Racial statements about our son

[106206 15]

Basically in the USA people are often not comfortable dealing with race as a topic.

So you will need to get used to these kinds of comments and try to either tune them out or just accept them and move on.

As for the kid's comment he was likely being innocent and the mother didn't have the fortitude to embrace the topic in a constructive manner with her child.

That said, racism is abound in America and it works bi-directionally across all cultures and ethnic groups. It fuels billions of dollars in our entertainment and music industries, and it will be a part of this society as long as there is an America. Kind of a Pandora's box really. It's really sad.

[Golden Gate 530]

"get greetings almost every time from African blacks but from ones born in the USA--well, that is where the hatred shows up.

Here, and I am not sure if it is all over the US or only in Houston, but there appears to be a lot of prejudice from US-born-blacks against anyone that is black from outside the US. I've witnessed it repeatedly and asked a few coworkers about it and they confirmed that yes, they do experience racism, but not from whites or Latinos. I just don't get it."

My ex from Mexico also found this to be the case with Mexican-Americans. They looked down on Mexicans. I think it is an ethnocentric type of thing - we are part of this country now because we were born here, and you are not!

Edited September 22, 2011 by Golden Gate

[Nina~ 431]

My ex from Mexico also found this to be the case with Mexican-Americans. They looked down on Mexicans. I think it is an ethnocentric type of thing - we are part of this country now because we were born here, and you are not!

That goes both ways. All of my first gen Mexican friends from school considered Mexican-Americans to be lazy and promiscuous. There seemed to be a culture clash between Mexicans & Mexican-Americans.

Similarily, my African American friend had Kenyan neighbors growing up, and the Kenyan mom would not let her kids play with other African American kids because she did not consider them as "pure". However, this is the only anecdote I have heard about African prejudice towards African-Americans. So I am not sure how prevalent it is.

[Golden Gate 530]

That goes both ways. All of my first gen Mexican friends from school considered Mexican-Americans to be lazy and promiscuous. There seemed to be a culture clash between Mexicans & Mexican-Americans.

Similarily, my African American friend had Kenyan neighbors growing up, and the Kenyan mom would not let her kids play with other African American kids because she did not consider them as "pure". However, this is the only anecdote I have heard about African prejudice towards African-Americans. So I am not sure how prevalent it is.

Yes, it seems like it is a culture-clash. That sounds about right!

[Highyella72 11]

I think you are looking too much into this incident. I mean, come on, it was a 8-10 year old kid and kids say the darnest thing all the time because they say what they think with unbridled honesty. Instead of feeling slighted, I would feel disappointed since the mom did not use this as a "teaching moment" for her son and correct him. Since your son in bi-tri-racial, you will come across these kind of situation more often than others, and you will have the perfect opportunity to teach your son to be sensitive & socially intelligent, unlike this other kid.

I agree 100%. Myself being bi-racial....mother is african american and father is german and native american. I am fair skinned. The child was young and really the comment wasn't really a racial slurr....but I agree that the mother should have addressed accordingly. Kids see what they see...through the eyes of a child, its us as parents that need to address and educate our children. Just as she should have taken the time at that moment to educate her child...you will find down the line...that you will need to educate your child. Alot of times...parents like my mother and father , I am sure did not consider what I as a child would face...but because my mother taught me to be proud of what I am, and that I am the beauty of two races and two loving parents....that was all that was important....and if it hadn't been a comment on skin color, it could have been a comment on any number of other things..... Do not allow a CHILD's comment to bother you.....After all a child is just a child.....

[MalaysianGirl 26]

At the foodcourt inside our BX on base. We are enjoying our Anthonys Pizza.

Kid (about 8-10 yrs old, white, chewing down his big cheeseburger) at the table next to us to our 2.5 year old son:

" If you have a black Daddy and a white Mommy, that makes you brown."

Older brother pokes him in his ribs to shut him up. Then mom shows up, older brother told her what younger brother said. All loud enough for us to hear it.

Mom looks away and avoids any eyecontact with us until we left....

To add, my husband is african-american/filippino and I am caucasian, our son, well, looks very different than most bi-racial kids as he has features of all three races and really doesn't fit the typical "mixed kid look".

People make comments about his look or more specific, his color a lot here in the States, while in Germany, they would comment about specifics, like about his big brown eyes or how he tans so quickly without getting sunburned

but it never had this racial component to it.

I am really not sure what to think about this situation as I'd like to give that kid the benefit of the doubt, but just the fact that he went through that thoughtprocess, really baffeled me...

My sister doesn't understand at all why I would be irritated by his statement!?

If that is your son in your photo, he is ADORABLE. Seriously. I wish I could play with him!

About the kid's comment... I hope his mom teaches him well. Seriously.

[Highyella72 11]

I know he was only a child, I know they just say what they think...but that was my point- why would a kid of that age even consider the race of a little toddler? I just have never seen that and as a teacher myself, I have come across a LOT of children. The way the mom acted gave us the impression that she knew exactly where this was coming from.

Yes, maybe I am looking to much into it but remembering my sons confused look, I know that some day we will have to teach him about races and where he is coming from.

See, I grew up in "white Germany" and I guess I can say majority of germans are pretty "colorblind", so I never had to deal with this kind of issue, while my husband is totally used to this kind of scrutiny. He always warned me that we would have to deal with peoples comments about our children and I always brushed it off as "it can't be that bad" until someone referred to him as "cappuccino". I know it wasn't meant to be mean but I know that same person would never refer to a white kid as "milky", kwim?

It's hard to ignore those comments but I'll try...*sigh*

Maybe the Germans in Germany are "color blind" however, my grandmother who is german, has never recognized me or accepted me as her grandchild, even though my mother and father were married when they had me. My mother being black...She would never accept me....However she does accept my white sister....from a second marriage....So....things are different here and you will learn that although the U.S. is a melting pot....some people are still set in their ways....

[dukeandduchess 141]

Your child is going to react more to how you and his father act towards these statements than he will to the actual context.

Teach him to be proud of who he is. Teach him to be kind and thoughtful and these kinds of comments will roll off his shoulders.

If you get upset over every comment he will feel insecure and lack confidence in himself and his heritage.

Although the lady did not correct her child in front of you, she may have spoken to him afterwards. You never know. Children don't have a filter and their comments are usually innocent and curious.

[misswiss 6]

Ummmmmmmm whats wrong with being "brown"??

And yeah i wouldnt feel offended either...they call people white and black but you expect an 8 yr old boy to know what biracial is???

To me, there is nothing racist about that. Especially if your son looks more black than white. My little cousin is blonde with blue eyes and nobody can believe her mom is brown skinned lol.

But i do get offended when (black) people expect me to be ghetto because i am black, even tho i have never lived in the ghetto, and i am from Switzerland.

[Peter_Pan 661]

I don't see what the mother would have clarified. Is the kid not brown? And before you all cry racist, I live in a patriarchal society in which women are automatically seen as inferior, yet I don't throw a hissing fit when someone points out I am a woman.