's not at all sociable, and it drives me absolutely nuts.

I've wondered sometimes also why it seems many USC's on VJ don't have more friends that their spouses can connect with, but I guess I just wonder because that is not how it is with us. I do realize though, that some may have moved around a lot and didn't have a chance to keep connections, or else they just are loners which is not a bad thing either, I guess. If both people are happy with the ways things are, that is good. It's just hard when you see one person wants to make new friends and is having a hard time finding people to become friends with.

I was a social butterfly and made many long term friends that way, and still am close to them today. Now that I'm a little older(well only 25 ) I just hang with friends one or 2 nights a week instead of 4-5 nights a week like I used to before Sujeet came over. He is less likely to want to go out, but he also has a stinky commute all week so he likes to be at home when he gets the chance.

Sujeet was more of the loner type in India. He had many acquaintances and friends but none he considered very close, and he moved around a lot while growing up so he didn't form close connections. I have been in Florida basically my whole life, and only moved once within Florida, only 30mins away from where I grew up, so I am still very connected to all my friends that I have known a long time. It's not just female friends, it's guys and girls so there's no reason why Sujeet wouldn't feel comfortable. If my friends weren't nice to him, that'd be awful.

But Sujeet has genuinely become friends with my friends. And he isn't the kind who wants to go make his own friends, because he isn't a social butterfly even though he gets along with anyone he meets. By marrying me, he inherited more genuine friends than he ever had in India.

I can't imagine when a spouse/fiance comes over to the US to only their S.O. and never anyone else to support them. I'm not saying it's bad, but I personally can't imagine it, because our friends and close family have always been supportive for us and for Sujeet when he was first here. They have been an important part of our lives and an important part of making Sujeet feel at home here. I am truly blessed.

Making friends is not always easy once you are out of school. I've never made a close friendship with any co-workers I've had in the past. I always liked keeping a clear separation between work and my personal life. But my social life was made from church, school, and I used to go to concerts for local bands and met friends that way too. I haven't made any new close friends in years though, my close friends are all people I've known a long time.

Without going to things like church, school, or other social events, I think it'd be hard to make new good friends unless you get blessed with nice co-workers. I never really had co-workers I could be close to. They were either very kind but my parents' age , or rednecks, or strange in other ways.

May you all who are looking to make new friends, in your new homes here in the US, find wonderful people who will be good friends to you.

Neither of us have any friends except for a few people at church... DH could count his friends on the fingers of one hand - he's nice to people and chats to them when he sees them, but they're not 'friends'...

I think that if the USC is a 'people person' they're much more likely to have found a partner locally and they wouldn't have been drawn to a long-distance-relationship. Shy people gravitate to the internet because it's a way to be sociable on your own terms...

I think that could be a good point, but in my case it wasn't true. I didn't think I'd marry someone online. I infact said I wouldn't marry someone from the internet.

I have always been a people person even though I am not extremely outgoing, I formed many friendships. At the same time I like talking one on one to people, which is one reason I liked chatting on aol IM instead of in chatrooms. I was keeping in touch with real life acquaintances in a one on one way on aol IM, and in the process met Sujeet on there.

Edited September 21, 2006 by stina&suj