fiancee and child coming to US together

[semga 0]

My fiancee wants to come her just herself, first, while leaving her daughter for (she thinks) a couple of months with grandparents. She has been saying she wants to make sure everything will be all right for her 7 years old daughter: living conditions, environment, school, activities... Also, she is saying she wants her daughter finish 1-st grade in Russia.

My opinion: they should come here on the same plane. Reasons: school plans at Russian and American school do not necessarily match and therefore no harm if daughter leaves before school year end. Second reason: she will need to get travel document if she wants to return here, and it may take lo-o-ng. By that time her daughter's visa may expire :-(

I understand she might be feeling insecure leaving home behind and likely wants to make sure for herself she will like it here [and she will like me here :-) ]...

Nevertheless, what in your opinion are pros and contras of "mother and daughter" vs "mother now, daughter later"?

[Donna A 4]

not only that...its another plane trip for her to go back and get her.

ur probably right...by the time she gets her advance parole and goes back for her the visa might have expired. after all...u cant make a judgement call on it for a few days and decide if it is ok or not. it will take a while.

[Neonred 3,647]

I'm guessing it will be more than a couple of months until you get married then file AOS and then get your AP. The embassy will likely tell you that if the daughter is not traveling with the mother that the daughter will need another interview. That's what they told us at my fiancee's interview. I had to go back and have a discussion with a CO at the embassy (lucky I was with them in Moscow) to clear things up. They also let me know the medical is only good for 6 months so if it goes more than that a new medical is required.

Have her come immediately with her mother. Much less complicated.

[workin4somethin 0]

Nevertheless, what in your opinion are pros and contras of "mother and daughter" vs "mother now, daughter later"?

You may wish to tell her your reasons for wanting her and her daughter to enter the U.S. together, but she may find it really negative if you only insist on it rather than understanding her point of view.

If you were going to move you and your own daughter to Russia, wouldn’t you want to go and check it out first? I think there are some benefits to her and her daughter if she chooses to come here first. And even if she later looks back on the separate entry dates as being unnecessary, you should not lose anything in the process; and, maybe you will actually gain more of her trust and respect for allowing her to decide this matter.

My wife and I have considered her entering the U.S. ahead of my stepdaughters. In fact, it remains a possibility. Personally, I do not know which would be best for other people, but in our case I do not think it really matters much.

In all your plans, try to lay all your ideas on the table. Agreement and understanding are a must.

[Neonred 3,647]

Kind of makes you wonder just how serious this lady is about establishing her new life in the US. Sounds like she is coming over for a look see first. If she were fully committed don't you think she would bring her daughter with her no matter what? And what if the school and the environment are not what she imagined? Will she be moving back?

[workin4somethin 0]

Kind of makes you wonder just how serious this lady is about establishing her new life in the US. Sounds like she is coming over for a look see first. If she were fully committed don't you think she would bring her daughter with her no matter what? And what if the school and the environment are not what she imagined? Will she be moving back?

I agree that it kinda makes one wonder.

However, perhaps the mother believes it is best for her child if she (the mother) can help make the transition more comfortable for the child, either by preparing the new home or by further preparing the child. Also, maybe the mother legitimately sees an advantage to her child completing the 1st grade in Russia. These things, too, can be wondered about.

[Satellite 1]

Kind of makes you wonder just how serious this lady is about establishing her new life in the US. Sounds like she is coming over for a look see first.

You guys make me laugh. When the guy writes that he is doing a K1 just to see if the girl will be okay for him then it is acceptable. When the lady is suspected of doing the exact same thing, it becomes a major suspicion.

Honestly, since most people only had a short time to meet their future spouse, how in the world will they know they will be compatible in America and under non-vacation setting? Because Russian ladies are pretty much barred from getting a tourist visa, the K visa remains the only way to gain entry to do the "test" to see if it will really work out.

I applaud this lady for not being the typical "mail order bride".

[travlnmannn 0]

Im with you Satellite. My fiance looks on the internet daily about life in America. She asks questions almost everyday about how life is and what she can do. If she told me that she wanted to leave her son for a little while and see how things were I would understand. It's nice that she will come with her son the first time but she has the option to go back ( but I hope she wont want to ). I've been to Russia 4 times and I would still have to go back many times to make sure that I wanted to live there. Alot easier for us to go there than it is for them to come here. Cheers Satellite !!!!!

Does this not show how spoiled we Americans are. America isn't the paradise that we truly believe it is.

Edited September 19, 2006 by travlnmannn

[slim 1,530]

Kind of makes you wonder just how serious this lady is about establishing her new life in the US. Sounds like she is coming over for a look see first.

You guys make me laugh. When the guy writes that he is doing a K1 just to see if the girl will be okay for him then it is acceptable. When the lady is suspected of doing the exact same thing, it becomes a major suspicion.

Honestly, since most people only had a short time to meet their future spouse, how in the world will they know they will be compatible in America and under non-vacation setting? Because Russian ladies are pretty much barred from getting a tourist visa, the K visa remains the only way to gain entry to do the "test" to see if it will really work out.

I applaud this lady for not being the typical "mail order bride".

I couldn't find the little clapping smiley, so I'll have to go with this one:

Best post on the Russia forum in a long time!

[mrsushi66 0]

Cheers Satellite, I am with you on this one.

She is making a huge change and I am sure she is very hopefull that everything is going to be wonderful but maybe she just wants to make the adjustment herself so she is more able to help her child make the adjustment. If they both come over they both might have difficulty making the change.

Don't freak out and trust your love. Has she ever given you reason to doubt her sincerity??? If both of you talked and disccused why each of you wants something different maybe you would understand each other a bit better.

Good luck and hope things work out for you both.

Paul misses Anna

[Voyageur27 0]

My wife did the same thing - she left her daughter with Babushka in Russia while we established our life together here in the US. Although we had a great relationship before she arrived here, she said that she would never bring her daughter into an unknown situation. I really had to agree with this kind of logic. She established our home here and married , applied for the Advanced Parole and Adjustment of Status immediately after marriage.

She received both her temporary Green Card and AP a month before she went back to Russia for her child. It was rather close timing however, as the time left on her daughter's K-2 visa was only about 10 days, before she arrived in the US. It is possible to extend the K-2 visa by writing a letter of explaination to the embassy and leaving her passport, the fee (of course ) and her K-2 visa in a lock-box at the US Embassy in Moscow.

[rushter 0]

Kind of makes you wonder just how serious this lady is about establishing her new life in the US. Sounds like she is coming over for a look see first. If she were fully committed don't you think she would bring her daughter with her no matter what? And what if the school and the environment are not what she imagined? Will she be moving back?

At first glance it would look that way. Esp if you've brought a new fiance and child over yourself.

However, imo all of this is relationship dependent. If you've only been together a short while - ie chat/phone/email -> go visit -> file for visa within say a year, then it's easy to understand her point of view. Most Russian women are more a lot logical as opposed to the thrilled usa emotional spouse. In a long term long distance relationship I'd bet that the attitude would change over time as more trust develops.

At our interview in Moscow there was a situation that required an rfe, and my wife (being from Novosibirsk with a 2-3 day train ride) almost went into meltdown. Visa eligibility time was very short at this point and it was possible that she would've been granted the visa but her son would have had to stay until we could get things straightened out.

She refused to come here without her son. No way was she going to leave him behind for a short while. Of course in our relationship we'd been `together` for more than three years, (and son was calling me papa by this time). Long story short, we got the rfe fixed and both visa's were issued.

I'd have to say that the situation that you're facing is an issue of trust and confidence. Time builds this and if your relationship is relatively new, it's totally understandable from an outside point of view. But if it were a more mature relationship with multiple visits etc, then this subject would've already come up and then it would be more understandable from your own - and you probably wouldn't have a reason to get a second opinion because you would already be sold on her thoughts, fears and concerns.

This is one big as s trip and move for them. She is assuming the burden of personal risk management based on exchanging a known safe place (her home), for an unknown place, life, and future - for marriage. It's a big gamble.

PS: I was actually going to agree with you at first, but if you sit down and think about it from her perspective, it really does make sense if it's a relatively new relationship. Besides, you'll get some fantastic time alone together that my wife and I didn't have for a long time after they got here. Me thinks you really should flip the coin over and support the heck out of her need to come first. She'll only love you more for it. Wives like that kind of thing.

[PurrSuede 0]

You guys make me laugh. When the guy writes that he is doing a K1 just to see if the girl will be okay for him then it is acceptable.

Not in my book, this has never been "acceptable" to use a K1 to "see if it is ok"...

-- Dan

[kc456 0]

Your fiancee's daughter is about 7, right? I'd check with the airline if it's possible for her to travel on her own. Then maybe your future wife will not need to fly back to Russia and things will be a lot easier timing wise.

I agree, your fiancee should not feel pressured one way or the other, let her make her own decision.

[timelena 0]

Your fiancee's daughter is about 7, right? I'd check with the airline if it's possible for her to travel on her own. Then maybe your future wife will not need to fly back to Russia and things will be a lot easier timing wise.

It's great when you do not have to change planes somewhere. Otherwise there is a high probability of child's being lost. (It would be difficult even for my parents who do not travel a lot and do not speak English.) Moreover, I've seen several grown-ups who lost their documents while traveling. And how is the child supposed to go through US customs alone???

No, even if they alow first-grade schoolchildren travel alone, I would not let my child do that!

Another thing is that the girl can come with her grandmother or other relatives. But how can you be sure that the relative will get the visa?