Is It Paranoia? Advice pls...

[Dean_De 61]

don't understand why she can't seem excited atleast alittle bit, instead of making it seem like u said, an 'obligation'

My advice is have a heart to heart talk with her.

[SuperDuper! 230]

When I first met my now fiance, she always commented on how she had no reason to ever leave the Philippines, that she was content and never truly wanted to leave. Now that it's about less than a month and it'll be time for her to get on the plane, but for some reason, those words she had said before are coming back into my mind. Maybe it's just the fact that the day is finally here, I don't know and if anyone can give me any advice and perhaps make me feel better or what not, that'd be much appreciated. Thank you! (I'm in the US, she's 24 and I'm about a lil over 6 yrs older than her. not sure if that helps get a better grasp of the situation.)

That's what's nice about the K1 visa: Another "checkpoint" along the VisaJourney highway, just to be sure everything will work out and be pretty A-OK.

Good luck, and be alert to red flags along the way, and be patient and understanding with her. Do everything ya can to make her adjustment successful.

Hope ya have an internet connection and computer for skyping for her family back home: That one is a real relationship saver!

Good Luck!

[sjr09 155]

That's what's nice about the K1 visa: Another "checkpoint" along the VisaJourney highway, just to be sure everything will work out and be pretty A-OK.

Good luck, and be alert to red flags along the way, and be patient and understanding with her. Do everything ya can to make her adjustment successful.

Hope ya have an internet connection and computer for skyping for her family back home: That one is a real relationship saver!

Good Luck!

Yeah, it's like buying shoes, you can take them back as long as you don't scuff-um up

[HotPinay-KoolKano 10]

It sounds like a pretty natural response to me... You need to ask her to really contemplate whether leaving her family for potentially a couple years at a time is gonna be an issue, has she prepared herself mentally?

If you have a 9-5, is she aware she may be stuck at home, alone for a few months prior to being able to work (if that is in you're plans)?

Her responses to you may be cause for concern, may not, as one prior poster stated, you need to have a real heart to heart.

Her devotion to her family, as well as her honesty with you, in my opinion, are positive attributes.

She needs to make up her mind and coming from a guy who has been thru 2 divorces, listen to your gut & if she or your gut are feeling too uneasy, nip it in the bud now.

You and/or her having personal moments of clarity, just prior to the final steps in your VJ, I believe are quite natural. My Baby Ko & I have really been having some good heart to hearts lately as reality is setting in, for the first time she & I are expressing some of our darkest concerns...

Of course I have read the rare instances of Pinays who use foreigners for a ticket to paradise, she has read about the men who have gone Jekyll & Hyde and mistreated their wives...

Not a big deal to me that we are now discussing those worst case scenarios, but I'm listening to my heart as well as trying to excercise all my street smarts & knowledge gained with age and past experience. For me, it's a go, but I also talked to & chatted with over 50 pinays prior to finding the person I could love and stimulate me in all the places that eventually matter, and although physical attraction was one of those attributes, believe me, it was not the only one, if it's gonna be long term, you both gotta click & click good!

All the Best,

Leo

[sjr09 155]

I hate to say it but sometimes it seems like she's not happy about coming here and I can't let her come here if that's how she feels, but anytime I bring it up, it's the same excuse, "she says I should think about what she's giving up to move to the US and that should answer my question"

Your gut reaction?

[Dean_De 61]

I hate to say it but sometimes it seems like she's not happy about coming here and I can't let her come here if that's how she feels, but anytime I bring it up, it's the same excuse, "she says I should think about what she's giving up to move to the US and that should answer my question"

Sometimes our instinct is right. Just wondering, why will she even start a long distance relationship if she doesn't want to move to where her love one is? You still have not answered me tho..did she tell you what is it that holding her to be there with you. Do you talk regular? Do you see her around the house? Skype is good way to make distance closer and including each of you in each others life..plus it allows you to know the person better. I hate to say this but really this happens to one person I know. She was petitioned in a k1 visa, went at the states. after a year she came back and never went back with her husband only to find out she just wanna see the states and lavish the material things she get during the span of the relationship. She went back and is now living in with her bf. I don't pray this happen to you or anyone. but I think you really have to reevaluate things and your relationship. Place your mind above your heart and don't be blinded by love. Sometimes love sees things in the wrong perspective.

[Dean_De 61]

It sounds like a pretty natural response to me... You need to ask her to really contemplate whether leaving her family for potentially a couple years at a time is gonna be an issue, has she prepared herself mentally?

If you have a 9-5, is she aware she may be stuck at home, alone for a few months prior to being able to work (if that is in you're plans)?

Her responses to you may be cause for concern, may not, as one prior poster stated, you need to have a real heart to heart.

Her devotion to her family, as well as her honesty with you, in my opinion, are positive attributes.

She needs to make up her mind and coming from a guy who has been thru 2 divorces, listen to your gut & if she or your gut are feeling too uneasy, nip it in the bud now.

You and/or her having personal moments of clarity, just prior to the final steps in your VJ, I believe are quite natural. My Baby Ko & I have really been having some good heart to hearts lately as reality is setting in, for the first time she & I are expressing some of our darkest concerns...

Of course I have read the rare instances of Pinays who use foreigners for a ticket to paradise, she has read about the men who have gone Jekyll & Hyde and mistreated their wives...

Not a big deal to me that we are now discussing those worst case scenarios, but I'm listening to my heart as well as trying to excercise all my street smarts & knowledge gained with age and past experience. For me, it's a go, but I also talked to & chatted with over 50 pinays prior to finding the person I could love and stimulate me in all the places that eventually matter, and although physical attraction was one of those attributes, believe me, it was not the only one, if it's gonna be long term, you both gotta click & click good!

All the Best,

Leo

very well said!!!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

She doesn't seem at all excited, when I ask her why she isn't, she says I should think about what she's giving up to move to the US and that should answer my question. I'd think she'd be atleast somewhat excited, but yeah, hence why I feel so stressed. :-( I wish I knew if this is a natural feeling. I just need to understand so I can stay excited. Just seems so negative.

My wife had a difficult time as the time to leave her country came nearer. She gave up her career, own office, family and friends, to start a new life here in the states with me. Listen to her with understanding and compassion. Hopefully, at the point that you two discussed marriage, you talked it out as far as what kind of personal sacrifices this will take to make it happen. It's not going to be any easier when she first arrives either, but I would help her find Filipinos in your area right away for support. Take her to Mass (if she's Catholic). And be patient that the transition may be a rocky one. If it gives you any peace of mind, perhaps write to her and let her know how you feel - that you understand that some of the uncertainty of the future is frightening. That's why it's best to talk about these things ahead of time, and to flesh out the details of how your future together will be beyond the romantic fairy tale stuff.

[lovelycel26 1]

I hate to say it but sometimes it seems like she's not happy about coming here and I can't let her come here if that's how she feels, but anytime I bring it up, it's the same excuse, "she says I should think about what she's giving up to move to the US and that should answer my question"

hi... thinking about what she is about to give up when she moved there with you should be the first thing she had considered before she decided to to let you apply for her visa.. you two need a heart to heart talk of what really bothers her or holding her back from coming there to be with you.

[rika60607 215]

She is young and she is worried about leaving her family, friends and home where she was happy. She is leaving everything known for the uncertainty of the foreign land.

It's normal.

I hate to say it but sometimes it seems like she's not happy about coming here and I can't let her come here if that's how she feels, but anytime I bring it up, it's the same excuse, "she says I should think about what she's giving up to move to the US and that should answer my question"

[Julz&Shawn 0]

I had the same feeling before I got here in the U.S, telling my fiancee now my husband that I don't really wanted or dreamed about coming here. REASONS: I have a good paying job, my family and friends are in the Philippines, and can go places without boyfriend or husband with you and everything is great. But I know what she really worries, it is not coming to the U.S but the thought of being married later on. Just keep talking to and assure her and she will be fine. You just need to help her sort things out, what's on her mind, what she really wants to do, life in general. and etc. That what my husband did and I realized how much I really love him, how I really wanted to be with him no matter what, how we endure all the waiting, missing each other for months and I was ready to give up of what I have back in the Philippines.

Don't worry so much, just remember you have EACH OTHER and the LOVE. You guys will be fine. All you have to do is to be open and communicate well.

Good Luck!

[Messybrownhair 251]

To be honest, I used to tell my then fiance the same thing. It was because I had a very good life in Asia and I had my family, friends, a great home, a career, a car etc..We did the K1 because it was what we had to do to be together but I was not one of those people who left to have a better life. So I would also tell my hubby that and like her as time grew closer I got more and more anxious to leave my family behind. But I did and here I am now, and I am happy and have no regrets. I think about my family all the time and I miss them but to be honest I have never been so much happier because waking up next to my hubby and knowing we don't need to Skype is the best feeling in the world. I think (and I hope) that its the same for her. If you look at my k1 timeline you can even see that we really delayed my k1 interview, medical and POE and that was because I had to really make sure I was ready like you my hubby also did not understand why I did not seem so excited but I was just worried because my life in Asia was so secure but I did not know what would happen in the US because we are both young and he isn't established yet. We are just moving to our own place next week after living with my in-laws. The adjustment has not been easy but we work it out because we love each other Goodluck and hope it works out for you I can totally relate to your post!

[Messybrownhair 251]

Also how supportive are her parents about it? My mom was supportive but I could tell my decision broke their heart, especially my dad's, so that's why I tried not to be so excited around them and it hurt me so much to have to choose between them and my fiance.

[Messybrownhair 251]

I think she'll be okay once she gets on that plane.. The actually "saying goodbye" part is probably really bothering her right now.

Sorry for the multiple posts! I keep adding my thoughts.. It's really because I think I know how she feels! I hope I'm right!

[poohbear_piglet 0]

I am so sorry that you feel this discomfort but anyway, I suggest you openly talk with her about how you feel towards the situation. Say honestly how it affects you and how it creates something discomfort in your heart. It is a beginning of a heart to heart openness of your true feelings. You will get married soon and good communication is very essential in marriage. It's better to know the truth in advance than be caught surprised later. God bless you and keep you! Hope you will have a blessed day.