DUI court date on Friday

[Maliajannah 0]

My husband has a court date on Friday for a DUI. He entered the country on a K-1 and we married within the 90 days. We didn't file AOS initially because I lost my job and thus couldn't sponsor him, and then over time the fighting became really bad and I started questioning whether I would file with him at all. I still don't have a job, and now we're on a 'trial separation' to see if things get better. He got arrested for a DUI last month, I was with him in the car but he was driving without a license.

I want to know what we can expect to have happen at his court date. What I'm thinking will happen is a large fine and a hold on his ability to get a license for 4 months. What else? He wants to pay for his own fine (thankfully) but he is not legally allowed to work yet. He wants to say to the court that he sometimes works with some friends so he'll be able to pay off the fine himself, but I think that if he says that he'll just get into more trouble (even if it's true). What are the parameters around what's legal in our situation? I plan to go with him on Friday, but he's been staying at a friends house for over a month, and we have been fighting every time we talk for a very long time... AOS is still months away if it ever happens. Also if it matters, he doesn't speak English yet, even after 6 months in the US. I am assuming the court will have hired a translator...? We live in an area with a very very low Spanish speaking population.

Please try and withhold your judgments. I recognize the foolishness and seriousness of my situation. I do not want your criticism, only your advice and/or information. Thank you.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Your husband apparently is thumbing his nose at many US laws. Being a licienced driver, drinking and driving and working. At least 2 of these will come to light in the AOS process assuming you go forward with it. He has to report the DUI which will cause the driving without a licence to surface ( It might not have been reportable on it's own merits IF the fine was less than 500) It looks like each of the offenses carry a max fine of 1000 for the first offense, DUI can suspend a licience for 90 days but he didn't have one so that may cause him to be barred from getting a licience for a longer period. Whatever he says in court will become part of what gets submitted for AOS so his 3rd disregard for US laws may get surfaced. He is also out of status so the court may question your intentions and force your hand . You marriage seems rather short so if you are choosing to not proceed he will probably have issues proving a valid relatonship to stay. If he gave his friends address when arrested you may also have more issues with AOS. Sounds like you have to seriously think about what YOU want to do next.

[TBoneTX 45,284]

N or B raises some good points. I'd simply add: If you are called to testify in court (will you be?), absolutely do not lie about anything. If you adhere to this, then whatever happens (good, bad, or indifferent) will be for good reason. My question is (curiously and nonjudgmentally), why do you plan to go to court with him?

[Maliajannah 0]

Your husband apparently is thumbing his nose at many US laws. Being a licienced driver, drinking and driving and working. At least 2 of these will come to light in the AOS process assuming you go forward with it. He has to report the DUI which will cause the driving without a licence to surface ( It might not have been reportable on it's own merits IF the fine was less than 500) It looks like each of the offenses carry a max fine of 1000 for the first offense, DUI can suspend a licience for 90 days but he didn't have one so that may cause him to be barred from getting a licience for a longer period. Whatever he says in court will become part of what gets submitted for AOS so his 3rd disregard for US laws may get surfaced. He is also out of status so the court may question your intentions and force your hand . You marriage seems rather short so if you are choosing to not proceed he will probably have issues proving a valid relatonship to stay. If he gave his friends address when arrested you may also have more issues with AOS. Sounds like you have to seriously think about what YOU want to do next.

So, you're saying the court fine will be approximately $2000 for a max fine for DUI and driving without a license. I am not going to try to hide anything in AOS so when you say it will "come to light" I'm not sure what you're referring to. My question is, will it cause AOS problems.

The address given was our address, no mention of his friends yet.

N or B raises some good points. I'd simply add: If you are called to testify in court (will you be?), absolutely do not lie about anything. If you adhere to this, then whatever happens (good, bad, or indifferent) will be for good reason. My question is (curiously and nonjudgmentally), why do you plan to go to court with him?

I don't know if I'll be called to testify, but I was present at the arrest. I'm going to court with him because I want to be able to support him and help him if he needs it, and to defend him if his status, or lack thereof, is brought up. Why wouldn't I go with him?

[Golden Gate 530]

So, you're saying the court fine will be approximately $2000 for a max fine for DUI and driving without a license. I am not going to try to hide anything in AOS so when you say it will "come to light" I'm not sure what you're referring to. My question is, will it cause AOS problems.

When you try to adjust status, these facts of his breaking the law will probably be part of their consideration.

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

Did he give the friend's address when arrested? The fact that you live at two different addresses could cause issue with the AOS, so if you move back in together make sure you have a lot of proof of doing so.

I suppose there is a small chance of them detaining him at court as he has not files AOS, but I doubt it.

[TBoneTX 45,284]

My question is, will it cause AOS problems. [...] The address given was our address, no mention of his friends yet.

Were you separated (that is, living apart) when he was cited? If he gave your shared address, that's untruthful. What do you mean by "will it cause AOS problems" -- are you now thinking of applying for his AOS?!

I'm going to court with him because I want to be able to support him and help him if he needs it, and to defend him if his status, or lack thereof, is brought up.

An objective question, without emotion or rancor, is WHY? Are you intending to deflect any of the 100% responsibility that is 100% his to accept -- such as, pleading with the court for mercy, or offering to pay his fines?

Why wouldn't I go with him?

It may or may not be the case that most here are silently questioning why you WOULD go.

[TBoneTX 45,284]

I recognize the foolishness and seriousness of my situation. I do not want your criticism, only your advice and/or information.

When apprised of this latest part of the saga, Mrs. T-B. observed, "I thought she was going to kick his culo and send him back. If it's this bad now, what does she think the rest of her life would be like?" She said something else that could be construed as borderline criticism, so out of respect it's not posted here.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

So, you're saying the court fine will be approximately $2000 for a max fine for DUI and driving without a license. I am not going to try to hide anything in AOS so when you say it will "come to light" I'm not sure what you're referring to. My question is, will it cause AOS problems.

The address given was our address, no mention of his friends yet.

I don't know if I'll be called to testify, but I was present at the arrest. I'm going to court with him because I want to be able to support him and help him if he needs it, and to defend him if his status, or lack thereof, is brought up. Why wouldn't I go with him?

Okay just to have the whole picture.. this is your previous thread: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/320526-i-need-some-opinions/ You are married to an abusive man and you know it. Why you would go to HELP him is beyond me. To help crucify him I understand.

I feel I should direct your attention to this thread: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/320987-sigh-here-we-go-divorce-scam-legal-woes-help/ just read the OP. He was in a similar situation. knew there were red flags but ignored them. She went to court, he helped her get off. He is now SERIOUSLY regretting that situation as, among other things, she held a gun to his children while home alone and also beat them. You have to ask yourself whether you are going to admit to yourself that these red-flags are serious and you actively protect yourself, or whether you really are craving the drama of this abusive relationship.

Edited August 19, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[Maliajannah 0]

Okay just to have the whole picture.. this is your previous thread: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/320526-i-need-some-opinions/ You are married to an abusive man and you know it. Why you would go to HELP him is beyond me. To help crucify him I understand.

Obviously it was foolish of me to think that the people reading and responding to this post would not have read my previous post... But that is what I was thinking, and that is why I phrased my original post the way I did. Wishful thinking I guess.

I often come on VJ just to read that post and all of the replies from you all just to remind me what I was going through and why I don't want to continue this mess... Sometimes I forget how serious it got. But the truth is, even with the seriousness of his abusiveness I still know that he loves me (not a doubt in my mind) and that he's not a bad person. He has done bad things, acted without thinking, but he is not an inherently bad person. He forgets how good things are sometimes when he gets stuck in the past. He doesn't have a good control of himself right now... And that's why we separated, because he couldn't respect me (or himself or anyone else) but I think respect can be learned and that he is trying. I'm not saying we're going to be together or file AOS but I'm not ruling it out either... I want to see him learn to be different. Maybe he can't, a lot of people try to change and don't, but I'm not going to keep telling him he can't change when he might have the ability. He certainly wants to, to respect and be respected, and he wants to be with me. He's told me that it seems easier to him to change and be a better person than to forget about me and keep on the way he is. He also realizes that the lack of respect he gives and receives will follow him through his life in whatever he tries to do. He wants to be better, to be happy, to be respectable. That being said, I am not going to spend my life with someone who isn't respecting me, and his desire to change hasn't yet produced an actual change so I feel like I'm just waiting to see. I love him and I'm not ever just going to write him off. I am constantly looking for the good in him, and sometimes, like today, it gives me hope that things will get better. But even if they don't get better and we separate forever I would still try to help him however I could, especially legally, without compromising myself. He is and always will be very important to me.

The court didn't hire an interpreter so he was rescheduled for September 7th. However, they removed the driving without a license charge and lowered his DUI to a "wet and reckless" so the long term legal effects will be small. Apparently the cop who arrested him liked him and put in his report about good behavior and first offense etc. Also, as far as I can tell, him staying with his friend for a little while doesn't have much of an effect on anything because we still have the same legal address. It's the only address either of us has ever used since starting this paperwork and I don't think a little time at his buddy's (a place he doesn't even know the address) should matter at all. We have the same address, a bank account together, and a credit line as well. Our marriage is not fictional, not a fraud, we are going through a rough patch and taking a breather, but hopefully things will get back on track soon. That's all. Thanks to all of you for your help.

[nane1104 146]

You are saying many different things that all contradict each other as far as your relationship goes. It's going from how abusive he is and how you know it's a seriously bad situation for you to what a good man he is that loves you so much to how you are not going to spend the rest of your life like this and back to how you are trying to not mess up things for his AOS.

I don't want to sound harsh or mean, I am just really concerned about you. Is it possible he is totally manipulating you? To me as an outsider, he sounds like a complete jerk with no regards to you, using you, using his charm whenever he can get an advantage out of it.

I am truly sorry you are in this situation and I know you asked only for advice specific to the AOS/court situation but it is hard for me to watch you going down like this.

[TBoneTX 45,284]

Is it possible he is totally manipulating you? [...] using his charm whenever he can get an advantage out of it.

This is exceptionally typical of machistas (Ecuadorian machos). As stated multiple times before, this is the way he was raised; this is inbred in the culture; he cannot and will not change.

I've seen this before on the part of many other American women: each clings to a doomed relationship because she thinks that the guy will change if only she loves him enough.

[Aztec&Taino 144]

But the truth is, even with the seriousness of his abusiveness I still know that he loves me (not a doubt in my mind) and that he's not a bad person. He has done bad things, acted without thinking, but he is not an inherently bad person. He forgets how good things are sometimes when he gets stuck in the past. He doesn't have a good control of himself right now...

I am sorry to say that abusers have a tendency to be quite apt at manipulating their victims; they will be sweet and loving if they need to and then their natural tendencies will come out. Of course, this is the best way to "train" someone into staying; unexpectedly give the reward of being nice and then sometimes be abusive. How can you know that he will change, for good? Can someone really change just because they want to change or is it more complicated than that? Have you thought about couples' therapy? It is a dynamic after all...

The court didn't hire an interpreter so he was rescheduled for September 7th. However, they removed the driving without a license charge and lowered his DUI to a "wet and reckless" so the long term legal effects will be small.

I am glad to know the charge was lowered. Hopefully, this will mean a lesser fine and less negative consequences long term (and at the time of AOS, if it ever happens). Keep us posted.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Aztec&Taino

[Justine+David 218]

Battered women often think that they deserve the treatment that they get. One of the saddest things in this world. OP, please get out of the situation. Please. Before you get hurt beyond fixing. My aunt managed to leave only after her husband starting abusing their child. Seek out your friends and family.

Edited September 8, 2011 by Justine+David

[bigdog 376]

Why would you continue with this, get an attorney, do not commit fraud and do not lie. Battered women see themselves as the bad person you are not. Get help from family friends, social services, good luck.