BEST WAY TO TEACH MY FILIPINA TO BUDGET

[Farsider 7]

WONDERING HOW TO MAKE MY FILIPINA ABOUT BUDGETING....SHE SEEMS TO HV NO IDEA OF WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE MONEY AN BE ABLE TO SAVE OR BUDGET... SOMETIMES I THINK SHE THINKS MONEY JUST FALLS FROM TREES HERE... BELIEVE ME,,I NOT THE BEST WITH MONEY BUT I KNOW WHAT AN WHEN THINGS NEED TO BE PAID... IF I ASK HER WHERE THE MONEY WENT,,MOST THE TIME SHE GETS MAD BECAUSE I DONT TRUST HER WITH MONEY SHE SAYS... THANKS FOR ANY IDEAS....GREG

I recommend any of Dave Ramsey's books on family money management. Just ask her to go through one with you together (such as "Money Makeover"), one chapter at a time. Ask her to think about where she wants you both to be (financially speaking) in the future. Choices you make make now about budgeting and saving will have a huge impact in the future. The Ramsey books are easy reading.... many stories of couples who got into trouble financially because they didn't budget... and many stories of couples who have achieved wonderful success (even out of difficult circumstances). Perhaps if she is open-minded and will consider the advice of an expert, then you both can set some goals together and stick to a budget. Good luck.... money management is not easy for many couples.

[Tahoma 2,292]

Sheesh!...another Budgeting 101 thread!

wait till you've been here 5 years, it's like watching a washing machine stuck on rinse/repeat.

If I'm around that long, I'll have to borrow your hammer!

[rlogan 2,036]

A person like her is going to look at a pile of money and think of how to get it all spent right away. Their story will be that they have to because they're poor and have nothing. You have to get them to agree it is the reverse: they are poor and have nothing because they act like that. Do you see how elementary this is? You just threw away all the money I gave you. If I give you more, you will throw that away too. If we keep repeating this little exercise, you could eventually either have a million pesos in the bank or have nothing. The only person responsible for the outcome is you.

A childish way to look at an americano is that he "has money". It does not distinguish between cause and effect. The right way to view it is "he works hard and saves money". It is about what kind of character you have. There are a lot of other things that go into it too. Like being trustworthy, being punctual, speaking clearly and talking in complete sentences, thinking ahead, planning, sacrificing - it requires being honest about the bad decisions and bad intentions of the people around you that you respect and love. When someone says there is no work, you've got to have the guts to acknowledge it is a lie.

She's either going to come down on your side about this, or she isn't. The right way for her to look at this is what kind of cruelty is involved on her part here. Just look at yourself: what it does to you emotionally. It is a kind of terror. You are going along with your well-made plans, so mundane as they are: rent on the first of the month, electric and water on the 15th, and etc. You don't have crises. Suddenly, your world is upside-down. A conveyor belt of emergencies, special circumstances, unforseen expenses etc. Your ability to plan has been stolen from you, and now you fear the future instead of welcoming it as the fruition of hard work and wise planning. You may not completely articulate this to yourself in your mind - it just makes you feel awful. What is going on in your gut is that the logical result of her behavior is impoverishment in the long run. You become like them instead of her becoming like you. They can bleed you dry.

The look on your face and the sound of your voice is going to convey what you are going through. So switch positions: What if you saw her going through the same emotional trauma? You would drop what you were doing and come to her rescue, right? But instead she is not only the one inflicting this pain on you, but she's also punishing you for expressing hurt over her bad behavior. Making you feel guilty about wanting to know where the money went. She might say "I love you", and she might be pretty. But there are a lot of pretty girls who will love you in a different way: when they see you suffering like that they are going to resolve themselves to protect you from ever feeling that way again. Instead of inflicting it upon you again and again.

It came down to self-respect for me. I can't live like that. If they don't show enough love to come down on your side, you have to leave them. Farsider mentioned a book, and that seems like a good idea to me. It may be second-nature to us, so much so that we do not even realize how systematic our planning is. A loving wife will leap at the chance to read such a book and follow the advice in it, because she knows how much better it is going to make you feel.

[BJZags 17]

When someone says there is no work, you've got to have the guts to acknowledge it is a lie.

This is the only portion of you post I might have a slight 'modification' for. Often, there IS no work available, or the work available really isn't enough for a subsistence life. Hell, I'd be poor in the PHL if I worked in my field there. Except for this little aside, you've synthesized Finance 101 quite nicely!

[rlogan 2,036]

This is the only portion of you post I might have a slight 'modification' for. Often, there IS no work available, or the work available really isn't enough for a subsistence life. Hell, I'd be poor in the PHL if I worked in my field there. Except for this little aside, you've synthesized Finance 101 quite nicely!

No problem. I understand what you are trying to say. I debated whether to qualify what I said with this kind of footnote, and decided against it as a matter of principle. Because for me and a lot of other people I see who have the same inclinations - we always find work.

[BJZags 17]

Because for me and a lot of other people I see who have the same inclinations - we always find work.

Bottom-line, some (most) Fil-Am couples are going to have to agree on whether or not to help, and to what extent. Even if the family has "work" it is often brutal and for next to no pay. I know in-laws that work the gold mines for hours and hours each day and maybe make 2,000 peso a week if they're lucky. It can be difficult not help based on some "general principle" of American boot-strap theory if there is the ability to provide some assistance. About the only time I really get irritated is when I hear of another relative who is having another baby they can't possibly afford. I've often wondered if it would help if condoms were included in the boxes we send back periodically.

[Dan and Judy 614]

Bottom-line, some (most) Fil-Am couples are going to have to agree on whether or not to help, and to what extent. Even if the family has "work" it is often brutal and for next to no pay. I know in-laws that work the gold mines for hours and hours each day and maybe make 2,000 peso a week if they're lucky. It can be difficult not help based on some "general principle" of American boot-strap theory if there is the ability to provide some assistance. About the only time I really get irritated is when I hear of another relative who is having another baby they can't possibly afford. I've often wondered if it would help if condoms were included in the boxes we send back periodically.

Manny Pacquiao is firmly against the use of contraception. Judy currently earns 100 pesos a day plus one or two meals. that would be about $2.33 a day. 3 years ago she was doing the same job

for a different company and making 300 pesos a day. That company went out of business. They do have minimum wage laws but if you want to work you have to take what you can get.

[Tahoma 2,292]

Because for me and a lot of other people I see who have the same inclinations - we always find work.

Robert...I liked your post and I agreed with most of it. However, I'm not buying the bootstrap theory when it comes to a third-world country like the Philippines. The Philippines is not the U.S., so I don't think it's fair to compare your personal experience of always finding work here in the U.S. with the work environment in the Philippines.

In the Philippines, there are way too many people who are competing for too few jobs. It's much worse than what we experience here in the U.S., even during a recession. Along the very same lines, the Philippines has high level of underemployment as well. Why do you think a college degree is required just to get a job at the mall?.

Another small example: there are tens of thousands of nurses in the Philippines who not only can't find jobs in their field, but can't even find volunteer work in a hospital. If they are lucky enough to find volunteer work, most of the time they have to pay the hospital in order to volunteer there. Lots of them end up going to work at call centers...where everyone is a college graduate too. Even some of the call centers won't hire nurses because of the slim chance that the nurse will actually find a job in their field and quit their job at the call center. The call centers can be this choosy for a reason...there are lots and lots of college graduates for them to choose from.

it's like this all the way down the employment food chain. It's no mystery why there are so many Pinoy OFWs.

[tabwoman 0]

really sad to hear that she dont know how to do budgetting! But like wht every vj members advice you i agree to all of them.

Me and my fiance are knEw everything about budgetting and spend money wisely! i could never even think that money from america is just fall on trees .

I grew on a poor family but i support my self to finish my studies and now that i have my own job and supporting my family for almost 12 yrs now and my fiance knew it very well.

I never asked him money and that what he knows about me when it comes to money i never asked for help as long as i can manage and make way to have it in a good way.

My fiance is not rich but not poor I know how hard to earned money and every single peso or fills that we spent is we both knew thatits from our hardwork.

Explain to her how hard to earn money but in a good way that she will not mis understood u and yes if u already gave the money to her dont ask her where it goes or were she spent it, just do one thing when u sent her money explain it that money will be used for tis and that or etc............then i know she will understand it! in the First Place Money cant buy happiness my dear.

Hope everything goes well and let her realized how much you love her thats why you want everything will be clear and that is for both of your own good.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

WONDERING HOW TO MAKE MY FILIPINA ABOUT BUDGETING....SHE SEEMS TO HV NO IDEA OF WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE MONEY AN BE ABLE TO SAVE OR BUDGET... SOMETIMES I THINK SHE THINKS MONEY JUST FALLS FROM TREES HERE... BELIEVE ME,,I NOT THE BEST WITH MONEY BUT I KNOW WHAT AN WHEN THINGS NEED TO BE PAID... IF I ASK HER WHERE THE MONEY WENT,,MOST THE TIME SHE GETS MAD BECAUSE I DONT TRUST HER WITH MONEY SHE SAYS... THANKS FOR ANY IDEAS....GREG

Put her on an allowance, then let her buy all her personal items out of that allowance. You budget yourself for all the reoccurring expenses, and when she begins to show some responsibility, you increase her allowance, and let her take care of more of the expenses.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Put her on an allowance, then let her buy all her personal items out of that allowance. You budget yourself for all the reoccurring expenses, and when she begins to show some responsibility, you increase her allowance, and let her take care of more of the expenses.

Kind of like leash training.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Kind of like leash training.

Exactly. You have to crawl before you can dance.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Exactly. You have to crawl before you can dance.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Wow. That is a lot like training a new wife.

[rlogan 2,036]

Robert...I liked your post and I agreed with most of it. However, I'm not buying the bootstrap theory

I've said nothing about any bootstrap theory and do not profess it. Not offended by it, just don't label me with that. And I will stop calling you a Nazi war criminal.

The people I admire are the guys out there selling one cigarette at a time to the jeepney drivers. The guys pedaling trikes for ten pesos a ride. The girls selling vegetables in the little open markets or carrying buckets of fish around neighborhoods, the guys chopping coconuts and selling by five peso lots for the little cooking fires. The Mr. Beefy Burger attendants. Girls workind rice fields for 70 pesos a day. An endless list of people that are out there doing it while there are others playing majong all day and saying there is no work.

People are working and I admire them for it. They have my respect, and compassion too. Things are harder in the Philippines for sure.