(Elhamdullah) finally married to hbib

[Henia 11]

Esalaam Aleikum rahmat Allah baraketu to all my sisters,

and a very big hello and salut to all my friends here on VJ ...

Continued from earlier...

I will tell you all little from my beautifully happy time here in Algerie.

Well leaving last Tuesday on my 2 day travel was really a trip...

I got to the airport of course, as the suggested 3 hours earlier only go to through the security checkpoints and all. I really did not have any troubles in Detroit Metro...went through them actually with quite a breeze... only unfortunate thing was that they took all my makeup I had in my carry-on ( so I arrived to hbib looking quite ugly hehe) And at the ticket counter the stupid women took my passport saying she would "help me" with my weight overage in my suitcase if I "helped" her...so really when I think about it I was probably scammed but elhamdullah I gave her $50 and got back my passport. I did not need the extrea hassle, I was already so nervous at that point.The 9 plus hour flight went very nicely, for the first time in my life I actually talked to someone while traveling. I took Lufthansa and I would very much tell anyone traveling aboard to use them, very good service and smooth flight.

When I arrived in Frankfurt in the earlier AM, I was fully rested and ready for my day of adventure in Frankfurt. I tried to find a locker to put all my carry-on bags into but seems all were full. So with my bags in tow I took the metro in the centre of Frankfurt...had me some doner for lunch at a very cozy and friendly Turkis cafe.

I got back to the airport about 3pm (15.00) to have another 6 hour wait. I was so bored and exhausted from lugging around my bags I was just walking around trying to help a spot to sit down, but only after about 1,5 hr did I find one...from sheer boredom I fell asleep with my head on my laptop and carry-on ...after some time a man came to wake me up telling me in arabic it is time for asr. I was so out of it, I was like, huh? Ahhhh ok, asr... finally registered what he was talking about then. O snaps, was it difficult to explain to a total stranger why I was praying then... hmmmm how to tell a total stranger you are on your menses? hmmmmm I just told him chukran but I am not praying now. I guess after the man's prayer he came back to talk to me for more then 2 hours on the Qibla .... Wow...I didnt even know the man, but he seems to talk forever. I had to brush him off, when he wanted to get some cafe. I explained him I am wearing the full hijeb, so as a brother in Islam he should respect that. After that he said his sorrys and explained he was worry on a sister traveling alone. O snaaaaaaaaaaaaps.... how lame...

Anyway finally when I got in the Alger flight that left after 10pm that is when I started to fell sick to my stomach with the realization that I was going to married soon, be a new country soon and FINALLY with my hbib. I sat by a very kind older Algerian lady who I was trying to speak to in French, but seemed I understood her better then she switched to the Algerian dialect of arabic.

Upon arrival, I had not a single problem entering Algerie...at the checkpoint the man only looked at my passport, asked me where I was going? I said Kolea, wilaya wa Tipaza... he just gave me a smile and said may Allah bless you... at the customs the man gave me a smile said the same as the first man...and actually was so kind as to help me with my suitcases on the caresouel.

After that, I pushed my way through the gates to see Ahmed, I saw him before through the window...as he was the very tall one standing out of the crowd. He gave me some roses and tried to kiss me, but I asked him not to...is haraam i told him. So we just settled on esalaams and a small smile. He introduced me to his aunt, a very kind older lady. Well after getting settled in the car, we drove through Alger to see where he worked then to his home. When we arrived a group of men were waiting by the door, beating some drums and paying some type of flutes, the snake charming type...hehe... and some ladies making you-yous.... wow so impressionable all this was for me. As we entered into the home, I meet another wonderful aunt. We had tea and we all sat there talking for several hours before it was time for fajr, then off I went to sleep.

The next day, is now little bit of a blur but basically tons and tons of women came to meet me, also the Imam came to the home to talk about the marriage contract. Elhamdullah, the marriage contract was drawn up and signed.Hahaha the imam actually told me, he would like to marry one as me, I was like huh? Tons and tons of women came to make the wedding preparations that day Thursday.... The day was sooooooo hot, I was dying in the full hijeb. All I wanted to do was rip off my khimar and jilbeb off and run into a tub of cool water.We also went to the town centre to get my mahr, well the wedding ring part anyway.

Friday, after asr we were married by the imam with about 125 men and 30 women in attendence. The nikah was followed by tea and sweets, then later traditional lamb couscous. I meet many of the men there, Ahmed's family... which was so strange to me, as I am not accustomed to shake hands of men, Ahmed asked to shake his family's hands...so I felt it would be fine. This too was very much a blur, as I did was shake hands with one hand and recieve a gift in the other... I did not really look to their faces, only to the important close ones Ahmed told me to...

With the women, was about the same... but I was so much more at ease with them, as I was wearing the hot jilbeb around them and I was actually talking to them. Elhamdullah, with my arabic I could understand most of all they said...i found no difficulty in the communications.

The party went well into the night, eating again, drinking round after round of tea, coffee and sweets;after isha and it was about midnight when people started to leave. we prayed witr and drink another round of tea, with the close family. Wow this was the first point where I actually sat next to Ahmed, my husband by then. He was so sweet by then carefully taking off my khimar by then in front of his family. I started to get all teary eyed....awwwwww it was so sweet. He gave me also at this time my ring. Wooooooooow snaps... Then all the women did their you-yous again sooo loudly still rings in my ears LOL. After this, he took my hand and kissed it. Then he left. I felt disappointed, where was my husband going I thought... after this...all the women come runnning to me, grabbing me every which way... tearing off my clothes... Suddenly i was in a nightmare with blue eye shadow. They did my hair into curls, my makeup like I was Madonna in the 80s and dressed me in this very nice but yet tooo gaudy dress. As happy, I was feeling I felt out of place too... I sat there in our room, that was btw so nicely fixed in a all white decorative spread, wow talk about some bling bling.I sat there waiting it seemed like forever... then suddenly a man enters taking my foto...I was jumping around asking him to leave, it was so wrong for him to be with me.... he kept saying o its tradition....I was like huh? tradition for a strange men to see a women without hijeb on her wedding night? Later I was to find out, yes it is tradition and the man was Ahmed's cousin. Ahmed then entered...then the women were at the door making their you-yous again...we talked a very long and he gave me my mahr.I felt so shy and werid yet so so happy .... umm the people did not leave, but stayed there at the door I think until well after 4am... and the funniest part which i will only share cos it is sooooo werid, everytime we laughed or made any sound the women made their you-yous....wow.... we had an audience.

Hmmm... the next morning was so difficult to wake up for fajr, wow first in my life... The aunts took me to the hamman where we stayed for a very long time enjoying ourselves, then to the hairdresser. I came home to find a beautifull pale apple green traditional dress layed out on my bed with matching shoes.... and hahhaa a matching green suit layed out for Ahmed.

Again, a group of women dressed me, painted on all the makeup and redid my hair.Tehy put so makeup I wanted to cry as I felt like a clown. They put a ton and half of gold and pearls on me... I felt like I was choking really. They made a big fuss as I was putting on my khimar and messing up my hair in the process...they couldnt seem to get the point me and outside = hijeb.... they said its ok its ok, its your wedding...i said no... hijeb or no go... they finaly had no choice. After all was done, we got into a car and drove in all the streets of Kolea and everyone looking to us as we passed by honking the horn. I did this until it was time for zuhr. I went to changed and washed off the makeup in order to pray, which all the ladies did not like, but o well the God means more to me, then this get-up... After that they redid my makeup and dress, they did some henna on my hands and feet... so it was Henia with henna LOL.

Anyway, I starting to feel tired to type now. Ahmed went to his friend's home while I stayed in the home where about 50 women had come to have a party with me. It was like a parade of women in this gaudy gaudy dresses all talking about me, asking me every question you can imagine, eating, drinking and even more gossip. Generally the women were so nice, but there was about 5 women that stared at me with the evil eye ready to kill me.Again this whole women's party lasted well into the night...and I was crazy tired by then...

Monday afternoon after the men came again for lunch, tea/coffee and making a whole bunch of noise, the walime ended .... and we were able to start our happy lives together.

The 2 aunts of Ahmed stayed with us until this Wednesday... I miss them already.

Ummm since Monday we have visited Alger, Chenchel beach, Boufarik,Zenalda, Khemis and Abou Frej (sorry for any spelling and typing errors) We ate some very wonderful paella in this very nice familie resturant off the coast and we went out in the boat of Ahmed's half brother to see him fish (he is a fisherman) ...

Wow I am not sure what else I can write it here...

Uhhh It has been pretty much easy for me to adjust to Algerian life...no jetlag, no probs with the WC (other then the fact it flooded with rain water as I was in there), we have no running water, but a well, electricity comes and goes and the net has been out for a week now.... but for me it is so great here... I am loving it here really. I had a little hard time as I brought clothes suited for Michigan climate not Algerie's and the first day I went shopping I didnt find anything suitable for me, then the next day I bought several home abayas and outer wear too... and ooo so funny everyone I go people seem to know me, and give me much respect. I am not sure why, maybe it is the custom in DZ but everyowhere I go shopping in every shoppe they give a little gift. A khimar here, khimar there, some chocolates, fruits, eggs...and LOL our neighour had even brought us some fish last night to the door... I was like woooooooooow.... for sure not happen in the US.

Anyways, We have actually started talking about me staying... He does not want me to go...and really is not too eager to go through the visa process and go to the US...so inchallah we will do much praying in this and wait to see...

I am going to stop here as I am blabbing on and on... pics will soon be up...via Yahoo 360....if you are not on my list, email me to add you...inchallah...

Peace and Blessings to all Hugs and Kisses

[Ban Hammer 13,345]

wow. very interesting reading. hey we wanna see the pics of you looking like madonna

good to hear you are doing well and things went well.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

So, you'll be filing for a K3 now, no?

[sarah and hicham 3]

Wow Henia! Congrats!

SZSZ- I believe at this point she could still file for a K-1 since they juet had a religious ceremony and I believe in order to do the K-3 they have to get all the marriage papers done and what not so it will also be recognized in the US.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

If they're married in Algeria, it will be recognized in the US and they would have to file a K3. Otherwise, all they had was a fancy party with an unenforcable contract, but they are not married, since an unregistered wedding ceremony provides no protection as a marriage under the laws of Algeria or the US to protect and provide for their mututal rights as a married couple. Algeria, a Muslim country, requires marriage registration, in court or out, in order to have marriage rights recognized as a legal right. If they have to file a K1, then they are not married.

Edited September 15, 2006 by szsz

[sarah and hicham 3]

If they're married in Algeria, it will be recognized in the US and they would have to file a K3. Otherwise, all they had was a fancy party with an unenforcable contract, but they are not married, since an unregistered wedding ceremony provides no protection as a marriage under the laws of Algeria or the US to protect and provide for their mututal rights as a married couple. Algeria, a Muslim country, requires marriage registration, in court or out, in order to have marriage rights recognized as a legal right. If they have to file a K1, then they are not married.

Yes- they have not yet registered anything or done a civil marriage or whatever it is there. She could technically stlll file for the K-1 as of now, right?

[doodlebug 3]

i think those 50 women doing the you-yous would beg to differ!!!

congratulations and I'd love to see those pictures!!!

Does every country have like 50 women doing you-you's each time you make a noise in the bedroom btw?

Edited September 15, 2006 by doodlebug

[Sofiyya 1,687]

If it's true that they still need to file a K1 and then get married, then calling this a marriage is incorrect as it violates the law of the land they are in and allows for no protection of their mutual rights as a married couple, as required by Islam. The imam, nor any one of the witnesses has the power to enforce their rights or hold them to their obligations under the nikah, so there is no entity to enforce contract, rendering it legally useless. They would have to go to court to have the union recognized in order to inherit from each other, etc., etc. This is not the Prophet's day; what makes nikah and the rights it endows valid, as opposed to what is required of a ceremony, is what it is.

Edited September 15, 2006 by szsz

[sarah and hicham 3]

Ohhh that's interesting SZSZ, thank you!

Obviously I was a little off there.

I thought that some women have religious ceremonies yet stlll file the K-1 here in the states but I could be wrong. I thought it had something to do with being alone with one's partner but I'm not sure. Any insight?

This is interesting for me, thanks again your knowledge is appreciated as always!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Religious ceremonies without legal recognition are not marriages, so a K1 is in order. These cerempnies are mostly done by converts and the lower classes or upper classes marrying into lower classes. There is no protection in them; either party could legally marry another and the religious marriage would have no standing. They carry a thin veneer of legitimacy because people like to say they are married in the eyes of God, so sexual contact is halal, but God requires justice, and as someone who deals with the unjust aftermath of unrecognized "marriages" gone wrong, it is while trying to obtain some justice that is the hard lesson often learned. Unfortunately, too, the woman is the one who is branded with the sexual harm. These are intensely patriarchal societies.

Two years ago, I worked on the case of a convert who went to Algeria to have a religious ceremony. She came back to file the K1, but three months later, he informed her that he had legally married someone else. This also happened to a friend of mine. She tried to get an Islamic divorce, and it took three years because the imam who had "married" them saw no harm in her husband being married to another woman and keeping her around too. I know these ceremonies are beautiful and very romantic, but their validity is illusionary and the consequences can be harsh

Edited September 15, 2006 by szsz

[sarah and hicham 3]

Wow, I always wondered about that. Well, maybe not always but in the past months.

Thank you!

Sarah

[Michaela_Hassan 1]

Mabrouk!!! I'm so happy for you Henia, have a wonderful stay and a safe trip back.

Michaela

[julianb 0]

Congratulations.... wish you the best!!!!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

If there is a K1 to follow, then the ceremony was a big pre-fornication party with no marriage involved. Is this what everyone is so happy about?

[Ban Hammer 13,345]

If there is a K1 to follow, then the ceremony was a big pre-fornication party with no marriage involved. Is this what everyone is so happy about?

i thought it was a legal marriage and that she was filing a k-3 already.