Visa Fraud Question...

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; IMPOV: I think that he is bluffing about commiting suicide. It's a way to control you and this situation. Thinking that he will do it because it's a "common" thing over there. Well, suicides do happen all over the place.

If he really loves you, he wants you to be happy. He is being selfish and doesn't give you any good options. It's all about him. If he was a real guy, who wouldn't think about him self only, but put you and your daughter in first place.

Withdraw the affidit of support and cancel AOS.

He is a grown man, and don't clean up his mess. You have your own life and a daughter to think about.

In case he is might commit suicide (I doubt that) than it's not your fault. He is the one who made the decision. Don't think "if I withdraw this, he is going to look for the highest tree and then it's all my fault". NO, NO, NO. It won't be your fault.

In the end; he isn't a MAN enough to look for a solution. And to kill yourself just because you are "emberrassed", come one.. that's a lame excuse!! MAN UP!!

Good luck, and by withdrawing your petition is a good first step to get rid of this manupilative guy and have this bright future ahead of you, together with your daughter.

P.S. a lot of couples decided to head back to their own country after they split up. I would feel bummed too, if it were me. Who wouldn't be? But that's not a reason to kill yourself. His family and friends will get over the fact you guys split up when he is headed back.

[Richard-Y-Abigail 18]

Where is he going? Is someone waiting for him at his destination? Do you think that it is another woman? Let me tell you about con men. They do not look like, nor act like the vagabond on the corner. They are well dressed, well spoken, and can charm the heck out of you. We here on VJ have seen it all too much. US citizen is convinced that they found love, goes through all the trouble of obtaining a Visa for their sweetheart, and when the other person finally arrives here, they become an entirely different person. While you believe that he will lose face, it may by you, deep down, that cannot believe that someone would do this horrible thing, to you. You say that you love him, but you know what love is. I can love someone, but if that someone does not love me back, then I do not have a healthy relationship, one that will grow and endure. Love is all about the promise of a good future, a bright morning the next day. Grieve the loss, adjust your life, and love will come around again.

Come to think about it. I was in a relationship where she said that if I left her, that she said that she would kill herself. I stayed with her, to save her, and later I was the one who was hurt in the long run. If it were to happen now, I think that I would just sign the commitment papers, saying that they are a danger to themselves, and leave them in the hands of some very competent professionals.

Run, run, run. Do not break the law! It is your patriotic duty to support and defend the constitution of the United States. He does't care about what effect this will have on you, or your moral sense of right and wrong. Your intuition is yelling. Listen to it. Get help from a woman's organization. They deal with men like him all the time. Passive, aggressive relationships can eat at your soul.

[KLS2010 30]

It is easy for people to say to just leave and if he kills himself, well that's not your fault and its not your problem. As someone who has been in a relationship where an ex-boyfriend had threatened to kill himself numerous times if I broke up with him, I have a little understanding of how you are feeling. I tried to break up with my boyfriend over the phone, he was living about 8hrs away from me at the time, and I could hear him loading his rifle, and then pulling the trigger. I had no idea wether he had killed himself or not. But as it turned out....no.....and he is still very much alive and well today.

My point is, do not give in to this manipulative behaviour. Like I said, it easy for people to say its not your fault...but you know what...THEY ARE RIGHT!!!!! Think about your daughter. Your husband may be her father, but is he really the kind of person you can trust to have around your child? Don't let her grow up thinking that manipulation is normal in a relationship. You need to step up and show her the way things should be. Show her that her mother is strong enough to make the RIGHT decision, no matter how hard it may be.

Write that letter to USCIS and withdraw your AOS!

I wish you and your daughter all the best.

[Casprd 167]

The guy will do anything and everything to try to stay in this country. Don't give in to his manipulations. Withdraw your AOS and report him to USCIS. File the paperwork for divorce and abandoment and get him out of your life.

[Darnell 8,478]

Now...I have a joint sponsor on the 864. Do they have to send in something separately? Is there some official form or something they need to fill out to withdraw support? Thanks everyone for the advice.

You are the PRIMARY SPONSER - so when YOU submit YOUR withdrawal of I=864 letter, the joint sponser needs to do nothing.

there is no official form at all , even for you -

you must write a letter.

[worriedwoman 0]

I don't want to go into too many specifics, but he's from an Asian country where things like divorce and such are highly frowned upon and considered shameful to the entire family. Ugh, I just feel horrible. As you can probably guess from the lack of AOS, we haven't been married long but we've been seeing each other for years. Unfortunately it was one of those situations where it's awesome as long distance but it turns out we just aren't compatible in a long term, live in situation. Again, I know for a fact he did NOT do this for the greencard. The only person he has waiting for him at his destination is the best man at the wedding. He can't work at the moment, he doesn't even have a SSN because I kinda effed that up by waiting too long to get it.

KLS2010, thanks for the understanding words. It really isn't as easy as just shrugging and if he does it, too bad. Like I said before, I already feel enormous amounts of guilt over this, given that he's taking the breakup very very badly. I still care about him and don't want to see him hurt himself, especially over this. Plus the fact that I just absolutely adore his family and our daughter is their only grandchild. I know once this is over she's never going to see them again, because that's how things work over there. Blah...he leaves on Monday, I'll probably get working on the paperwork then.

[1HappyGuy 45]

This sounds like a problem best solved by the ICE team. Contact USCIS, remove your application for AOS, get a divorce or annulment. If he threatens suicide then call his bluff by saying, "Great, that will make the paperwork easier for me." Obviously you can not live together, so send him back. You and he both made a mistake, accept it, deal with it and move on.

[radsr2002 0]

Setup a video cam of him professing to kill himself. Turn it over to authorities and have him sent to mental health for an evaluation. While he is there, change the locks and get a restraining order. If he violates the order put him in jail. That alone is enough to violate his currant visa.

[Math Man 6]

Am I the only one feeling very sorry for the guy here? I definitely don't agree with his threats to commit suicide, but if I'm reading this thread correctly:

1. The OP is quite sure her husband did NOT come to the U.S. just to get a green card.

2. Later the OP reveals that "her daughter" is in fact "THEIR daughter," i.e., the man stands to lose his biological child! In that situation I'd be depressed as hell too. (OP--If I misunderstood you on this point, I apologize in advance.)

3. It doesn't seem that the OP is divorcing her husband for any concrete reason--just vaguely defined "incompatibilities." If I gave up everything I had in my home country to be with another person, I'd definitely expect my spouse to try counseling and not give up on our marriage too soon! The OP admits they have not been married long, and some period of adjustment is normal.

OP--I don't have all the facts, but please try to understand your husband's position, and make sure you've done all you can to make your marriage work.

[HS2 7]

Hi

You mentioned that you have a child together and that this man is moving away.

No parent should be as selfish as this man to through suicide threats around.It seems like he only cares for himself.

I am not sure if the fact that he is moving away will affect his AOS but sure as hell will affect the removal of condition.He has to prove common residency with you or has to file on his own with enough proof.Wich will be close to impossible to have while living on the other side of the country

Bottom line is that this guy will end up going back no matter what. There should not be any guilt on your part. Relationships fail because of both parties involved not just you. There is divorce and remarriages even in the Asian countries.People are built to survive tragedies and they do on daily bases

I will say divorce him and look after yourself and your child. This man is bound to bring more drama and headache in your life.

No matter what the reason for the split is you have a child that you need to take care. You being able to provide for your child should be your main concern.

[NoraNNick 2]

he's using emotional abuse to try and manipulate and control you into feeling so guilty that you can't back out. If he really is suicidal, the best thing you can do for him is get him mental help. Here is a man who tells you he can't go back to his country because divorce is frowned upon in his culture, but he's walking way from his wife and kid and not even willing to make things work? Most likely if his country isn't big on divorce, then they wouldn't be big on abandoning your wife and kid. You also need to think about your daughter. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES get her a passport. If she already has one, get it and lock it up in a safe place like a safe deposit box at the bank and do not let him know about it. he is coercing you to get him a visa by threatening suicide. what if he threatens to harm you or your daughter? There have been people who have killed family members and then themselves as well. No one is saying to just shrug off what he is threatening to do. Take it seriously. Take it very seriously. Call the police, tell them he is threatening to kill him self and you are worried about his (and possibly your) safety and he will get the help he needs. Staying in the relationship because he says he will kill himself if you do not only puts you and your family in danger. If he's serious about suicide he's mentally unstable right now and needs professional intervention. If he's bluffing, he's dangerous anyway. What if he tries to take your daughter to control you or help him get the green card. You need to be safe and he needs to be either locked up or deported. please be safe.

Edited July 22, 2011 by NoraNNick

[Messybrownhair 251]

He is using you and manipulating you! Don't let him win and control you like this!! I wish you luck and hope that you find the strength to get away from him and also to leave him and not let him use you for a green card!

[garfield529 47]

The OP stated that he is from an Asian country, but did not specify (and that's okay). If he is Chinese, for example, it is not entirely uncommon for these types of very emotional threats to be made. If you don't believe me, find some Chinese friends in relationships or live in China for a while. This is merely an example, and the OP's husband could be from anywhere. The problem is that most of the respondents are using "Western" thought to try and address his behavior, and he is most like just playing an emotional game. If the OP wants a divorce then she should proceed. She is concerned about her daughter, I understand this, but what kind of father does this. If he truly kills himself, then she won't have to deal with an emotionally controlling father when she is older. In reality, he will just end of getting over this once he realizes the game won't work and eventually grow a pair and get on with life. I wish you luck and hope that you can find closure soon.

[Research 0]

Am I the only one feeling very sorry for the guy here? I definitely don't agree with his threats to commit suicide, but if I'm reading this thread correctly:

1. The OP is quite sure her husband did NOT come to the U.S. just to get a green card.

2. Later the OP reveals that "her daughter" is in fact "THEIR daughter," i.e., the man stands to lose his biological child! In that situation I'd be depressed as hell too. (OP--If I misunderstood you on this point, I apologize in advance.)

3. It doesn't seem that the OP is divorcing her husband for any concrete reason--just vaguely defined "incompatibilities." If I gave up everything I had in my home country to be with another person, I'd definitely expect my spouse to try counseling and not give up on our marriage too soon! The OP admits they have not been married long, and some period of adjustment is normal.

OP--I don't have all the facts, but please try to understand your husband's position, and make sure you've done all you can to make your marriage work.

I know you say he is leaving soon but Math Man is correct. There is a lot we do not know but, its a marriage and a child. Can you guys go for counseling to work out the difference. There seems to be no cheating some emotional manipulation but nothing that you guys can not work on from what you have shared. This is a very hard process but many marriages have survived horrible first years. You said you acted with your heart too quickly before, give your selves and your family some more time and seek the support you need.

I know this is not the question you asked.. so to answer that one; if you decide to go on and divorce him DO NOT LIE TO THE GOVERNMENT! Your child could loose both their parents if you guys are caught which seems like you could easily be with all the the circumstance you described.

[Fire Foxy 2]

That is emotional black male and you shouldn't let yourself be manipulated.

I say dump him and stay the hell away from him.