reverse dowry - bride price

[birdman2010 0]

Oh, apparently there's a reverse dowry tradition in China, maybe more so in the rural areas.

My fiancée is Zhuang. I wish they would have given me a little more warning. I already did one red envelope back in February. But in any case it's normal for them there apparently. I did tell her that it's also normal in America for the wife's parents to pay for the wedding here. But I think on this point we're going with Zhuang tradition. As for the wedding we'll probably rent a Unitarian church hall for not a lot of money. We'll save our pennies for other stuff, except for the reverse dowry as noted. But as per some news reports about Beijing maybe I'm getting off easy.

[MuDelphi 159]

She have a younger brother? You're paying for his bride price.

[Robby999 1,024]

Oh, apparently there's a reverse dowry tradition in China, maybe more so in the rural areas.

My fiancée is Zhuang. I wish they would have given me a little more warning. I already did one red envelope back in February. But in any case it's normal for them there apparently. I did tell her that it's also normal in America for the wife's parents to pay for the wedding here. But I think on this point we're going with Zhuang tradition. As for the wedding we'll probably rent a Unitarian church hall for not a lot of money. We'll save our pennies for other stuff, except for the reverse dowry as noted. But as per some news reports about Beijing maybe I'm getting off easy.

Welcome to China! Hopefully you will recover most of the red envelope at your wedding! Has a dowry price been suggested yet? Hopefully the exchange rate doesn't drop too much lower before your wedding.

Edited August 22, 2011 by Robby999

[Dan and Judy 614]

Oh, apparently there's a reverse dowry tradition in China, maybe more so in the rural areas.

My fiancée is Zhuang. I wish they would have given me a little more warning. I already did one red envelope back in February. But in any case it's normal for them there apparently. I did tell her that it's also normal in America for the wife's parents to pay for the wedding here. But I think on this point we're going with Zhuang tradition. As for the wedding we'll probably rent a Unitarian church hall for not a lot of money. We'll save our pennies for other stuff, except for the reverse dowry as noted. But as per some news reports about Beijing maybe I'm getting off easy.

I think a couple of cows should cover it.

[birdman2010 0]

Welcome to China! Hopefully you will recover most of the red envelope at your wedding! Has a dowry price been suggested yet? Hopefully the exchange rate doesn't drop too much lower before your wedding.

I think a couple of cows should cover it.

Well, I did grow up in the Mormon Church then left it, but that's another story. However I remember being shown a film, Johnny Lingo, where the guy paid 8 cows for a woman that other people though wasn't that attractive.

Then after the 8 cow payment & the wedding she looked rather beautiful.

I asked my fiancée how much cows costs the last time I was there & she said they were expensive (an unrelated conversation which may now be more prescient).

The reverse dowry price in my case is about 10,000 RMB, in addition to the $500 I red enveloped in February. So maybe about $2,000 total, although I was told that the February red envelope was separate (but normal).

Anyway it doesn't seem too far out of time I suppose for a high quality lady who worked as an English teacher for 7 years and has a college degree. But it does feel a bit strange thinking about it in these terms. Oh well, welcome to China apparently in more ways that one.

On QQ when she said "I want to tell you a little bit about Zhuang culture" I thought she was about to tell me about some ritual or ceremony. "Yes, tell me. Oh you mean your mother asked for a reverse dowry - and how much is common for where you live?"

I guess that's what I get for having Guangxi embroidered balls all over my living room now.

[bigdog 376]

Oh, apparently there's a reverse dowry tradition in China, maybe more so in the rural areas.

My fiancée is Zhuang. I wish they would have given me a little more warning. I already did one red envelope back in February. But in any case it's normal for them there apparently. I did tell her that it's also normal in America for the wife's parents to pay for the wedding here. But I think on this point we're going with Zhuang tradition. As for the wedding we'll probably rent a Unitarian church hall for not a lot of money. We'll save our pennies for other stuff, except for the reverse dowry as noted. But as per some news reports about Beijing maybe I'm getting off easy.

I took a bunch of gifts for everyone for K1 visit.

[Casprd 167]

It really depends on the family. My wife was adamant that I don't pay this and her sister was pretty clear to her that she wouldn't accept it. I did take some gifts for when I met the family and anytime we go back I will take gifts as that is pretty normal. Just keep in mind that the bride price is negotiable and really shouldn't amount to more than a couple thousand US at the most. I've seen too many cases where the bride price was a last minute thing and really became a big issue for the couple.

[garfield529 47]

This is interesting, I have heard of this but also did not encounter this. My wife says it is more common in smaller towns that are more traditional or it happens in the city with greedy families. I say greedy families in the city not as a jab, but it is really more of keeping face. Often times the family doesn't want or need the more, but the uncles and aunts will be asking "how much" did they receive and the amount will reflect on the parents. When my wife's family found out I was coming, they all came to see me...even the ones who she hadn't seen in years. They asked when I was coming back for my next visit and then laid their "request" list on me. Like a random cousin my wife had never met asked me to buy some expensive microphone for his KTV setup. On her parents request, we very quietly kept future visits unannounced. It is just part of the culture, and of course there is the idea that what we would have given them would then be returned down the road..supposedly.

[Azzudiin 26]

Its only common in a few areas and only on the first time married. If your wife to be has been married before, them asking for money is out of line.

Edited August 22, 2011 by Azzudiin

[MuDelphi 159]

I think its inappropriate unless they are going to reciprocate and do the same customs for western culture.

I want the Dan Band to play our wedding, baba, you'll be willing to pony up for that, right? right?

[Sam and Fen 41]

My wife is from what she considers to be Rural area and this practice does exit where she is from.

I was not asked to pay nor did I pay any Dowry but now her nephew is getting married and the two families are at odds over the dowry.

[Robby999 1,024]

Well if they follow tradition , you should be receiving red envelopes at the wedding/reception as gifts. Most people I have talked to about this usually break even or come out ahead after the envelopes are tallied. So hopefully you will recoup most of the money you hand over for the dowry. Good Luck

[Dan and Judy 614]

Well, I did grow up in the Mormon Church then left it, but that's another story. However I remember being shown a film, Johnny Lingo, where the guy paid 8 cows for a woman that other people though wasn't that attractive.

Then after the 8 cow payment & the wedding she looked rather beautiful.

I asked my fiancée how much cows costs the last time I was there & she said they were expensive (an unrelated conversation which may now be more prescient).

The reverse dowry price in my case is about 10,000 RMB, in addition to the $500 I red enveloped in February. So maybe about $2,000 total, although I was told that the February red envelope was separate (but normal).

Anyway it doesn't seem too far out of time I suppose for a high quality lady who worked as an English teacher for 7 years and has a college degree. But it does feel a bit strange thinking about it in these terms. Oh well, welcome to China apparently in more ways that one.

On QQ when she said "I want to tell you a little bit about Zhuang culture" I thought she was about to tell me about some ritual or ceremony. "Yes, tell me. Oh you mean your mother asked for a reverse dowry - and how much is common for where you live?"

I guess that's what I get for having Guangxi embroidered balls all over my living room now.

If she mends your roof, then it is agreeable

[freetv 7]

This doesn't exist in most urbanish areas... although it does in many rural and minority areas, and dates back to the dynasty era (and even that changed back and forth between who was paying whom). You can get in interesting situations though, considering that in China the guys family should be paying the wedding etc. I never have any problems with her family though... even though some of her uncles are poor they still give me money or buy me stuff from time to time. I would say that they treat me better than an American family would normally treat their son-in-law. But I always spend tons of time in China and got to know them personally over the last three-four years.

Edited August 24, 2011 by freetv

[Azzudiin 26]

Well if they follow tradition , you should be receiving red envelopes at the wedding/reception as gifts. Most people I have talked to about this usually break even or come out ahead after the envelopes are tallied. So hopefully you will recoup most of the money you hand over for the dowry. Good Luck

Red envelopes at the wedding help you break even on the cost of the wedding. I doubt any wedding could take in enough money to cover both the wedding costs and the dowry costs.

I was never asked to pay anything from my wife or her family and had they done so I would have refused.