Facebook and his ex

[Casprd 167]

Sorry to say but even though he may not be physically cheating on you, he is showing a pattern of lieing to you and hiding things from you. I have facebook and lots of old friends that I chat with online. Even some new friends who chat with me to help their english but never ever do I try to hide this from my wife. She knows about it and several of them she chats with also. What he is doing is dead wrong and he obviously knows that or he wouldn't be trying so hard to hide it.

You are certainly NOT overreacting. He is being an idiot. You now need to make some tough decisions as to what you want to do next.

[mystica 0]

Does his brother know about what's going on? What does he think of it?

What country are you from and is the other woman (with the big boobs) from the same country?

I don't buy it if a guy says, "I Love you (my wife) but am still curious about some other woman's boobs and her life (kids etc)".

Granted there are some couples where porn and even other people are allowed in the relationship but that's with the explicit consent of the spouse. If you're not accepting of that then he needs to decide if he loves you or this other woman's boobs more.

Yes he knew and also his mother. They both said he is an idiot. They asked me if it is ok that they will talk to him. Half of me would like to but half of me not. I am from Philippines and the other woman is from Bogota, Illonois. He is a good person but I just can't understand why does things like that.

[KittyPollitt 284]

Send a message to his ex. Tell her you're pregnant (if it's true or not) and to take her big boobs elsewhere. See what happens, respond accordingly.

[mystica 0]

Sorry to say but even though he may not be physically cheating on you, he is showing a pattern of lieing to you and hiding things from you. I have facebook and lots of old friends that I chat with online. Even some new friends who chat with me to help their english but never ever do I try to hide this from my wife. She knows about it and several of them she chats with also. What he is doing is dead wrong and he obviously knows that or he wouldn't be trying so hard to hide it.

You are certainly NOT overreacting. He is being an idiot. You now need to make some tough decisions as to what you want to do next.

It is so hard to make tough decision especially if there is a kid involved. He adopted my daughter right after we got our green card. He has already have rights also to fight for my daughter and just thinking of it losing my daughter scares me.

[Jilli & Ales 9]

Send a message to his ex. Tell her you're pregnant (if it's true or not) and to take her big boobs elsewhere. See what happens, respond accordingly.

That doesn't really solve the problem though, does it? I mean it will get her out of the picture, but if he's dirty he will continue to be dirty. He needs to stop this HIMSELF, or it just reeks of not giving a f***, you know what I mean? Just my opinion.

[ateneaalexander 10]

this its CHEATING!! you know what they say once a cheater always a cheater, its hard to change a man like that. My ex did the same he talk to other women online and the firts thing i did was we over no more relationship no second chances. althou i understand you married and the fact he adopted you daughter makes it hard to make a decision. But im telling you he will probably do it again. he might still have feeling for the other women :/ thats why he stills curious about her life

[bigdog 376]

Hello all - I would like to ask an advice if my reactions are wrong or did I only over reacted about it. Here is the story.

Me and my husband are married for a year a half now. I am green card holder. Few weeks after we got married, I found on his old computer an archive emails. With this email I saw a girl on webcam capture showing her boobies and flower while chatting with my husband. I confronted my husband about it and he said that he already stop talking to her and there is no relationship involve between the two of them. He also said that he already stop sending money to her. I asked him when did you stop talking to her and he said 4 months ago. I count the months I arrived here and its also 4 months, so he only stop talking to her when i arrived. It really hurt me allot but still I forgive him.

Last May, I found out that he created a facebook account with a different name. In short, he used an alias. At first, when I confront him about it. He denied about but when I mentioned the email address that he used on FB, he admitted that it is him. When I see it, the only friend he had in his FB account is the girl I saw on that webcam capture. I asked him, why you do that. He said that he is only curious whats going on with the girl. He wants to know if he is already married, has kids, if he has a boyfriend if not married, he just want to see her pictures. I asked why it is important to you to know all those kind of things about her. He said I do nothing wrong, I am just curious. He told me that I am only insecure (the girl has a big boobs). I told him back that you should have not marry and petition me. You should have petition and marry her instead of me. I really burst my anger that time, makes me say bad words to him ( i feel bad after I say those words). I went to my sister-in-laws house without informing him and he get angery at me of not telling him and we fight again. He said that "I will delete my FB account for your peace". He deactivated it infront of me and he asked forgiveness. He said its only a white lie. Then I forgive him again.

Today, I found out that he activated it again. It seems he cannot let go of this girl that he really need to see her. This really hurt me allot. He said that I am accusing him of something he did not do. Am I only over reacting? because I am really hurt.

[bobby231 3]

The member who said that the man is a dumbazz is absolutely right!!! Here's the thing, you might wanna forgive your husband now although there's always a chance that he will still cheat again because clearly once a cheater always a cheater. I do consider his actions cheating and i'm sure most people here will agree with me. You sound like a responsible lady and it baffles me how your husband fails to realize this and get his acts together. My advice, if you love him, keep talking to him and hope that he realizes what a fool he's been and change his ways., and pray for him as well that God might touch his heart. I wouldn't advice u to leave, at least not yet, as i believe so much in the sanctity of marriage where no matter what happens, a man and a woman must be able to work out their differences and live happily.

Sorry this is happening to you and i hope you find peace in your marriage.

Good luck and God bless

[bigdog 376]

He is a dumb ####. How many times can he lie and get away with it. Pull his ticket and send him packing, advise uscis.

[Moomin 292]

If he didn't do anything wrong in his own opinion why on earth create a fake account only to add that one girl and lie about it.

Maybe he needs to do the cold turkey thing with facebook or the internet for a while until he has figured out how not to hurt his wife on purpose, or learn to tell apart "little white lie" vs. "pants on fire".

[san diego 407]

Send a message to his ex. Tell her you're pregnant (if it's true or not) and to take her big boobs elsewhere. See what happens, respond accordingly.

I think this is not right. This is not a problem of that woman that he is cheating with. This is his problem. Not to mention how creepy is this to lie about such things!

[Ready to do it 101]

While I won't condone what he is doing, it does no good to sit here and listen to a bunch of people that say he is cheating. Do you want a solution or do you just want people to sympathize with you?

I think there are some solutions. While you are his wife, men are allowed to have other friendships. Should he be looking at her tits, no. Should he hide relationships from you, no? So what do you do? The best case scenario would be for him to agree not to hide relationships from you and obviously not look at other women unclothed, without your permission. Is he going to agree to this? He will say that he will, but words are different than actions. He will continue to do so. I personally do not feel like any counseling would help. A man is wired the way he was born. Changing it isn't going to happen.

So your options are 1) accept it, 2) dump him, or 3) if you are liberal, why not at least think about including other partners in your relationship? That might sound like a far reach, but you have to remember that humans are the only species on earth that don't mate with numerous members of the opposite sex. Actually, we do. However, traditions have been passed down from generation to generation that it is not acceptable if you are in a relationship. In fact, there are laws stating that it is infidelity. Is it really so wrong? A man's brain is different than a female's brain. We get turned on from seeing explicit photos, videos, etc. Does it mean we are unfaithful? No. But if your man is showing a pattern of always salivating over other women, and you don't feel like he does the same when the two of you are intimate then like I said above, you have 3 options. Accept it, dump him, or consider inviting a 3rd party into your relationship.

I really don't think getting 100 out of 100 people on board to say it is a form of cheating does you any good. Find a solution, and a far-fetched solution is the idea that he would actually change, regardless of how much therapy, ridicule, etc that you throw at him. Personally, if you were my wife and you went to my family to tell them about some flaws in my life I'd dump you faster than you could find the door. Trust is everything. What he has done has nothing to do with trust, I would call it lustful behavior that is in him. I just don't see him changing.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

It is so hard to make tough decision especially if there is a kid involved. He adopted my daughter right after we got our green card. He has already have rights also to fight for my daughter and just thinking of it losing my daughter scares me.

Don't let that keep you in a bad marriage.

For him to take your daughter would be difficult. On the other hand since he adopted her he will now be tied to her financially and required to provide child support for. What state do you live in?

[tru_loves_journey 117]

Sometimes when we allow ourselves to open our eyes wide, We see what's really real. You're not over reacting on this. Keep your eyes open friend

[TracyTN 237]

If he didn't do anything wrong in his own opinion why on earth create a fake account only to add that one girl and lie about it.

Maybe he needs to do the cold turkey thing with facebook or the internet for a while until he has figured out how not to hurt his wife on purpose, or learn to tell apart "little white lie" vs. "pants on fire".

Best reply in the thread.