I am pregnant by my husband. He wants me to have another abortion...

[peezey 0]

why not just settle on putting the baby up for adoption? that is if you cannot afford to have a baby. Then you can leave the guy, and move back to Poland. There are many loving couples who want to adopt. Plus couples are thoroughly screened before they are considered eligible to adopt.

So typical. Spoken like someone who doesn't have a uterus and will never carry a baby for 9 months.

[KarenCee 3]

why not just settle on putting the baby up for adoption? that is if you cannot afford to have a baby. Then you can leave the guy, and move back to Poland. There are many loving couples who want to adopt. Plus couples are thoroughly screened before they are considered eligible to adopt.

So typical. Spoken like someone who doesn't have a uterus and will never carry a baby for 9 months.

It may sound harsh to you, but believe me, coming from a woman who will most likely never be able to have another baby, I would adopt that baby in a New York minute. I would give ANYTHING to carry another baby in my womb.

[peezey 0]

why not just settle on putting the baby up for adoption? that is if you cannot afford to have a baby. Then you can leave the guy, and move back to Poland. There are many loving couples who want to adopt. Plus couples are thoroughly screened before they are considered eligible to adopt.

So typical. Spoken like someone who doesn't have a uterus and will never carry a baby for 9 months.

It may sound harsh to you, but believe me, coming from a woman who will most likely never be able to have another baby, I would adopt that baby in a New York minute. I would give ANYTHING to carry another baby in my womb.

Exactly, which is why a MAN can NEVER know what it's like to carry a baby, and should NEVER suggest a woman can give up a baby she's carried 9 months as if it's the simplest thing in the world.

[PurrSuede 0]

why not just settle on putting the baby up for adoption? that is if you cannot afford to have a baby. Then you can leave the guy, and move back to Poland. There are many loving couples who want to adopt. Plus couples are thoroughly screened before they are considered eligible to adopt.

So typical. Spoken like someone who doesn't have a uterus and will never carry a baby for 9 months.

It may sound harsh to you, but believe me, coming from a woman who will most likely never be able to have another baby, I would adopt that baby in a New York minute. I would give ANYTHING to carry another baby in my womb.

Exactly, which is why a MAN can NEVER know what it's like to carry a baby, and should NEVER suggest a woman can give up a baby she's carried 9 months as if it's the simplest thing in the world.

Well aren't YOU just full of sexist remarks??? holy estrogen, Batgirl!!

And maybe you'll never know what it's like to be ADOPTED, either, which proves exactly what?

sheesh

How the hell ~could~ a man ever know what it's like to carry a baby???

How would ~you~ ever know how it feels to -father- one either???

un-buh-leev-a-bull!

[LaL 418]

why not just settle on putting the baby up for adoption? that is if you cannot afford to have a baby. Then you can leave the guy, and move back to Poland. There are many loving couples who want to adopt. Plus couples are thoroughly screened before they are considered eligible to adopt.

So typical. Spoken like someone who doesn't have a uterus and will never carry a baby for 9 months.

It may sound harsh to you, but believe me, coming from a woman who will most likely never be able to have another baby, I would adopt that baby in a New York minute. I would give ANYTHING to carry another baby in my womb.

Exactly, which is why a MAN can NEVER know what it's like to carry a baby, and should NEVER suggest a woman can give up a baby she's carried 9 months as if it's the simplest thing in the world.

Well aren't YOU just full of sexist remarks??? holy estrogen, Batgirl!!

And maybe you'll never know what it's like to be ADOPTED, either, which proves exactly what?

sheesh

How the hell ~could~ a man ever know what it's like to carry a baby???

How would ~you~ ever know how it feels to -father- one either???

un-buh-leev-a-bull!

i took it as matt suggesting adoption much like a lamp the wife brought home and hubby didn't agree. This is a BABY, not something frivolous. She already *agreed* to abort one child, which can be traumatic enough. I am shocked at the laissez faire attitude in which matt suggested it. truely shocking.

[dmartmar 1]

So typical. Spoken like someone who doesn't have a uterus and will never carry a baby for 9 months.

How 'bout spoken like someone who doesn't have any other use for the baby, but for immigration benefits?

[aussiewench 9]

So typical. Spoken like someone who doesn't have a uterus and will never carry a baby for 9 months.

How 'bout spoken like someone who doesn't have any other use for the baby, but for immigration benefits?

You seriously have a problem.

[PurrSuede 0]

why not just settle on putting the baby up for adoption? that is if you cannot afford to have a baby. Then you can leave the guy, and move back to Poland. There are many loving couples who want to adopt. Plus couples are thoroughly screened before they are considered eligible to adopt.

So typical. Spoken like someone who doesn't have a uterus and will never carry a baby for 9 months.

It may sound harsh to you, but believe me, coming from a woman who will most likely never be able to have another baby, I would adopt that baby in a New York minute. I would give ANYTHING to carry another baby in my womb.

Exactly, which is why a MAN can NEVER know what it's like to carry a baby, and should NEVER suggest a woman can give up a baby she's carried 9 months as if it's the simplest thing in the world.

Well aren't YOU just full of sexist remarks??? holy estrogen, Batgirl!!

And maybe you'll never know what it's like to be ADOPTED, either, which proves exactly what?

sheesh

How the hell ~could~ a man ever know what it's like to carry a baby???

How would ~you~ ever know how it feels to -father- one either???

un-buh-leev-a-bull!

i took it as matt suggesting adoption much like a lamp the wife brought home and hubby didn't agree. This is a BABY, not something frivolous. She already *agreed* to abort one child, which can be traumatic enough. I am shocked at the laissez faire attitude in which matt suggested it. truely shocking.

Well I found matt's suggestion from the point of view of one who WAS Adopted...

And frankly, I'm very grateful that I was adopted, because if my mother had chosen abortion instead, you wouldn't be reading this post.

So I think Matt was only trying to suggest an alternative to ABORTING another child, and I think from that standpoint, it was a very intelligent and viable suggestion.

I am pro-choice, but also very pro-life, and I hope this woman would consider ANYTHING but aborting another child again.

You are right, I don't have a uterus, but I do have tremendous respect for women and mothers...

And from the point of view of "hey this is a much better alternative than aborting", I think Matt's comment was reasonable. He DID say:

that is if you cannot afford to have a baby

so he certainly did qualify his initial statement.

-- Dan

[Alex+R 0]

why not just settle on putting the baby up for adoption? that is if you cannot afford to have a baby. Then you can leave the guy, and move back to Poland. There are many loving couples who want to adopt. Plus couples are thoroughly screened before they are considered eligible to adopt.

So typical. Spoken like someone who doesn't have a uterus and will never carry a baby for 9 months.

It may sound harsh to you, but believe me, coming from a woman who will most likely never be able to have another baby, I would adopt that baby in a New York minute. I would give ANYTHING to carry another baby in my womb.

Exactly, which is why a MAN can NEVER know what it's like to carry a baby, and should NEVER suggest a woman can give up a baby she's carried 9 months as if it's the simplest thing in the world.

Well aren't YOU just full of sexist remarks??? holy estrogen, Batgirl!!

And maybe you'll never know what it's like to be ADOPTED, either, which proves exactly what?

sheesh

How the hell ~could~ a man ever know what it's like to carry a baby???

How would ~you~ ever know how it feels to -father- one either???

un-buh-leev-a-bull!

i took it as matt suggesting adoption much like a lamp the wife brought home and hubby didn't agree. This is a BABY, not something frivolous. She already *agreed* to abort one child, which can be traumatic enough. I am shocked at the laissez faire attitude in which matt suggested it. truely shocking.

Well I found matt's suggestion from the point of view of one who WAS Adopted...

And frankly, I'm very grateful that I was adopted, because if my mother had chosen abortion instead, you wouldn't be reading this post.

So I think Matt was only trying to suggest an alternative to ABORTING another child, and I think from that standpoint, it was a very intelligent and viable suggestion.

I am pro-choice, but also very pro-life, and I hope this woman would consider ANYTHING but aborting another child again.

You are right, I don't have a uterus, but I do have tremendous respect for women and mothers...

And from the point of view of "hey this is a much better alternative than aborting", I think Matt's comment was reasonable. He DID say:

that is if you cannot afford to have a baby

so he certainly did qualify his initial statement.

-- Dan

I think what Peezey was saying was something like:

YOU carry a baby for 9 months, know that it's growing inside your body, take care of it before it's born, watch it be born and fall in love with it, and then give it up for adoption. Then spend the rest of your life knowing that YOUR child is off being raised by strangers you don't know if you can trust. Spend the rest of your life knowing you let one of your own children be raised by someone else.

Giving a baby up for adoption is not easy, and it is a HUGE emotional task for a woman, and a man could never understand that. So to talk about it like it's the same as abortion only with a better outcome is ridiculous.

This is how women discuss giving up a baby for adoption, and a woman who has never even carried a child (i.e. me) can still understand that better than the average man, for some reason.

[peezey 0]

Well aren't YOU just full of sexist remarks??? holy estrogen, Batgirl!!

And maybe you'll never know what it's like to be ADOPTED, either, which proves exactly what?

sheesh

How the hell ~could~ a man ever know what it's like to carry a baby???

How would ~you~ ever know how it feels to -father- one either???

un-buh-leev-a-bull!

None of your comments are relevant. A man cannot ever know the pain it is to give up a child for adoption after having carried it, nor can he know what it takes to make the decision to have an abortion. This doesn't preclude a man's role or emotional involvement, however, such is very different, than that of a woman's. There is quite a lot of research done on the emotional toll on a woman to give up a baby for adoption vs. abortion. The first comes out far worse in studies.

I think what Peezey was saying was something like:

YOU carry a baby for 9 months, know that it's growing inside your body, take care of it before it's born, watch it be born and fall in love with it, and then give it up for adoption. Then spend the rest of your life knowing that YOUR child is off being raised by strangers you don't know if you can trust. Spend the rest of your life knowing you let one of your own children be raised by someone else.

Giving a baby up for adoption is not easy, and it is a HUGE emotional task for a woman, and a man could never understand that. So to talk about it like it's the same as abortion only with a better outcome is ridiculous.

This is how women discuss giving up a baby for adoption, and a woman who has never even carried a child (i.e. me) can still understand that better than the average man, for some reason.

Exactly. Thanks for the help in clarifying, I'm sure my posts were coming off withtoo much emotion considering I am personally familiar with both situations.

Edited November 22, 2006 by peezey

[mRx 16]

why not just settle on putting the baby up for adoption? that is if you cannot afford to have a baby. Then you can leave the guy, and move back to Poland. There are many loving couples who want to adopt. Plus couples are thoroughly screened before they are considered eligible to adopt.

So typical. Spoken like someone who doesn't have a uterus and will never carry a baby for 9 months.

Regardless of if i have a uterus or not, I have something else. Its called a HEART. And the respect for human life. And i did indeed say "if she cannot afford a baby". So the last resort should be adoption, and this is only my OPINION. which i believe i am allowed to give.

the emotional toll on a woman to give up a baby for adoption vs. abortion. The first comes out far worse in studies.

So the "emotional toll" of a woman who makes the selfless decision to give her baby away for a better life that she cannot provide is valued greater than the "human life"? Thats great logic! I didnt see it that way.

Edited November 23, 2006 by matt85

[KarenCee 3]

I can't imagine the emotional toil a woman must be going through when choosing to give up their baby for adoption. I won't ever know that situation. However, I have been in a situation where my ex didn't want the babies I was pregnant with. Yes..babies. I was pregnant with twins. He was relieved when they were stillborn. That man HAS no heart. Sounds to me like Matt has one.

I don't think Matt was in any way throwing the adoption issue out there as a heartless thoughtless comment. Adoption is a heart wrenching situation I would imagine and especially for this poor girl who is (I guess she's still here) in the US with no family, maybe no friends, and pregnant by her husband and HE doesn't want the baby. So much to think about. I hope, wherever she is, that she's ok and the baby is ok too. I think that has been lost in this tirade about adoption.

[boboroad 0]

It is your body, your baby, your choice, yes he has an opinion, but you have the final decision. While I do not agree with his stand, and think he is some sorta of a control freak, he is entitled to his opinion. Though I can never be pregnant (wrong gender), I would never ask someone to make that decision or ask them to kill a part of me off. Dude is a loser.

[amwo 0]

As asked before, what has happened to the OP?

This is a very interesting thread. As I read through it, many questions came to mind. The most frequent was "What is his side to this story?" There are many posts supporting her and the baby (very valid and most important) but I kept wondering "Why would a man marry a woman (and go through the difficult K1 process to bring her here) and terminate his child with her? And then want to terminate the second?

Something doesn't seem quite right. I am NOT saying she used him to get here (possible though) but I just cannot imagine a man doing this! Maybe he has an abusive history (aha! A need for IMBRA!) we don't know about? Maybe he told her he never wants children? Maybe there was birth control but she didn't use it (yes, i'll get jumped on for saying that but reality is the woman is usually responsible for it, even though we would like it to be an equal deal.)?

Something doesn't jive. Where's the OP!!!

[mRx 16]

It is your body, your baby, your choice, yes he has an opinion, but you have the final decision. While I do not agree with his stand, and think he is some sorta of a control freak, he is entitled to his opinion. Though I can never be pregnant (wrong gender), I would never ask someone to make that decision or ask them to kill a part of me off. Dude is a loser.

Your post is missing the element of intellegence. Your a very weak minded person. Although i am totally against abortion, for you, my friend, it may not have been such a bad idea.

Edited November 24, 2006 by matt85