Married my fiance but having marital problems

[bbubble 0]

Okay so here's the situation: I arrived to the US on a K1 visa and married my fiance within 90 days. We are currently filling out the forms for the AOS and EAD, etc so I have yet to obtain a (conditional)GC. I am not sure what that makes me - I am no longer a K1 fiance nor am I a USC - I am married to an American. Is my status simply "foreign citizen" for now?

Anyway my spouse and I have been having marital problems ever since I arrived. We also have a small child together. Things get heated between us a lot. We fight all the time. We don't agree on almost anything. The tension gets so bad you can cut it with a knife. We are thinking of getting separate living quarters because we just can't seem to work it out, and we feel we need some time apart, and also for the sake of our child. Perhaps it's the pressure of a long-distance relationship that has finally taken its toll. We are worried that separating like that will be a violation of the K1 even though we would still be legally married. Does anyone have any information about this sort of thing?

Edited August 1, 2011 by bbubble

[san diego 407]

Will you keep residing at the same address? I think this is a key.

[Bill and Vicky 25]

Is my status simply "foreign citizen" for now?

When my wife's paperwork was accepted by USCIS, we notified the school that she had her J-1 through. They promptly cancelled her J-1. I freaked a bit. The counselor at the school's international office explained that one can't be both a non-immigrant and an immigrant at the same time, so as soon as my wife started to become an immigrant her J-1 had to be cancelled. He was very familiar with the situation...*his* wife went through the same thing.

You have a legal status in the U.S. Just don't go out of your way to try and do anything with it until you have something a little more permanent. In my wife's case, she's not getting her new state's driver's license because we now live in a Positive Identification state and they likely would not accept her current status as proof of legal residence.

You're not an un-person. It just feels like it. Keep the faith.

Care,

Bill

[Barbara J 115]

Okay so here's the situation: I arrived to the US on a K1 visa and married my fiance within 90 days. We are currently filling out the forms for the AOS and EAD, etc so I have yet to obtain a (conditional)GC. I am not sure what that makes me - I am no longer a K1 fiance nor am I a USC - I am married to an American. Is my status simply "foreign citizen" for now?

Anyway my spouse and I have been having marital problems ever since I arrived. We also have a small child together. Things get heated between us a lot. We fight all the time. We don't agree on almost anything. The tension gets so bad you can cut it with a knife. We are thinking of getting separate living quarters because we just can't seem to work it out, and we feel we need some time apart, and also for the sake of our child. Perhaps it's the pressure of a long-distance relationship that has finally taken its toll. We are worried that separating like that will be a violation of the K1 even though we would still be legally married. Does anyone have any information about this sort of thing?

You are not in violation of the K1 at all you have fulfilled your obligation there by entering the US and marrying within 90 days. Your k1 visa became expired the minute you used it to enter the USA. If you are doing AOS are you still lving under the same roof and can you work this out as when it comes time to interview if you have one you will have to prove that you entered the USA to marry in good faith and that your marriage is bonafide. If by chance you can't work it out then you can still AOS through your husband and get your GC for 2 years. You don;t need him to ROC if I am not mistaken.

[nane1104 146]

Unfortunately, I do not agree with the previous reply. I think, living in separate quaters can cause some problems when it comes to the interview. I am not saying it has to, but it might.

You are just filing for AOS, living apart so soon after the wedding can raise some red flags, imo, as you need to show, that you are living together as a married couple, comingling your finances, having bills together.

I am aware that couples sometimes have to live apart, for school, jobs,...but there are lots of topics here on VJ where those couples, eventhough they had good reasons to live in separate households, had big problems proving, that they were indeed in a bonafide marriage.

I see why you would want to separate for a while and personally I think that can be a good thing for your marriage, but for Immigration, it can lead to difficulties. At the very least you should maintain bills and finances in both your names and the partner movingo out should maintain their residency at the address the rest of the family lives at.

To just be correct with the terminology, living apart does not have any influence on your K-1 as it's not valid anymore anyway. You used it upon entry into the US and that's it. What you are concerned about now is the impact on your AOS!

I wish you all the best and I hope, you can work things out. Moving out might help or it might not. Have you considered counseling, to see why there is so much tension between you guys?

[bbubble 0]

Thank you to everyone for your replies. I understand now that my K1 visa no longer exists. I suppose that means I am in limbo at the moment...

nane I am willing to go to counseling but my spouse is not. Thank you, I hope to work it out eventually as well. It's been a long and difficult journey and we knew it would not be easy. Perhaps we could wait until after my AOS interview to separate? Are we committing any sort of violation? From what I understand, as long as we are legally married and intend to stay married (at least for the 2 years that we have to stay married) we are okay. I just don't want any additional stress from Immigration If we do end up in separate living arrangements I will make sure that we have bills and finances in both our names and that we share the same address.

How long does it usually take to get an AOS/EAD application approved? And what's ROC?

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Putting on a pretend marriage with paperwork while living apart is not a marriage. They will not let you obtain a GC if that is all of the marriage you have. I am sorry, you are in a tough situation. I would work on the counseling route. Good luck.

[bbubble 0]

Oh no, it's not a pretend marriage at all! We have been together for almost 4 years, we have a child together, we love each other and want to stay married. But things have gotten very difficult lately and we feel like we need a breather in order to go on. We have every intention of staying together but we do need some time apart. I agree that counseling is the way to go, but right now I cannot put extra pressure on my spouse, not to mention that we are currently not in the best financial situation either. We have nothing to hide, we have proof of our relationship and that we are in a bona fide marriage. I just wanted to make sure we weren't breaking any conditions because we know that immigration can sometimes (often) be a slippery slope.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

You need to have a real marriage right now to be able to obtain a benefit. Not four years ago.

I am not sure what your question is. Are you asking if it violates your K-1 visa to stay at a friend's house? No; however, a K-1 is a non-immigrant visa. To become a resident and get the right to work you need to apply for AOS. If you are living apart you will have a harder time of convincing them you have a bona fide marriage. In the interview they might ask what you had for breakfast yesterday. If your husband doesn't know, then you could have a very hard time going forward.

You also don't have to stay married for 2 years at all. I sounds like you are going to have a paper marriage for 2 years because you think you must to obtain a immigrant benefit. This is the definition of a fraudulent marriage entered into for the purposes of immigration.

Edited August 2, 2011 by Harpa Timsah

[Glyn and Kathy 288]

You say that you haven't done AOS and don't have your EAD and that money is tight. It sounds like you haven't been here that long? I can imagine it being very stressful after the long wait for your K1 and the reality of life has sunk in. I think we all go through this process no matter what visa is being applied for thinking how wonderful things will be when we are finally with our loved one...and then after a brief "honeymoon" phase, the real life day to day stuff comes and plonks itself down in our laps. You being the immigrant are going through adjustments of being here and not working which I know can be very difficult for many people. I know when I immigrated to the UK I went through a phase where I was MISERABLE....not working, not knowing anyone...and once I started working things were MUCH better. Hubby didn't feel like the sole provider anymore and I felt a bit more independent. Glyn was the same way when he came here...depressed and nervous, and we argued a lot. It got much better when he started working and venturing out on his own. Add your young child into the mix and the pressure is even worse. Give it some time, talk together and LISTEN to each other. Couples argue and yes, it can get heated but if its not violent, figure out what the cause of the arguing is. Stress and money problems are a major cause of couples splitting up...but talking together really does help.

Good luck....I wish you the best.

[kikayrheina 0]

You say that you haven't done AOS and don't have your EAD and that money is tight. It sounds like you haven't been here that long? I can imagine it being very stressful after the long wait for your K1 and the reality of life has sunk in. I think we all go through this process no matter what visa is being applied for thinking how wonderful things will be when we are finally with our loved one...and then after a brief "honeymoon" phase, the real life day to day stuff comes and plonks itself down in our laps. You being the immigrant are going through adjustments of being here and not working which I know can be very difficult for many people. I know when I immigrated to the UK I went through a phase where I was MISERABLE....not working, not knowing anyone...and once I started working things were MUCH better. Hubby didn't feel like the sole provider anymore and I felt a bit more independent. Glyn was the same way when he came here...depressed and nervous, and we argued a lot. It got much better when he started working and venturing out on his own. Add your young child into the mix and the pressure is even worse. Give it some time, talk together and LISTEN to each other. Couples argue and yes, it can get heated but if its not violent, figure out what the cause of the arguing is. Stress and money problems are a major cause of couples splitting up...but talking together really does help.

Good luck....I wish you the best.

i definitely agree with you, i got here almost 2 months ago and me and my now hubby always have misunderstanding, but we both learned to talk things out, which is really important...i admit i also feel miserable not being able to work and not knowing anyone, but we both waited patiently for us to be together and now we are here which is all we ever wanted we both agreed we'll work things out. communication is the key, it doesn't matter how complicated things are...reality would always kick in but it is how it is, live each day one at a time....

[bigdog 376]

Okay so here's the situation: I arrived to the US on a K1 visa and married my fiance within 90 days. We are currently filling out the forms for the AOS and EAD, etc so I have yet to obtain a (conditional)GC. I am not sure what that makes me - I am no longer a K1 fiance nor am I a USC - I am married to an American. Is my status simply "foreign citizen" for now?

Anyway my spouse and I have been having marital problems ever since I arrived. We also have a small child together. Things get heated between us a lot. We fight all the time. We don't agree on almost anything. The tension gets so bad you can cut it with a knife. We are thinking of getting separate living quarters because we just can't seem to work it out, and we feel we need some time apart, and also for the sake of our child. Perhaps it's the pressure of a long-distance relationship that has finally taken its toll. We are worried that separating like that will be a violation of the K1 even though we would still be legally married. Does anyone have any information about this sort of thing?

[bigdog 376]

Being the USC I had a hard time adjusting, just try and talk it out or get help, keep the same address. You are here at the request of the Attorney General until the AOS is finished. Remember why you got together and now make it good. Maybe professional help or clergy.

[bbubble 0]

Thank you for your replies, especially Glyn and Kathy, I really needed to hear that. Yes, I've only been here 2 months. It has been very hard for us until now (I was alone during my pregnancy and that was awful for the both of us, not being able to share that experience) and now that I'm here, it's hard in a new kind of way that I never expected. I'm so glad you all understand. That makes it so much easier, knowing that it's not just us. We waited forever to be together and now that we're finally together (and married!) we aren't going to give up on that so easily. There is no violence, just a lot of (too much) disagreement and tension between us. A small child (baby) just adds to the stress although he makes us so very happy at the same time.

My spouse refuses counseling due to certain personal issues but we are working on it, and everything else. But it will take TIME! So if we are separated for a while but continue to work on our differences and problems I don't think that should be a problem?

Harpa Timsah - we do have a real marriage. I don't understand why it seems to you that we don't. We are a family going through a really rough patch. I came on here for advice because I wanted to make sure that we weren't jeopardizing anything due to our current predicament. We are in the process of applying for AOS and the EAD and all sorts of other forms. Our marriage is anything but fraudulent. The purpose of my coming to the US was not for the purpose of immigration but so that I could be with my love and we could finally be together, the three of us, as a family. I know we don't "have" to stay married but we want to and we will try.

I hope I explained myself better this time.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Harpa Timsah - we do have a real marriage. I don't understand why it seems to you that we don't. We are a family going through a really rough patch. I came on here for advice because I wanted to make sure that we weren't jeopardizing anything due to our current predicament. We are in the process of applying for AOS and the EAD and all sorts of other forms. Our marriage is anything but fraudulent. The purpose of my coming to the US was not for the purpose of immigration but so that I could be with my love and we could finally be together, the three of us, as a family. I know we don't "have" to stay married but we want to and we will try.

I hope I explained myself better this time.

I didn't mean to accuse you of anything; I'm sorry. I was just trying to point out that your plan of staying together for two years for immigration and having fake bills in both names in order to appear to be living together is not a good plan. That will cause you more trouble than being honest.

Regarding the two years thing, if you choose to divorce (not saying you will, just telling you the law) then you can apply to remove the conditions on your Greencard by yourself by showing you entered the marriage in good faith. Don't just stay married on paper to please immigration because it will backfire.

Sure, all people go through rough times, and it takes a lot to move to a new country. I do have sympathy for your situation and hope that everything calms down for you and becomes the dream you imagined. Good luck.