Mistaken identity

[Aztec&Taino 144]

Hello everyone!

I want to share with VJ members some of the experiences that we have lived on an almost day-to-day basis since my fiance (now husband) moved to the US about five months ago.

My husband is Dominican. He is about 6'4", slim and, to American standards, black or African-American. To me, of course, he is the man I love with his specific culture, myths, language, and beliefs. To everyone else in our Midwest community he is African-American. It seems as though the following happens all the time: We are walking around in a public place (restaurant, store, street, etc.) and almost whenever an African-American male sees him he is greeted with familiarity with a "What's up man?" or a "What's up bro." He does not particularly like to be mistaken with an American -as he is quite proud to be a Dominican- and he laughs it off. Also, it has been funny to see people's amazement to hear him speak Spanish and to know that he does not speak English. He has even been confronted with the following comment; "if you don't speak English, what do you speak then?!"

Overall, we have taken people's ignorance of the possible existence of a black Latino in good spirits; my husband is a walking teaching experience to our medium sized town's people who are used to the "Mexican" look for a Latino.

Yet, even Latinos have had a "learning moment" and my husband has had to explain himself (his color) to his fellow Latinos. Many of my Spanish speaking friends have attempted to speak English to him as soon as I introduced him to them. Only after telling them that he only speaks Spanish do they switch from English. Of course, the explanation of my husband's origin has to follow and people continue to be confused every day... Just this last week we went to a Chinese buffet and the server asked him in amazement; "you're speaking Spanish?!." "Yes, I speak Spanish," my husband has learned to say in English.

Have other beneficiaries experienced a case of a "mistaken identity" after the move to the USA? If so, do you take the opportunity as a teaching moment or is it just plain annoying? Also, I wonder what our future child's race will be! What will our child be considered? African-American? Latino? Or what?

To me, this a fascinating topic as race politics continue to be present in our lives, even as the country's demographics continue to change. What's your experience?

Edited August 14, 2011 by Aztec&Taino

[Anh map 2,098]

FWIW: My Romanian ex spouse was mistaken for hispanic frequently. She has a darker complexion. Transylvania is a long way from Tijuana. She used to just smile and correct folks. It did help her pick up some more Spanish.

Could you tell a white Canadian from a white American by sight? (Assuming that the Canadian wasn't munching on Timbits) Just one of those things that comes with living in the cultural stew of the US.

[NY_BX 397]

Hello everyone!

I want to share with VJ members some of the experiences that we have lived on an almost day-to-day basis since my fiance (now husband) moved to the US about five months ago.

My husband is Dominican. He is about 6'4", slim and, to American standards, black or African-American. To me, of course, he is the man I love with his specific culture, myths, language, and beliefs. To everyone else in our Midwest community he is African-American. It seems as though the following happens all the time: We are walking around in a public place (restaurant, store, street, etc.) and almost whenever an African-American male sees him he is greeted with familiarity with a "What's up man?" or a "What's up bro." He does not particularly like to be mistaken with an American -as he is quite proud to be a Dominican- and he laughs it off. Also, it has been funny to see people's amazement to hear him speak Spanish and to know that he does not speak English. He has even been confronted with the following comment; "if you don't speak English, what do you speak then?!"

Overall, we have taken people's ignorance of the possible existence of a black Latino in good spirits; my husband is a walking teaching experience to our medium sized town's people who are used to the "Mexican" look for a Latino.

Yet, even Latinos have had a "learning moment" and my husband has had to explain himself (his color) to his fellow Latinos. Many of my Spanish speaking friends have attempted to speak English to him as soon as I introduced him to them. Only after telling them that he only speaks Spanish do they switch from English. Of course, the explanation of my husband's origin has to follow and people continue to be confused every day... Just this last week we went to a Chinese buffet and the server asked him in amazement; "you're speaking Spanish?!." "Yes, I speak Spanish," my husband has learned to say in English.

Have other beneficiaries experienced a case of a "mistaken identity" after the move to the USA? If so, do you take the opportunity as a teaching moment or is it just plain annoying? Also, I wonder what our future child's race will be! What will our child be considered? African-American? Latino? Or what?

To me, this a fascinating topic as race politics continue to be present in our lives, even as the country's demographics continue to change. What's your experience?

This is not mistaken identity. This is simply ignorance. My older sister is black; we share the same father. We are puertoricans. My father is black. My last name is Fitzpatrick, and of course, I'm not married. It is a slave name; we've been carrying it generation after generation. When I go to visit her and my younger sister in Atlanta-a predominantly black city- we speak Spanish. People stare at us in disbelief! Anyways, what you're asking is a thesis. I recommend the book Growing up HIspanic. Where do you live? I live in New York, where is absolutely normal to be black, white, yellow, purple and red and speak any language.

I work in the entertainment industry. Many of the actors I represent complain because they are latino/ hispanic, but whent they go to auditions, they do not "look" the part. One of my best friends is Rogelio Douglas. He's a Broadway performer (In The Heights, Little Mermaid). He's black and very much from Panama. His Spanish is perfect and even for voiceover work he's rejected! He did a hiphop looping, however, lol!

If you want to help your husband out, go to the Pew HIspanic Center's website and get all the statistics and demographics. Feel free to email me if you want more information: morena_boricua@hotmail.com

Gracias

[nurse1967 287]

I disagree that it is ignorance. When I looked at the OP's pic I can see how this happens. Her husband appears "black". Having said that, my husband is Egyptian and gets mistaken for Hispanic all the time. He just corrects them and goes about his merry little way. People can take offense when often no offense is meant.

[StephanieM 60]

The area where you live probably has a lot to do with it. I live in the northeast, Boston to be exact, and I don't see this problem too often. But there is HUGE Dominican population here, so that's probably why. The only thing you can do is kindly educate them, and make them aware.

[newlyweds2010 208]

There is this funny joke that says that Jesus spoke English, because the Bible is written in English. Never been to the Midwest, but it doesn't seem like a very openminded place. If you were in NY or California, nobody would care what he speaks.

[Golden Gate 530]

There is this funny joke that says that Jesus spoke English, because the Bible is written in English. Never been to the Midwest, but it doesn't seem like a very openminded place. If you were in NY or California, nobody would care what he speaks.

The Midwest is a big place, and while it has a lot of rural areas, where people might not see anyone from any other place, it also has large cities and large populations of people from different countries.

[Aztec&Taino 144]

FWIW: My Romanian ex spouse was mistaken for hispanic frequently. She has a darker complexion. Transylvania is a long way from Tijuana. She used to just smile and correct folks. It did help her pick up some more Spanish.

Could you tell a white Canadian from a white American by sight? (Assuming that the Canadian wasn't munching on Timbits) Just one of those things that comes with living in the cultural stew of the US.

Anh map - I am glad your ex-wife used the opportunity to learn a few Spanish words and yes, you are right, there might be no way to distinguish a Canadian from an American by sight.

This is not mistaken identity. This is simply ignorance. My older sister is black; we share the same father. We are puertoricans. My father is black. My last name is Fitzpatrick, and of course, I'm not married. It is a slave name; we've been carrying it generation after generation. When I go to visit her and my younger sister in Atlanta-a predominantly black city- we speak Spanish. People stare at us in disbelief! Anyways, what you're asking is a thesis. I recommend the book Growing up HIspanic. Where do you live? I live in New York, where is absolutely normal to be black, white, yellow, purple and red and speak any language.

I work in the entertainment industry. Many of the actors I represent complain because they are latino/ hispanic, but whent they go to auditions, they do not "look" the part. One of my best friends is Rogelio Douglas. He's a Broadway performer (In The Heights, Little Mermaid). He's black and very much from Panama. His Spanish is perfect and even for voiceover work he's rejected! He did a hiphop looping, however, lol!

If you want to help your husband out, go to the Pew HIspanic Center's website and get all the statistics and demographics. Feel free to email me if you want more information: morena_boricua@hotmail.com

Gracias

Gracias Morena Boricua! I will look up that book. It is just interesting to me to think of the racial identity that our future child will be given as part of growing up in the US culture. I guess it will also depend on how much the child looks like me or like my husband, depends on how the genetic wheel of fortune turns our child could be "white," "black" or "mixed."

I disagree that it is ignorance. When I looked at the OP's pic I can see how this happens. Her husband appears "black". Having said that, my husband is Egyptian and gets mistaken for Hispanic all the time. He just corrects them and goes about his merry little way. People can take offense when often no offense is meant.

Betsy El Sum - It is ignorance if people ignore the fact that as Latinos we come in many different shapes, sizes and colors. Neither does my husband nor I take offense in the confusion, but as I said in my post, we take it as a "learning opportunity" for people in our not-too-diverse area.

The area where you live probably has a lot to do with it. I live in the northeast, Boston to be exact, and I don't see this problem too often. But there is HUGE Dominican population here, so that's probably why. The only thing you can do is kindly educate them, and make them aware.

Francis y Steph - Yes, we surely would not be running into these moments in Dominican rich areas. There are very few Dominicans here, we only know a handful.

There is this funny joke that says that Jesus spoke English, because the Bible is written in English. Never been to the Midwest, but it doesn't seem like a very openminded place. If you were in NY or California, nobody would care what he speaks.

The Midwest is a big place, and while it has a lot of rural areas, where people might not see anyone from any other place, it also has large cities and large populations of people from different countries.

Yes, the Midwest is too large an area to describe by general terms and it comprises tiny towns, small and medium cities, as well as cosmopolitan areas (such as nearby Chicago).

I like the discussion! Keep commenting

[Golden Gate 530]

My children are Mayan Indian from their father. When they are with him, people say that they can't be his children, but when they are with me, they say the same thing. They don't look like either of us, but do look more like each other. It's nice if the children can learn both languages and get a greater experience of their heritage. The fact that so many children nowadays are very mixed means to me at least that they can identify with each other in ways perhaps our parents couldn't growing up. I remember my mother was very ashamed of her Polish heritage. Her parents spoke Polish at home and they dressed her in a rather strange manner with these big, ugly boots. She used to get physically sick at school, because she felt so different. She completely stopped speaking Polish. Now, everybody is different and it is harder to classify people.

[TBoneTX 44,792]

My first (very irreverent) thought was to recommend splashing him with whitewash paint before you go out, but a better idea might be to find or print up some T-shirts that say "Proud Dominicano" or "Do You Speak Spanish? I Do." He could wear these around until people know him better, si man.

[TBoneTX 44,792]

Or (delayed creativity): "Is that a Plantain in my pocket, or am I happy to see you?"

Edited August 15, 2011 by TBoneTX

[William33 110]

Everyone, welcome to the multicultural foundation of the United States of America.

This country was founded on immigrants of many nations and continues to do so.

If you are mistaken for some culture or ethnic background that does not suit you (or offended by it), you might be in the wrong place.

The USA is the "world" mixing bowl and as described in the original post of this thread, the people addressing your spouse were trying to connect. What could be wrong with that?

Edited August 15, 2011 by William33

[Aztec&Taino 144]

My children are Mayan Indian from their father. When they are with him, people say that they can't be his children, but when they are with me, they say the same thing. They don't look like either of us, but do look more like each other. It's nice if the children can learn both languages and get a greater experience of their heritage. The fact that so many children nowadays are very mixed means to me at least that they can identify with each other in ways perhaps our parents couldn't growing up. I remember my mother was very ashamed of her Polish heritage. Her parents spoke Polish at home and they dressed her in a rather strange manner with these big, ugly boots. She used to get physically sick at school, because she felt so different. She completely stopped speaking Polish. Now, everybody is different and it is harder to classify people.

Golden Gate - I think we have made, as a society, a gigantic leap in terms of cultural awareness and diversity. It is good to know that children today would be less likely to experience the isolation and shame that your mother experienced growing up. Yet, there is still more work to be done, particularly in the less diverse areas of our country.

My first (very irreverent) thought was to recommend splashing him with whitewash paint before you go out, but a better idea might be to find or print up some T-shirts that say "Proud Dominicano" or "Do You Speak Spanish? I Do." He could wear these around until people know him better, si man.

TBoneTX - I don't him he would take whitewash well. Besides, the idea of "whiteness" is far more complex than skin color. For example, in my own case, even though my skin color is white I would never be considered white by the mainstream of this country because I was not born in the US and I have an accent. So, no whitewashing him or me... About the second idea he did use to say at first that he would have a baseball cap made that said "Dominicano" or "100% Dominican" or something like that to help people correctly identify him.

Or (delayed creativity): "Is that a Plantain in my pocket, or am I happy to see you?"

MMmmhhh... I don't quite know how to respond to this one, except that he does not eat as many bananas as he used to. He is now "mexicanising" a bit actually. He is now beginning to use salsa (spicy) in his tacos! Quite some progress for a man who thought black pepper was too spicy when he first arrived to the US!

[rsn 135]

There is this funny joke that says that Jesus spoke English, because the Bible is written in English. Never been to the Midwest, but it doesn't seem like a very openminded place. If you were in NY or California, nobody would care what he speaks.

Seems like you are lacking in the open-mindedness category yourself.

[Carol & Lenin 16]

As you Know Aztec I grew up right where you live, and so this comes as NO surprise to me.I have already spent a ton of time explaining that my fiance is Dominican, not black, not mexican but Dominican. This is true for my mexican fam as well as my white fam. People seem not to know where DR is or what language is spoken. I have always found it odd how the midwest sees race and culture especially that area. But we will soon see if Chicago fares any better in my fiances case. Wish you all the best!