catching hell

[ghana1821 0]

I filed for my husband and went through hell to get him back to the states.He was removed the states in 2009. I did everything that I could to get him back to the states. Some of his own family turned their back on him. But I was there, although his family told him I wouldn't be. I was there from the beginning to the end.Praying and contacting everyone I knew of from American Embassy to Ghana Embassy to my congressman.Ghana embassy kept sending him back for more proof.After the second time they ask of more things and to come back for a third interview. I decided to buy a plane ticket just to be by his side for the 3rd interview. now I'm going through more hell living with him.. He tells his friends I complain to much, and he can find him a person that don't complains. He feels I complain to much, because I ask him to pick up behind himself. He switches it back on me to try and make me feel bad when I try to talk about it. His reply is oh I'm your husband and you can't clean after me? The problem is not that I can't clean after him, but he does things just so I can clean behind him. If he cooks, grease will be all over the floor,stove, cabinets, half wash dishes, plates, cups, water bottles all over the house. He does this while I'm at work or sleep. Ok what's wrong with him picking up behind himself, and not leave it for me to clean or pick up behind him. If the shower is dirty he will not clean it. If I say something to him about it he half cleans it, and I end up cleaning it again myself.I tried to tell him the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Then he said well I will be looking for someone to branch out with and get a place with them. I told him when you do don't forget to sign on the dottie line. And he said cool.

Ok we had a child together and when he change the baby he leaves the pampers where ever he changed her.Oh get this, he took the pamper off baby and she wet the bed.He left the sheets there for me to change and I was at work when it happened.lol I've ask him to lets clean together from time to time. But after I see he half cleans, I just decided to do it myself. I told him I wasn't raise to be dirty and I do not like nastiness and he got offended..Why? I don't know. He feels I don't respect him because I ask for help with cleaning and paying bills. He told his friends that he can find someone don't complain as much as I do. Well If he would help out I wouldn't complain as much.

He will not take me out, do things with me, nor show any kind of love or that he wants to be with me. And his excuse is how can I when you complain to much. He don't offer any money, buy me nor my kids things unless I ask for it. His excuse is if you don't ask me for it how do I know you need it? I feel a husband should spend money on kids and wife, even if we don't ask for it. I use to buy him all kinds of things, just because he didn't have alot of clothes. When he steps out he represents me. How can my kids and I be all dressed nice and he steps looking like damn it I bit cha? Then that falls back on me. He's not really involved in my other two kids life. He don't even take them out to places. When he's off and I'm work that is suppose to be their bonding time. Instead they are in two different rooms, he spends time with the baby we had together but not my other two.While in Ghana he talks about how happy he's gonna make me and my kids..hahahaaa I 'm yet to see it. When he married me he married my two kids also.

Now I went to open a checking account, I put the first amount in. The agreement was to put money in there every week. I be damn, he wouldn't even do that.And I said something to him about it at lease twice and he got mad at me, so I stopped talking about it.

His mama use to call me while he was in Ghana and after he got here also. Now she don't call anymore, so I don't know and really don't care he's told her. I've found emails to other women stating how he miss them and wish he could see them.(I have the proof) I'm not saying he can't have female friends, but there's a limit on things you should and shouldn't say to them. He tells the females whom am I to tell him whom to talk too and I'm just insecure somehow, which isn't true. It's called having respect for your wife. He calls them on the phone,and they text each other all the time. By being married you can't do those types of things.He ask me to stop talking to my ex and I did. But he continued talking to his ex's, and even gave one of them a cellphone because hers stopped working. How I know? Because the girl called playing on my phone and I told him. He has her as a friend on facebook. Now why is it he can still have contact with all the women that he has dealt with and I can't? Because he a man, it still don't make it right.

I really don't think he loves me. He is doing his own thing. He knows what he is trying to do and God does too. He has a work permit and a temp ss card,temp driving license. And still waiting on his greencard. He file in April of his year and he's yet to here back from them.His status still shows getting reviewed by USCIS.People that is on this site and has filed after him has already gotten their greendcard..Now what does that tell you? Things ain't right and God knows it..God has his kids back.What happens if I refuse to go to the interview because of the things I'm going through with him? Will they make him leave or will they allow him to stay? I have proof of all the emails and etc.Sad to say but it proves he's not as serious as I thought. After all I've been through to get him back to the states I never would have of this ending this way.He tried going to the military, I guess to get help with his status and etc. But he can't join without a greencard..So at this point I'm lost and confuse. Bruised but not broken!!!

[Anh map 2,098]

What visa did he enter on? What is his status now?

If a good friend was telling me this story about their life I would advise them to divorce and move on. If you two are at the adjustment of status phase I would advise you to pull your affidavit of support. If he already has been approved for a green card then simply divorce and move on.

*Moved from US Citizenship forum to Effect of Major Family Changes forum*

[Ning 619]

I filed for my husband and went through hell to get him back to the states.He was removed the states in 2009. I did everything that I could to get him back to the states. Some of his own family turned their back on him. But I was there, although his family told him I wouldn't be. I was there from the beginning to the end.Praying and contacting everyone I knew of from American Embassy to Ghana Embassy to my congressman.Ghana embassy kept sending him back for more proof.After the second time they ask of more things and to come back for a third interview. I decided to buy a plane ticket just to be by his side for the 3rd interview. now I'm going through more hell living with him.. He tells his friends I complain to much, and he can find him a person that don't complains. He feels I complain to much, because I ask him to pick up behind himself. He switches it back on me to try and make me feel bad when I try to talk about it. His reply is oh I'm your husband and you can't clean after me? The problem is not that I can't clean after him, but he does things just so I can clean behind him. If he cooks, grease will be all over the floor,stove, cabinets, half wash dishes, plates, cups, water bottles all over the house. He does this while I'm at work or sleep. Ok what's wrong with him picking up behind himself, and not leave it for me to clean or pick up behind him. If the shower is dirty he will not clean it. If I say something to him about it he half cleans it, and I end up cleaning it again myself.I tried to tell him the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Then he said well I will be looking for someone to branch out with and get a place with them. I told him when you do don't forget to sign on the dottie line. And he said cool.

Ok we had a child together and when he change the baby he leaves the pampers where ever he changed her.Oh get this, he took the pamper off baby and she wet the bed.He left the sheets there for me to change and I was at work when it happened.lol I've ask him to lets clean together from time to time. But after I see he half cleans, I just decided to do it myself. I told him I wasn't raise to be dirty and I do not like nastiness and he got offended..Why? I don't know. He feels I don't respect him because I ask for help with cleaning and paying bills. He told his friends that he can find someone don't complain as much as I do. Well If he would help out I wouldn't complain as much.

He will not take me out, do things with me, nor show any kind of love or that he wants to be with me. And his excuse is how can I when you complain to much. He don't offer any money, buy me nor my kids things unless I ask for it. His excuse is if you don't ask me for it how do I know you need it? I feel a husband should spend money on kids and wife, even if we don't ask for it. I use to buy him all kinds of things, just because he didn't have alot of clothes. When he steps out he represents me. How can my kids and I be all dressed nice and he steps looking like damn it I bit cha? Then that falls back on me. He's not really involved in my other two kids life. He don't even take them out to places. When he's off and I'm work that is suppose to be their bonding time. Instead they are in two different rooms, he spends time with the baby we had together but not my other two.While in Ghana he talks about how happy he's gonna make me and my kids..hahahaaa I 'm yet to see it. When he married me he married my two kids also.

Now I went to open a checking account, I put the first amount in. The agreement was to put money in there every week. I be damn, he wouldn't even do that.And I said something to him about it at lease twice and he got mad at me, so I stopped talking about it.

His mama use to call me while he was in Ghana and after he got here also. Now she don't call anymore, so I don't know and really don't care he's told her. I've found emails to other women stating how he miss them and wish he could see them.(I have the proof) I'm not saying he can't have female friends, but there's a limit on things you should and shouldn't say to them. He tells the females whom am I to tell him whom to talk too and I'm just insecure somehow, which isn't true. It's called having respect for your wife. He calls them on the phone,and they text each other all the time. By being married you can't do those types of things.He ask me to stop talking to my ex and I did. But he continued talking to his ex's, and even gave one of them a cellphone because hers stopped working. How I know? Because the girl called playing on my phone and I told him. He has her as a friend on facebook. Now why is it he can still have contact with all the women that he has dealt with and I can't? Because he a man, it still don't make it right.

I really don't think he loves me. He is doing his own thing. He knows what he is trying to do and God does too. He has a work permit and a temp ss card,temp driving license. And still waiting on his greencard. He file in April of his year and he's yet to here back from them.His status still shows getting reviewed by USCIS.People that is on this site and has filed after him has already gotten their greendcard..Now what does that tell you? Things ain't right and God knows it..God has his kids back.What happens if I refuse to go to the interview because of the things I'm going through with him? Will they make him leave or will they allow him to stay? I have proof of all the emails and etc.Sad to say but it proves he's not as serious as I thought. After all I've been through to get him back to the states I never would have of this ending this way.He tried going to the military, I guess to get help with his status and etc. But he can't join without a greencard..So at this point I'm lost and confuse. Bruised but not broken!!!

If you can write this sad tale it shows me you arent lost or confused. You know exactly where you are & whats going on. Living it is bad enough without writting it down.

I am sure you know the only thing to do is get on with your own life. He can learn to clean his own house or have one of those internet connections bring a mop. The huge suprise is that his Mom doesnt call. She helped create him & knows not to call. She spent years behind the mop.

Should you go to the AOS interview? Your must be joking. If you do you are not bruised. You are in fact broken.

[Bluehill 1]

I feel your pain. It happened to me too. After spending more than $15K to bring her to the States and put her through nursing school so she can earn decent paycheck, she run away with another man. As to whether you should attend his AOS interview, is up to you. But, before you go to the interview with him, please, know that he is not going to change.

[TBoneTX 45,330]

He will not take me out, do things with me, nor show any kind of love or that he wants to be with me. [...] I really don't think he loves me. He is doing his own thing.

In your own words, this is not a functional marriage or even a relationship with promise. Cut all ties and move on.

[rika60607 215]

If he entered on K-1 visa and is still waiting for AOS to be approved, you can call AND write to USCIS AND make InfoPass appointment - all that to make sure that you withdraw your affidavit of support formally and before he gets approved.

Then get a divorce.

Good luck, this is no life to live.

[rodceasar 34]

Run fast and do not attend the interview. Let him crash on his own accord and leave this marriage quickly...

[Jilli & Ales 9]

His reply is oh I'm your husband and you can't clean after me?

He feels I don't respect him because I ask for help with cleaning and paying bills.

Now I went to open a checking account, I put the first amount in. The agreement was to put money in there every week. I be damn, he wouldn't even do that.And I said something to him about it at lease twice and he got mad at me, so I stopped talking about it.

Well at first it sounded like maybe he had a different concept of what a "wife" should be (i.e., a more traditional view with some bonus machismo) and this was not compatible with your own (which is fine, just culture shock), but then how can he expect you to do "traditional" things AND financially support you both? It just sounds like laziness now. You and your family deserve a true partner in life, and he does not deserve you. Good luck to you, really!

[jarta 24]

DUMP HIM AND HAVE HIM SENT BACK TO GHANA!! this is crazy. these are the kind of men who gave African men bad image around he world. its is true that in africa some people take a more traditional approach to marriage but that is changing really fast. also in those traditional homes the woman does the house work while the man brings home money for the family. so then why is this man trying to get you the wife to do both? he is just lazy, ungrateful and just wanted to move to the US!!! please advise your self...i dont see anything changing in the future. he is a grown man as such he is too old to mend his ways.

withdraw your affidavit of support and dont show up for the interview. if you cant do that - divorce him and move on with your life. you sound like a good person and i bet there are lots other good men out there who would take better care of you and your family.

[Fandango 1,439]

Pull your affidavit of support now. Don't wait for the interview. This is not a cultural thing...you are being played.

[bigdog 376]

I filed for my husband and went through hell to get him back to the states.He was removed the states in 2009. I did everything that I could to get him back to the states. Some of his own family turned their back on him. But I was there, although his family told him I wouldn't be. I was there from the beginning to the end.Praying and contacting everyone I knew of from American Embassy to Ghana Embassy to my congressman.Ghana embassy kept sending him back for more proof.After the second time they ask of more things and to come back for a third interview. I decided to buy a plane ticket just to be by his side for the 3rd interview. now I'm going through more hell living with him.. He tells his friends I complain to much, and he can find him a person that don't complains. He feels I complain to much, because I ask him to pick up behind himself. He switches it back on me to try and make me feel bad when I try to talk about it. His reply is oh I'm your husband and you can't clean after me? The problem is not that I can't clean after him, but he does things just so I can clean behind him. If he cooks, grease will be all over the floor,stove, cabinets, half wash dishes, plates, cups, water bottles all over the house. He does this while I'm at work or sleep. Ok what's wrong with him picking up behind himself, and not leave it for me to clean or pick up behind him. If the shower is dirty he will not clean it. If I say something to him about it he half cleans it, and I end up cleaning it again myself.I tried to tell him the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Then he said well I will be looking for someone to branch out with and get a place with them. I told him when you do don't forget to sign on the dottie line. And he said cool.

Ok we had a child together and when he change the baby he leaves the pampers where ever he changed her.Oh get this, he took the pamper off baby and she wet the bed.He left the sheets there for me to change and I was at work when it happened.lol I've ask him to lets clean together from time to time. But after I see he half cleans, I just decided to do it myself. I told him I wasn't raise to be dirty and I do not like nastiness and he got offended..Why? I don't know. He feels I don't respect him because I ask for help with cleaning and paying bills. He told his friends that he can find someone don't complain as much as I do. Well If he would help out I wouldn't complain as much.

He will not take me out, do things with me, nor show any kind of love or that he wants to be with me. And his excuse is how can I when you complain to much. He don't offer any money, buy me nor my kids things unless I ask for it. His excuse is if you don't ask me for it how do I know you need it? I feel a husband should spend money on kids and wife, even if we don't ask for it. I use to buy him all kinds of things, just because he didn't have alot of clothes. When he steps out he represents me. How can my kids and I be all dressed nice and he steps looking like damn it I bit cha? Then that falls back on me. He's not really involved in my other two kids life. He don't even take them out to places. When he's off and I'm work that is suppose to be their bonding time. Instead they are in two different rooms, he spends time with the baby we had together but not my other two.While in Ghana he talks about how happy he's gonna make me and my kids..hahahaaa I 'm yet to see it. When he married me he married my two kids also.

Now I went to open a checking account, I put the first amount in. The agreement was to put money in there every week. I be damn, he wouldn't even do that.And I said something to him about it at lease twice and he got mad at me, so I stopped talking about it.

His mama use to call me while he was in Ghana and after he got here also. Now she don't call anymore, so I don't know and really don't care he's told her. I've found emails to other women stating how he miss them and wish he could see them.(I have the proof) I'm not saying he can't have female friends, but there's a limit on things you should and shouldn't say to them. He tells the females whom am I to tell him whom to talk too and I'm just insecure somehow, which isn't true. It's called having respect for your wife. He calls them on the phone,and they text each other all the time. By being married you can't do those types of things.He ask me to stop talking to my ex and I did. But he continued talking to his ex's, and even gave one of them a cellphone because hers stopped working. How I know? Because the girl called playing on my phone and I told him. He has her as a friend on facebook. Now why is it he can still have contact with all the women that he has dealt with and I can't? Because he a man, it still don't make it right.

I really don't think he loves me. He is doing his own thing. He knows what he is trying to do and God does too. He has a work permit and a temp ss card,temp driving license. And still waiting on his greencard. He file in April of his year and he's yet to here back from them.His status still shows getting reviewed by USCIS.People that is on this site and has filed after him has already gotten their greendcard..Now what does that tell you? Things ain't right and God knows it..God has his kids back.What happens if I refuse to go to the interview because of the things I'm going through with him? Will they make him leave or will they allow him to stay? I have proof of all the emails and etc.Sad to say but it proves he's not as serious as I thought. After all I've been through to get him back to the states I never would have of this ending this way.He tried going to the military, I guess to get help with his status and etc. But he can't join without a greencard..So at this point I'm lost and confuse. Bruised but not broken!!!

Sounds like time for a divorce, move on, if you were my friend.

[iGalin 7]

Biggest myths for women about their men: "Oh, he'll change".

Biggest myths for men about their women: "She is not gonna leave me".

[OnMyWayID 1,489]

Biggest myths for women about their men: "Oh, he'll change".

Biggest myths for men about their women: "She is not gonna leave me".

I think the saying is "women marry men thinking they will change, men marry women thinking they won't change - both are wrong".

Edited August 24, 2011 by OnMyWayID

[Canadian in GA 34]

please hunny, take the advise from everyone else, leave him, i know its tough, and it will be hard at first, but believe me, you will wish you had, it will only get worse, whatever you do, do not let him get a greencard. the moment he gets one, he will leave you, and you will be left with nothing, and he will get what he wanted. break him before he breaks you.....

[Harsh_77 718]

All I can say is the fight worth fighting? I mean if he has this attitude it could be the reason why many of his own family members are not willing to support him.

It time for you (OP) to sit down and think, is anything going to change after fighting this upstream battle with immigration and bringing him here?