Engagement party in Philippines advice

[MJIrene 0]

I'm new on the site but will see my gal Irene in early September and we are planning an Engagement Party at a local resort near her hometown in Mindanao.

The things I'm a little confused on have to do with the religous nature of this ceremony. Obviously, I have heard we want to be very careful to not have it in a church or have a Pastor bless us or have us exchange vows.

I have also heard it's better to dress like you are dressing up, but not a full blown suit for man and wedding looking dress for woman. Is this correct?

We are planning on clearly documenting that this is an Engagement party and not a wedding, with banners and program and receipts all saying Engagement.

The question I have is that someone told me a Pastor should not be involved at all. This would be horrible if true.

We are both Christians and want God to have the glory for our engagement and future together. We will also have many relatives and friends there, and it would be great to have some sort of message, exhortation, and prayer to go with the party and food and eats. Plus we both want to sing some Christian songs for the party.

I'm sure people on here have been through this, but I'm finding conflicting advice in the search engine, and there is no real guidelines that I see for this sort of party on the US gov immigration site or anywhere else I look.

Any advice from people who have been there, particularly in the Philippines, would be greatly appreciated!

MJ

p.s. on my second visit to Irene to visit her family and meet her parents, her Pastor from her home church was just with us every step, translating, providing good advice, having fun and visiting with us. . .etc. Irene is very very close to this man, and it's really hard to think of not involving him in the party. I sure hope he can play a big role as long as we do it right! By the way, these are Protestants, not Catholics, if that makes a difference.

[bigdog 376]

Nothing wrong with local and family traditions. If you are applying for K1 get engaged, if not follow marriage course. Have fun.

[Fred N Emilia 0]

The most important thing that USCIS cares about is that you have visited your fiance. They will want the stamps in your passport and basic proof you were there. I had an engagement party but here were no pastors present, I made sure of that, the USCIS may interpret it wrong and may think we were getting married, that was avoided entirely. I saved all proof, my boarding passes, receipts for all the food i spent, our getaways, hotel receipts and even as simple as a Jollibee receipt. And of course last and not the least, pictures.

Goodluck to you!

I too am from Mindanao, what part of the island are you going to?

[Jay & Cici 3]

Hi, i just want to clarify, is the engagement party a religious obligation? It sounds like its a big party and kinda expensive. My then Fiance, which is now my wonderful husband proposed to me in Bohol, one amazing sunrise while walking down the shore of a white beach were everything is so beautiful, he kneeled down and asked to be his forever. Just the two of us. No Engagement party, no banner, no big expenses. Point is that as long as you were able to met in person in 2 years, prove it through passport stamps and pictures. You dont have to worry as long as your relationship is legit.

[Theresa0828 65]

I come from Mindanao too!!! Anyways, to answer your question... I have a friend before who has a kind of ceremony... if i didn't know that its just a ceremony, I could be very well believe that its a wedding... coz it has all the things that a wedding should be, a pastor, she's wearing a wedding gown, the guy wears a barong tagalog, bridesmaid, groomsmen, reception, etc... I even sing at the ceremony, while my friend is walking the isle.

They did everything except apply a license to marry at city hall, coz they do not want to register the ceremony becoz they are on K-1... I think they did this for my friend's family, relatives and friends to witness something since we can't all come to the US... also they meet on a christian site and they belong to one church...

I think as long as you do not apply for a license at city hall and do not register the marriage, it's okay... ohh BTW, when my friend did this... they already have the K-1 visa on hand and she and his fiancee flew to the US the next day and they got married in the US a few hours after they land.

[charlize56 4]

me and my fiance had a simple engagement party,not exatcly a party but we just went to restaurant together with my family,thats it! signed the engagement papers,took many pictures,we sent that to our k1 packet!

[MJIrene 0]

Thanks for the replies so much, and we are looking forward to our engagement party so much.

The specific thing I'm looking for help on is really if the Pastor can give a small sermon. I think from the responses this will be fine, as long as we make everything clear this is not a wedding and he is not officiating. I think some people choose not to have a Pastor involved at all just to avoid any confusion of marriage, but I feel that would be going a little far and would be disrespectful of our Pastor, especially as he was the one who raised Irene as a Christian in the church and he's so close to us both already.

We will have Irene's cousin be M.C. and I think that will be good to not have the Pastor be the leader of the program, but he can be a good part of it.

Thanks for the advice so far, and if we need to rethink things for any reason from your experience, let us know!

God bless!

MJ

[MJIrene 0]

Hi, i just want to clarify, is the engagement party a religious obligation? It sounds like its a big party and kinda expensive. My then Fiance, which is now my wonderful husband proposed to me in Bohol, one amazing sunrise while walking down the shore of a white beach were everything is so beautiful, he kneeled down and asked to be his forever. Just the two of us. No Engagement party, no banner, no big expenses. Point is that as long as you were able to met in person in 2 years, prove it through passport stamps and pictures. You dont have to worry as long as your relationship is legit.

i think it's not an obligation. the engagement party to me is an opportunity for the family on that side to see the bride to be and to meet and interact. it is also a way to honor God for the blessing of a relationship made across cultures and worlds. to me, that is well worth doing, and yes it costs money but so does everything else and we will try to keep it reasonable as possible. we think it's worth it! and yes, well, we know our relationship is legit, but the more reading you do, it seems sometimes you really have to prove it beyond any doubt to an outsider, so i think it's best to take every careful step and not have any questions whatsoever! here's hoping! thanks for the replies.

MJ

[MJIrene 0]

now that irene has her visa approved, i just wanted to revisit this so if someone searches this topic, they can get more help.

in her interview, the fact that we had a Pastor at our engagement party was not an issue at all. they never asked her if she was already married or had any questions suspecting the engagement party.

we knew we wanted to give all glory for our relationship to Jesus Christ and we were simply not going to have a secular enagement party. you have to keep your values and we just made sure that we made a program and banners that all said Engagement Party and made sure to document it all as such if called into question.

if anyone gets in our situation and wants more advice on how to do a religous engagement party, feel free to email or pm me on the site here.

all best,

MJ

quote name='MJIrene' timestamp='1314395699' post='4868436']

i think it's not an obligation. the engagement party to me is an opportunity for the family on that side to see the bride to be and to meet and interact. it is also a way to honor God for the blessing of a relationship made across cultures and worlds. to me, that is well worth doing, and yes it costs money but so does everything else and we will try to keep it reasonable as possible. we think it's worth it! and yes, well, we know our relationship is legit, but the more reading you do, it seems sometimes you really have to prove it beyond any doubt to an outsider, so i think it's best to take every careful step and not have any questions whatsoever! here's hoping! thanks for the replies.

MJ

[AKteacher 104]

My wife is from Mindanao (Bukidnon). We threw a despedida (farewell) party before we left for the US. I wanted to enable her to have a good send-off and celebrate with all her friends and relatives. We has a mass at the local (Catholic) church. Not a wedding but prayers for the future and for safe travels. It was a really special, wonderful thing. The party afterwards was a real blast. We decided that, instead of putting on some sort of a fancy-schmancy ball or whatever, we wanted to spend the money on food and drink so that as many people as possible could enjoy themselves. We had it at her parents' house and bought all the supplies locally to save money. Food and booze were relatively cheap (2 big lechons, goats, chickens, large amounts of other food, many cases of drink, and a really nice cake - nicer than our wedding cake actually), and we rented a video-cinco karaoke setup with a nice loud PA (but without the need to feed it 5-peso coins). Literally half the town showed up (several hundred people at least).

I wouldn't worry about the mass/party being considered a wedding by USCIS. I even told the CO about it during our interview and he said it sounded like a lot of fun. Of course don't actually get married, and I wouldn't be spreading photos around that make it look like a real wedding since it's not.

Your future family-in-law should be able to help you get good deals on supplies locally if you want to save some money.One thing I would caution you about - It seems to be the expectation (at least in a small town) that if a large party like this is going on, EVERYBODY will show up whether they are invited or not. Knowing this, we planned on having food and drink for many extra people. I got a chance to meet more of the townspeople, who were grateful and had a lot of fun. That night is one of my most cherished memories.

Edited January 20, 2012 by AKteacher