sex before marrying ?

[Yodrak 7]

Agnostic.

Advocate?

firewalker,

If the Lord wanted you to suffer thus He would not have created prostitutes.

Yodrak

ok , ummm ...lets just say that somethimes i get a wate and sometimes i get a will see when you get her . as in a lets do it . now , i know she is the one for me , but i also know that sex before marrying someone can cause damage . so , what should i do ? i want to have sex , yet i alsowant to please my lord . its like a fight , and i think she may think the sameway . will , i just dont knowwhat elese too say .

Edited December 29, 2006 by Yodrak

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Agnostic.

Or, in this particular instance, "politic"

[Yodrak 7]

Simply throwing out an observation in a format that might hit home with someone having an obvious religiouse bent.

Agnostic.

Or, in this particular instance, "politic"

[chri'stina 190]

I can't imagine myself not having sex before marriage, sex is not THE most important thing but if sex is not great the marriage will crumble, you gotta know beforehand, besides, it's not like we'd have just ONE relationship before deciding to get married so you gotta see who're you compatible with.

And as someone else said, there are various cultures on VJ and to assume that everyone has sex before marriage is not correct.

In fact I do not know why people can't wait for the person that they are going to be with forever before they do this important thing. For me, it was far too important a thing to experience before being 100% committed at marriage. I believed in waiting until marriage and thankfully married someone who felt the same way. To think you have to try someone out first before deciding 100% to marry them is not how it should be IMO. It's like, what if you are in love and engaged to be married and you find out your SO has a disease that will prevent him from having intercourse or something. Do you abandon them? Or do you figure out how to handle it and stick by their side?

It's beautiful to wait IMO. And it IS possible to do.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Simply throwing out an observation in a format that might hit home with someone having an obvious religiouse bent.

Agnostic.

Or, in this particular instance, "politic"

Ah, then indeed, "politic" it is!

[mrsushi66 0]

This is a topic you should figure out with your SO. All this advice is meaningless since this is something that happens between you and your SO. Unless your giong to put up a web cam for us to offer advice.

Everyone gets the basic concept of this topic. But to tell him to go practice you are either telling him to go get another woman or as someone said a blow up doll. Neither of these can compare to the woman you are going to be with and neither will tell you what your wife needs. To think every woman is the same when it comes to this is a bit short sighted. I will learn from my wife what she likes and keep exploring until I find what works best for her and I. There is no magic answer to this question, talk to her, decide with HER, EXPLORE WITH HER.

Being with someone for the first time, especially if it is true love can be nerve racking but neither of you will hate the other if the first time is not perfect. Just means you need practice, and lots of it. The only time sex is bad is when you are unwilling to learn from your mistakes and not willing to make the effort to become a better lover for the pleasure of your partner.

Edited December 29, 2006 by mrsushi66

[peezey 0]

I actually had no idea so many people thought sex was so **sacred**.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I believe in waiting until after marriage, that was I have done myselfand that is what I advocate. It is also part of Islamic teachings. Not everyone is from the US consumer society where most things are readily available to satisfy our need for instant gratification, only to be discarded for the next cool thing. The divorce rate in the US is 50%, appalling because, despite lips service to the contrary, there is little value to love, sex or marriage. This is also reflected in the common venacular and casual attitude toward pre-marital sex.

Firewalker, I commend you for not falling prey to either the temptation nor the hedonistic advocacy that you abandon your values. Those who have not had the motivation to wait can never know the sweetness of having laid with their love only after having received and given their oath of devotion and fidelity. No pretend ceremonies and "married in our hearts" can suffice, only the real thing will do.

Best wishes to you both, son.

I actually had no idea so many people thought sex was so **sacred**.

I am so thrilled that there are so many who do!

Edited December 29, 2006 by szsz

[mawilson 2,133]

Yep - better get a lot of sex before marriage because it all goes downhill after marriage

[Alex+R 0]

I believe in waiting until after marriage, that was I have done myself and that is what I advocate. It is also part of Islamic teachings. Not everyone is from the US consumer society where most things are readily available to satisfy our need for instant gratification, only to be discarded for the next cool thing. The divorce rate in the US is 50%, appalling because, despite lips service to the contrary, there is little value to love, sex or marriage. This is also reflected in the common venacular and casual attitude toward pre-marital sex.

Not everyone who has premarital sex does it for "instant gratification" or because we are from the US consumer society. Some of us do it because we think it's healthy and normal.

[TracyLuis 0]

You waited 37 years....so you can probably wait a few more months, right?

My husband and I waited until we were married, but we got married just 2 months after we met!

Yep - better get a lot of sex before marriage because it all goes downhill after marriage

Ha ha....but I couldn't disagree more. Sorry for you, I guess

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I believe in waiting until after marriage, that was I have done myself and that is what I advocate. It is also part of Islamic teachings. Not everyone is from the US consumer society where most things are readily available to satisfy our need for instant gratification, only to be discarded for the next cool thing. The divorce rate in the US is 50%, appalling because, despite lips service to the contrary, there is little value to love, sex or marriage. This is also reflected in the common venacular and casual attitude toward pre-marital sex.

Not everyone who has premarital sex does it for "instant gratification" or because we are from the US consumer society. Some of us do it because we think it's healthy and normal.

There is a source for the belief that premarital sex is healthy and normal. Since that source is not faith, it is hedonism, a need to satisfy one's individual desires. Hedonism is a major element of the secular, consumer paradigm. Nothing, including sexual attitudes, is formed in a vacuum.

[Alex+R 0]

I believe in waiting until after marriage, that was I have done myself and that is what I advocate. It is also part of Islamic teachings. Not everyone is from the US consumer society where most things are readily available to satisfy our need for instant gratification, only to be discarded for the next cool thing. The divorce rate in the US is 50%, appalling because, despite lips service to the contrary, there is little value to love, sex or marriage. This is also reflected in the common venacular and casual attitude toward pre-marital sex.

Not everyone who has premarital sex does it for "instant gratification" or because we are from the US consumer society. Some of us do it because we think it's healthy and normal.

There is a source for the belief that premarital sex is healthy and normal. Since that source is not faith, it is hedonism, a need to satisfy one's individual desires. Hedonism is a major element of the secular, consumer paradigm. Nothing, including sexual attitudes, is formed in a vacuum.

Hm, so you call it 'hedonism.' I always just called it.... "human biology."

[chri'stina 190]

I believe in waiting until after marriage, that was I have done myself and that is what I advocate. It is also part of Islamic teachings. Not everyone is from the US consumer society where most things are readily available to satisfy our need for instant gratification, only to be discarded for the next cool thing. The divorce rate in the US is 50%, appalling because, despite lips service to the contrary, there is little value to love, sex or marriage. This is also reflected in the common venacular and casual attitude toward pre-marital sex.

Not everyone who has premarital sex does it for "instant gratification" or because we are from the US consumer society. Some of us do it because we think it's healthy and normal.

But culture does affect the way you think about it. It is not normal to a lot of people around the world to have pre-marital sex. For them it is normal to wait. So you can't say that those who wait are abnormal. But I do know in the US and many western countries, it is considered normal to have sex before marriage. But I chose not to do it.

Edited December 29, 2006 by stina&suj

[Sofiyya 1,687]

You waited 37 years....so you can probably wait a few more months, right?

My husband and I waited until we were married, but we got married just 2 months after we met!

Yep - better get a lot of sex before marriage because it all goes downhill after marriage

Ha ha....but I couldn't disagree more. Sorry for you, I guess

Actually, he's right, Tracy. When something is so pedestrian, holds no special value, and is not linked to commitment, it does go downhill fast!