Is It Paranoia? Advice pls...

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

She has now a reason to leave the Philippines... - it's YOU! to be with you for the rest of your lives.

Have a happy marriage!

dont worry im exactly the same. theres no way in hell i wanted to move to america. but destiny had other plans. i have my sammy now

[scotty2009 13]

Does she have maids and drivers in the Philippines? Did she come from a reputable school and family in the Philippines? I find that most Filipinos who are rich in the Philippines wouldn't want to move out of the country because they're privileged and most (not all) poor Filipinos tend to look for a greener pasture like the USA.

[rheanick 42]

When I first met my now fiance, she always commented on how she had no reason to ever leave the Philippines, that she was content and never truly wanted to leave. Now that it's about less than a month and it'll be time for her to get on the plane, but for some reason, those words she had said before are coming back into my mind. Maybe it's just the fact that the day is finally here, I don't know and if anyone can give me any advice and perhaps make me feel better or what not, that'd be much appreciated. Thank you! (I'm in the US, she's 24 and I'm about a lil over 6 yrs older than her. not sure if that helps get a better grasp of the situation.)

You should have a very serious talk with her before you proceed with your papers. Ask her if she really wants to fly to the US. She should have straight answer, yes or no.

I have a friend married to a US citizen, after 2 years, husband is in the US and my friend is still in the Philippines. She never really wants to fly to the US. She wants her husband to live in the Philippines. Husband want her to fly to the US. They are still married. So far, no compromise and continent apart.

Does she have maids and drivers in the Philippines? Did she come from a reputable school and family in the Philippines? I find that most Filipinos who are rich in the Philippines wouldn't want to move out of the country because they're privileged and most (not all) poor Filipinos tend to look for a greener pasture like the USA.

A filipina could still maintain her lifestyle in the US, provided she married a guy who could afford to get her a maid and a driver.

[rlogan 2,036]

I love people showing up arguing that women who improve their lives through marriage don't have TRUE LOVE. They are hypocrites without an iota of common sense.

They're saying we should applaud women who make themselves worse off. So her children will not have enough food to eat, they won't be able to afford an education, or medical or dental - wow, there is a really smart woman marrying for LOVE instead of improving her condition.

They are so egotistical about their own relationship they are actually arguing that love is independent of happiness. If a man takes away that fear of starvation, disease, suffering, and premature death - oh no, she cannot enjoy that. She can't be thankful to her husband and love him for how he has changed her life for the better. In fact, she should hate him, right?

To the OP - this is easy. My wife has never once tried to manipulate me with this ####### about what she gave up to marry me. If she did, then before I married her I would have said "No problem honey, goodbye. There are millions of Filipinas who would leap to fill your shoes, let alone all the other countries with hot teens who would love to mother my children."

We always hear about the Filipinas giving up home and family, blah blah blah - sure I am sensitive to that and didn't need anyone to tell me. But do we hear how the man has given up his international playboy life, his teen girlfriends, having all his money to booze it up and spend on boy-toys instead of diapers and baby formula?

Everyone gives something up in marriage. But if you are using that to guilt-trip your husband then he needs to be reminding you that there are plenty of fish in the ocean who won't.

[rin and john 71]

I love people showing up arguing that women who improve their lives through marriage don't have TRUE LOVE. They are hypocrites without an iota of common sense.

They're saying we should applaud women who make themselves worse off. So her children will not have enough food to eat, they won't be able to afford an education, or medical or dental - wow, there is a really smart woman marrying for LOVE instead of improving her condition.

They are so egotistical about their own relationship they are actually arguing that love is independent of happiness. If a man takes away that fear of starvation, disease, suffering, and premature death - oh no, she cannot enjoy that. She can't be thankful to her husband and love him for how he has changed her life for the better. In fact, she should hate him, right?

Couldn't agree more. One of the best books on relationships that i have ever read is "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley. Lists the top five needs for both sides. The author makes it clear that the needs are not always in a particular order, that the individual and circumstances can change them, but during his time as a counselor they held up well.

Her needs are:

1) Affection

2) Conversation

3) Honesty and Openness

4) Enough money to live comfortably

5) Him to be a good father - family support

Coming from a poor background, would make 4 move up on the list.

[Dan and Judy 614]

This thread is as old as the hills on my grandmothers chest

[Cmptrsdeal 76]

Alright, now we have a new situation...

My fiance has been here in the US for almost 2 wks and is saying that she read that the Consulate will send her back home to the Philippines, cause she cannot adjust here and is thinking about giving up and contacting them and having them send her back. Is there conditions she has to meet for the Consulate to do that or how exactly does that work?

Is there a website that anyone knows that I can learn more about this process? Everyone has told her 2 wks is NOT long enough, but she seems like she doesn't want to try to adjust anymore. PLEASE HELP!!! :'-(

[TracyTN 237]

Why would the consulate have to 'send her back'? She's a PI citizen - she can just buy a plane ticket and go back if she's not happy here.

But if she ever wants to come back to the US, you guys will have to start the visa process all over again (as she surely doesn't have her green card yet).

[Jack&Ana 1]

OK, this sucks... I didn't get to the last post before replying. >.< Ignore this

Good luck to you both

Edited October 27, 2011 by Jack&Ana

[rlogan 2,036]

Couldn't agree more. One of the best books on relationships that i have ever read is "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley. Lists the top five needs for both sides. The author makes it clear that the needs are not always in a particular order, that the individual and circumstances can change them, but during his time as a counselor they held up well.

Her needs are:

1) Affection

2) Conversation

3) Honesty and Openness

4) Enough money to live comfortably

5) Him to be a good father - family support

Coming from a poor background, would make 4 move up on the list.

A nice reference, and yes of course these change according to her circumstance. This is the result of millions of years of evolution. People who are social predators try to shame you with whatever they can use, so the further apart you are in economic circumstance, the more they think they can get away with calling your wife a prostitute. The further apart in age, the dirtier they will get with insinuating you are a pedophile. We don't see it in person. Online people can be nasty.

We've had some really cute experiences in person. People like to see happy couples.

My fiance has been here in the US for almost 2 wks and is saying that she read that the Consulate will send her back home to the Philippines, cause she cannot adjust here and is thinking about giving up and contacting them and having them send her back. Is there conditions she has to meet for the Consulate to do that or how exactly does that work?

Is there a website that anyone knows that I can learn more about this process? Everyone has told her 2 wks is NOT long enough, but she seems like she doesn't want to try to adjust anymore. PLEASE HELP!!! :'-(

Why would the consulate be involved? An amicable parting of responsible parties results in a plane ticket home. It didn't work out. It looked bad before she got here and it looks even badder now.

You didn't want to pay freight on this unit inbound, so return freight is out of the question, right? The unit therefore reports to the filipina store representative at the consulate for return shipment. She is a Filipina Citizen, so her Consulate is where she would go if she feels she needs her country's aid and protection abroad. They can't "send her back", meaning order her to return. Rather, she is seeking help from them to return home. If you were a US Citizen abroad and were in trouble or without resources, you would go to the US Embassy or Consulate. People whose pockets are full of money just hop on planes.

So we have to infer you are not agreeing to pay for her return home. That's just a whisper shy of the international playboy standard, I am sorry to say, and your membership is no longer in good standing.

Edited October 30, 2011 by rlogan