Racial statements about our son

[Ameena 0]

As an American, just let me apologize first on the behalf of my countrys' ignorance and arrogance. Children are ALL beautiful- regardless of ethnicity or color! Secondly, let me just add that while you can just ignore it and get over it, your son should be taught at an early age how to appropriately react to the racism problems in the US. It's shameful that parents are so afraid of 'punishing' or 'chastizing' thier children because of child abuse laws in the states. But more shameful is that they are not teaching proper morals and values. That was simply 'rude', no other explaination- the parents are ignorant.

[jarta 24]

i personally do not its a big deal. as other have said here, don't read too much into the issue. reading too much into it only leads you to think about things you may not want to. i am African black, and i lived in America for about 7 years. and in my experience i have never heard anyone said anything i consider racially inappropriate toward me. and i lived in a pretty much a white suburbia neighborhood. the thing is if you are very sensitive about it, you end up reading into things that are nothing. and you look for things out for anything that may sound racially inappropriate when in actual fact it maybe not be. if someone points to me and say - see that black man walking down the street. i wouldn't be offended and i don't any other black person should be ...because i am black. we just turn to be too sensitive toward these things. kids would say what they see and they are not saying it to be mean or funny...they are just saying what they see. and if someone does make a racial slur towards me, i would consider the person to be really ignorant and doesn't warrant a response. i wouldnt want to stool as low as that person.

so my advise, just dont think too deep into these things and train your kids to do the same. if they say he is a brown...it true and so you shouldn't be upset about it.

[tonylovesam 8]

I got this statement from people here in my country(PI) towards my daughter "she's so cute and pretty and her kinky hair looks good even if she's black. anyway. she's not really that black though."

The only thing it makes me irritated sometimes is the "even if she's black" thing. -racial criticism.

[AlienAmerican 4]

Don't know what you're so worked up about. You see, being mixed raced, you now have free license to make fun of what ever race you want. And you have the top three, Asian, Black, and White, you can say anything you want. On a serious note, just lighten up, who cares?

[jameugiekaxavilon 25]

Most people don't understand the pain from rasicm until it happens to them.

I agree, so true!! :thumbs:

[ania1979 0]

At the foodcourt inside our BX on base. We are enjoying our Anthonys Pizza.

Kid (about 8-10 yrs old, white, chewing down his big cheeseburger) at the table next to us to our 2.5 year old son:

" If you have a black Daddy and a white Mommy, that makes you brown."

Older brother pokes him in his ribs to shut him up. Then mom shows up, older brother told her what younger brother said. All loud enough for us to hear it.

Mom looks away and avoids any eyecontact with us until we left....

To add, my husband is african-american/filippino and I am caucasian, our son, well, looks very different than most bi-racial kids as he has features of all three races and really doesn't fit the typical "mixed kid look".

People make comments about his look or more specific, his color a lot here in the States, while in Germany, they would comment about specifics, like about his big brown eyes or how he tans so quickly without getting sunburned

but it never had this racial component to it.

I am really not sure what to think about this situation as I'd like to give that kid the benefit of the doubt, but just the fact that he went through that thoughtprocess, really baffeled me...

My sister doesn't understand at all why I would be irritated by his statement!?

i have the same problem. im caucasian and my 4-years old son and his father are afro-american. our situation is more difficult. im living with my son in a small city in Poland. he is the only dark skin human in the city. we are hearing a recism comments every day of our live.they said that they call "the thing" by name.our son dont play with the kids no more. he is not talking in the public places. a lot of times i wanne to cry at home because of that situation.

i hope that we will live this crazy country.

my interview is in semptember in us embassy.

[LlamaInvasion 76]

While I agree with a lot of what's been said in this thread so far about racism; how to deal with it, ignoring it, etc - I do feel like I want to comment on something.

but that was my point- why would a kid of that age even consider the race of a little toddler? I just have never seen that and as a teacher myself, I have come across a LOT of children. The way the mom acted gave us the impression that she knew exactly where this was coming from.

I'm quite surprised that as a teacher, you've never seen this before. I'm Asian of origin (adopted) and have always lived in extremely predominantly Caucasian countries/cities/areas. I have white siblings, white parents, a white family, and grew up in a white upper-middle class neighborhood.

In my experience, the age you described this child to be is exactly when they start questioning and commenting on skin color. It was in the first grade someone first commented on my "squinty, funny-looking eyes." It was in the second grade I was first asked why I looked "browner than my sister." And that girl quickly concluded that she didn't think my sister was really my sister, because if she was, we'd either both be brown or both be white. That was devastating to me at the time, but there was no inherent racism behind this girl's conclusion; she was just trying to make sense of how and why I looked different.

Still to this day, children around the 7-10 age range are the ones commenting on my looks, on the rare occasion it does happen. They are simply curious, and have no filter. Any remark coming from a child that age, I personally would take with a grain of salt.

[keysjangle 145]

Kids don't have a filter. Don't take this to heart. It would have been nice if mom could have had her son apologize, but that's her problem in the end.

[Aztec&Taino 144]

It sounds like the 10 year old was thinking with a child's innocence. As you know, children sometimes state the obvious without historical reference of shoulds and should-nots. He was probably using logic and analysis with no thought to race or whether this might hurt someone who has a pre-disposed sensitivity. As to the parent.... they quite probably had a discussion with the child in private.

I agree with Krikrit in that the comment as stated by the child did not seem malicious or racist. In fact, I thought it a bit endearing as it showed innocence and a basic sense of mixing colors -who has not, as a child, played with the combination of paints or colored pencils?

I thought that the mom's reaction was a bit of a missed opportunity. Perhaps she could have approached you and establish a conversation with your family so that the child could perhaps understand your son's background and culture. But perhaps, as Krikrit said, she did have a conversation with the child in private.

[Wanda and Amel 17]

My ex-husband, the father of my children, is African American, I was born in New York from a Cuban father and a Puerto Rican other. I have learned early on in my children's lives that the best way to deal with this is to raise your children to grow up being proud of all their parts and to have knowledge of the history associated with each. There will come a time, usually pre-teen, when they may face difficulties, i.e. they are too light to be black, they are too dark to be white (or in this case Cuban/Puerto Rican). This too shall pass.

As far as the racial remarks, you have to consider the source. All "racial" remarks are not meant to be "racial." I will explain, my Dad, who is not a racist, but has a pronounced accent as he is Cuban, upon the birth of my granddaughter, who clearly is much, much, darker than the rest of us because her mother is 100% African American, any my son half, called her "his brown baby." Does that sound racist on the surface, to some it may. But, I know that there is no racism associated with it because I am considering the source.

Having a mixed child is not easy, back when I was raising my children, it was even worse, especially here in the south. Now, not so much, it is common thing to see. Are there racist out there, of course. You can't change that. The only thing that you can change is your reaction to it and to raise your beautiful child to be a strong well rounded educated individual.

In your case, the reality is that your son may have a different color pigment due to his "mixture." The child who made that comment was just a child. The mother, was she a racist, don't know. Was her failure to instruction him wrong, maybe. But the reality is that your child is "mixed" and hypersensitivity to that fact may create much stress in your life. Just embrace it and teach your child to embrace it!!! Of course, I am not saying you should accept out and out racism with racial slangs and epithets. That is another subject all together.

I hope I am not being too harsh and I hope that the words from someome who has been there help you.

[sara..... 371]

i just wanted to tell you a true story to show you how stupid even adults can be and its sort of comedy as well

once when one of my sisters was about seven months old my mom had her (full African american) and one of her grandsons (white as you can get) about the same age in a double stroller in target.....

a women about the age of 30 something had been looking so intent at the two........finally she came up and said what beautiful children are they twins?????????

my mom looked her dead in the eye smiled and said why yes they are thank you and left the lady standing looking even more confused

sara

[decocker 7,198]

Possibly the kid was just parroting his parents' explanation? My son had lots of questions for me when he was younger regarding why my cousin is black and his son looked white, why does that happen? As a parent, you have a limited approach on how to explain these things. In simple terms, if you have two different color parents - you have a mixed child - doesn't sound too harsh an explanation in that light.

[bigdog 376]

At the foodcourt inside our BX on base. We are enjoying our Anthonys Pizza.

Kid (about 8-10 yrs old, white, chewing down his big cheeseburger) at the table next to us to our 2.5 year old son:

" If you have a black Daddy and a white Mommy, that makes you brown."

Older brother pokes him in his ribs to shut him up. Then mom shows up, older brother told her what younger brother said. All loud enough for us to hear it.

Mom looks away and avoids any eyecontact with us until we left....

To add, my husband is african-american/filippino and I am caucasian, our son, well, looks very different than most bi-racial kids as he has features of all three races and really doesn't fit the typical "mixed kid look".

People make comments about his look or more specific, his color a lot here in the States, while in Germany, they would comment about specifics, like about his big brown eyes or how he tans so quickly without getting sunburned

but it never had this racial component to it.

I am really not sure what to think about this situation as I'd like to give that kid the benefit of the doubt, but just the fact that he went through that thoughtprocess, really baffeled me...

My sister doesn't understand at all why I would be irritated by his statement!?

Some people are stupid, i think it how you react and love your son which is important. Sorry for peoples ignorance.

[Barbara J 115]

That is so true!

I have to admit I never fully understood when my husband told me about comments he got about himself being biracial. To me he was always just my bf, fiance and husband, his skin color was totally irrelevant to me.

Now I am much more sensitive about the whole racial subject but at the same time, I don't want it to become so important either.

It's ok we were coming out of the movies last week and a little boy (black) said to his mum as we passed hey look she is a white woman holding that black mans hand lol yes we are interracial couple but out of the mouths of babes. His mother was quick to correct him and pull his finger down from pointing. we both laughed and said he obviously has not seen a mixed couple before.

[fozzie 41]

So an 8-10 year old kid sees something that he hasnt seen before and formulates a valid question based on his limited understanding. Sounds like a smart kid to me.

NB: Besides the fact the kid was very young, people can talk about race without it being racist.

Edited August 17, 2011 by fozzie