Fraudulent Marriage vs. Legitimate Divorce (Part II)

[Yodrak 7]

Dan,

You are correct about this. Such behavior is one of the most helpful things that can be done to assist the alien in their attempt to gain or retain LPR status - it makes the alien, by contrast, look really good.

Yodrak

...

I am rather certain the USCIS doesn't want a disgruntled spouse sitting there in the office just b*tchin' and moanin' about what a scumball or sleazebag their ex- was... without any kind of documented proof of their beliefs of a fraudulent INTENT (again, not activity, but INTENT...)

...

-- Dan

[PurrSuede 0]

I did draw up my boundaries, I did get on with my life, and she proceeded to encroach upon those, perhaps out of mistaken knowlege of how America works, perhaps maliciously.

Hey Devious Dan

Just a vote of support from me re: being bitter and all that. I'll stand up for the fact that you *have* been very cool about all this, and it wasn't until your crappy day (and what a day!) yesterday that ickyness bubbled out. I empathize, and I hope it passes soon, and you have no further games & hassles.

Thanks Meauxna, I really did try to move on past all of this, keep it private, quiet, deal with it in my own way, space and time, but to get hit with two pieces of possible major financial tampering, a lot of stuff to deal with in a single day.

And yes, I'm realizing that as Mermaid said, this marriage may not ever have truly existed in the first place. I've not divulged 98% of the things that went on in the marriage, but it's quite possible I may have been used and scammed from the very beginning.

It's hard to think otherwise when someone is (perhaps) continuing to tamper with you maliciously after the fact and use things (your name, your address, your financial statements, your credit reports?) etc for some unknown purpose.

She has always been very good at "playing dumb" (Oh, I'm just poor helpless Russian girl who doesn't understand this) when she needs to. I even saw her do that to the USCIS officer at the Conditional AOS interview! Truly, I wondered if he was actually going to fall for it... She even pulled it off on my lawyer and won a small measure of sympathy from her. However, I had seen that act before, it's like a grade-B movie once you've seen it in re-run several times...

In reality she is likely very " heetri " (evil-cunning like a fox contemplating the hen-house, a bad word in Russian)... and I'm way tired of being tampered with and played and hung out on the fence to dry.

She played up to some woman in a rich part of town to let her live there for a short time (Oh poor Nadya has nowhere to live because Dan is such a mean man!), and now she's moved off elsewhere.

Meanwhile, this woman told me, yes, she hasn't lived there in weeks, her mail is just stacking up here...

So it seems like she just continues to ~use~ people wherever she goes...

I would -really- like to move past the last two years (three if you count courting and waiting for the Visa to be issued). I would -really- really REALLY like that, and have made great strides in doing so.

Being blindsided by an insurance company and by a bank does not make that easy to do. As I said, I have an appointment with the USCIS office next week. I plan to spend the weekend getting whatever ducks I might have in a row.

Unfortunately she has now pushed me back into a position where I do have to deal with her, her violations of the divorce decree, tampering with financial instruments, possible insurance fraud... who knows what ELSE??

Thanks for understanding...

-- Dan

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Dan,

I had the same thought about your ex's use of her name, but Kezzie wrote it before I did, so I didn't post then. You have explained the legalities behind the name change (not sure why tomica continued to challenge it, but oh well) and it all makes perfect sense. No one else should challenge that.

May I respectfully suggest that you follow your own timeline?

"07.26.2006 Life begins again, but now... apart..."

Your tone of anger and resentment is very clear through all of your posts on this matter. The only way that you are going to be able to move on is to give all of that up, draw your boundaries, and get on with your life. Ignore her little intrusions. You are only delaying your own healing from all of this.

Been there, done that, so I know about which I speak. Easier said than done, I know. Rise above it and move on.

Jen

I've been sitting on the sidelines, for the most part, and simply viewing most of the conversation. I think many points made are wise, and offered from each member's own point of reference. But inherent in that is a very legitimate limitation ~ a suggestion from another's point of reference and unless another has walked in the OP's shoes, then he or she cannot comprehend the myriad of emotions and the deep impact that goes along with this sort of betrayal. I'm not speaking of a marriage unravelling, as there may be many members on this board that have had to accept a relationship terminating. That's difficult enough, I'll admit. But if what the OP suspects is at hand, then this is an entirely different matter and the process of recovery cannot be measured or analysed by using a barometer appropriate for a completely different type of situation. This could quite possibly be a marriage that never existed in the first place! How can anyone really know all that the OP may be going through, or the steps he has and is taking to permit the healing to occur?

And so, one recommendation I'd make to others inclined to post on this thread in a situation, such as this, is to refrain from using the terminology "let it go, move on and get on with your life". I'd ask each one of you if you are aware of the natural stages of healing and have you experienced a violation of the most base variety?

Which is why I said, "Easier said than done." I have experienced the pain of divorce, the anguish and helplessness of betrayal, and the steps required to recover from all of that and move on with my life. Has that involved the immigration process? No. But betrayal is betrayal. Who is to say that the betrayal felt after 15 years of marriage and 2 children is any different than the feelings of betrayal that result from the questioning of marital intent/immigration? Anger, hurt, resentment, etc... all applies. Yes, everyone's experiences and capabilities in that regard are different, but unless one makes the conscious decision to deal with the emotion and aftermath, decide on boundaries, and get on with life in a constructive way, there will be no healing.

Dan thought he was on his way toward that, and got sidetracked by the (un)expected behaviour of his ex. My point is to not allow the sidetracking to cause a derailment in the healing process.

Jen

Jen,

The purpose of my post was to distinguish between betrayal discovered in a marriage or a relationship that terminates in a divorce or the parting of ways, and the very distinct betrayal of being used for immigration purposes, *if* that is what is going on here.

I disagree. Quite the contrary, "betrayal is NOT betrayal". If you wish for me to elaborate I can, but quite simply put, a terminated or aborted relationship may involve failed expectations, failed promises, failed ideals. Even the death of a loved one may involve a foreshortened future, but a deception as base as utilising another as a "tool" for one's own selfish purposes involves all of those elements, and one more ~ that there was nothing, absolutely nothing real about the relationship. No reflections, no memories, no good times to focus on, nothing....just blank pages. And in all due respect, tell me, after 15 years of marriage and 2 children as a product, no matter what was the precipitant for the relationship to come to an end, can you honestly say that there were "" about the experience you had?

Please, recognise that our perception is severely limited by and to our own experiences.....

Edited September 15, 2006 by diadromous mermaid

[PurrSuede 0]

Which is why I said, "Easier said than done." I have experienced the pain of divorce, the anguish and helplessness of betrayal, and the steps required to recover from all of that and move on with my life. Has that involved the immigration process? No. But betrayal is betrayal. Who is to say that the betrayal felt after 15 years of marriage and 2 children is any different than the feelings of betrayal that result from the questioning of marital intent/immigration? Anger, hurt, resentment, etc... all applies. Yes, everyone's experiences and capabilities in that regard are different, but unless one makes the conscious decision to deal with the emotion and aftermath, decide on boundaries, and get on with life in a constructive way, there will be no healing.

Dan thought he was on his way toward that, and got sidetracked by the (un)expected behaviour of his ex. My point is to not allow the sidetracking to cause a derailment in the healing process.

Jen

Jen, my sympathies for your pain as well. I agree with you, it takes a conscious decision and I've done many things to help deal with the devestation left behind from Hurricane Nadya in my life. And heal from its wake as well.

I certainly did not expect these storm clouds to return, nor the ill wind to suddenly blow through my life again, starting with two simple pieces of mail...

Thank you for your good thoughts. It's thoughts like that, from you and others, such as Diaddie's, that allow me to "stay on track".

I'm not looking forward to dredging up two years of cr*p to present to the USCIS next week. But as Kezzie pointed out, it should likely be done.

I hope to do so in a dignified, intelligent, rational manner, so as Yodrak said, I don't come off like a total sour-puss b*tchin' and moanin' to the USCIS officer I will speak with about this case.

Thanks again.

-- Dan

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Dan I wish I had never posted in your thread... I read your thread and no I dont know what your going through or how you feel but I did try to offer you a route to take if you truely felt she was commiting immigration fraud.... I did not expect to get jumped on for trying to help.... I can only speak from my own expirence and I know that I continued to use my married name from my EX from the day of our divorce up to the day I remarried...

My only wish and what I ment from let it go, is that you dont take your frustrations out on people who were trying to help you...

Good Luck with your future, I hope you get things sorted so your can resume the path of recovery....

Kezzie

[PurrSuede 0]

Dan I wish I had never posted in your thread... I read your thread and no I dont know what your going through or how you feel but I did try to offer you a route to take if you truely felt she was commiting immigration fraud.... I did not expect to get jumped on for trying to help.... I can only speak from my own expirence and I know that I continued to use my married name from my EX from the day of our divorce up to the day I remarried...

My only wish and what I ment from let it go, is that you dont take your frustrations out on people who were trying to help you...

Good Luck with your future, I hope you get things sorted so your can resume the path of recovery....

Kezzie

Kezzie, I apologize to you, since you apparently did feel jumped on. Nor was it an attempt to "take it out on you", only to try and EXPLAIN the information I was looking for.

I hope you'll accept my sincere apology as obviously I stepped on your toes. It was not my intention to do so, as I said, it was one h*ll of a bad day yesterday...

I sincerely wasn't trying to take my frustrations OUT on you, but I am sorry if I was so frustrated and angry that it sounded that way, so again, my apologies.

-- Dan

[JenT 0]

...Please, recognise that our perception is severely limited by and to our own experiences.....

Yes, and thus the reason for my comments.

Jen, my sympathies for your pain as well. I agree with you, it takes a conscious decision and I've done many things to help deal with the devestation left behind from Hurricane Nadya in my life. And heal from its wake as well.

I certainly did not expect these storm clouds to return, nor the ill wind to suddenly blow through my life again, starting with two simple pieces of mail...

Thank you for your good thoughts. It's thoughts like that, from you and others, such as Diaddie's, that allow me to "stay on track".

I'm not looking forward to dredging up two years of cr*p to present to the USCIS next week. But as Kezzie pointed out, it should likely be done.

I hope to do so in a dignified, intelligent, rational manner, so as Yodrak said, I don't come off like a total sour-puss b*tchin' and moanin' to the USCIS officer I will speak with about this case.

Thanks again.

-- Dan

Thanks Dan... you'll get through this. One day at a time.

Jen

[knowledge 0]

I did draw up my boundaries, I did get on with my life, and she proceeded to encroach upon those, perhaps out of mistaken knowlege of how America works, perhaps maliciously.

Hey Devious Dan

Just a vote of support from me re: being bitter and all that. I'll stand up for the fact that you *have* been very cool about all this, and it wasn't until your crappy day (and what a day!) yesterday that ickyness bubbled out. I empathize, and I hope it passes soon, and you have no further games & hassles.

Thanks Meauxna, I really did try to move on past all of this, keep it private, quiet, deal with it in my own way, space and time, but to get hit with two pieces of possible major financial tampering, a lot of stuff to deal with in a single day.

And yes, I'm realizing that as Mermaid said, this marriage may not ever have truly existed in the first place. I've not divulged 98% of the things that went on in the marriage, but it's quite possible I may have been used and scammed from the very beginning.

It's hard to think otherwise when someone is (perhaps) continuing to tamper with you maliciously after the fact and use things (your name, your address, your financial statements, your credit reports?) etc for some unknown purpose.

She has always been very good at "playing dumb" (Oh, I'm just poor helpless Russian girl who doesn't understand this) when she needs to. I even saw her do that to the USCIS officer at the Conditional AOS interview! Truly, I wondered if he was actually going to fall for it... She even pulled it off on my lawyer and won a small measure of sympathy from her. However, I had seen that act before, it's like a grade-B movie once you've seen it in re-run several times...

In reality she is likely very " heetri " (evil-cunning like a fox contemplating the hen-house, a bad word in Russian)... and I'm way tired of being tampered with and played and hung out on the fence to dry.

She played up to some woman in a rich part of town to let her live there for a short time (Oh poor Nadya has nowhere to live because Dan is such a mean man!), and now she's moved off elsewhere.

Meanwhile, this woman told me, yes, she hasn't lived there in weeks, her mail is just stacking up here...

So it seems like she just continues to ~use~ people wherever she goes...

I would -really- like to move past the last two years (three if you count courting and waiting for the Visa to be issued). I would -really- really REALLY like that, and have made great strides in doing so.

Being blindsided by an insurance company and by a bank does not make that easy to do. As I said, I have an appointment with the USCIS office next week. I plan to spend the weekend getting whatever ducks I might have in a row.

Unfortunately she has now pushed me back into a position where I do have to deal with her, her violations of the divorce decree, tampering with financial instruments, possible insurance fraud... who knows what ELSE??

Thanks for understanding...

-- Dan

Purr, my sadness related to your story, especially of what i understand that your serious health problem was in the duration of the relationship is significant (actually preoccupying of what i think that mostly givers in the relationship experience) ; I also empathize with you and, please feel free here to express your own way of healing, you have every right. I find you courageous and i admire you!

The subject of the married name to use or not aroused here, I would like to add ...how amazing, only a few days ago i have mentionned to a friend, a male that is, experiencing also betrayal in the relationship to the point that health issues to say the least aroused, how striken I was thinking that the lady (who did the harming) still did use her married name after the divorce, and what was significant and that I underlined is that this choice is made without the consent of the ex spouse; in such sensitive situations, how can that be possible, it's really beyound my understanding. (sorry for my english, but sometimes is important to say some things we find right).

[PurrSuede 0]

Purr, my sadness related to your story, especially of what i understand that your serious health problem was in the duration of the relationship is significant (actually preoccupying of what i think that mostly givers in the relationship experience) ; I also empathize with you and, please feel free here to express your own way of healing, you have every right. I find you courageous and i admire you!

The subject of the married name to use or not aroused here, I would like to add ...how amazing, only a few days ago i have mentionned to a friend, a male that is, experiencing also betrayal in the relationship to the point that health issues to say the least aroused, how striken I was thinking that the lady (who did the harming) still did use her married name after the divorce, and what was significant and that I underlined is that this choice is made without the consent of the ex spouse; in such sensitive situations, how can that be possible, it's really beyound my understanding. (sorry for my english, but sometimes is important to say some things we find right).

"knowledge", thank you for your kind words. I've deliberately kept the health issue out of the dialog completely, I'm not looking for sympathy (except perhaps, once upon a time from my ex-, where none was ~ever~ given anyway).

Also you appear to have "knowlege" of me, I'm afraid I don't have the same luxury of you. So I try to keep MOST of my personal details out of the thread, but it's ok... I know I've been through a hellacious time that could have destroyed many marriages, much less one of short duration, also crossing languages and cultures.

As to the married name, I agree, it can be a woman's CHOICE to keep or discard her married name, that's just how it is, however this is often addressed in the divorce decree and once the choice is made to return to the previous name and the court orders it so, you can't go "never mind, I changed my mind".

Neither can I tell the court I changed my mind on giving her the "support" I agreed to provide her. You just simply can't do it. Or shouldn't, at least...

As to your English, don't worry, I would have a difficult time writing this post in any other language though I do speak "nemnoga pa-rooski", "un poquito de Espanol" and "une petite peu du Francais"

-- Dan

[JenT 0]

In my case, I kept my marrried name because I do not want my last name to be different than my children's. I associate it with them, not with my ex husband. I will not be changing my last name when I marry David, because of my children.

Jen

[knowledge 0]

Purr, my sadness related to your story, especially of what i understand that your serious health problem was in the duration of the relationship is significant (actually preoccupying of what i think that mostly givers in the relationship experience) ; I also empathize with you and, please feel free here to express your own way of healing, you have every right. I find you courageous and i admire you!

The subject of the married name to use or not aroused here, I would like to add ...how amazing, only a few days ago i have mentionned to a friend, a male that is, experiencing also betrayal in the relationship to the point that health issues to say the least aroused, how striken I was thinking that the lady (who did the harming) still did use her married name after the divorce, and what was significant and that I underlined is that this choice is made without the consent of the ex spouse; in such sensitive situations, how can that be possible, it's really beyound my understanding. (sorry for my english, but sometimes is important to say some things we find right).

"knowledge", thank you for your kind words. I've deliberately kept the health issue out of the dialog completely, I'm not looking for sympathy (except perhaps, once upon a time from my ex-, where none was ~ever~ given anyway).

Also you appear to have "knowlege" of me, I'm afraid I don't have the same luxury of you. So I try to keep MOST of my personal details out of the thread, but it's ok... I know I've been through a hellacious time that could have destroyed many marriages, much less one of short duration, also crossing languages and cultures.

As to the married name, I agree, it can be a woman's CHOICE to keep or discard her married name, that's just how it is, however this is often addressed in the divorce decree and once the choice is made to return to the previous name and the court orders it so, you can't go "never mind, I changed my mind".

Neither can I tell the court I changed my mind on giving her the "support" I agreed to provide her. You just simply can't do it. Or shouldn't, at least...

As to your English, don't worry, I would have a difficult time writing this post in any other language though I do speak "nemnoga pa-rooski", "un poquito de Espanol" and "une petite peu du Francais"

-- Dan

Sorry, ok no sympathy then lol....to try to express myself better, i have put that subject, a 2nd example as maybe of a pattern that some men suffer in a relationship; i tried to underline that voice, knowing that many man suffer in silence; you try to voice it!...ok i can not help it, to bad for you...i sympathize!...lol

And also overall, beyound the legal factor, at least asking the authorization of use of name belongs to me on the relationship level...called the ethics of a relationship!...ok i shut up now!. lol

[Peikko 1,575]

I am adding this here, not because I have any particular interest in the personalities of this particular scenario, but because it again brings to light an aspect of marriage based immigration that comes up from time to time.

I have to say that this 'fascination' with potential marriage fraud worries me.

Let us take a for instance: Couple A engage in a relationship that leads inevitably to the immigration process. Let us assume that both parties at this stage are interested purely in being together because they are in love, not because there is any 'fraudulant' intent.

The process of immigration as we know is lengthy and fraught. The stress this can place on any relationship is quite intense.

The party who is to move from the foreign country to the US has to assume surely, that this is a permanent move. This person will have resigned from their job, given away/sold all personal affects that they don't wish to bring to the US, closed bank accounts, etc etc etc. The list can be long and effectively you leave nothing behind in the home country. Sometimes too, this move will involve causing difficulties with the immigrants relatives who might not 'approve' of the relationship or the move to the US.

Generally also, this person will put all their financial assets into the joint excercise of being married, regardless of how much or little this may be.

The immigrant has effectively closed the door on their previous life. (If there are children involved, necessarily this becomes even more complicated)

Now, they arrive in the US and set up their home. Maybe they start to work. Most people at any event will start to make new friends and begin to establish a new life.

Sadly, at some point couple A comes to the conclusion that this marriage, that they hoped would last forever, is not to be. The couple proceed to divorce.

Divorce is nearly always traumatic, for both parties. Each party has their axe to grind, their grievances, their reasons for believing they are right and their soon to be ex partner is wrong.

On top of all this, one party in this type of divorce has an extra dimension. The US citizen has this powerful weapon, the 'get back to your own country or else' weapon.

What could be more natural of course, the marriage has gone belly up so the immigrant goes back to their original country and bob's your uncle, all is sorted.

Has anyone really thought though, what it would be like to be the immigrant. How easy is it to go back to their original starting point?

Why is it so suprising that the immigrant might feel that they have a better chance of getting on with their life in the country they are now in?

Why is the US partner so often ready to at this stage 'invent' the idea that the whole thing was a great scam by the immigrant to get a green card even when previously there was no evidence that that was the case?

Indeed, the US partner could so easily be using this to absolve themselves from any blame in the divorce, to be able to go to their freinds/relatives and say, "well, I didn't stand a chance of making this work, my partner didn't love me, they just wanted to get to the US."

I have personal experience that has persuaded me that people look for a reason beyond themselves to explain divorce because to recognise that it might be something in themselves that caused the problem is too difficult for them and they will cling onto any excuse to avoid this conclusion.

Regardless, my point is that looking for 'post divorce' evidence of fraud is pretty sad and is more a way for the US citizen to massage their own ego than a real attempt to stop 'illegal immigration'

I will repeat that I have no interest/observations in the rights and wrongs of Purrsuede's particular situation, I just get fed up of reading how 'devious' the immigrant is, and how suprising it is that they don't go 'home' when something goes wrong.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Has anyone really thought though, what it would be like to be the immigrant. How easy is it to go back to their original starting point?

Why is it so suprising that the immigrant might feel that they have a better chance of getting on with their life in the country they are now in?

Why is the US partner so often ready to at this stage 'invent' the idea that the whole thing was a great scam by the immigrant to get a green card even when previously there was no evidence that that was the case?

Indeed, the US partner could so easily be using this to absolve themselves from any blame in the divorce, to be able to go to their freinds/relatives and say, "well, I didn't stand a chance of making this work, my partner didn't love me, they just wanted to get to the US."

I'm not so sure that a US citizen can invent the idea that the whole thing was a scam by the immigrant. While they can purport this to others to save face, I suppose, in order to enforce any action on the part of USCIS to rescind or deny adjustment, there would have to be far more than just allegations or fabrications. Further, if the marital union breaks down before AOS is filed or approved, the US citizen has no reason to offer "false bravado" or excuses, as the regulations prohibit adjustment, save for the rare instance of documented abuse.

[Peikko 1,575]

I am not an expert on what is and isn't allowed perforce adjustment regulations.

However, are we not talking here of the immigrant being on the 2 year conditional green card?

[knowledge 0]

I am adding this here, not because I have any particular interest in the personalities of this particular scenario, but because it again brings to light an aspect of marriage based immigration that comes up from time to time.

I have to say that this 'fascination' with potential marriage fraud worries me.

Let us take a for instance: Couple A engage in a relationship that leads inevitably to the immigration process. Let us assume that both parties at this stage are interested purely in being together because they are in love, not because there is any 'fraudulant' intent.

The process of immigration as we know is lengthy and fraught. The stress this can place on any relationship is quite intense.

The party who is to move from the foreign country to the US has to assume surely, that this is a permanent move. This person will have resigned from their job, given away/sold all personal affects that they don't wish to bring to the US, closed bank accounts, etc etc etc. The list can be long and effectively you leave nothing behind in the home country. Sometimes too, this move will involve causing difficulties with the immigrants relatives who might not 'approve' of the relationship or the move to the US.

Generally also, this person will put all their financial assets into the joint excercise of being married, regardless of how much or little this may be.

The immigrant has effectively closed the door on their previous life. (If there are children involved, necessarily this becomes even more complicated)

Now, they arrive in the US and set up their home. Maybe they start to work. Most people at any event will start to make new friends and begin to establish a new life.

Sadly, at some point couple A comes to the conclusion that this marriage, that they hoped would last forever, is not to be. The couple proceed to divorce.

Divorce is nearly always traumatic, for both parties. Each party has their axe to grind, their grievances, their reasons for believing they are right and their soon to be ex partner is wrong.

On top of all this, one party in this type of divorce has an extra dimension. The US citizen has this powerful weapon, the 'get back to your own country or else' weapon.

What could be more natural of course, the marriage has gone belly up so the immigrant goes back to their original country and bob's your uncle, all is sorted.

Has anyone really thought though, what it would be like to be the immigrant. How easy is it to go back to their original starting point?

Why is it so suprising that the immigrant might feel that they have a better chance of getting on with their life in the country they are now in?

Why is the US partner so often ready to at this stage 'invent' the idea that the whole thing was a great scam by the immigrant to get a green card even when previously there was no evidence that that was the case?

Indeed, the US partner could so easily be using this to absolve themselves from any blame in the divorce, to be able to go to their freinds/relatives and say, "well, I didn't stand a chance of making this work, my partner didn't love me, they just wanted to get to the US."

I have personal experience that has persuaded me that people look for a reason beyond themselves to explain divorce because to recognise that it might be something in themselves that caused the problem is too difficult for them and they will cling onto any excuse to avoid this conclusion.

Regardless, my point is that looking for 'post divorce' evidence of fraud is pretty sad and is more a way for the US citizen to massage their own ego than a real attempt to stop 'illegal immigration'

I will repeat that I have no interest/observations in the rights and wrongs of Purrsuede's particular situation, I just get fed up of reading how 'devious' the immigrant is, and how suprising it is that they don't go 'home' when something goes wrong.

Obviously i can not shut up!, so forgive me, i could not resist lol...and, with my bad english!....

Let's try to differentiate a little bit: the term "fraud" is a legal term; your example relates to the relationship, intimicy, etc. we can not mix pairs with apples. This, site and our cases here are complex, because they involve few levels: in addition of what we experience in the relationships, marriages or divorces on the stable ground of our countries, it's added the immigration case which is also another type of psychology, with it's issues and benefits. As an immigrant myself i can tell you that some suffer of the victim syndrom, idéalization of their country or the contrary, a sort of exageration of many things....On the other hand, the men's rights are not taken in consideration either with all the laws of divorce (some women take a lot of advantage of that, to say the least); there is an imbalance somewhere; i agree with your post in itself, but i don't think it's adequate to this thread because the OP was consistent all over here with his situation, so i believe him, second, a lot of harm has been done, and, also by reading other men's post here, the same pattern/form of violence has occured. Your post does not mention that, and i think that is all about in this thread. So, i'm not a lawyer, i can not use the term "fraud", but, i can judge that somebody in this situation here explained has harmed, has lied in the relationship and i bet you agree with that!!! lol