A fast advice is needed for a friend

[san diego 407]

Regarding "helpful" comments: I am just not sure if we should "help" a younger unemployed guy that most likely took advantage of USC female to grab a bite of her property. I just do not see how it can ber moral.

[san diego 407]

BTW, you do see more visa fraud from poorer countries than from 1st world countries.. This is a scientific fact, and you cannot argue with it. There is no point in political correctness. This is true that people from poorer countries would want to immigrate to US and some times in desperation will commit fraud. Nothing unusual and nothing special about it. For example: you do not see that many fraudulent applications from richer middle eastern countries like Saudi Arabia and Emirates and Turkey. You see from Morocco, Egypt and Pakistan. This is normal. And yes, you see more fraud Russia than from UK. Is this news to you?

[No-Where-Man 147]

Its not

what you are saying is logical no doubt or arguing about it as its a scientific fact, but I dont see a space for this topic here since its more of a relation problem than a suspected fraud case, he is here for 7 months now , but they know each other 8 years before getting married, I do know that his approach is not right which my conversation with him was about, fraud is not the case as of what I know about them, but again I heard one side of the story, more will be clear when I hear her side though.

BTW, you do see more visa fraud from poorer countries than from 1st world countries.. This is a scientific fact, and you cannot argue with it. There is no point in political correctness. This is true that people from poorer countries would want to immigrate to US and some times in desperation will commit fraud. Nothing unusual and nothing special about it. For example: you do not see that many fraudulent applications from richer middle eastern countries like Saudi Arabia and Emirates and Turkey. You see from Morocco, Egypt and Pakistan. This is normal. And yes, you see more fraud Russia than from UK. Is this news to you?

[No-Where-Man 147]

Helping someone regardless younger or older to make sure he/she gets their full right WITHOUT evading or committing any kind of illegal act is moral ,,judging is not, I cannt even judge on their situation even though I know both of them because I heard only one side of the story, that is what I mean in short words

not every young male from high fraud countries marry a USC female do so for just the better life here, every country has its own good and bad including the US, Im Egyptian and I miss many many things that Egypt offers me that cant be found here and cannt be made up for with the'' good life'' offered here, and vice versa

sacrifice made on both sides, and the smart is the one who honor it and practise it the right way.

Regarding "helpful" comments: I am just not sure if we should "help" a younger unemployed guy that most likely took advantage of USC female to grab a bite of her property. I just do not see how it can ber moral.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

some other things she did to him I didnt mention her for its privacy and sensitivity, but in short (and this is one side of the story) that she is neglcting him and his needs, Its my understanding that marriage is sharing, respect, and love. neglect and not sharing for the sake of developing security and trust is why he told me he thought to get out and take what he believes his, he is afraid about divorce cause he has nothing even all what is his is owned by her due to the fact he didnt have any credit score yet, can get any loans, got laid off so there is no income, and he feels she use that to control, neglect and disrespect him.

My experience with her is that she is a very nice person, hopefully they work it out.

"Him and his needs"? I'm sorry but I'm feeling less and less sorry for this guy as you "explain"...

"Even all what is his is owned by her".. so it's HERS!! She let him drive a car that's in her name. It's HER car. She bought a computer that he used, it's HERS. If they're actually gifts he would need to prove that. If we're talking about HIS clothes and things HE bought then it's different. This is the issue with piggy-backing off someone. He might have been paying it off but unless he has proof of an agreement about that, it's in her name and therefore hers.

He feels she used his lack of employment, and lack of credit rating to "control, neglect and disrespect" him. Okay. Well I'm sorry but "neglect" and "disrespect" is just ridiculous. I understand a lot of MENA men have a large amount of pride (from reading here). But just because she didn't cow-tow to his every whim and need doesn't mean anything. And "neglect" doesn't apply to an adult. It would apply to someone helpless but he's an adult so he was able to feed himself and wipe his own butt... so how did she neglect him? Again, he's not OWED anything. Disrespect him? What was she supposed to do? These are his own issues here. Did he do anything to DESERVE respect? He isn't granted respect simply by virtue of having a pen*s and being her husband.

Absolutely ridiculous in my opinion. Again, he's not OWED anything. He certainly has some issues to work through. Including that he doesn't gain rights simply by being the man in the relationship. Based on your postings he wants a certain amount of control in the relationship that he's not getting so he's ticked off she doesn't respect him as a man and "know" he's the boss. He wants her to "give it up" whenever he wants it because he's the boss, he deserves respect and he should control her and now he's considering divorce.. but only if he can get the things he's not entitled to but feels he's entitled to simply because they were married.

Ridiculous.

Helping someone regardless younger or older to make sure he/she gets their full right WITHOUT evading or committing any kind of illegal act is moral ,,judging is not, I cannt even judge on their situation even though I know both of them because I heard only one side of the story, that is what I mean in short word

He has no rights to anything that's hers. He's owed nothing. He should simply move on.

Edited August 17, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[san diego 407]

"Him and his needs"? I'm sorry but I'm feeling less and less sorry for this guy as you "explain"...

"Even all what is his is owned by her".. so it's HERS!! She let him drive a car that's in her name. It's HER car. She bought a computer that he used, it's HERS. If they're actually gifts he would need to prove that. If we're talking about HIS clothes and things HE bought then it's different. This is the issue with piggy-backing off someone. He might have been paying it off but unless he has proof of an agreement about that, it's in her name and therefore hers.

He feels she used his lack of employment, and lack of credit rating to "control, neglect and disrespect" him. Okay. Well I'm sorry but "neglect" and "disrespect" is just ridiculous. I understand a lot of MENA men have a large amount of pride (from reading here). But just because she didn't cow-tow to his every whim and need doesn't mean anything. And "neglect" doesn't apply to an adult. It would apply to someone helpless but he's an adult so he was able to feed himself and wipe his own butt... so how did she neglect him? Again, he's not OWED anything. Disrespect him? What was she supposed to do? These are his own issues here. Did he do anything to DESERVE respect? He isn't granted respect simply by virtue of having a pen*s and being her husband.

Absolutely ridiculous in my opinion. Again, he's not OWED anything. He certainly has some issues to work through. Including that he doesn't gain rights simply by being the man in the relationship. Based on your postings he wants a certain amount of control in the relationship that he's not getting so he's ticked off she doesn't respect him as a man and "know" he's the boss. He wants her to "give it up" whenever he wants it because he's the boss, he deserves respect and he should control her and now he's considering divorce.. but only if he can get the things he's not entitled to but feels he's entitled to simply because they were married.

Ridiculous.

He has no rights to anything that's hers. He's owed nothing. He should simply move on.

Agreed! Ridiculous! The guy just used this woman to move here and is trying to rip her off!

[No-Where-Man 147]

As of what he is saying, she didnt meet his expectations, and the expectations here are built on MENA traditions, since she is from MENA area as well.

I would love to know more in depth of what is going on though, to be honest I didnt encourage him concerning his thoughts as im not in agreements, my only support to his situation came from the fact that I know exactly what expectations he is talking about specially she knows better when it come to MENA men for the fact she is plastenian

Im a MENA man, my wife is totaly western American lady, and we could adapt to each other, specially her, she did huge efforts to adopt to my traditions and thought, happy to get that, sad to hear that two from the same area can not work it out the right way

If you guys are interested, I will update you if something worth updating,

Thanks everyone

Agreed! Ridiculous! The guy just used this woman to move here and is trying to rip her off!

[No-Where-Man 147]

"Him and his needs"? I'm sorry but I'm feeling less and less sorry for this guy as you "explain"...

"Even all what is his is owned by her".. so it's HERS!! She let him drive a car that's in her name. It's HER car. She bought a computer that he used, it's HERS. If they're actually gifts he would need to prove that. If we're talking about HIS clothes and things HE bought then it's different. This is the issue with piggy-backing off someone. He might have been paying it off but unless he has proof of an agreement about that, it's in her name and therefore hers.

let me put some details, she financed by buying him a car, he started making payments to her till he got laid off (that was their deal),

then he told me he want her to help him replacing the car with older model(since its under her name) that will grant her alot of money back toward what he owes her, and then to claim the car for him self after paying the rest of the balance if any, (she refused every time he tells her, most of the excuses are''not today, later, no ,), this is why he feels she just wana control regardless.

He feels she used his lack of employment, and lack of credit rating to "control, neglect and disrespect" him. Okay. Well I'm sorry but "neglect" and "disrespect" is just ridiculous. I understand a lot of MENA men have a large amount of pride (from reading here). But just because she didn't cow-tow to his every whim and need doesn't mean anything. And "neglect" doesn't apply to an adult. It would apply to someone helpless but he's an adult so he was able to feed himself and wipe his own butt... so how did she neglect him? Again, he's not OWED anything. Disrespect him? What was she supposed to do? These are his own issues here. Did he do anything to DESERVE respect? He isn't granted respect simply by virtue of having a pen*s and being her husband.

I have another opinion here, since you read about MENA, but I think you didnt read much, for you and many it seems ridiculous, for others its not, as I said earlier Im a MENA man, for me for instance, I made it clear to my wife when we started our relation together that if she ever disrespect me even verbally, then we have a big issue and I started defining what disrespect means to me in different situations, and so she knows what I like and wht I dont and why, we have a decent relation, since she is from MENA , he said to me she should know better since they are even the same religion, traditions and believes, and that is my only grief against her, he game me some details that tells me is is disrespecting him, and my first reaction was '' dude she knows better''

Neglect, I dont like anyone to wipe my butt for me, neither him I guess, but neglect can be defined differently, if me and my wife put and defined each other responsiblities toward each other, and for NO REASON me or her didnt do what we needed to do toward each other, I call that neglect, so I guess every relations is different, in mine we r happily married and we defined and approach fastly our goals with dignity and love , and I guess it wouldnt be without defining what is sharing, owning, freeom, neglect, and disrespect it, its a learning curve

Absolutely ridiculous in my opinion. Again, he's not OWED anything. He certainly has some issues to work through. Including that he doesn't gain rights simply by being the man in the relationship. Based on your postings he wants a certain amount of control in the relationship that he's not getting so he's ticked off she doesn't respect him as a man and "know" he's the boss. He wants her to "give it up" whenever he wants it because he's the boss, he deserves respect and he should control her and now he's considering divorce.. but only if he can get the things he's not entitled to but feels he's entitled to simply because they were married.

Ridiculous.

Your opinion was based on my postings, remember that some details are not told due to their privacy unless Im told to talk about it though, in his calls with me(if he is fair in what he is saying about her), she lied, put him in bad situations with her family due to these lies, she acts as if she is single with all the means, then he stated the fact she is MENA this what makes him upset about it.

He has no rights to anything that's hers. He's owed nothing. He should simply move on.

I agree on that part, but I guess she owes him what she promised him when he was still out the US, to find her what she made him believe she is while she is not.

Thanks for your input

[san diego 407]

As of what he is saying, she didnt meet his expectations, and the expectations here are built on MENA traditions, since she is from MENA area as well.

I would love to know more in depth of what is going on though, to be honest I didnt encourage him concerning his thoughts as im not in agreements, my only support to his situation came from the fact that I know exactly what expectations he is talking about specially she knows better when it come to MENA men for the fact she is plastenian

Im a MENA man, my wife is totaly western American lady, and we could adapt to each other, specially her, she did huge efforts to adopt to my traditions and thought, happy to get that, sad to hear that two from the same area can not work it out the right way

If you guys are interested, I will update you if something worth updating,

Thanks everyone

He came to US. So HE IS THE ONE that should be adapting to our culture. I am tired of people coming here and expecting everyone here adapting to THEIR culture. This is United States of America! If she went to Egypt, then I agree she should be the one adapting. And don't tell me that younger MENA man fell for older non-muslim woman. Just a fraud.

[No-Where-Man 147]

Yeahshe is a muslim, this is why I said that she should know better

Adopting is not only to the place you live in,but to the relation you got your self involved at, I really didnt adopt to everything here, I still keep my morals and tradition and still respect ppl and laws here, I dont need to adopt totally, this is AMERICA everyone is free, beside we talk about the relation it self.

Im gonna post if there are any updates

Thanks for the comment

He came to US. So HE IS THE ONE that should be adapting to our culture. I am tired of people coming here and expecting everyone here adapting to THEIR culture. This is United States of America! If she went to Egypt, then I agree she should be the one adapting. And don't tell me that younger MENA man fell for older non-muslim woman. Just a fraud.

Edited August 17, 2011 by no_where_man

[No-Where-Man 147]

BTW

Sorry that you feel tired about it . I feel for you

He came to US. So HE IS THE ONE that should be adapting to our culture. I am tired of people coming here and expecting everyone here adapting to THEIR culture. This is United States of America! If she went to Egypt, then I agree she should be the one adapting. And don't tell me that younger MENA man fell for older non-muslim woman. Just a fraud.

Edited August 17, 2011 by no_where_man

[morocco4ever 63]

I love this thread.

If I remember right, in the Arab culture, the man is suppose to support the wife, and the wife's money is for her. So perhaps it would be in her best interest if she attempted to adapt to his culture.

But as one stated, he is in America, and that he bears the burden of adapting to our culture. So that being said, since he is no longer employed does she come home from work to a clean house and dinner cooked? Is he doing laundry, shopping, yard work? Because in America we share not only the financial burdens, but work around the house. If one is not working outside of the home they should be doing the work in the home. So if he is not doing these things, then what exactly has he been contributing to the marriage, and in what way is he entitled to anything if he isn't? How long did he work as compared to how long has she worked? Is it right for a man that has worked for only a short time to take from a woman that has worked her entire adult life? Would it be right for her to have to start over?

I am not saying the marriage was fraud, although we all know the statistics. What I am saying is that there are always two sides of the story, and it sounds as if the guy merely wants more than he actually deserves. I do get tired of hearing about human sponges, be it an immigrant or an American, that feel entitled.

[san diego 407]

I love this thread.

If I remember right, in the Arab culture, the man is suppose to support the wife, and the wife's money is for her. So perhaps it would be in her best interest if she attempted to adapt to his culture.

But as one stated, he is in America, and that he bears the burden of adapting to our culture. So that being said, since he is no longer employed does she come home from work to a clean house and dinner cooked? Is he doing laundry, shopping, yard work? Because in America we share not only the financial burdens, but work around the house. If one is not working outside of the home they should be doing the work in the home. So if he is not doing these things, then what exactly has he been contributing to the marriage, and in what way is he entitled to anything if he isn't? How long did he work as compared to how long has she worked? Is it right for a man that has worked for only a short time to take from a woman that has worked her entire adult life? Would it be right for her to have to start over?

I am not saying the marriage was fraud, although we all know the statistics. What I am saying is that there are always two sides of the story, and it sounds as if the guy merely wants more than he actually deserves. I do get tired of hearing about human sponges, be it an immigrant or an American, that feel entitled.

Well said!

[nurse1967 287]

This whole topic is ridiculous. If the truth is told, he probably didn't want his name on anything because his religion forbids him from paying interest. It gets on my nerves that MENA guys want to build a credit history but don't want their name on anything. Not only that, but this guy has been talking to someone if he's only been here 7 months and he's already trying to figure out how to get some of what she probably worked years to obtain. She should send him packing back to Egypt with his suitcase and clothes which is more than likely what he showed up with.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hello

I got a call from one of my friends who lives in New York, who have an issue that I was not able to give him much informations about, hope who have an experience to give more details.

He is the beneficiary, she is the USC , he has Conditional Green card, and not yet eligible to remove conditions

There are alot of troubles between them, and told me he is out for two days now already(she didnt kick him out, but he decided to avoid more troubles or confrontations), I didnt know all the details and if he is mistaken by any mean, but I would love to help making sure he doesnt evade any laws by any mean, I already know some informations about the Immigration side of it, but yet I have questions about civil and immigration,

1: She owns a proberty in New York that has only her name on it, in case of divorce, is he entitled to any of it?(he doesnt own anything here by his name).

2:Does anyone knows about divorce laws in New York and how it work? any link would be helpful.

3:in case of divorce, cant she hurt his process of removing his conditions and how to avoid that? (he cant go back to his country)

fast replies are appreciated, I would really love to help him doing the right thing

Thanks alot

Why would he even look at something she owned solely when she killed herself to get him over here..Why should we coach you to help him screw her?