Married my fiance but having marital problems

[sachinky 465]

File for divorce and file for sole custody? Any thoughts on that?

If you have decided to move back to Australia, have a talk with your husband and see if he will allow you to leave with the baby and his permission.

Do NOT do anything rash like taking the baby out of the US without his dad's express written permission. It could get you into a lot of trouble. In fact, I think it's kidnapping. (?)

Because you have NOT filed for AOS yet, there's no other option available to you apart from the VAWA. Good-faith applies to ROC only, not AOS for a marriage that is already crumbling not too far from the wedding date. Pretending to be in a paper-trail marriage (in order to get the GC) is also not advisable as that is immigration fraud.

I am really, really sorry this is happening to you. I wish you all the best in sorting out this messy situation.

Edited August 10, 2011 by sachinky

[sachinky 465]

Oh, and get a lawyer.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I have read everyone's replies. So I guess the worst case scenario is that I get sent back to my country without my baby? That is most definitely NOT an option. The child is a USC and we entered the US with his US passport. That passport now is in the vault of a bank. My husband made sure it was "put away somewhere safe". I do not have access to my child's passport. Does anyone know for sure if I need my husband's permission to leave the country with our child? Because what am I violating? It's my child, I am his mother. Also, yes I have not yet filed for AOS but I would like to stay in the US because of our child, I would want for my son to have a father because he is a good father even though he's not a good husband. But if I have to leave I am okay with that as long as my child comes with me. Have I got ANY rights?? This has been devastating, I don't know what to do.

I could apply for an Australian passport for my son and use that, but does he have to leave the country with the same passport as when he came into it? Please help. My husband will definitely try to keep our son in the US and I am afraid this will end terribly

Oh and I am in Texas.

In family court you will have the same rights as your husband. Under immigration law you have no rights - immigration is a privilege. USCIS can (and has, on many occasions) ordered an alien to be removed from the US in spite of the fact that they have US citizen children who would be forced to remain in the US.

The family court would likely order joint custody. However, even if you managed to get sole physical and legal custody you would probably still need your husband's permission to leave the country with your child. Your husband will still have visitation rights. Even if you could prove he's a danger to the child, they'll usually allow supervised visitation. The family court will probably stipulate that you can't leave the state with the child without your husband's permission. If you take your child without his permission then you would be guilty of international parental abduction. The US government will come after you, and the Australian government will probably cooperate.

You really need to work this stuff out with your husband. Once you get lawyers involved then both sides tend to draw lines in the sand that they'll refuse to cross without being ordered to by a judge.

[bbubble 0]

I appreciate everyone's input... but what I'm reading can't be right: I'M the one who gets screwed over and then I am in danger of being sent home WITHOUT my child??? And nothing happens to my husband? He obviously didn't enter the marriage in good faith, doesn't he go to jail for that? Or doesn't it count as fraud because only one party was insincere? It can't be that I have no rights. Please someone tell me that there is something I can do! My husband is mentally and verbally abusive to me but he's not physically abusive so I'm not sure that VAWA will be able to help. Unfortunately my husband will NOT allow me to leave with our child, in fact I believe he got me to come to the US and married me just to get to our son, and now wants to push me out of the picture. Jim - there is no way to work it out with my husband, he is impossible to reason with, more so than ever. I feel so helpless (

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Get a consult from a good immigration attorney. If you really think he scammed you to steal your child then you will need some help. Where is the child now? So sorry this is happening.

Edited August 10, 2011 by Harpa Timsah

[Aloe 10]

Have you spoken to an immigration attorney? I would suggest you do to see if there is anything you can do from here.

Do you have ANY proof of the verbal and mental abuse? If you do you need to get it all together. I don't believe the abuse for VAWA has to be physical but it will be difficult to prove.

I wish I could do something to help!

[nane1104 146]

You will need a good immigration lawyer and a good family lawyer.

I'd gather any shred of evidence you have against your husband and for your own case and leave. Take your child and go to a shelter. I am assuming your financial means are limited, but they will be able to get you legal support for free.

[bbubble 0]

The child is at our home. I have not spoken to a lawyer, I don't know where to find one or where to start with that. I am sorry I know it's probably very obvious but in my state of mind even simple things are difficult, I am so confused and worried I don't have any money, how am I going to pay for a lawyer? Where do I look for free legal support?

I don't have any evidence but I have tried to tape him being abusive. I never did, because I was scared that he would find out. But now I will most definitely try to record him being mentally and/or verbally abusive so at least I will have something to work with.

[nane1104 146]

Here is a number you can call 24/7

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224

Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services

Womens shelters and some churches will help you find free legal help, you might be able to find them in the phonebook or google search.

Be careful with the recording your husband, if he finds out, violence can easily escalate.

Do you have any witnesses of situation when he was abusive? Would they be willing to testify, help you? I know you mentioned his family knows how he can be...

Your safety is most important, don't take any risks, ok?

I hope, other people have some more tips and advice...

[bbubble 0]

Here is a number you can call 24/7

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224

Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services

Womens shelters and some churches will help you find free legal help, you might be able to find them in the phonebook or google search.

Be careful with the recording your husband, if he finds out, violence can easily escalate.

Do you have any witnesses of situation when he was abusive? Would they be willing to testify, help you? I know you mentioned his family knows how he can be...

Your safety is most important, don't take any risks, ok?

I hope, other people have some more tips and advice...

Thank you Nadine, God bless you. I have been googling immigration lawyers so I am bound to find something. My husband has never been abusive in front of others, only when we are alone. But his family knows how he is and I don't know if they'd be willing to testify but I think that I have their support. But my best shot is taping him. God knows I've wanted to so many times but I was just too paranoid. There have been some really abusive situations too...but instead of trying to get it on tape I had to leave the house, and of course I took my son. My husband is careful not to be abusive in front of others, he's usually really nice ... it's so fake. I just hope I can find a way out of this mess. Any advice is welcome.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Thank you Nadine, God bless you. I have been googling immigration lawyers so I am bound to find something. My husband has never been abusive in front of others, only when we are alone. But his family knows how he is and I don't know if they'd be willing to testify but I think that I have their support. But my best shot is taping him. God knows I've wanted to so many times but I was just too paranoid. There have been some really abusive situations too...but instead of trying to get it on tape I had to leave the house, and of course I took my son. My husband is careful not to be abusive in front of others, he's usually really nice ... it's so fake. I just hope I can find a way out of this mess. Any advice is welcome.

Did you have to have a letter to bring the child TO the US? If so, what exactly does it say. If not, were any questions asked?

If I were you i would try and file divorce IMMEDIATELY and child custody documents discussing how the child has lived it's entire life (bar however long it's been in the US) in Australia and it's primary care-giver (you) want to return to your home country with your child to regain family support after infidelity and emotional/verbal abuse.

The sooner you file the shorter the time the childs been in the US and less "ties" he has.

Edited August 11, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Also, I looked into obtaining a Aussie passport for your child (which I'm surprised you didn't already get) and there needs to be parental consent from both parents on the birth certificate. Did he sign the birth certificate or is his name on it?

[nane1104 146]

Did you have to have a letter to bring the child TO the US? If so, what exactly does it say. If not, were any questions asked?

If I were you i would try and file divorce IMMEDIATELY and child custody documents discussing how the child has lived it's entire life (bar however long it's been in the US) in Australia and it's primary care-giver (you) want to return to your home country with your child to regain family support after infidelity and emotional/verbal abuse.

The sooner you file the shorter the time the childs been in the US and less "ties" he has.

I can imagine how difficult this all is for you but now it's really time to become very active. There is no time to waste.

Edited August 11, 2011 by nane1104

[Aloe 10]

It may be a long shot but maybe someone else could advise.... Would contacting the Australian Embassy in Texas be of any use? I know when I was in a rough situation as an exchange student I contacted them and they were the driving force to move me out of one Host family into another.... If it can be of help you may want to try. Any little bit of support you can get now may make the difference...

Edited August 11, 2011 by Aloe

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I appreciate everyone's input... but what I'm reading can't be right: I'M the one who gets screwed over and then I am in danger of being sent home WITHOUT my child??? And nothing happens to my husband? He obviously didn't enter the marriage in good faith, doesn't he go to jail for that? Or doesn't it count as fraud because only one party was insincere? It can't be that I have no rights. Please someone tell me that there is something I can do! My husband is mentally and verbally abusive to me but he's not physically abusive so I'm not sure that VAWA will be able to help. Unfortunately my husband will NOT allow me to leave with our child, in fact I believe he got me to come to the US and married me just to get to our son, and now wants to push me out of the picture. Jim - there is no way to work it out with my husband, he is impossible to reason with, more so than ever. I feel so helpless (

You have plenty of rights - most of the same rights that US citizens have. You just don't have a right to remain in the US. Immigration is a privilege.

Entering a marriage for reasons other than love is not generally a crime in the US. Entering a marriage primarily to evade immigration law IS illegal, however. A US citizen can be imprisoned for up to five years and fined up to $250,000 for this. It would be extremely unusual for the US government to find that a US citizen was guilty of this and the alien was not. In fact, I can't recall this ever happening. Are you prepared to accuse your husband of immigration fraud and simultaneously claim that you weren't in on it?

You might have a chance with the abuse claim, but you need proof. Be extremely cautious of making any recordings. Most states have a "one party consent" law, which means only one party in a conversation must be aware that the conversation is being recorded. However, there are twelve states that have an "all party consent" law, which means all parties in the conversation must be aware that the conversation is being recorded. These states are California, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Washington. If you live in one of these states then do NOT record any conversations without your husband's consent.

You should try to get at least one person to witness the abuse. It should be someone who is willing to sign a sworn affidavit. The more witnesses you have, the better it will be.

Emotional and verbal abuse isn't as obviously damaging as physical abuse, so you'd probably need a qualified psychiatrist or psychologist who could provide evidence on your behalf.

Don't proceed with the divorce until you've consulted with an immigration lawyer. If you decide to pursue adjustment of status by claiming abuse then you either want to still be married, or you'll need to prove that the claimed abuse was the primary reason for the divorce. This can be difficult if you happen to live in a "no fault" divorce state.