I am pregnant by my husband. He wants me to have another abortion...

[Buttons 0]

... but I just cannot do it. It's was very hard for me emotinally when I 1st aggreed to have an abortion, to save our marriage. It was not I wanted to do but I was forced by him. He was telling me that If I decide to have the child he is "not willing to put up with this" and I would be left on my own. He would get divorced with me. I was being blackmailed, if I dont agree to have an abortion it's going to be over between us.

So I just did beacuse I wanted to be with him.

Now it happened again. I am pregnant by him, and he said he is going to file for separation and send me back to Poland IF I decide to keep it. He does not want the child to be born in the U.S. as he would be forced to be legally obligated for him/her. If I decide to abort the baby "we can start everything over again". Which gives the proof of mentally abused by him.

During past two weeks I have ended up 4 times in the hospital because of the stress after each argument and some pregnancy complications. Some person I have talked to in the hospital told me that it's a family abuse to blackmail a person to do something against her will.

I came to the U.S. being a K-1 visa holder September last year, we got married and I've recieved my conditional green card around April this year.

My question is that, is my husband able to kick me out of the country if he files for separation/divorce or apply for removal of my conditional gren card?

I am a student over here, I have just started school, and a part time job. I do still need the finacial support until I can stand on my own. Would I be able to count on that?

I have talked to one of my friend, and he said it is a pure abuse towards me. He suggested contacting a lawyer to see what can be done about it. He said that my husband is not able to send me back to Poland, yet I can sue him for the "family abusing".

I want my child to be born in the U.S. and he/she has more opportunities in this country. If my husband sends me back to Poland I have no guarantee that he would pay me for the child given he/she was born in there.

Do I have any rights here? Can he just do that to me?

Please help me!

Pauli.

It's abuse ......... get a lawyer !

[MarieAnastasia 0]

Dmartmar,

I have always thought that your post were ridiculous but have you lost your mind completely ?

maybe it's time for you to read your own posts before you post them becasue you are getting out of control.

Yes, she will be covered by his insurance until the divorce.

Once I felt sorry for you dartmar but now I think that you deserve what was done to you.

Ana

Actually, I thought his post was well within the realm of sanity. Fathers are supposed to pay for the needs of their CHILDREN, not their ex-wives. As such, the only question she should have is whether the baby will have insurance or not. Whether she has insurance or not is completely up to her. How fair would it be if we were all forced to pay for our ex's "upkeep"?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but how in the heck does a baby come into this world if not through its Mother (other than a scattered test tube here and there!!) So she DOES need insurance to ensure the baby is delivered safely!! And I think you've gone off the topic here...........the MAIN concern is that she is married to an abuser and she has to get out not only for her sake but for the baby because this type of person doesn't just stop at the spouse. And this is also not a judgement call on whose responsibility Birth control is. I realize the majority of you are on Pauli's side..........this is for the minority who aren't thinking "what if that happened to me?"

God bless you, Pauli and your beautiful unborn baby. Please take care and remove yourself from this abuser's grasp before it gets worse................{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[ManuNSam 1]

Hi

I didnt get to read all of the responses to you, but i think something is missing that you should grab onto.

Right now you are feeling that he has the power/upperhand.

This is NOT TRUE and in fact its the opposite.

First - you need to leave him and find a family/friend nearby that will allow you to stay with them. Then get a good lawyer. Do not worry about the fees - your husband is reponsible for these fees, he signed the papers for your wellbeing as part of the visa process.

Second - divorce can take a very long time. and if done properly - a very very very long time. During that time he is still obligated to care for you. he promised the us immigration he would do so when he submitted the affadavit of support.

Third - when you go to trial (if it makes it that far), things would not be in his favor at all. The judge would favor your side. It doesnt matter he is the citizen and you are not. It matters that you are husband and wife. He has gotten you pregnant and doesnt want the responsibility. he has married you and is now using immigration threats to force you to his will. This is a serious issue that will not be taken lightly. In the US it is not taken lightly if either party attempts to take advantage of anothers.

Fourth - the divorce will defeinetly take you long enough to have the child in the US. since the child is a US citizen - its the childs best welfare that is in question. so although you may be "Deportable" i have on this enough to know that they actually wont do that. What they will do is make an exception based on the fact that you can support your child here in the US much better than you could if you were in Poland. you would have better job opportunities as well as the childs ability to see BOTH parents.

But lastly - the question is - do you want to stay here?

Threaten back - tell him your going to leave.

I have been to poland ........ thought it was beautiful.

if i were you i would tell him to select the left or the right butt to kiss goodbye because i am on my way out!

dont stay with this guy. he seems to want to control you and its quite possible that its the reason he selected you (you may have appeared docile and controllable!). Unfotrunately some people show a different side of themselves AFTER marriage.

But DO NOT for a second feel like he can make a call to turn you in and your going to be gone the next day. That my dear is simply his threat and illusion. you also have rights and protection.

sam

[KarenCee 3]

I also have another question, as far as health insurance goes. My husband has great insurance from his work, so I have the same one of course. What happens to the insurance once my husband and I end up separating for a few months until we file for divorce? Does it mean I wouldn't be covered by it?

Shouldn't the question be: Does it mean the baby wouldn't be covered by it?

You definitely have rights here. Your husband is trying to manipulate you.

And she is trying to manipulate him as well through the baby.

I don't see her question as manipulation. Without some sort of insurance coverage, what chance does this baby have for being born healthy? Did ya think of that? Until they are officially divorced she should be covered by his insurance for the baby's well being.

Now, with that said, how is THAT being manipulative?

Edited October 6, 2006 by KarenCee

[payxibka 10,045]

I also have another question, as far as health insurance goes. My husband has great insurance from his work, so I have the same one of course. What happens to the insurance once my husband and I end up separating for a few months until we file for divorce? Does it mean I wouldn't be covered by it?

Shouldn't the question be: Does it mean the baby wouldn't be covered by it?

You definitely have rights here. Your husband is trying to manipulate you.

And she is trying to manipulate him as well through the baby.

I don't see her question as manipulation. Without some sort of insurance coverage, what chance does this baby have for being born healthy? Did ya think of that? Until they are officially divorced she should be covered by his insurance for the baby's well being.

Now, with that said, how is THAT being manipulative?

Having insurance in and of itself does not guaranty a healthy delivery. There are reportedly upwards of 30% of americans who are not covered by health insurance. Obviously, primary insurance will help as they will pay for all needed pre-natal care, etc... but there are social services available for those who do not have that option. It is important for her to find out what is available in NJ. She should not feel embarrased to use all resources available. This is not about being a welfare case and the stigma attached, it is about the health and welfare of two people (the mother and the child).

[dmartmar 1]

If my husband sends me back to Poland I have no guarantee that he would pay me for the child given he/she was born in there.

Pay you?

[KarenCee 3]

If my husband sends me back to Poland I have no guarantee that he would pay me for the child given he/she was born in there.

Pay you?

Maybe her use of the English language isn't as developed as your apparently is?

I also have another question, as far as health insurance goes. My husband has great insurance from his work, so I have the same one of course. What happens to the insurance once my husband and I end up separating for a few months until we file for divorce? Does it mean I wouldn't be covered by it?

Shouldn't the question be: Does it mean the baby wouldn't be covered by it?

You definitely have rights here. Your husband is trying to manipulate you.

And she is trying to manipulate him as well through the baby.

I don't see her question as manipulation. Without some sort of insurance coverage, what chance does this baby have for being born healthy? Did ya think of that? Until they are officially divorced she should be covered by his insurance for the baby's well being.

Now, with that said, how is THAT being manipulative?

Having insurance in and of itself does not guaranty a healthy delivery. There are reportedly upwards of 30% of americans who are not covered by health insurance. Obviously, primary insurance will help as they will pay for all needed pre-natal care, etc... but there are social services available for those who do not have that option. It is important for her to find out what is available in NJ. She should not feel embarrased to use all resources available. This is not about being a welfare case and the stigma attached, it is about the health and welfare of two people (the mother and the child).

No, it doesn't. I am living proof of that, having buried my stillborn twins despite having the best medical care. However, the baby is the one I am most concerned about. As for social services, do you really think they will help her? I would hope they do, if she seeks it out. At any rate, the father has a responsibility here. It takes two to make a child.

[alibaba 0]

what if she tries to remove her condition and she did not get approved by the USIC ?then what she can do ?because you never know what the USCIS will say what if they deny her???she has to think about this too.

[Aussielad 37]

If my husband sends me back to Poland I have no guarantee that he would pay me for the child given he/she was born in there.

Pay you?

yes, she is entitled to childsupport, u cant just bring someone to the U.S.....treat them however you want, and then get rid of them like a rag doll, sorry im not in aggreeance with that.

She should file the waiver under the "abuse/battered" spouse, and suppport it with evidence, which in result should be successful.

[malutka 0]

Of course I am not her..But if it was me, I would go back to my family in Poland. She has a mother, father, sisters and/or brothers who love her. You can get free college in Poland, and she would have her mother to help her. I know it feels humiliating, but that is what I would do. I am not from Poland, but I have visited my husband's family there and am going back next month again. I love it there...it is not that bad! Go to your family..where you have support and love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!The guy is an awful jerk.

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

Life is not that easy as it seems when you are only visiting the country. College education is only free if you qualify (meaning equivalent of a very high SAT) to get into a PUBLIC college. 75% of students pay for their education either at private schools because there are strict limits on public colleges.

The reason I think she wants to stay in the US despite the bad situation, is because the US has financial benefits that are not available in Poland. Paulina mentioned that she may make $15k a yr here, however working the same position in Poland, she'd be making $2,400 a yr. Raising a child & costs are astronomical in Poland, and even the unpleasant circumstances here, she's still better of staying.

Paulina, there are lots of Polish organizations that may be able to help you out. I know there are many in Chicago, not sure how to locate them in NJ.

Paulina - Jesli masz ciezko i nie wiesz jak znajsc zrodlo pomocy. Wejdz na czat na www.onet.pl pokoj USA, i tam jest mnostwo osob z NJ/NY ktozy moga ci doradzic gdzie znajsc pomoc. Pozdrawiam

[Fandango 1,439]

As far as I'm aware, he can drop you from the insurance any time he wants, in most states. After the divorce, if it's job-supplied insurance, you will definitely be off of the policy. Businesses only subsidize insurance for spouses and children, not ex-spouses.

As for him; he sounds like a total chopf##k, and needs a bit of an attitude adjustment.

Not entirely true re the insurance. She is eligible for 3 years of COBRA coverage in the event of a divorce from his policy. No, she won't be on the exact policy, but she will not lose coverage due to a divorce. I know this for a fact! And the pregnancy shouldn't be considered a pre-existing, because even though it's a new policy, the benefits are simply continued from her old one.

However, she would have to pay for the COBRA monthly premiums, but it works out to a lot less than an uninsured pregnancy.

As far as him removing her from the policy before the divorce, that very well may be true...but he'd have to be a complete muppet as she is his wife, and most likely any and all debt, including medical, incurred by her would be automatically his debt as well. Kinda cutting your nose to spite your face....possible? sure....probable? only she knows!

i would tape record him secretly if i were you, digital voice recorder are $100 dollars and can record for 17 hours on 1 battery.

Except for that is illegal...

It depends on the state you are in. Most states allows one person consent tape recordings. This means one person can secretly tape record a conversation in which he/she is a participant.

It'd be better if he started blathering on a voice mail

[Anastassia 0]

Anybody knows what happened to Paulina and her case ?

[pooh_loves_muffet 0]

Wow.

There is little more I hate than seeing bullies taking advantage of people.

I am not certain what behaviors you are used to, but this guy is an #######.

You must do what is right for your conscience and your heart. I, as well as others, can easily tell you this guy is a path to personal ruin.

Recognize real love. There is not a waking moment that I do not crave my wife-to-be. I do not consider her an "alien fiancee." That sounds ridiculous. She is my soulmate, who circumstantially, comes from another place. Be it that she became pregnant or gained weight, lost a limb, or acquired amazing success, she is my wife and my true companion.

If it were me, I would not want this @$$hole in my child's life, if I could help it. My mother was a poor single mother, and I turned out just fine. A little bruised, not by mom, but I have a better understanding of life than some.

You have a baby on the way. Your first obligation is obvious. Good luck.

[mRx 16]

why not just settle on putting the baby up for adoption? that is if you cannot afford to have a baby. Then you can leave the guy, and move back to Poland. There are many loving couples who want to adopt. Plus couples are thoroughly screened before they are considered eligible to adopt.