Living in "Small Town", USA !?

[J&N* 68]

I totally understand what you're saying, I lived in Egypt in a huge and very open city with tons of places and things to do, if you go out at 2 am, you'd still find tons of people everywhere, I took it all for granted and moved to the suburbs of FL 9 months ago to be with my husband, the very first months were complete cultural shock to me, but I didn't hate it cause it was still new and I had my parents and 2 sisters for a whole month and then I went to Hawaii for the honeymoon, but starting from January really, I got severely depressed, I'd cry all the time, couldn't make even one friend, ate food I hated, missed my family so bad, had no car and no job, I was a prisoner in my apartment, we went house hunting and it was so bad I got even more depressed, we HAD to move to a bigger city, it was really unhealthy for me to live in the suburbs, and my husband found a better job and we moved to Chicago (and had all our family who hate cities trash out Chicago for us) and I feel a lot better here, still homesick, but not like I was in Florida. There's a Middle eastern restaurant around the corner, lake down the street, parks, awesome movie theaters, public transit and life! I've been here 1 month and I'm meeting tons of friends and tons of Arabs!

Some people cope very well with changes, and this is a drastic change, and with others they don't take it aswell, but she isn't doing it on purpose, if your fiancee goes through the same, be understanding and try to bring Morocco to her as much as possible, I enjoy watching Arabic movies, listening to Arabic music, eating an Arabic meal, or just speaking Arabic to my dog just cause I need to!

I can't live in Egypt again for the time being, but if one day God grants me the opportunity and finances to do it, I'd go back home in a heartbeat. It's home!

I hope I helped at all, I just wanted to open up and tell you I've been through exactly that.

Just wanted to add a joke I just read online:

I found my wife crying last night.

I asked her why and she said "I am homesick."

I said "but darling, this is your home."

"Yes", she said "and I'm sick of it!"

[rlogan 2,036]

It has more to do with what kind of person she is than anything else. We live in a log cabin in the woods, and to us this is ideally romantic. To someone else it might be appalling. I showed her lots of pictures and talked in detail what it was like living like this. There is a lot of specialized equipment and training involved just to survive. You have to be able to troubleshoot and fix machines, use axes and chain saws on nearly a daily basis. A lot of hard, heavy work. She's driven a bulldozer, skid-steer, snowmobile, four-wheelers - things she never dreamed of doing growing up. She had never seen snow in her life, and now she knows more than a dozen forms it can come in and what kinds of decisions you have to make depending on that. I had a friend that moved up here and lived with me for five years. She learned more her first winter than he did that whole five years. The difference was attitude. He was not cut out for this life but wow she sure was.

Small town living can be ideally romantic too. It is just a decision you make. You can choose the ideal house, arrange it just the way you want, socialize at the bingo hall or the lion's club or whatever. I don't know anything about your town or her interests. Some people get all jazzed up about church. Whatever. But this is something that comes from inside of you as opposed to something the town does for you. There is a town about 30 miles from here and it has a Filipino-Americano society but we never go to meetings or socialize with people because we want to stay here with our kids and be alone together. Just cooking supper is a big adventure to us. A person can perpetually complain there is no chinese restaurant close by, or they can make chinese food for themselves. When I visit city people this seems to be a big deal to them - taking two hours to decide between thirty restaurants, half an hour to get to the one they choose, and another half-hour wait to be served. The meal will be three hundred dollars. In the meantime I could have cooked, eaten, and cleaned at home twice for two dollars. A small town means monster garden potential. Feeding the squirrels at the cemetary. If you are really in love with each other you can make anywhere you are together romantic if you just decide that is how you are going to approach it.

[lovepath 11]

I totally understand what you're saying.......we HAD to move to a bigger city....There's a Middle eastern restaurant around the corner, lake down the street, parks, awesome movie theaters, public transit and life! I've been here 1 month and I'm meeting tons of friends and tons of Arabs!

.....if your fiancee goes through the same, be understanding and try to bring Morocco to her as much as possible, I enjoy watching Arabic movies, listening to Arabic music, eating an Arabic meal, or just speaking Arabic to my dog just cause I need to!

Izzayyek ya okhti Nermeen,

I totaly understand. What is going to make it difficult is that she does not know English. So we will be living in a village, with no stores, resturants,....and no international population. Not just no Arabs, but there are no Asians, African-Americans, latinos...Most of the people here know each other for years, and the village's barber knows everybody. Living in a samll village does have its advantages (quite, natural beauty, fresh air, wide open spaces, blue sky, singing birds....) but it might not be the most convientient. Living in a big city can be very convientient, but you might not have the personal space and natural beauty.

I will try my best to make here feel "at home"...Arabic TV programming, finding nearby towns with Arabic/Interational resturants, Middle Eastern/Arabic home furniture and decore....so we will see. If she gets depressed, and wants to move to the City, then I will try to find a new job in a big city for her. She is my love and my life, and i am willing to do anything to make her happy.

Shukrun okhti Nermeen, wa atamanna laki haya sa3eeda! Akhooli min Lebnaan. Thanks again!

[J&N* 68]

I'm sure if you just make her feel home and always shower her with love, she won't care where she is, don't make her feel like she's an outsider, that was a challenging thing for me cause I was surrounded by my husband's family and couldn't really feel at home for a while. The suburbs and small towns are definitely not bad and have lots of advantages, she can easily love it and may be prefer it to her old life. Shukran kiteer, insgallah heya rah teheb el suburbs kiteer Wish you the best!

[threeoceans 0]

I remember when i came here, one of the first few things i asked was where the bus stop and the subway was. I came from a city with really good public transportation and i never needed to learn how to drive a car. When i realized that there was no bus or subway, and i needed to drive 15mins to the supermarket and at least 30 mins to everywhere else, i was really shocked! I was like "You mean i can't go anywhere?!!!" and i actually took a couple of months to accept that i simply can't just take the bus to go to the only mall around here that is 45 minutes away by car. So if your fiancee grew up and lived in a place where she depended on public transport (like me), you might want to prepare her for that.

However, i must say that i find the lack of skyscrapers in my town very refreshing. Although i sometimes worry about the possibility of coming across snakes in my backyard (oh yeah, city girl haha), i actually am quite fond of how pretty it gets without all the concrete buildings. I squealed like a little girl the first time i saw a deer in the bushes. 'Rural living' does have its charm.

[eric_and_teresa 10]

I moved from a big city to a small town in the Midwest, though is not a rural area. I felt like a fish out of the water at first, I was homesick for the first 6 or 9 months, after I moved. It is awfully quiet here and I had no friends, no job, and no family nearby other than my husband.

I like it here now. I have a job, my own car and new friends. I like it that I don't have to drive 1 hour in heavy traffic everyday just to get to work. I like it that I don't have to worry about insecurity, or being robbed on the street. I can find a parking space every time, and it's free!

I do miss the city life, I miss going out for dinner "late" at night, everyone here has dinner at 4:30 and by 7:00 pm all restaurants are pretty much empty. I miss having all the restaurant options, and stores that I had access to while living in the city. But that's OK, we can still drive 3 or 4 hours to Chicago and have all that every now and then

It may get a little too quiet and lonely for your fiance at first, but I'm sure she will get used to as the rest of us have Just be patient with her and don't take things personally, my husband used to feel "guilty" about seeing me cry or me being unhappy during our first months together. Now he understands it wasn't his fault, it was just me being homesick and coping with being in a new place away from family and friends.

Edited August 12, 2011 by eric_and_teresa

[J&N* 68]

Oh I just realized something, after living in the suburbs 8 months and not liking it, I did get used to it, and I did get turned into a typical American if you know what I mean, wanting a big house, big car, big yards where my kids can bike and go trick and treating during Halloween. She can certainly get used to it and may prefer it to her old life-styles. Suburbs are comfortable. Now I'm 23 and not really thinking about having a baby, but if I do, my feelings and priorities about living in the city would change a lot. I see all the moms here holding the strollers up and down the subway or getting the baby on the bus, it is hard! For now though, I'm embracing Chicago but maybe not for very long

When does your fiancee arrive??