Your perspective is welcomed

[jac_chappin 24]

So my fiancée is scheduled to come to US on 9/2.

Things have been really good between us but have a concern.

Maybe well founded but maybe not so here it goes.

I met my fiancee in April 2010 and in January/February 2010 she went with some friends to Cambodia for a few days and Singapore for 2 weeks..

When I ask her about her trip to Singapore she clams up. This has been causing problems in our relationship.

I really do love her and know she really loves me so this is not the issue. She wants to be together whether in Vietnam or US. Doesn't matter to her she says.

Should I keep on pressing her about trip or just let it go since it was before we met?

Am I making this a bigger deal than it really is? She says the past doesn't matter. What's important is now. It's a logical statement but.....

I've always known about trip to Singapore but didn't realize it was for 2 weeks which I came across while preparing for interview.

Your perspective is really appreciated.

Thanks!

[Casprd 167]

Sounds like a cultural thing. Since it was before you met it shouldn't have an impact on your relationship unless there is some ongoing weird behavior. If it is an issue for you then just ask her why she won't tell you about the Singapore trip. Be prepared to not get an answer or even an answer you don't like (i.e. there was some previous man in her life). From what I know of Asian women, mostly Chinese, they don't really discuss past relationships. I know my wife had a couple chinese boyfriends before me and I know they were older than her but that is it. Likewise she doesn't want to know anything about my previous marriage or any relationships I've had. But we did at least talk about it some.

One question to ask yourself is how would you react if she says she went there to meet a man she knew or to visit a boyfriend? And then ask yourself how she might think you would react? Remember she is from a different and often more conservative culture when it comes to things like this.

[jac_chappin 24]

Casprd - Thanks much for your response.

We have talked about our past relationships but not in any detail. She tells me that she doesn't care about my past but what's important to her is NOW.

There is nothing weird at all it's just in the back of my mind. She knows me well enough that I would not like hearing she was visiting a past boyfriend and probably afraid of my reaction. To your point it's a cultural thing whereas in the US we are more open about past relationships.

[jac_chappin 24]

Also - From this perspective she's more mature about it than I'm.

[paul_kay 31]

My fiance would keep asking me about things I did or happened to me BEFORE I met him and it annoys me big time! Better leave it as it is. I'd say respect her decision if she chooses not to disclose it to you.

[tan&tuyet 15]

So my fiancée is scheduled to come to US on 9/2.

Things have been really good between us but have a concern.

Maybe well founded but maybe not so here it goes.

I met my fiancee in April 2010 and in January/February 2010 she went with some friends to Cambodia for a few days and Singapore for 2 weeks..

When I ask her about her trip to Singapore she clams up. This has been causing problems in our relationship.

I really do love her and know she really loves me so this is not the issue. She wants to be together whether in Vietnam or US. Doesn't matter to her she says.

Should I keep on pressing her about trip or just let it go since it was before we met?

Am I making this a bigger deal than it really is? She says the past doesn't matter. What's important is now. It's a logical statement but.....

I've always known about trip to Singapore but didn't realize it was for 2 weeks which I came across while preparing for interview.

Your perspective is really appreciated.

Thanks!

She is right let the past be the past. If she loves you now why does the past matters?

[jac_chappin 24]

Thanks much for all of your responses! I just needed a kick in the butt! :-)

[luckytxn 2,264]

Casprd - Thanks much for your response.

We have talked about our past relationships but not in any detail. She tells me that she doesn't care about my past but what's important to her is NOW.

There is nothing weird at all it's just in the back of my mind. She knows me well enough that I would not like hearing she was visiting a past boyfriend and probably afraid of my reaction. To your point it's a cultural thing whereas in the US we are more open about past relationships.

You answered your own question right here. Are you sure you are ready for a life long commitment?

[ScottThuy 140]

Casprd - Thanks much for your response.

We have talked about our past relationships but not in any detail. She tells me that she doesn't care about my past but what's important to her is NOW.

There is nothing weird at all it's just in the back of my mind. She knows me well enough that I would not like hearing she was visiting a past boyfriend and probably afraid of my reaction. To your point it's a cultural thing whereas in the US we are more open about past relationships.

It was before you met so why would it be an issue? My wife doent like to discuss her past.. not that she is hiding anything, just that it was the past.. but my past is another thing alltogether.. she must know everything... sometimes more than she wants to hear... IMO if a question is asked there should be an answer.. but if one is unable to handle the answer it is their problem and maybe they are not mature/confident enough for a relationship....

[TheFantastics09 19]

My fiance would keep asking me about things I did or happened to me BEFORE I met him and it annoys me big time! Better leave it as it is. I'd say respect her decision if she chooses not to disclose it to you.

Agreed!!

[jac_chappin 24]

Thanks to everyone that responded!

All that's important is that we love and respect each other. I'm so looking forward to seeing her big smile when she exits airport.

Everything you have written makes sense. I just needed a kick in the butt.

Thanks for setting me straight!

Best wishes to all!

[HopeFaithLove 13]

Thanks to everyone that responded!

All that's important is that we love and respect each other. I'm so looking forward to seeing her big smile when she exits airport.

Everything you have written makes sense. I just needed a kick in the butt.

Thanks for setting me straight!

Best wishes to all!

Hello ! Your Fiancee is right ! If I am in her shoes, I would also not tell you details, it's my past anyway (before she met you), I think this is common to all of us, important is NOW -- unless she has behavioral problems. Don't try to open the past especially if you aren't ready, it will just create friction. Learn to trust and always give her the benefit of doubt -- never assume on things ! Live today and tomorrow -- so you can live life with no regrets ! Just pray and offer it all to God. God knows best !

[HopeFaithLove 13]

Hello ! Your Fiancee is right ! If I am in her shoes, I would also not tell you details, it's my past anyway (before she met you), I think this is common to all of us, important is NOW -- unless she has behavioral problems. Don't try to open the past especially if you aren't ready, it will just create friction. Learn to trust and always give her the benefit of doubt -- never assume on things ! Live today and tomorrow -- so you can live life with no regrets ! Just pray and offer it all to God. God knows best !

And, by the way, always be thankful ! no matter what kind of past we had. Important is the present, and, if ever she might had met a bf before (if you think that way), then, be thankful at least he was her PAST, and you are CURRENT. There's always a good reason why things happened. As long you both love and respect each other NOW, just move forward and keep each other for a lifetime.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

It was before you met and before she knew you existed in the world. Stop making trouble.

And, by the way, always be thankful ! no matter what kind of past we had. Important is the present, and, if ever she might had met a bf before (if you think that way), then, be thankful at least he was her PAST, and you are CURRENT. There's always a good reason why things happened. As long you both love and respect each other NOW, just move forward and keep each other for a lifetime.

Whoever it was she was doing in Singapore,(and she WAS so you can stop asking) she decided you were better. Be happy.

[ria_s 0]

My husband laid bare his past to me, ex wife & ex girlfriends alike, as I did to him. I guess for the most part it helps to kinda understand the kind of person as he was at that point in time. I can understand your curiosity. I love the fact that my hubby was open about discussing his past and wanted me to feel like he was not keeping anything from me. Helps too when people mention stuff about his past and I feel like I know what they're talking about. Nothing is more upsetting that hearing I didn't know something I should have been told and to have it showing on your face.

But I guess it depends on what kind of relationship you have. If you both are willing to leave the past stay in the past, then do so.