Petitioner doesn't want to get married

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

When you bring foreign fiancee, you do have responsibilities!

...

You disrupt their lives. At least have responsibility to return their lives to normal! My opnion is: if you bring someone here and disrupt their lives you have responsibility to completely restore their lives to what it was before you disrupted it.

So only the US Citizen has any responsibility for the disruption in the other person's life?

Do you realize that you are talking about the foreign spouse/fiance(e) as if they're either a child or just too stupid to think for their self?

I would agree that if the US Citizen shouldered the cost of travel then it would be reasonable for them to cover the cost of a return ticket but that's it.

The SO made a choice as a consenting adult, they share in the blame if that decision was a bad one. It really is that simple. If they hold property in their home country it might be wise to not liquidate their assets until a couple of years in the US have passed.

I do agree that people should be more sure of the relationship before bring someone to the US, the K-1 Visa is flawed.

[VinceN 25]

I disagree. THEY made a choice to leave give up their lives, where the USC may have chosen to do the same. She made the choice to move, her choice to sell everything. She didn't need or have to. I would not have expected Tony to reset my life back to how it was just as he would not expect the same of me. It's love, not a contract! I took a risk sure, but so did Tony in inviting this immigrant into his life and into his country. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best.

Calling the police is a sane thing to do. We don't know what sort of woman she is but he needs to protect HER and himself. He needs them there to ensure she doesn't cause much of a scene, he needs them there to see he's doing the right thing by trying to pay for her hotel etc while she waits for the flight. Heck if they're worried she'll flip out send a plain clothes policeman so the uniform doesn't scare her or the kids. This sounds inhumane but he's TRYING to get her back home. He's TRYING to be a good guy and she's refusing to go yet you say he should just suck it up? No. He should do what's right for him while not being a pr*ck about it sure.

They made their choice, that is correct. However, they made their choice base on what they could believein at the time. My wife made her choice of leaving her family for the very first time in her life and move across the world believing that I would marry her and taker care of her. That is her choice to make, but she comes over and I refuse to marry her for whatever reason and send her packing after 15 days, how would that look?

Protect herself and himself? You, or any of us, don't know anything about these couples, how can you pass such judgement? Perhaps you know something we don't, b/c so far this is all the orginal poster has posted

Not sure that this is the right area of the forum, but here goes...

The bottom line is that I (the male, petitioner of a K1 and two K2 visas) no longer wish to get married to the K1 visa holder. She has been here 15 days and it is a disaster. On top of that I'm 58 and just (last Friday) lost my job of 8 years.

How can I best extricate myself from this situation?

Of course, the airfare is not an issue... in fact it is already paid... the original tickets were purchased as round trip, and the return flights (for all three people) is this coming Friday, July 29.

But she won't go.

----

This brings up another layer of the discussion:

What legal responsibility do I have? Today? After 90 days?

I assume that I am legally bound to support them until the 90 days period is over; but beyond that, with being married? I don't know.

Note carefully how he titled his thread "PETITIONER doesn't want to get married", as in the poster himself doesn't want to get married. Why? We don't know, it's only been 15 days and he's being awfully vague about it. For all we know, he expected 3 homecooked meals a day followed by a BJ, or she came over and turned out to be a nasty hag, we don't know so enough with the speculations and stick to the legal aspect of the situation like the OP was asking about.

[TiklingGuy 211]

So only the US Citizen has any responsibility for the disruption in the other person's life?

Do you realize that you are talking about the foreign spouse/fiance(e) as if they're either a child or just too stupid to think for their self?

I would agree that if the US Citizen shouldered the cost of travel then it would be reasonable for them to cover the cost of a return ticket but that's it.

The SO made a choice as a consenting adult, they share in the blame if that decision was a bad one. It really is that simple. If they hold property in their home country it might be wise to not liquidate their assets until a couple of years in the US have passed.

I do agree that people should be more sure of the relationship before bring someone to the US, the K-1 Visa is flawed.

The K-1 visa is not flawed. But I do agree about not getting rid of your assets until a few years after POE. That would be the smart thing anyways. I know I just jumped on the conversation, but for the most part I agree with all your comments.

John

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

They made their choice, that is correct. However, they made their choice base on what they could believein at the time. My wife made her choice of leaving her family for the very first time in her life and move across the world believing that I would marry her and taker care of her. That is her choice to make, but she comes over and I refuse to marry her for whatever reason and send her packing after 15 days, how would that look?

So what is the Foreigner changes their mind after arriving? Do they now owe the US Citizen the money that has been spent to get them here (USCIS Fees, Airfare etc)?

[san diego 407]

So only the US Citizen has any responsibility for the disruption in the other person's life?

Do you realize that you are talking about the foreign spouse/fiance(e) as if they're either a child or just too stupid to think for their self?

I would agree that if the US Citizen shouldered the cost of travel then it would be reasonable for them to cover the cost of a return ticket but that's it.

The SO made a choice as a consenting adult, they share in the blame if that decision was a bad one. It really is that simple. If they hold property in their home country it might be wise to not liquidate their assets until a couple of years in the US have passed.

I do agree that people should be more sure of the relationship before bring someone to the US, the K-1 Visa is flawed.

I completely disagree. if you are inviting a person here you bear responsibility. If I was to travel to my fiancee/wife country I would expect her to bear responsibility. Consenting adults may make sense within realm of same country. Bringing person from another country is responsibility. This is like having a child. You cannot stop caring for child even if he/she disappoint you. You do uptake responsibility. My main problem with some K1 applicants is how they bring foreign fiancees (I am not talking about OP as I do not know his situation): get a mail order bride as some kind of novelty that you can always get rid of. I saw this attitude in number of posts (not this one, again). This kind of attitude leads to disrupted lives. I read a lot of posts saying how foreign fiancees take advantage of US citizens.. I am USC. You know what: this type of attitude leads to foreign fiancees taking advantage. If you are bringing novelty you should expect to be taken advantage of. If you do not take time to get to know the person more this is what you get.

I want to state again: all my posts here have nothing to do with original post or reaction to the original post. My post is more of a reaction to the answers such as this one or the ones that suggest throwing women with 2 children on the street...

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

The K-1 visa is not flawed.

I say the K-1 is flawed because it makes it way to easy to get into situations like this one. If it didn't exist then chances are this never would have happened for this couple.

If they had been required to be married before he could file to bring her and her children to the US they might have never got married or if they did then by the time she arrived at POE they would have built a better relationship.

Fact is that while the K-1 was designed for use by couples who would have trouble getting married abroad it has become a "try before you buy" Visa for too many.

[ATPEACE 43]

So what is the Foreigner changes their mind after arriving? Do they now owe the US Citizen the money that has been spent to get them here (USCIS Fees, Airfare etc)?

I have been waiting for this analysis to be asked. Okay nay says What's your opinion?

BTW Bob, I 100% agree with you.

[san diego 407]

I say the K-1 is flawed because it makes it way to easy to get into situations like this one. If it didn't exist then chances are this never would have happened for this couple.

If they had been required to be married before he could file to bring her and her children to the US they might have never got married or if they did then by the time she arrived at POE they would have built a better relationship.

Fact is that while the K-1 was designed for use by couples who would have trouble getting married abroad it has become a "try before you buy" Visa for too many.

I agree with the K1 flaw. I think if CR1 was the only option we would not have situations where people bring someone here just to see if it works out....

Edited July 26, 2011 by san diego

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

My post is more of a reaction to the answers such as this one or the ones that suggest throwing women with 2 children on the street...

Show me where I once suggested throwing a woman with 2 children on the street? In fact I was one of the posters who pointed out the potential legal problems with such an idea.

I would say that the mother should have been more careful and sure of the situation before dragging her two minor children from another country in this situation.

I will ask you again (since you seem to avoid it), What responsibility does the woman bare in situations like this? Is she not just as much at fault as he is. I don't think it matters which one decides it's not the right thing for them. The mere fact that they didn't build the relationship TOGETHER enough before involving immigration to another country is irresponsible on both their parts.

Edited July 26, 2011 by Bob 4 Anna

[TiklingGuy 211]

I say the K-1 is flawed because it makes it way to easy to get into situations like this one. If it didn't exist then chances are this never would have happened for this couple.

If they had been required to be married before he could file to bring her and her children to the US they might have never got married or if they did then by the time she arrived at POE they would have built a better relationship.

Fact is that while the K-1 was designed for use by couples who would have trouble getting married abroad it has become a "try before you buy" Visa for too many.

I completely feel what you are sayin, and I agree that bringing someone here to try it out is wrong. It should be the most serious commitment you will ever make. But in my case, it worked. And for her cousin. I married Monreal knowing that it will be for better or worse. It may just be a case by case basis. But I think you got a strong argument, I'm with you.

[san diego 407]

Show me where I once suggested throwing a woman with 2 children on the street? In fact I was one of the posters who pointed out the potential legal problems with such an idea.

I would say that the mother should have been more careful and sure of the situation before dragging her two minor children from another country in this situation.

I will ask you again (since you seem to avoid it), What responsibility does the woman bare in situations like this? Is she not just as much at fault as he is. I don't think it matters which one decides it's not the right thing for them. The mere fact that they didn't build the relationship TOGETHER enough before involving immigration to another country is irresponsible on both their parts.

I answered this. This is not about the woman or a man. This is about the host and the person changing their lives. If the host changes their mind they are responsible for restoring lives of the visitors that gave up. This is why host has to be absolutely sure that they want to be together. Again, I do not mean this particular situation. I already mentioned that: if I had to move to my fiancee in Russia, she would be responsible. This is absolutely different situation from getting married in the same country. More responsibility. The same as with child: before having a child you better make sure that you can afford it and carry on for at least 18 years! This is very similar situation: person changing home country is like a child. Helpless. For example, we had plan B: if my fiancee got her visa denied I would move to Russia. In this case she would sell her property and made sure that she could support me there. It is not about male or female. This is about being responsible human being. If I moved and sold everything here I would be totally pissed if suddenly she would decide to call it quits.

Edited July 26, 2011 by san diego

[Lisamarie 79]

The smart and responsible thing to do would be to not sell everything before you move to a country that you have never lived in and with a fiance/spouse that you have never lived with, in my opinion.

I answered this. This is not about the woman or a man. This is about the host and the person changing their lives. If the host changes their mind they are responsible for restoring lives of the visitors that gave up. This is why host has to be absolutely sure that they want to be together. Again, I do not mean this particular situation. I already mentioned that: if I had to move to my fiancee in Russia, she would be responsible. This is absolutely different situation from getting married in the same country. More responsibility. The same as with child: before having a child you better make sure that you can afford it and carry on for at least 18 years! This is very similar situation: person changing home country is like a child. Helpless. For example, we had plan B: if my fiancee got her visa denied I would move to Russia. In this case she would sell her property and made sure that she could support me there. It is not about male or female. This is about being responsible human being. If I moved and sold everything here I would be totally pissed if suddenly she would decide to call it quits.

[Boiler 44,852]

Wow

70 replies to 2 posts.

The answer was a single sentence.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I answered this. This is not about the woman or a man. This is about the host and the person changing their lives. If the host changes their mind they are responsible for restoring lives of the visitors that gave up. This is why host has to be absolutely sure that they want to be together.

I didn't mean to make it about man/woman.

I just don't see how one party should take the full burden of the situation. To be sure I'd never move my children to another country if I wasn't sure I'd spent enough time with the other person to be sure we'd have at least a good shot at it working out.

I wonder though, in a situation where the US Citizen paid all of the immigration expenses then the foreigner backs out would you still say the US Citizen owes the foreigner that "restoration of their previous life".

Of course we each have our own opinions and agree or not they are valid.

[san diego 407]

I wonder though, in a situation where the US Citizen paid all of the immigration expenses then the foreigner backs out would you still say the US Citizen owes the foreigner that "restoration of their previous life".

This is a tough question. I would probably say that in this case full burden is on the foreigner. This is their problem now. What I meant is that each party can only answer for themselves. If petitioner (USC)backs out this means that they did not test their feelings well enough and I think they should pay for it. They cannot know what the other person feels. On the other hand if beneficiary backs out, this means irresponsible behaviour on their side so they should pay for it. In general, bringing foreigner (or moving to another country) is "responsible adults only" action and should not be permitted to the ones that are irresponsible. This is the main point.