Opinions please

[Shermeen&Adam 0]

It's really a decision that you have to make together. Perhaps moving to the UK isn't something that he is interested in doing. And of course you have to look at what is practical. In the meantime, I would go ahead with the AOS. Your circumstances might change.

I don't think you've been there long enough to really give things a go and if life was easier in England, of course it is natural for you to want to move back. When you have less freedoms, can't work or drive and you don't have friends, it can all be very overwhelming. It might be the case that living in the US right now, isn't for you. But you won't really know unless you give it a go.

In regards to the brother, set some boundaries. If you need him to live there for financial assistance, okay. But it is yours and your husbands home, he needs to respect that or move out. And you two can take in someone who will respect that fact. Starting out as a married couple, you don't want to be living with family or strangers but in this economy, that is the situation for many. Perhaps it will be easier for you, living with your parents but not necessarily for your husband. And having to move in with your parents because of his financial situations will not help him feel like a husband. Men like to feel like they can provide.

You and your husband have to be honest with each other, him about his finances and you about how you're adjusting to your new life.

[an-ma 1]

In my opinion - MOVE

[Robert&Karen 264]

I'd have him default on the mortgage and disappear off to the UK to start over. Sounds like you guys will be more successful there than here (considering his record, possibility of losing his job, underwater on his mortgage, "dire financial situation", etc.).

You cannot disappear and start over, they use the same credit agencies in the UK as the US. Also moving is a "geographic cure" which while you may run from your problems, they will happen again if the ways of living are not changed.

[TracyTN 237]

You cannot disappear and start over, they use the same credit agencies in the UK as the US.

I've never heard that. In fact, I've read over and over how people leaving the UK with debt have had no issues once they moved here. I would have to assume that the converse is true.

I'd be more concerned about his DUI and how that may work against him.

OP - May not hurt you to have a run around Britishexpats.com They have wiki's and lots of good stuff about 'going back'.

[san diego 407]

Well I honestly don't think that i am over exagerrating anything!

His financial situation is dire! I can speak as an accountant who has worked hard her entire life, always had a good job, lots of excess money, and most importantly to me, a perfect credit score!

It may be that way for a lot of people here - but it WOULD NOT be that way for me in the UK - therefore not for him either!

In response to your comments:

1. if he loses his job, he can't support me financially, & we do not have anyone to be a co-sponsor for the i-134. = no AOS

2. The reason his brother is still here is purely financial - if we kick him out, my husband can't support us

3 did your wife get HER OWN insurance policy? I can't be added to his - he is not even allowed to own a vehicle, nevermind insure one. Also different states have different driving laws - we are in michigan, and the advice i have been given so far indicates that i need a US licence.

I am not trying to run away from anything - I just think things would be easier in the UK

I appreciate your comments

My wife was added to my policy.

[sarah9 14]

Thank you for all the helpful posts and suggestions!

I realise that it sounds like i'm not involving my husband in these ideas - but it is quite the opposite! We have spent many hours trying to figure this out - and we just can't come to a definate answer. It's why we wanted to get some feedback from others who weren't biased - clearly my friends and family will say to come home, and his will stay to stay! Plus I don't really want to broadcast his financial trouble to people who know us, it's not fair on him. He's made mistakes, but I know the reasons behind these, and I stand by him.

For the people who seem to be suggesting that I'm not settling in - and not giving it a fair chance here, that is completely not true. I am only seeking opinions - yes his brother living here makes me miserable, but I am not having difficulty "adjusting" to life here. We are just trying to figure out if we have made the wrong move - and if we have, surely now is the time to change it - when I still have my life to slot into at home - and can provide for our future.

If anyone is reluctant to move back to the UK - IT IS ME! I have always felt that I would cope with the move better than my now husband. He has lived in the same place his whole life, still has friends he grew up with, hasn't really travelled much - and I have spent years living away from home, travelled a lot, and with old friends scattered across the country - you keep in touch, but ultimately are forced to make friends as you go along! It may be a new country for me - but it is not a new experience - and it would be for him.

I do fear that he see's it as an escape (we do not plan on running away owing money - his only debt is the mortgage, and that would be like a forclosure, so it's not the same as leaving huge debt behind) I think he see's the positives... but can't see past them - if that makes sense! Like how will he cope not playing softball, and ice hockey, and watching "real football" live.

We will survive either way, at no point have we ever considered going our separate ways - and that will not happen!! We are a team, trying to make the right move TOGETHER!

All of your opinions have been wonderful - especially the DUI comment - as it may be that we do not have the UK as an option - it's exactly what I plan on looking at today!

A big thanks to you all

[Alex & Rachel 78]

If anyone is reluctant to move back to the UK - IT IS ME! I have always felt that I would cope with the move better than my now husband. He has lived in the same place his whole life, still has friends he grew up with, hasn't really travelled much - and I have spent years living away from home, travelled a lot, and with old friends scattered across the country - you keep in touch, but ultimately are forced to make friends as you go along! It may be a new country for me - but it is not a new experience - and it would be for him.

I can completely understand this, and for me it'd probably be the biggest reason to stay.

Just to say I was in a similar position - arrived here, husband lost job day after we were married, he had (has) debt whereas I have none. We managed to survive through a combination of unemployment and me getting a job as soon as I was authorized to work. I do not regret staying! Even though you are more qualified for the UK market, accountancy skills of any description are still relatively in demand here. Good luck with job hunting if you do decide to stay!

On the subject of the brother, is there any possibility of you renting out the rest of the house (brother finds roommates) and then you and your husband finding a smaller, cheaper place by yourselves?

And, regardless of what you choose, I'd file for AOS asap. That way if you do decide to stay, you'll be receiving your EAD sooner.

[Robert&Karen 264]

I've never heard that. In fact, I've read over and over how people leaving the UK with debt have had no issues once they moved here. I would have to assume that the converse is true.

True in the sense that if you owe me money and you leave the country, I am not likely to ever see it. But if you owe your Visa credit card money, they can and will find you overseas.

[Fandango 1,440]

There seems to be a little reading comprehension problem in this thread a bit. She's not looking to leaver her marriage, her hubby cannot get ins, therefore she needs her own policy, there's no dual reporting credit bureau, and if she lays out her problems, it's a bit cheeky to say she's 'exaggerating'.

OP, what I wonder is why did your hubby not clue you in to the whole situation BEFORE you quit/sold your house? I know you love him, and I'm not trying to cause problems, but if I were you, I'd be a bit narked that he didn't let me know the full picture before making such an important choice.

I say MOVE. And if you can, call a realtor and have the realtor short sale the house...it's less of a hit than a foreclosure. It won't cost him anything either. So if you guys ever decided to come back here, you don't have that issue hanging over your heads.

Good luck.

[Fandango 1,440]

It's all well and good to give the bog standard 'oh give it time' but time won't pay their bills. Sounds like the financial situation is dire, and it's affecting every aspect of their lives. No money for AOS, upside down in a mtg, a slobbo bro living in the house, no transportation, and a perfectly competent professional woman not being able to make her living, which would help everything.

This is a no brainer, imo. Even Stevie Wonder can see that.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Restrictions to enter the UK are that you need to wait twice the period of the penalty of your crime. So if you have 2 years probation because of a DUI then you cannot immigrate for 4 years. If the penalty is 5 years you need to wait ten years. Some crimes are not waiverable at all. The US is much more strict, anything can stop you from coming here.

This is false.

It's more complicated than that.

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=66860.0

http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/s_to_u/sentencing_manual/dangerous_driving/

[Nich-Nick 3,354]

This is a no brainer, imo. Even Stevie Wonder can see that.

Love that!! May I borrow it sometime?

[sarah9 14]

There seems to be a little reading comprehension problem in this thread a bit. She's not looking to leaver her marriage, her hubby cannot get ins, therefore she needs her own policy, there's no dual reporting credit bureau, and if she lays out her problems, it's a bit cheeky to say she's 'exaggerating'.

OP, what I wonder is why did your hubby not clue you in to the whole situation BEFORE you quit/sold your house? I know you love him, and I'm not trying to cause problems, but if I were you, I'd be a bit narked that he didn't let me know the full picture before making such an important choice.

I say MOVE. And if you can, call a realtor and have the realtor short sale the house...it's less of a hit than a foreclosure. It won't cost him anything either. So if you guys ever decided to come back here, you don't have that issue hanging over your heads.

Good luck.

I was a little surprised by some of the earlier posts!! I thought i was just really bad at explaining things

Just to clarify one point though - I had sold my house BEFORE we decided I was going to move here, so that was not a consideration! I'm not saying I had no idea that he had a few issues with money, the only thing that came as a bit of a shock was the bankruptcy! I believe him when he says he honestly didn't think it was relevant as it was 6 years ago, and the debt was paid back. There's a lot of details that i don't feel comfortable discussing here, but I don't believe for one second that he deliberatly kept it from me

On a positive note, he is not losing his job - so it's taken a lot of the pressure off for now

Oh and I have money for my car - just don't have one because of the whole insurance thing.....

At the end of the day i'm a very independant woman, and I love a challenge..... who says that in 5 years I coudn't be in a great job, and have built a brilliant credit score..... After all I'm only 29 - so i built all that up in 11 years(probably much sooner in reality)

Anyway, we're still talking things through, no decisions yet

[sarah9 14]

I can completely understand this, and for me it'd probably be the biggest reason to stay.

Just to say I was in a similar position - arrived here, husband lost job day after we were married, he had (has) debt whereas I have none. We managed to survive through a combination of unemployment and me getting a job as soon as I was authorized to work. I do not regret staying! Even though you are more qualified for the UK market, accountancy skills of any description are still relatively in demand here. Good luck with job hunting if you do decide to stay!

On the subject of the brother, is there any possibility of you renting out the rest of the house (brother finds roommates) and then you and your husband finding a smaller, cheaper place by yourselves?

And, regardless of what you choose, I'd file for AOS asap. That way if you do decide to stay, you'll be receiving your EAD sooner.

Thanks so much for your positive comments!

The house idea you mentioned was one that my husband came up with - to which i promptly screamed NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! It sounds like a great idea on paper - but having his name on the mortgage - and relying on his brother & roomates to pay rent has disaster written all over it! My husband would end up having to pay for 2 houses instead! His brother isn't very good at paying his rent on time now - so i shudder to think what it would be like if we weren't here!!!

[TracyTN 237]

True in the sense that if you owe me money and you leave the country, I am not likely to ever see it. But if you owe your Visa credit card money, they can and will find you overseas.

If the bank that holds your Visa card in the UK is the same bank that you bank with to get your credit card in the US (or vice versa), then yes - I can see where this would be true.

Otherwise, not so much.