DUI court date on Friday

[TBoneTX 45,284]

The court didn't hire an interpreter so he was rescheduled for September 7th.

M-Bone: What happened?

[Maliajannah 0]

M-Bone: What happened?

Not as horrible as it could have been but it didn't go well. I was not allowed to participate, I had to sit at least 2 rows away from the interpreter and Patricio so I couldn't communicate with him at all. The interpreter wouldn't explain anything, she would only repeat the words of the judge in Spanish. Since I have a hard time understanding the legal-ese, I know Patricio wasn't understanding what was being said to him. Although before we went in we agreed that he would accept the charges and the fine, then pay it off month to month, once he was in front of the judge he wasn't able to communicate that. He said "I can't afford a lawyer" and "I'm not working now" and that was it. From those words they had him sign a declaration of financial ability and signed him up with a public defender, along with another court date on October 5th. I was distraught cause I knew that's not what he wanted, but no one would allow me to speak. Long story short, he has an appointment with the Spanish-speaking public defendant at 11am and the court appointment at 1pm on October 5th. The plan is that he will accept the charge (wet and reckless) and pay the fine ($1314.00) starting in January at $50 per month until it is paid off. If the judge asks how he plans to pay the fine, he'll say that his work documents should come through within 3 months.

I feel like emotionally he's coming around... specifically, he finally realizes what he does, how he changes when he's angry, and how he doesn't understand or love himself, so how can he understand and love me? I think he still has a long road ahead of him but my love is just as strong as ever and I think his is too. I'm not going to give up on him, but I'm not going to waste my life away either. I think it's working for us to be living separately right now, and I hope we can live together again in the future... I hope we can both mature enough to make our marriage work.

Edited September 9, 2011 by Maliajannah

[Justine+David 218]

I think you're being delusional.

Edited September 10, 2011 by Justine+David

[TBoneTX 45,284]

I think you're being delusional.

M-Bone, I'm sorry, but I agree. He'll now have a criminal record; what kind of employment future does this forbode? You're living apart NOW, already; what kind of trouble will you have in any AOS interview and certainly at ROC, if you make it that far?

In relationships, as with cars or household appliances, there's a difference between "maintenance" and "repair." Maintaining a relationship means keeping a viable one running by doing things over time to keep the engine purring. The need for repair means that things are dysfunctional, out of whack, and not working. I put up with 2 years of a dysfunctional marriage that felt like 200, and I left when I realized the obvious: it was beyond fixing, despite all the repairs that I threw into it. During 19 years between marriages, I had more "first dates and no more" with countless women that I knew were flat-out wrong for me, even that early. In one way, it was frustrating, but I never compromised my principles by trying to teach puercas to sing. It's a waste of time and annoys the pig. Repair is futile and is never, EVER worth it.

No one here can want something more for you than you want it for yourself. I hope that you'll realize sooner, rather than later, that sticking with a macho is throwing good effort after bad, and that you'll probably end up with a short-term, unhappy marriage and a child that you'll have to support yourself.

Has anyone in either of your threads completely taken your side, or said that you're on the right track? If not, why not?

Edited September 10, 2011 by TBoneTX

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I'm sorry but I just think you're pushing sh*t uphill and wondering why your hands stink.

I think while you're still apart you need to speak to a counsellor. Tell them the TRUTH of your relationship, not your rose-colored opinion of it and ask them their opinion. You are in an abusive relationship and seem to enjoy the drama. Real relationship, solid relationships don't have drama. they might have moments, but mostly it should be easy. You shouldn't have to FIGHT for a normal relationship.

I really think you need emotional help to help you understand that abuse isn't okay.

[Maliajannah 0]

Thank you for all your opinions. I am not going to come back to visajourney, I see that my ###### stained hands are making a mess in the forums, and my rose colored glasses are pissing everyone off. Thanks again for all your help.

[Justine+David 218]

Most of us are pretty decent people. Being as such, we don't like to see people get hurt and/or make stupid decisions. You are doing both. Hence why we are posting.

And by the way--Why else would you post this sort of stuff? Why else post it if you don't know that deep down that this is wrong? You KNOW it's wrong. You KNOW he is treating you like ###### and will not change. Your validation is here. Listen to yourself!

[TBoneTX 45,284]

Thank you for all your opinions. I am not going to come back to visajourney, I see that my ###### stained hands are making a mess in the forums, and my rose colored glasses are pissing everyone off. Thanks again for all your help.

Sorry to hear it, M. At least let us know the outcome of the court case.

The only reason that people are responding as they have been is because they (we) care about you.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

M-Bone, I'm sorry, but I agree. He'll now have a criminal record; what kind of employment future does this forbode? You're living apart NOW, already; what kind of trouble will you have in any AOS interview and certainly at ROC, if you make it that far?

In relationships, as with cars or household appliances, there's a difference between "maintenance" and "repair." Maintaining a relationship means keeping a viable one running by doing things over time to keep the engine purring. The need for repair means that things are dysfunctional, out of whack, and not working. I put up with 2 years of a dysfunctional marriage that felt like 200, and I left when I realized the obvious: it was beyond fixing, despite all the repairs that I threw into it. During 19 years between marriages, I had more "first dates and no more" with countless women that I knew were flat-out wrong for me, even that early. In one way, it was frustrating, but I never compromised my principles by trying to teach puercas to sing. It's a waste of time and annoys the pig. Repair is futile and is never, EVER worth it.

No one here can want something more for you than you want it for yourself. I hope that you'll realize sooner, rather than later, that sticking with a macho is throwing good effort after bad, and that you'll probably end up with a short-term, unhappy marriage and a child that you'll have to support yourself.

Has anyone in either of your threads completely taken your side, or said that you're on the right track? If not, why not?

Hey T-Bone, I know the OP might not read this but here's to hope:

I agree with what you are saying, no relationship should ask or force you to compromise you integrity or principles. I am going to throw this out there since this is how I interpret this situation. I believe the OP didn't come here for advice, she came her for validity. If you check the other post you will see one person kind of agreed with the situation and it was the ONLY person she agreed with. There have been tons of helpful advice given to the OP over the weeks(some harsh but I think that's because sugar coating it doesn't seem to be working) and you can only explain things to someone so many ways, at some point either they get or they dont.

To the OP, this journey is hard enough when the two of you are in complete sync, I can't imagine what it would be like if I were going through what you went through and are still going through. Love is not a battlefield, if you are working this hard in the beginning, imagine what it will be like 5,10 years from now. It doesn't get easier, at some point you will just get used to it and settle into a lifetime of unhappiness, but by then all the fighting and hell you have been through will just become routine...

If people seem a little bit frustrated it's because majority of folks on here care about you and your situation, and they don't want to see you walk down that road. Either from past experience or seeing those make the same choices. But you seem determined to stay in so all I can say is you have my prayers...

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Thank you for all your opinions. I am not going to come back to visajourney, I see that my ###### stained hands are making a mess in the forums, and my rose colored glasses are pissing everyone off. Thanks again for all your help.

Yes it's pissing people off but because we want you desperately to see that you deserve better. The thing is you're trying REALLY hard to see the positive, and that's a good thing, but why do you think you deserve to put up with the #######? Why do you refuse to see that you're being used and abused?

I am serious that I think you need emotional help. I think you need a counsellor to talk to. Being in abusive relationships takes it toll on your self-esteem and eventually you start to think that you deserve it, that it's not "that bad" and that's where you are right now. It is possible to get better but you have to at least want to take the first step.

[mamaSue 38]

The only reason that people are responding as they have been is because they (we) care about you.

Totally agree with T-Bone!!